ENCORE! The Revised Edition Welcome and Editor's Note I remember when it happened for me. It was June of 1990. I was four- teen. It was then that I pondered how oddly the international situation surrounding Mikhail Gorbachev matched the plot of our despiaed Hello, Dolly! and in an instant, it was done. But that's how it happens, you see, in those seemingly insignificant moments... we are inspired. Now, years later, we've taken liberties with all manner of topics and all manner of targets among a circle that relishes in our comedic imaginations. Whether this is your latest ACE piece or your first, it is a piece of humor that will remain with you that merely takes a glance from another to start smirking. It is my pleasure to introduce to you this production. It is truly unfortunate that for lack of space we could not include more complete charac- ter lists, or clips from Little Orphan Day, or scenes from Indiana Hawley. But the pieces we have here represent a wide variety of the authors' styles and private vendettas. But though the sheer volume of work may be impressive, we have barely begun to exploit the personality potential at Servite and in Tri-School. If you're an underclassman, it is your responsibility to carry on the ACE tradition. May the force be with you! TO OUR AUDIENCE: Out of courtesy and for the safety of our perfomers, we ask that there be no flash photography. Parodies should only be taken seriously if milk in the nose begins to adversely affect normal breathing patterns. No hooting or hollering will be tolerated. Please support our sponsors, as they have made this production possible: People Against the People's Republic of Berkeley (PAPRB), the Knife Victims of Seamore Support Group, Honda of Diamond Bar, the Loch Lomond Half-Hour Club, United We Stand (Against Pyrrophyta), Little Manila Jews for Jesus Youth Auxiliary, the Saeedy-Nadashy Brain Transplant Fund, Earth First!, the Coalition of Mister Eccleston's Cockroaches (COMEC), the Giant Peach Phabulous Phallus Palace, the Bakersfield Association of Taco Bell Managers (BATMan), and the Democratic National Committee. Cast and List of Numbers Act One: the Times Act Two: Places and Events Act Three: People Encore! ("Encore!," from Encore!/Encore!) ========================================= (curtain draw; spot on first narrator) NAR1: When Amy Luskey began this thing way back in eighty-eight, Who knew in five more short years we'd join to sing and celebrate? These Tri-School years were no piece of cake, Long rehearsals and no spring break, Cov'ring the theatre with flats and drops, Tricia Chowning yelling "props!" Makeshift rigging and set designs, Jen eternally straightening lines, Servite seniors gave cat calls, toddler walk-ons caterwauled. A lot of tales will be told once more, Through "Despot" and "Barbie" and now "Encore" This last piece we have written mocks the fin'l event; It's the music you wanted to hear once again (enter narrators) NARS: "Encore": this song was so annoying. "Encore" and it just keeps on going 'Midst our loud and malicious jeers, As we celebrate four long years with cries of "Encore" some classmates irritating, Encore some teachers aggravating; Jason Lee breaking the doors The peers who adored us, directors who floored us, Our Tri-School theatre lore: And it's all appearing in our "Encore!" "Encore" performances atrocious, "Encore," its parodies ferocious Thespian tales of James M's surprise, Biddinger hanging for life on the flies, "Encore": refrain is still repeating "Encore," as Jozee takes a beating-- Pratfall productions so poor: The actors we're teasing we hope will be pleasing 'Cause you know you've met them before They're the clowns for which you called "Encore" Encore, cast insubordination, Encore poor sound coordination Technical nightmares that afternoon-- What could Ed do when calling the cues? HUBER: Luck be a lady tonight! Luck be a lady tonight! NARS: Encore! This year they're graduatin'; encore her ego now deflatin' AMY: Memory, turn your face to the ghost light, Let your memory lead you; open up, enter in... NARS: We abuse the free speech rules, At Raymond Dunne's high school as Gilde members joyously roar: GILDE: You bitch, you bitch, you bitch, you bitch! NARS: And the throngs of students declared: "Encore!" Encore Vanderpool, Hittner, Sarco; Encore the dress rehearsal barks of KELLIE: La, the words we do not know; Tea we drink to stay awake... NARS: From Thespianbury to Barbie, too, You've oft-implored us to echo the tune with cries of "Encore," while Luskey's folly falls, of "Encore," who was the one who called up MIKE A: Seventy-six cast members stumbling onto the stage With a hundred and ten set pieces in the way... NARS: Folks were truly elated, when Gorby invaded West Europe and sang with a roar: GORBY: Hello, Gorby, well hello, Gorby! NARS: If you ever have doubt what tonight is all about It's the songs for which you shout "Encore!" Old Mister Eccleston ("Old Deuteronomy," from Cats/Faculty) =========================================================== NAR1: Though D period class was canceled that first freshman day for an assembly, it was in Mister E's Honors English Composition class that the foundations of ACE were laid. The venerable old instructor's eccentric sayings and habits still hold a place in the hearts of his students... ALL: I believe it was Old Mister Eccleston... Well of all things, wrong-handed ingrate: Of teachers there is only one Our English comp guru, eccentric and bright, And we all cherish Old Mister Eccleston. Well of all things, petulant savage, Garbage Mouths, tardies, all done: His desk may be wobbly, the Bible is worn, But be careful of Old Mister Eccleston. SOLO: Old Mr Eccleston's taught here a while, Perhaps a retired pro basketball player Fujino and Daniel he does quite revile, And authors of papers with run-ons need prayer ECC: Pupils facetious, like Jozee and Day, Will be thrown out if they don't have their ticket, Exit or enter my class the wrong way, Or jump on their desk at the sight of a cricket. SOLO: At the sight of that cardigan sweater and tie, The Hemingway beard and Pall Malls in his pocket, The chorus of students begins... ALL: Well of all things, wrong-handed ingrate: Of teachers there is only one Our English comp guru, eccentric and bright, And we all cherish Old Mister Eccleston. Well of all things, petulant savage, Garbage Mouths, tardies, all come: His desk may be wobbly, the Bible is worn, But be careful of Old Mister Eccleston. Hello, Gorby! ("Hello, Dolly!" from Hello, Dolly!/Hello, Gorby!) ================================================================ NAR2: The first musical encountered was the extremely high-school production of Hello, Dolly! in the spring of 1990, where future ACErs would take on such roles as assistant flyman, or Paper Hanger. It was at one of those long dress rehearsals that the song was first coined in the head of one of ACE's writers, soon evolving into a full-fledged play... GORBY: Hello, Maggy, oh hello, Fran, It's so nice to be back scarin' you again. You're lookin' pale, Germans, and you Belgian vermin: You're not smilingó you're reviling-- lookin' like dead men. As the Backfires thunder, wrench the earth asunder, And I take your cash for my economy, I've Bridged that gap, fellas, draw me a brand new map, fellas, 'Cause Gorby'll never go away again. ALL: Hello, Gorby, oh, hello, Gorby. It's so sad you're not away back in Moscow. You're looking great, Gorby, lose some weight, Gorby? 