“Enjoy the stalking!” – Wayne Blood, on Passion (before the show)

“Doesn’t that just make you wanna go out and get laid?” – Wayne Blood, on Passion (after the show)

"I'm gonna do a shitload of drinking this semester, get my grades up. First semester I did some, passed; second semester I did a fair amount and got a 3.6. If I drink like an animal this time, I should get a 4.0." - Nick Lata

"It doesn't matter how big a telescope you've got - if the light ain't comin' through the clouds, you've got nothin' to look at." - Professor John Wardle

“We lost the One Ring.  Look for an invisible thief.” – Chad Bergeron

“Goddamn, this fog is thick.  Good rapin’ weather.” – Kyle Horn

“That’s the WRONG way to get your nipples pierced.” – Chad Bergeron on unlined chainmail bras

“The nice thing about having poets for friends is that they’re almost always home.” – Michael Cunningham

“Me and your rug have a thing going on.” – Shelby Bleiweis

“I know a terribly indecent joke about a fruitfly, which I will not tell you.” – Professor Yehudi Wyner

“There’s a contrabassoon, which sounds rather like a flatulent elephant.” – Professor Yehudi Wyner

“I’ve got this great chimp.  I must put it in the bathroom.” – Professor Caren Irr
 
“No learning is to be done in this building.” – Suzanne, the 450-pound albino at Queens College, on their student union

 “An E is like an F, except the Japanese can’t spell.” – Oberon Durschlag, explaining DDR 3rd Mix grading

“I ate Susan Stroman last week. That was all right, though, because she's made of soy.” – Meg Deans

“Don’t eat the dead guy’s candy, Frank.” – Joe Friday (Ed O’Neill) on Dragnet

“Seth, when have you ever had more fun at a meeting because Matt took his pants off?” – Oberon Durschlag

“That’s a great thing for someone whose fingerprints don’t match mine to do.” – Sage Shepperd

“Yellow Wizard needs forward momentum badly.” – Me, during a round of four-player Gauntlet Legends

“You’ve never met my sister.”  “Or have I?”  “Well, the whole time I’ve known you, which would lead to you knowing her, she’s been on another continent.”  *long pause*  “Or have I? – Becky Allen and Matt Sachs

“In Hebrew, do you spell ‘Djibouti’ with a daled or a gimel?” – Rebecca Kotlicky

“This blizzard has fucked me.” – Professor Ryan McKittrick

“I’m bi, but I’m turned off by lesbians.” – Vickie Fuzaylova

“Mmm, DDR, pillows, and Thai food.  A perfect day.” – Matt Sachs

“Oh, that’s where my toes are.” – Matt Sachs, in a (very) crowded car

“I would like to present my grievances in the form of a poem.

I have a new friend.
His name is insomnia.
He comes and visits me when everyone is sleeping.
I WANT HIM TO DIE!

My poem.” – Nadia Hemady

“If I pound your back, it means loosen up now, you bastard!” – Debbi Finkelstein

“We could have a 35-minute awkward silence.” – Ben Marcus

“My mouth probably smells like ant danger.” – Oberon Durschlag

“I know I came in somewhere near War, but I’m not sure how to get out.” – Professor Caren Irr

“Why does the ass represent the whole person?” – Professor Caren Irr

“Who could play Carey Lowell…David Hyde Pierce.” – Tim Clinton on the concept of a musical based on the life of Richard Gere

“It doesn’t have a title, but most people call it Platonov because that’s the title character.” – Professor Ryan McKittrick

“Left to her own devices, her clothes sense is a dangerous weapon.” – Tim Clinton on Julia Murney

“Alwina is like Jesus, except she’s at Brandeis.” – Jonathan North Washington

“We want hot, rich, and sexy, and we want it NOW!!!” – Hank Sosnowski

“Just thought about this whole Michael Savage thing... They should have a show called Savage and Savage with Michael and Dan Savage in a talk show point-counterpoint format. They could make millions!  This is not unlike my idea for a concert called Elaine and Elaine with Elaine Paige and Elaine Stritch singing an evening of Broadway hits together.” – Duncan Pflaster