'Cause you're beaming, smoking, steaming, and we don't know how. You could betray our nation, and have such elation, And now NATO's part of ancient history. Ohh... GORBY: Face your fate, fellas, America's much to late, fellas, And Gorby'll never go away again (pause) I went away from the likes of Joe Stalin, and into my personal haze. But now that I'm back with the likes of Joe Stalin-- Things'll be much better, like those good old days... ALL: Those good old days... GORBY: Hello, hey, hello, Gorby. Well hello-- hey, look!-- it's Gorby. Communism ain't so quick to die away! Where's those missiles, Ron? Oh, they've up and gone! ALL: Europe is all but ended, overwhelmed and overcome Infantry up and going, with their tracers glowing, So much for glasnost and what it looked like then GORBY: Golly, gee, watch the Falcons and Mirages flee, fellas, ALL: Gorby'll never going away again, Gorby'll never go away again! The Dark Ages ("The Telephone Hour," from Bye Bye Birdie) ========================================================= NAR3: But with the conclusion of that stress-free freshman year came rea- lity that Servite under former principal Patrick Donovan was a mess. The next year proved one fiasco after another, with terrible classes, faculty scandals, and general ineptness surrounding the Servite activities life. [AMY: Hi, Barbie What's the feature, English Teacher [BABS: Hi, Amy {BABS: Any notes, Drama Coach? {AMY: Tell me quick 'bout the new faculty! [DEAC: Hi, Patrick [DON: Hi Deacon. Not too prudent, Dean of Students! DEAC: Not the least, stupid priest! What's the deal with inept faculty? ENSM: We got Doris for Chem. Magic Murray for Math, Dr Singer upstairs, Corky Corum for laughs [ENSM: The class of '91 Bunch of screw-offs in charge [BOSSE: Yeah, Yeah Uh, huh [ENSM: There go all of the clubs Look who's looming up large [ They're gone MRS D: Hello, Missis Luskey, this is Missis Dino. Can my son join West Side too? [AMY: How 'bout that football team? Haven't won a game still! [ARNEL: Mrs Barth? GPA's 1-3-5 [AMY: 'Least we're basketball champs Like when pigs fly Arnel! [ARNEL: A role? [SOPHS: Servite's bleeding, We're repeating, Hope they're leaving for good... [FROSH: You know it man, It's crazy, man, You know it! JOHN H: How's this year? Utter hell! Let's have lunch-- Taco Bell? ARNEL: Hello Missis Luskey, this is Arnel Dino. I'll do props for West Side, too! JOSON: Hey, it's West Side: John and Nat'lie. Will she drown him out in "Tonight"? CHO: Thank God Deacon is screwed, Murray's sick from the stress, Singer left the first month, soon they'll end Corum's mess ARNEL: Hello, Mister Hunt, can I be in Honors Bio? [CALAB: Math proficiency test! Books cost double their worth! [JOE C: I'm directing! [BOB C: Not the techies! {ENSM: There goes Donovan, too, hope they're leaving for good {ACE: Here come Raymond and Father G Horan! Hopefully next year will be brighter here... ENSM: Well thank God he got canned, I was hoping they would. Now they're leavin' at last! Leavin' Servite for good! ALL: They have screwed us, they have screwed us, They have screwed us for good! ALL: How's the livid show? Biddinger's to go! [ALL: Shucker's gone. Babes failed. The Plague-- it sailed. [ACE: Ooohhh Screwed up Servite, Screwed up Servite, etc Oh yeah! {ENSM: We'll be happy I know! Next year's music to me! {ACE: Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Mmm hmm ENSM: Though Connelly's wrecked, We'll be happy you see ALL: The Dark Ages, The Dark Ages, they'll be ended you see. The Dark Ages, The Dark Ages, they'll be ended you see. Oh yeah! Let's Go Spend Some Cash ("Let's Go Fly a Kite," from Mary Poppins/Ray) ======================================================================= NAR4: Not to worry, the troublesome times were to come to an end soon. By the end of the year, nearly all of the annoying faculty had left, the class of '91 had graduated, and Father Donovan was replaced by Ray Dunne and Father Gerald Horan... whose "public-school-ization" projects tended to unnerve more than one ACE member. TONER: (sings) Oh, let's go spend some cash, funds from our secret stash. Let's go spend some cash, then raise tuition. Up the price of books and fees, raise the quota of magazines. But oh, let's go... spend some cash! BABS: When you start to spend money like dirt, You know someday along it will hurt. But for now it's a mash, so let's waste some big cash. Ohhhh.... Let's go spend some cash, funds from our secret stash. Let's go spend some cash, then raise tuition. Up the price of books and fees, raise the quota of magazines. But oh, let's go... spend some cash! SAM: Hello, Larry! What was that fantastically boring nonsense you spouted last night? Tom absolutely died with boredom. TONER: Oh, I'm sorry. It was nothing that could possibly be of any use in the future careers of the students. SAM: Don't worry. Capital bit there. In fact, we want to make you head coach and calculus and literature teacher and replace Walker. Just don't lose that certain touch! (all cast members enter quad and repeat refrain except Ray, who has snuck out) KEY: But they love their football coach more than they love their principal! RAY: It's a Catholic school. That's how it should be. Practically perfect people never muddle their feelings with sentiment. KEY: Raymond Dunne, you loved those children and that school... RAY: Oh, stop it! (lights on Babs, in the quad) BABS: Goodbye, Ray Dunne. Don't stay away for too long. (all repeat refrain once more, then the lights fade out) Arnel D ("Prince Ali," from Aladdin) ==================================== NAR1: It was around this time that Arnel, never a popular figure, dropped to new abysmal lows on the social ranking of the state. The Dark Ages proved boomtime for Arnel stories, and he would tragically become a popular figure in several ACE parodies. ALL: Make way, it's Arnel D. Say hey, it's Arnel D! SOLO: Hey clear the way, 'cause he's real bizarre. Hey you, let us through! He can spit real far Oh come be the first on your block to wipe his eye Make way 'cause he's dumb, he's gay, how he's glum; How you will avoid this guy! Arnel D, yes it is he. Arnel of Tri-School As you sit, watch for his spit, diligently. Don't give him any respect, he'll just return a reject, His ego montrous and mother will come to see! Arnel D, frightening he, Arnel of Tri-School. Loves those ten muscular men, definitely. He'll beat up guys who make jokes And scratch the ears of those folks. The king of throwing those cokes: It's Arnel D! MEN: He's got seventy-five hats from NASA, (and one from Stanford!) WOMEN: Purple pimples he's got fifty-three. (fabulous, Harry, I love the Reeboks) SOLO: When it comes to exotic expressions, He lives in a zoo, I'm telling you. ALL: It's a third-class menagerie! SOLO: Arnel D Yes it is he Arnel of Tri-School (There's no question that Arnel's annoying) I agree How can we be Weak at the knee (He will go wherever you are going-- Everything about the child just plain disgusts me) Well, hold all the laughs that you can (He's a loser, he's a dopey blunder) I've just developed a plan (How he got this far in life I wonder) On how to make you admire Arnel D! (He will never win at anything, now trust me.) ALL: He's made thousands and thousands of mistakes WOMEN: He is a monkey! Let's see this monkey! ALL: Coca-Colas, he's tossed quite a few WOMEN: He tosses them! He tosses them! CHORUS: So don't ever you dare feed him tacos SOLO: Proud to scream at you ALL: So don't take Arnel to Taco Bell Or anywhere else; he'll be too rude, Arnel D! Arnel D! SOLO: Arnel D! Lonely is he, Arnel of Tri-School. Heard this actress was a sight! Lovely to see! And now I'm sure you're surprised You all just got hypnotized ALL: With six hundred enemies, sodas galore. Drooling saliva, his wet glands, and more. His forty gray hairs, his crazy, wild stares. He'll follow wherever you'll be! Make way for Arnel D! Perot's Song ("Herod's Song," Jesus Christ Superstar) ===================================================== NAR2: At last senior year came... and a presidential election that would set Perot-supporter Mike McCoy against Bush supporter Jason Cho against Clinton-supporter John Paul Villacorta... ROSS: George, you know, I'm overjoyed to meet you face to face. You're the one plodding trailer in our Presidential race. Stop the right wing, allay some leftist fears And walk across the water if you want your four more years, So, You are the Pres, our great President. Prove to me you're no dimwit, cut in half the deficit Do that if you can, and I'll know you're the man. C'mon, Republican! George, we know your foreign policy is up to date. Berlin Wall and Manuel gone and how 'bout that Kuwait! Oh what a pity that you let Congress tax, 'Cause now you've angered everyone considered middle class, And If you are the Pres, our proud President, Sign at your Maine home so regal to keep abortion paid and legal. And if you drop Dan, I'll be your biggest fan! C'mon you Republican! I only ask you since I know you're gonna go Why would they elect you when they've got their Ross Perot? Heh, heh, Waiting in Bosnia, where's the UN mob? I'm dying to be shown that you deserve your precious job. So if You are the Pres, our one President, Talk to Haitians in Miami, let the homos in the army. Something gone wrong? George why do you take so long? Aw, c'mon! Hey! Aren't you sacred of me George? Wimpy White Houser George? You're just a joke I tell ya, histry'll say that you're a failure! Don't come to debates; it's already too late! Get out you one-term Presió Get out one term Presi- Get out you one-term President... Moderate, Republican't! Ha!... Get out of my life! My Horrible Advice ("Music of the Night," from Phantom of the Opera/Despot of the Theatre) =================================================== NAR3: Also that senior year was Mrs Barth's grand experiment-- the annual drama would be produced by students as the Thespian show! Unfortu- nately, things soon got out of hand as she shrank away from capable students like Jenny Jones and Adam Hawley and fell into the trap of Tricia Chowning... TRICIA: I have brought you to the tiniest school on earth, To Cornelia's School of the Holy Child Jesus, Jesus... You have come here, for one purpose alone, you'll see... Since the moment I first heard you yell I have needed you with me, To serve me, directing my theater, my musical (changes mood) Dress rehearsals, yelling loud and stress time: Notes and changes, technical distress time. All your common sense just abandons its defenses... Evil insults: temper should possess you; By your voice the MACY's will assess you! Cringing, turn away from the nearly-ruined play; Criticize Juan-Carlos more than merely twice And listen to my horrible advice. Close your eyes and don't speak of what you think is best! I will tell you what you must learn to see! Let my words cloud what wisdom there may be! And with that, you've begun to worship me. Cash and flowersó you'll direct the shows, but I will tell you where your tongue must go, so Open up your mouth, bitter expletives fall out; No director of our shows can show she's nice, So listen to my horrible advice. Change the casting and blocking on the op'ning night; Switch the safe plastic pitcher with a tin. Paint our set so the mood is spoiled within! And with that, my obnoxiousness begins! Crying, shouting, face expression sour; Block a line in no less than an hour. Dress rehearsals start; help me murder theater arts. Let me be supreme, for you must pay the price... For Tricia Chowning's horrible advice... (she uncovers a chalkboard of her Plan for the theatre, then offers a financial appraisal. Amy faints) TRICIA: ...Ignore the girls and dump the Servite guys-- Just listen to my horrible advice... Act Two: Places and Events Guys and Roles ("Guys and Dolls," from Guys and Dolls) ====================================================== NAR4: Fully three fifths of ACE's associates are connected through Tri- School theatre, the sprawling project of Ms Amy Luskey-Barth. Through four years of dramas, musicals, Thespians, conservatories, and classes, perhaps they became too familiar with it... SOLO1: What's happenin' in the theatre? I'll tell ya what's happenin' in the theatre! The favorites are headin' out, she's coming, so they greet her. That's what's happenin' in the theatre. SOLO2: What's happenin' at the auditions? I'll tell ya what's happenin' at the auditions. They tried to get in with Michael M but had to ask permission. That's what's happenin' at the auditions. SOLO1: What's happenin' all over? I'll tell ya what's happenin' all over. The parts were assigned with nary a mind, Including their neighbor's Rover. That's what's happenin' all over. BOTH: Well, Mrs Barth's gone and picked 'em. And the musicals have claimed another victim. SOLO2: When you hear a guy singing dang'rously high, You can bet that he's practicing for a role. SOLO1: When you spot a man drink lemon juice from a can, Chances are it's the plan, to improve his voice To look good before Dan. SOLO2: When you meet some fool running lines after school So that he'll know the audition lines by heart BOTH: Call it sad, call it funny, but it's better than even money That that guy's only doing it for a part. SOLO1: When you see some girl go on stage wearing pearls, You can bet that she's doing it for a part. SOLO2: If some strange young woman sits there chanting a tune, Sounding much like a loon, it's so she'll know the songs in Brigadoon SOLO1: But it's sad to say, that their work is in vain, Which you know if you know of Ms Luskey's art... BOTH: To rehearsals they go, but only a choice few know They were typecast six months ago for that part! Matinee ("Masquerade," from Phantom of the Opera/Despot of the Theatre) ======================================================================= NAR1: Ah, the traditions of the matinee have changed little since Hello, Dolly!-- or indeed, since Pippin. HORAN: (with party hat) M'sieur Dunne? DUNNE: (with party hat) Father Gerry? Oh, Gerald, what a splendid party! HORAN: The prologue to a bright new year. DUNNE: Quite a show, I'm impressed HORAN: Well, one does one's best... here's to us! DUNNE: I must say, all the same that it's a shame that Despot woman isn't here! (the cast and crew march out into the quad) ALL: Matinee: Last performance of the play. Matinee. They return your deposit on your costume. Matinee! Watch the frosh get in the way. Matinee: fetch yourself 409, dust mops, and vacuums. Time to strike scenery, set and prop, months of work. Power drills! Stacking flats where the roaches lurk Set crew, take your turn, have a ball stacking up used wood; As of now you're unemployed Last chance-- learn your lines! Memorize who is who, Note your cues, those fresnels should be blue Understudies, last show-- learn your art. 