“I have five of the One Ring.  I ordered them off eBay." – Josh Marcus

"We have enough sacrificial cows in the group." – Nat Budin

“As you can see, it’s not impossible to have snow in April.” – Professor Caren Irr, on March 18th

“Even babies cannot resist the allure of David Bowie’s crotch.” – Me, during a viewing of Labyrinth

“It’s funny ‘cause they’re chickens.” – Dan Miner

“I apologize for my inebriation.” – Jeremy Scher

“I’m cute and/or innocent.” – Susan Weiner

“You’re gonna need to reboot that Bad Larry.” – Jon Sagotsky

“[They’re] playing two different bad songs at the same time, poorly.” – Oberon Durschlag, on a pair of guitarists interrupting a DDR session

“It’s kinda lacking in the death metal factor.”  Jon Sagotsky, on the music of the Gershwins

“Why couldn’t Ophelia drown herself when she’s eight?  It’s even worse!  Oh my god, she’s eight years old and she’s drowned herself!  What kind of director would do that?  Me, that’s who!” – Doug Van Hollen, on Hamlet performed by eight-year-olds

“I think he had a crush on me towards the end of senior year, when he started calling me ‘Skankerella.’” – Rebecca Kotlicky

“When you're tired of fat men being beaten while dressed as old women, you're tired of life.” – Duncan Pflaster

“They should just gut him and feed the poor.” – Tim Clinton on Harvey Weinstein

“When you look at French fries, what do you really want to put on them?  Gravy, of course!” – Professor Caren Irr

“There was a flying thing and we just had to chase it.” – Oberon Durschlag

“It’s like American Gladiators meets the Special Olympics.” – Oberon Durschlag on a tabletop pillowfight

“Does anyone have a lighter so we can burn Vickie’s shoes?” – Dan Miner

“They’ve taken vegetables and oil – like car oil – and added chocolate to it, then thought, ‘hmm…what else can we throw in?’  ‘Orange shavings?’  ‘Ya think?’  ‘Why not!’…it’s the food equivalent of death, or dry rot.  If you bring a sailboat in after it’s been in the water, lick the hull, chew the barnacles, and stick some chocolate in your mouth, you might have an idea.” – Tim Clinton on Marmite

“I don’t know if they’re unmoved or just British.” – Meron Langsner on the characters in Betrayal

“Seltzer with cancer” – Oberon Durschlag, on Diet Sprite

“If you don’t insert ‘testicle’ in there, I will.” – Matt Sachs

“I'm glad Mom didn't marry Harold. He is awful at spelling and even worse at sentence structure. Had Mom married him, I may have been born a moron.” – Ed Lesher

“They would be taking so many libraries out of the book…” – Professor Ryan McKittrick

“Never end a sentence with a preposition if you can avoid it of…for.” – Professor Yehudi Wyner

“There was this alcoholic oolong tea thing that we all just passed around and said ‘wow, that is nasty. now you try.’” – Travis Seifman

“If I didn’t have fillings, I would chew on you.” – Samantha Saltzman

“Now now, you have so much life left to fuck up! Surely you can do worse!” – Jessica Jackson

“I can never have cool homosexual hair.” – Dave Blocker

“Nabokov likes butterflies.  Nabokov rocks.  Is this a cause and effect relationship?” – Professor Caren Irr

“How many licks in a suck?” – Claire Samuels

“Harry [Potter] always comes, he just comes three years too late.” – Dayna Sadoff

“Why am I holding a cheesecake?” – Claire Samuels

“And what is the X-Box’s great graphics engine for if not scantily clad, large-breasted women?” – Nat Budin

“All I can say is ‘dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians.’” – Paul Heap

“My mom cleans by throwing things out.  Then she looks for them.” – Vickie Fuzaylova

“There’s only one yellow thing in the universe, it just has many avatars.” – Matt Sachs