'Cause the last four months you have totally ignored your part! Matinee! Call at 12 o' clock today! Matinee! With some luck we'll be outta here by midnight! Matinee! Striking scenery today! Matinee! Watching Templeton and some cute kid fight! (hushed) Matinee! Quiet theater till May. Matinee! Gossip now how the last show was much better. Matinee! Break up with your girl today. Matinee! Our producer's now a stressed out debtor. ERIN: (ensemble activity becomes background; leads cross down) What a day! What a crowd! All these weirdo's around! Several clubs, senior homes, friends and fam'ly, Amy's crones DUNNE: Without a profit there's no tax... HORAN: Three weeks...Of relief! Of delight! Of a full night's sleep! ARNEL: Till Experimental starts BABS: No more change, No more notes! Here's a health! DUNNE: Here's a toast: to a prosperous year! And the summer's almost here! ARNEL: And of course Macy, never fail. HORAN: Three weeks! What a joy! What a change! What a blessed release! ALL: And what a matinee! (clink glasses, move off. Adam and Amy emerge smiling. His employment contract is in the folder under her left arm) AMY: (taking Adam aside, whispers) Think of it! Your secret employment... I am to be your boss! Just think of it! ADAM: The Stage Manager I'll be, but why do you seem so cross? [AMY: Please, let's not fight... Those taxes are too high [ADAM: Amy, my fee! ADAM: And what of me? Big deal: evasion is a crime! [ADAM: Amy what are you afraid of? Let's not argue... [AMY: Let's not argue... Please pretend... BOTH: I can only hope you'll understand in time... (dance section; Amy rushes about, but too many people act like Tricia. Finally, Adam rescues her as the music climaxes) ALL: Matinee! Empty theater till May! Matinee: false humility we'll all see in her! Matinee! Hear them speak to us today! Matinee! Can her face with her tears get any wetter? Matinee! For a profit we will pray. Matinee! For the end, cheapy flowers we will get her! Matinee! Getting programs signed away. Matinee! Sitting here waiting for Bri Shucker's letter. TRICIA: (as the mother in `Glass Menagerie,' descends steps from the theatre) Why so quiet, Thespians? Did they say that I had vanished for good? Have you missed me, Thespians? I've selected our next play! (descending steps to the quad) "Miracle," to music. We will take the Macy! I advise you to obey-- my instructions should be clear. Remember, worse can happ'n than a vap'rized table here! (Amy approaches; Tricia shreds the contract) Your chains are still mine˜ you direct for me! (all cower) The Tale of Joe Betance (The Arneliad) ====================================== NAR2: Who will ever forget West Side Story and the Taco Bell incident? The fruition of Brian Day and Joe Betance's utter contempt for one of their fellow classmates resulted in a tale oft-repeated backstage. It is repeated here in this segment from "The Arneliad." AMY: Joe Betance was sighted by my slave Who then went up and joked about the knave. He called him many stupid little names And started up a foolish little game. Sick of him, Joe B and Brian Day-- They warned Arnel that he should stay away, But as he did continue, they began And Dino couldn't handle like a man. And ceaselessly insulting, did they laugh, Employing AIDS and gay men in their craft. So when they went to leave Arnel refused To get inside the car till he defused. He shrugged and back to school began to walk, Though of the two-mile distance Dino balked. Three inside another car consorted (Adam, Nino, and John Villacorta), And drove off to leave the Dino-bashing Just as Dino whirled and came back dashing. Though the door was locked away at first, They knew that Dino hadn't seen the worst. They let him in without so much a blurb When Dino had them stop there at the curb. Taking out his coke and dashing for them, As they thought Arnel would not dare gore them-- (He had AIDS just like poor Brian Shucker-- Suddenly Joe cried `That motherfucker!') Dino dashed and threw the Coke at Joe, Hitting him an hour before the showó Joe in hair and makeup truly stunned Watched as Dino to the car he gunned. But lo! the door was locked to his dismay! And Dino turned to witness Brian Day Approaching him with laughter in his eyes Before Arnel gave Brian a surprise: He shouted "Yah!" and took a fighting stance As rolling on the car laughed Joe Betance. Dino jumped on Brian's head and scratched; Brian quickly Arnel's headpiece snatched. Lacking strength from NASA, Dino fell; They let him in the car and bade farewell. And later Dino, working on a hunch Did learned that he'd been talked about a bunch! And grabbing Mrs Doris Walker's cane, He targeted the back of Amy's bane. Juan-Carlos yelled and Joey grabbed defense: A Video Yearbook Dino had dispensed. That sat upon the stage that glo-tape topped And like the yearbook sales, the video flopped. The VY tape then flipped and gave a squeach And in a huff became a Giant Peach! Towards Arnel the Giant Peach came rolling As if the Lord Himself'd been going bowling. And ran Arnel to the Computer Room And grabbed some grapes and drool gun to resume His mission to send Jozee to his doom, Or in the least make Joe Betance his groom. Now back inside the theater within The confines of the workshop they had been Discussing Dino's faults and merits, too When that one boy turned it into a zoo. He aimed his gun of drool at all assembled Who to Joe Betance slightly resembled, But unsuccessful in his quest for Joe (That he had left poor Dino did not know) Arnel went on a rampage with his grapes And jumped onstage in tennis shoes and cape, Stanford baseball cap, dress shirt and tie, Casual shorts, and ventilator dry. He screamed for Jozee's neck into the house (The ire of many patrons he aroused) Then paced off angrily into the pit And noticed several people throwing fits. "What's wrong with homos in the military?" Asked Ms Karla, "So what if they're fairies?" "Bad mistake, I say," said Sharon Hodges. " What would happen in enlisted lodges? Can you picture Dino in the army?" Karla said "Well, that's a bit alarming. But-- Arnel, you'd never join the Navy." Then Arnel replied, "Actually, maybe." Therefore Karla 'cided to agree When Biddinger tramped in unhappily. "So, Arnel, you know some martial arts! Now what's this picture of me with the hearts?" Dino ran outside but in his haste His baseball hat and tie flew off his waist I was speaking; hot air from my breath Carried his access'ries to their death The hat from Stanford hit good ole Mark Walker While the tie made Garza like a stalker. Joining forces, Dino met his doom, Chased outside into a meeting room. The Song of the Faculty ("The Song of the Jellicles," from Cats/Faculty) ======================================================================== ALL: (students, spoken in rhythm) Faculty, staff, dress up today, faculty, staff, bring napkins, punch, The seniors have gone: it's the end of May; Everyone come to the thingy at lunch. Sister Veronica wears a habit, Ross Coan and Valdez are some snappy ones, Chemistry Walker looks like a rabbit, McNary acts like he has got a gun, Justin and Seamore are well, just fat, Stewart among them is rather quite small, Gerald Horan is becoming balder, Eben McLane's hair is long since gone, Ms Roche is distinctively getting older, Ms Martin remembers Hiroshima's bomb, Of Father Eugene we are rather wary, Before Mr Cotton we sit in awe, We think Mr Prinzi is rather scary, We think Tom Vitello is rather blah, As Coach Larry Toner rampages and kvetches, And by Father Fitz we get verse in our heads, Ms Gross says we're all narcissistic wretches, Ms Crawford declaims that we're unmade beds. She has, with Senor, foreign intonations, Gregory Lynn hails back from New York, Like Ahnold, Dom Unger makes invocations, Verhallen can properly say "Boerke." Ms Gibbs teaches Spanish with John Perez, Ms Betts and Jim Jacobs teach wrong and right, We do what McQuiston always says, We curse Ron Pugliese almost every night. Ms Frank is quite pleasant, and so's Marcell, Ms Nista is cold and quite boring but nice, Mike Pontarelli-- well, you can tell, Davis is easy, but at a price Ms Muehl and the couns'l'rs and Messerle: curse them! With Howell and Drzanek, but not Mr Ebbe. Cummings is Shaggy, can Ellis James cure him? Perhaps Caballero or Manning, mebbe? CHOR: Faculty, staff, come meet at 3, hear them applaud and take your pay. The last day of class has come, you see, Everyone come to the luncheon today. My MACY Tall ("Castle on a Cloud," from Les Miserables?/Les Messerle) ===================================================================== NAR3: The first trip to the MACY awards was for Hello, Dolly!-- where Tri- School won diddlysquat. In two short years, members of the Class of '93 would take it all, and Ms Barth would make the MACY's an obsession... AMY: There's an award that boosts my pride. I dream about it in my sleep: Gold-covered plastic, mine to keep. How do I love my MACY Tall Spare no expense on sets or props, So we may make the judges drool Clean costumes for a thousand cool: so I can get my MACY Tall. There at the dinner, dressed in black, I can go up and feel I'm liked My ego was healed after Brigadoon; I hope we win another MACY soon I know my actors act quite well; oh, and my tech crew one and all, But I can't help but think it's me: Me who'll go claim that MACY Tall European History (Theme song to the TV series "Cheers") ======================================================= NAR4: Where in the world was there time to write dozens of songsó or even whole plays? The answer of course, is Ms Stewart's class! SOLO: Gettin' your way at the school today puts worry in your brain. The wall clock ticks for your periods six, it can drive a soul insane Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you wanna go Where inside jokes are understood. And they satirize them good. Where can you find the twisted minds to mock and to parody? You gotta go to European History. Draw up your maps and take your naps, take word bank tests with ease, As she runs off the next thousand copies, do what all you please. Though she'll pick on Min and Thomas Shin, The OCAD's can't wait to begin Where Germans wait at Taco Bell. For studious students, this is hell. This is a class Arnel could pass, but they still grade it as AP. This is the world of European History! So if your Servite life get's tough, and respite you may need Or if you come back to visit and reminisce your deeds, Enter that room 200 door-- come here and read the new Encore! Where learning's second to the fun. Non sequiturs come by the ton. Think of the class Arnel could pass, whose teacher's too short to see Thinkin' about our European History! Dough Ray Me ("Do Re Mi," from The Sound of Music) ================================================== NAR1: It was that senior year that ACE parodies were first released to the public, first to a few Servite friends, then some flirtatious Rosary girls, then to associates connected through Thespian festivals and JSA conventions... and the Servite/Rosary insiders inspired a number of other authorships... AMY: All right, everyone. This is your Tri-School "big brother," Joey Betance. When I yell your signal, you will each step forward and give your name. Old guy! BEN U: Ben Uy! AMY: Happy girl! JEN L: Jennifer LuPresto! AMY: Runner! ARNEL: Arnel Dino! AMY: Bill Gates! NIK: Nik Gianozakos! AMY: Slave! CHO: Jason Cho! AMY: Star! BUCK: Buck Mason! AMY: And need I say it... MIKE A: MIKE AHMAD! AMY: I shall leave you alone with them. Learn their places. JOE B: (mumbles) Bitch. Now then. What were all of your names again? BEN U: Ben Uy. I've been in Tri-School four years, and I don't need a Thespian "Big Brother." ARNEL: Arnel Dino. I'm a boy! JEN L: Jennifer LuPresto. My brother just died of cancer. Isn't that just wonderful? BUCK: Jen, how can you say that? I'm Buck. I'm taking voice lessons. NIK: Hey, what's this notebook here, Joe? JOE B: Those are my noted from Tri-School that I use for writing parodies. ARNEL: Parodies? Parodies about who? JOE B: You mean you've never read my parodies? Anyone? All right, then. I'll teach you. Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. When you read you begin with A-B-C; For the satire art, use Dough Ray Me. ALL: Dough Ray Me. JOE B: Dough Ray Me. My lines I use for my parodies. Dough Ray Me Dough Ray Me Far Sew La Tea... Oh, let's explain these. Dough, the thing that Barbie loves, Ray the boss of Servte High. Me, what Mrs Barth adores, Far, the length of Ashley's thigh. Sew, what Ambra likes to fake, La, the words we do not know, Tea we drink to stay awake. That will bring us back to dough... Dough Ray Me Far Sew La Tea Dough, Sew, Dough! Trouble ("Trouble," from The Music Man) ======================================= NAR2: The disappointing news senior year was that the musical would be an anthology of the last twenty-five years of musicals in Tri-School. Sure enough, Ms Barth's gala production (so-called by Jason Cho in the Servite Spokesman) would be the target of more than one ACE condemnation. SOLO: Well ya got trouble my friend, right here at Servite High School. Why sure, I'm an Honor Bar Thespian, After four years real proud I say I'm always proud to say it. Don't consider the hours I spend in rehearsal to be just wasted... Help you cultivate patience, if it helps anything at all. 'Jever take'n try to wait for Joe Collins For the blocking for a twenty second scene? So just as I say why detract from an already hellish experience To start on a stupid show I say will cost too much And Ms Barth a triple coronary, And it's called "Encore!" The first big step on the road to the depths of bankruptcy I say first it's a tiny little sign that flashes, Then she wants it bigger. And the next thing you know, Ms Barth is payin' fer Vegas lights above the stage And list'nin' to wonderful tech Ed Huber talkin' 'bout Roll-in set pieces Not a simple small platform, no! But a set that'll make Hong Kong look spacious! Like to see some thousand dollar ByeByeBirdie set in the second act? Make your blood boil? Well I should say. Now friends, lemme tell you what I mean. Ya got one, two, three, four, five-- six hundred on the stage! Pieces that mark the difference 'tween success and bankruptcy, With a capital B, and that rhymes with E, and that's for "Encore!" And all week long your theatre youth'll be goin' through hell, I say, your young men'll be dyin' Droppin' like flies their noontime, suppertime, choretime too! Gotta go to rehearsal! Never mind gettin' ready for test or the girlfriend called Or the Key Club project, Never mind sleepin' in on any weekends 'Cause the show's seventeen hours to long for a Saturday night And that's trouble. Oh yes, ya got lots 'n' lotsa trouble. I'm thinking of then kids in the underclasses, freshmen, sophomores, 'lready have some notes for a scene gotta go and hear six more. Ya got trouble, folks, in the Tri-School show. Trouble, With a capital T and that rhymes with E and that's for "Encore!" Now I know all you folks are the right kinda students, I'm gonna be perfectly grank. Would ya like to know what kinda costume changes go on While they're pushin' on the next set? They'll be chargin' and collidin' a full ten seconds Tryin' to please Amy so she won't have a fit And braggin' all about how they're gonna burn 'em all-- Six dozen for her. Amy's spent one thousand dollars just to get 'em all cleaned at FCLO Astronomic prices; one thousand more dollars, Shameless price that'll drag your show's prosperity To the depths of a terrifying financial pit of massteria. Friends, expensive shows are the devil's playground [SOLO: Trouble! In the Tri-School show! [ALL: Oh, we got trouble! In the Tri-School show! SOLO: With a capital T and that rhymes with E and that's for Encore! ALL: That's for Encore! [SOLO: We surely got trouble! In the Tri-School show [ALL: We surely got trouble ALL: In the Tri-School show SOLO: Right here. Gotta figger out a way to get a million Patrons through the door. Our children's children gonna have trouble. ALL: Our children's children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble... NAR3: Attention cast members! This show will fail! Heed the telltale warning signs. Have you slept less last week than you usually do in a night? NAR4: Is Ms Barth nitpicking so she can take your costume deposit? What's the quota of tickets and ads, has it gone up? NAR1: Tell me, has she tried to sell you "Random Acts" sweatshirts for $8 and "West Side Story" T-shirts for just as muchj? If so my friends... [SOLO: Trouble! In the Tri-School show! [ALL: Oh, we got trouble! In the Tri-School show! SOLO: With a capital T and that rhymes with E and that's for Encore! ALL: That's for Encore! [SOLO: We surely got trouble! In the Tri-School show [ALL: We surely got trouble ALL: In the Tri-School show. SOLO: Right here. Remember that awards are what the spring musical is for. [SOLO: Our children's children gonna have trouble. [ALL: Our children's children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble... {SOLO: We're in terrible, terrible trouble. {ALL: Trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble,trouble [SOLO: That show with the six-hour second act's fallin' through the floor! [ALL: trouble trouble! Through the floor! {SOLO: Oh yes we've got trouble, trouble, trouble {ALL: Oh yes we got trouble here, we got big big trouble [SOLO: With a T Gotta rhyme it with E [ALL: With a capital T That rhymes with E ALL: That's fore Encore! Act Three: People Senor Colunga ("Mister Mistoffelees," from Cats/Faculty) ======================================================== NAR2: But the greatest variety of ACE parodies surrounded the various characters they encountered, ranging from classmates to staff to political figures of the time. But though some often-discussed characters had whole plays built around them, many conversation pieces could only be afforded a stint in Teachers. SeŅor Tomas Colunga was one. SOLO: You ought to ask SeŅor Colunga! The amazing calculating man! Oh the greatest of science have something to learn From the great SeŅor Colunga's conjuring turn... Presto! And we all say Well, glad to meetcha, Honors Physics' Hispanic teacher: Spectacular SeŅor Colunga! ALL: Well, glad to meetcha, Honors Physics' Hispanic teacher: Spectacular Senor Colunga! SOLO: He is quiet, he is short, he is smart, He can dot-product multiply vectors. He will class those lenses in a chart, He'll divide force fields into sectors. He is quick with a resonance wave, He is equally cunning with force; He is very much efficient with a friction coefficient, Or dispersion from a infrared source. He can play any trick on the Mac, Run a program 'bout electrical pow'r, When he gives all your lab reports back, Though it may have taken you a half hour, Just ask SeŅor, and problems he will give That you won't understand for as long as you live... ALL: Well, glad to meetcha, Honors Physics' Hispanic teacher: Spectacular SeŅor Colunga! Well, glad to meetcha, Honors Physics' Hispanic teacher: Spectacular SeŅor Colunga! SOLO: His manner is vague and aloof, You would think there was nobody kinder. Then he hears a cat pounce the roof, And takes it to a Viet meat grinder. And once he was seen throwing cats, Just to prove that Newton was right. (At least all the crowd knows something meowed); And in fact a spectacular sight To see, knowing SeŅor's distaste For creatures of the genus of cats And he hopes that a train in great haste Will smash his wife's kittens like that... And not long ago this phenomenal man Tested laws of kinetics with a cat 'n' frying pan... And we all said ALL: Well, glad to meetcha, Honors Physics' Hispanic teacher: Spectacular SeŅor Colunga! Well, glad to meetcha, Honors Physics' Hispanic teacher: Spectacular SeŅor Colunga! SOLO: I present the spectacular Senor Colunga! Presto! The Tale of Barbara Messerle (The Canterbury Tales/The Thespianbury Tales) ========================================================================== NAR3: The Thespianbury Tales were the first project of the associate who would soon gain a reputation for scathing or even malicious views of individuals in his works. His distaste for a certain theatre manager is evident below... BABS: One night while I was in her lab, Gai Jones had retrieved a crab "To the crab, watch what I do, For I shall do the same to you! I've made the crab drink of this slime-- And look, the crab went back in time!" I said "I'm next! I'd be the one! I'll come back and replace Ray Dunne!" By drinking of that secret sauce I could return but be the boss Gai said, "Don't drink of too much grime Or you'll go too far back in time, But 'cause my mind is very hollow, I gulped down the largest swallow. With a zap, she screamed at me. And then I was in 4 BC! With farm animals all around, I tried not to make a single sound. I knew that I might be in danger, So I crept around the manger. Then I saw a girl and man Who had a child that looked like Dan. Hey, I was in that holy place With Baby Jesus in my face! In a moment, I was there This Advent would be my affair. So we must make this barn look neat, And I will sit at Lord Christ's feet. At that, three wise men barged in bold; I charged admission, took their gold. "Who do you three think you are?" "We're the one's who followed that star." Joseph came, called me a bother. So I replied, "Like you're the father!" Then from the sky there was a noise, A choir of a few young boys. Hey you kids, just go away! I'm the director, do as I say! Then the event worst of all: Some dirty shepherds paid a call! My show would surely not survive-- If only the Gilde would soon arrive! The Holy Family misbehaved; The wise men wouldn't be my slaves. Thus my attempt to plan the nativity, Me, the great director of activity. Deacon Gabe Seamore ("The Rum-Tum-Tugger," from Cats/Faculty) ============================================================= NAR4: If Ms Messerle was treated with distaste, another group of associates who had been unfortunate enough to suffer through a very different person two years in a row held nothing but outright contempt for him. ALL: Deacon Gabe Seamore was a terrible man: GABE: If you contradict a lecture I will curse you all to hell. If you stood up for yourself I would laugh at your demands, If I'd had a lesson plan I'd ignore it just as well. ALL: Deacon Gabe Seamore's was a horrible class, GABE: And it isn't any use for you to doubt it, ALL: For he will do as he do do and there's no doing anything about it! Deacon Gabe Seamore was a terrible bore: GABE: If I'd lecture ten minutes, I would gossip for twelve, I'm always misinforming 'bout the Catholic Church, And any other study that a student starts to delve, I give out the answers to my tests, Then I wonder why you don't study for yourselves. ALL: Deacon Gabe Seamore was a curious man, GABE: And there isn't anything you can do about it ALL: For he will do as he do do and there's no doing anything about it! SOLO: Deacon Gabe Seamore was a chauvinist beast GABE: I'm a racist and a sexist and I'm anti-Semitic, I can part crowds with my belly like nobody else can; All the while I will make sheriff's stories a habit, If you swore or made rude noises I would kick you out the door, 'Cause I do prefer to do those things myself. And you know I'll attack a random Servite class When I get up to send you to lunch from Mass. ALL: Deacon Gabe Seamore was clownish and dumb, Deacon Gabe Seamore is off on some cloud, GABE: At a senior food fight I'll be sullen and glum; I'll dump water on your head if you get too proud. ALL: Deacon Gabe Seamore, a Hungarian clod, GABE: And there isn't any need for me to spout it, ALL: For he will do as he do do, and there's no doing anything A-bow, a-wow, a-wow, about it! A Whole New World ("A Whole New World," from Aladdin) ===================================================== NAR1: Arnel Dino suffered like no other for throwing a coke on the author of the Thespianbury Tales, an incident that he still has not lived down. It is a recurring theme in ACE works. DINO: I can show you a world, where they find you obnoxious. While you're going hypoxious, princess, wipe away my drool. Wipe the crust from my eyes. How it got there, I wonder. You will also receive it when you fall asleep in school. A whole new world, a frightening place you never knew. And when they call you names, don't play their games. When they throw insults at you... MM: A whole new world. How can I ever break this spell? If I get trapped in here, it's crystal clear. Arnel will make my life a living hell DINO: Now you're in a whole new world with me. MM: Unbelievable sights. Indescribable feelings. Spitting, drooling, and sleeping all on top of my notebook. A whole new world DINO: Wipe the crust off my eyes. MM: How can I ever break this spell? DINO: Smell my breath, it gets wetter. MM: I'll be chased everywhere there's room to spare. Free me from this whole new world with you... DINO: A whole new world MM: Every turn a surprise DINO: How long will he try to pursue? MM: Every moment, red letter DINO: I'll chase her anywhere There's time to spare. Let me share this whole new world with you. [MM: A whole new world Please let me free [DINO: A whole new world Don't let her free {MM: A frightening place with him with me {DINO: A thrilling place for her and me Arnel ("Gaston," from Beauty and the Beast) =========================================== THESP: Gosh it disturbs me to see you Arnel, playing the BMOC. Thespian leader and JSA god? Resume-padding, to me. Everyone knows you're a Loman, Arnel, why do think you're so hot? Stop telling strangers you're wondrous, Arnel, When everyone else knows you're not! No one fails like Arnel, No one quails like Arnel No one likes to chase burly strong males like Arnel You know he's the paragon loser, When he's thwarted he calls on his mom, In a year a demonical bruiser, Rejected no less than eight times for the prom No one spits like Arnel, Has no wit like Arnel No one throws frantic meaningless fits like Arnel. ARNEL: Yes a talk with me's really quite enervating ALL: Oh what a guy, that Arnel! THESP: Despised in theatre, abhorred at school, And everywhere else he's an infamous fool... JSA: No one stalks like Arnel, No one gawks like Arnel, THESP: No one stutters and drools when he talks like Arnel JSA: There's no one who's lost more elections In all of the state J-S-A If knowing that he's a reflection, We hope that he'll soon graduate. No one chokes like Arnel, Can't take jokes like Arnel, No one likes to hit Jozee with cokes like Arnel Oh, Dukakis and Quayle beat him at debating ALL: Boy, what a pity, Arnel. ARNEL: When I was a sophomore I almost flunked out, Ms Barth almost bought me a clue, But thanks to Ms Stewart I'm up there, no doubt, So look out next year L M U...! JSA: No one's dared like Arnel THESP: Is gray haired like Arnel BOTH: No one loses when they are compared with Arnel ARNEL: I think of old Babs while I'm masturbating JSA: Say it once more THESP: Who's that clown in the door? Who's pathetic at stealth JSA: And can't drive by himself BOTH: Whose disorganized days pass with laughter more crazed Mister gossip, bad fashion, a child still unfazed, There's just one guy in town who's got none of it down... ALL: And his name is Arnie-el: Arneeeeel! Gregory, the Calculus Teacher ("Macavity, the Mystery Cat" from Cats/Faculty) ============================================================================= NAR2: A popular class for parody-writing and physics homework, Mr Lynn's calculus nevertheless frightened a dozen or more ACE associates junior or senior years. SOLO: Greg'ry teaches calculus and other higher math, For those who take the Honors track, hes standing in your path, He terrifies with postulates, his theorems are insane, 'Cause when its time for theory, men-- Gregory won't explain. Gregory, Gregory, no teacher like Gregory, Who trifles with the integral, to say so's hardly flattery, His proofs and problem reasoning are every student's bane, 'Cause every unit starts anew what Gregory won't explain! You may look in several textbooks, but your search is made in vain: For every one is more of just what Gregory can't explain! Gregory's a Nordic god, who surfs when not in school, His accent speaks of Stony Brook, he likes his classroom cool, His copious use of chalk makes for a dusty, messy time; His home is down in Seal Beach; his Daihatsu's worth a dime. Gregory, Gregory, just try to keep with Gregory, So effortlessly calculating limits at infinity, You may have him first for algebra; I guess that's just unfair, 'Cause when you get to calculus, it's Gregory who's there! You may think you know derivatives, your sums beyond compare, But even Joseph Bester of old Gregory bewares! He's outwardly respectable (he worked on the B-2) But his methods are not found in any book (nor any clues) So when you get to Greene or L'Hopital or Gauss's theories, And absolute convergent sequence sums have got you weary, Or partial fraction secant integration goes astray, You might hear from Gregory "But the proof'll take all day!" Gregory, Gregory, there's no one like Gregory, His notes are worth their weight in gold, I'd pay for each and every, He stays behind to tutor, if he's got a while to spare: But you're trying to get related rates, while Gregory's out there! And for vector-value 3-D polar function calculations, Or hyperbolic tangent curves with log-based fluctuations, Or Taylor polynomials and quadric surface ends, "Thanks for the lecture, Gregory! Now can you start again?" You'll be sure to catch the chain rule on the differential plane, But what of rectilinears? And who the hell's Lagrange? Gregory, Gregory, work Newton's method, Gregory, Non-homogeneous equations, non-parabol' trajectories, He'll pause before a problem, our discriminant will tell, But implicit fractional powers ought to sound a warning bell˜ And they say the teachers not from planet Earth (I might mention Mr Cotton, I might mention Mrs Barth) Are nothing more than students of the founder of technique Who cruelly forces quizzes on his pupils every week. Gregory, Gregory, try calculating Gregory, Who blabs continuous functions while his classroom is a chattery, Just be careful if you love your math, and try not to despair: 'Cause where that AP math is taught, it's Gregory who's there! Amy Luskey-Barth's Tale (The Canterbury Tales/The Thespianbury Tales) ===================================================================== NAR3: To most ACE members, Ms Barth was a sort of tragic figure, always concerned with Tri-School's financial status, running about from school to school and project to project without rest. But she still merited a segment of the Thespianbury Tales for her peculiar taste for John Herrera's artsy productions. AMY: I order you to all keep still To hear about my daughter Jill. Steve my spouse says she's spoiled rotten, That my son Brendon's forgotten. Ha, I laughed, I have no son-- My Gillian is the only one! One day while we were at the mall, We witnessed Gai Jones trip and fall. She fell so hard Gill had to laugh As did my behind's other half. When Gai got up, she came to say But saw us sit and laugh away. Then from her coat she pulled a charm And in the air she raised her arm. GAI: On Gillian, I cast a spell; She'll be possessed by a child from hell! AMY: And then she rose and walked away (I forgot what she had to say) That night, as I brushed Jill's long hair, She floated right out of her chair! In Satan's voice she told me that I was becoming much too fat. She glared and flew around the room And asked me where I hid my broom. "I need it to get to Servite!" I said. Then Gillian said she'd have my head. When Gill had grown some six feet tall I knew at once who I must call. I called at once that holy name And in the hour, that angel came. John Herrera knew at once How to cure Jill's evil grunts. In his arm, he had his plays And planned to read them many days. We strapped her down into her chair And John threw Jill an evil stare. First, John read without a fuss "A Few Moments in Tartarus" Satan could not make defense-- He cannot fight what makes no sense! Satan left on John's third play; He left Jill's head and flew away. John gave a sigh; he knew he'd won. He took his plays and then was gone. Though Satan's gone, there's still a hitch-- My daugher Jill is still a bitch. Somewhere ========= NAR4: There's a place for us... Somewhere a place for us. Peace amd quiet and open air. Wait for us, somewhere. NAR1: There's a time for us.. Someday there'll be a time for us. Time together with time to spare. Time to learn, time to share. Some way... Someday... NAR2: We'll find a new way of living. We'll find a way of forgiving. Someday. NAR3: There's a place for us... somewhere a place for us. Peace and quiet and open air. Call me up and we're halfway there. ALL: Somehow... some way... someday... About Associated Campus Entertainment ===================================== The Associated Campus Entertainment (No Names, Please), ACE-NNP, is the only known organization at Servite, Connelly, or Rosary High Schools that comme- morates humorous events through the genre of musical theatre. The resolution with which ACE tackles this role is evident in its focus on the indivi- duals-- their achievements, talents, or lack thereof are basic concerns. Membership gives students incentives to participate in activities with the group for the collection of those inside jokes, and can be an important factor in gaining admission to a quality drama program at the university level (shyeah, right). For those not planning to continue lampooning, ACE's offerings can increase enjoyment of school and activities for years to come. ACE membership is granted for the writing of meritous work as defined by the existing members. Specifically, students become members by becoming acquainted with the current members. Chronology of ACE Productions ============================= Title Based on 1990 Hello, Gorby! Hello, Dolly! Little Orphan Day and Friends Little Orphan Annie The Adventures of Mr Bob East Bloc Story West Side Story 1992 The Thespianbury Tales The Canterbury Tales Ray Poppins Mary Poppins Manson and Mr Bob's Further Adventures - Les Messerle Les Miserables Indiana Hawley Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom Almost Like Being a God Almost Like Being in Love Barbie and the Geek Beauty and the Beast Stage Trek II Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan The First Arnel The First Noel 1993 The JSA Nerd Arabian Nights The ACE Hit List - Our Laddie Aladdin Parody Hell - Faculty Cats Tonight Tonight The Big Book of Arnel Stories - Despot of the Theatre Phantom of the Opera The LeeKing Faucet - Parrish in Wonderland Alice in Wonderland Servite Story West Side Story Seventy-Six Trombones Seventy-Six Trombones Perot's Song Herod's Song Dough Ray Me Do Re Mi The Arneliad - Encore! Encore! Please note: many works have been lost to the ravages of doodling and care- less disposal of notebooks. Remaining scripts are available from your campus representative for the cost of shipping. Honoring Cast Members of the Past Four Years ============================================ Associated Campus Entertainment would like to thank all of the following individuals who have been at least mentioned at least once in at least one ACE publication in the past. Your help is tremendously appreciated. No hard feelings, eh? A-- Michael Ahmad, Bayo Ajigbotafe, Kevin Aratari, Servite ASB/Gilde B-- James Baker III, Amy Luskey-Barth, Gillian Barth, Candace Bergen, Jose Betance, MaryLou Betts, Jeffrey Biddinger, Audra Binkley, Kristine Blidy, Jennifer Boyd, Karla Briesemeister, Patrick Buchanan, Brian Burke, Barbara Bush, George Bush C-- Maureen Caballero, Matthew Calabria, Ashley Cappel, Christopher Cargo, Derek Chan, Daniel Chavira, Don Chennavasin, Henry Cho, Jason Cho, Tricia Chowning, Jesus Christ, David Claude, Hillary Rodham Clinton, William Jefferson Clinton, Ross Coan, Michael Colodonato, Robert Collins, Joseph Collins, Tomas Colunga, Steve "Corky" Corum, Jennifer Costa, Robert Cotton, Michael Crabtree, Jeanne-Marie Crawford, James Cummings D-- Jack Davis, Sr Veronica Davison, Brian Day, Jerome Delfin, Drew Del- monico, Arnel Dino, Patrick Dobson, Fr Patrick Donovan, Ed Drzanek, Raymond Dunne E F-- John Ebbe, Dale Eccleston, Shawne Edwards, Michael Eisner, Jacqui Engelman, Margaret Eszlinger, Teresa Finnegan, Fr Kevin Fitzpatrick, Patricia Frank, Heather Franklin G-- Richard Garretson, Christopher Garza, Nik Gianozakos, Elsa Gibbs, Katie Gibson, Miranda Gonsalves