But first, a lurch down memory lane.

R.E.S. (Riverside Elementary School)

Here's a typical memory from Riverside Elementary School.

Often times child molesters could be seen standing just outside the playground fences taking bets on how many ten year old boys they could bring home.

R.M.S. (Riverside Middle School)

Because of the poor quality of cafeteria food, some students resorted to cannibalism.  Those who chose to avoid cannibalism now need never worry about starving to death, as they are now fully cabable of consuming thier own feces.  I wouldn't make that up.

Mr. Sweitzer the Assistant Principal.  Here we see him as he appeared in his occasional stint as Hall Monitor. Behind him you can just barely make out one of the many ex-cons he hired to help him "keep the little shits in line," as he could often be overheard saying.  In the above picture Mr. Sweitzer is reminding a student that he has mere seconds to return to class.

R.H.S.  (Riverside High School)

Here we see a slightly over-zealous baseball team returning from their victory in Deer Park (ironically, this is the only game they won).

They were coached by Mr. Sweitzer.

Riverside!! It's got...grass!  You can almost SMELL the evil.

How can we have a page about Riverside without mentioning our bus drivers?!  They come in three demeanors:  Old and Bitchy, Old and Senile, and Old and Completely Insane.  Above is a picture of Bus Driver Bickle, getting some down time in the teachers lounge (it is unknown if that is Mr. Bickle's own blood on his hand or a student's).

(Mr. Friedman, before his hair was singed off in a bungled cross burning)

All teachers are required to take stress management classes, though they often skip them to go to Ku Klux Klan meetings instead.  Because we live near Idaho we have the benefit of not only the KKK but several Militia to enrich our campus culture.  Different cultures include: People who hate black people, people who hate Jewish people, people who hate gays, people who hate all or a combination of those three, and people who hate ALL people.

A number of Riverside High School students have been the unfortunate victims of the affliction known as Spontaneous Head Combustion.  While the precise cause is as yet unknown, it is believed that this is caused by continuous exposure to a Mrs. Olp's curriculum.

m*f*a*u*s*h+s =

f*u

Extreme boredom in class can sometimes lead to the APPEARANCE of death in students. This is sometimes accompanied by putrification of the skin and "desk sores."  The student in this picture is being treated in the school nurse's (Mrs. Ratchet's) office.  Students being treated for Keyboarding/MicroComputers/Desktop Publishing trauma can often be saved, but students suffering from any Teacher's Aide related trauma are generally fatalalities.

Principal Gorman likes to keep particularly disruptive students in his own classroom several hundred feet below the school. He lets them out just in time to graduate and become vital cogs in the machine that is Spokane County.  (Possibly as school janitors or clerks at Riverside Family Foods.)

Though I've never actually seen The Dungeon my own self I know it's existence to be true, because I can hear the screams and laments of those imprisoned there every day during Math class.  Odd that no one else can hear them.  Still, the Truth must be told.

The trailer parks surrounding the school average a mere ONE shotgun killing per year.  They make up for this low figure with a high number of drug addicted future prostitutes/felons.  

(stereotypes are a GO!)

It's a terrible thing to live in fear.  It's a worse thing to attend Riverside High School.

Oh the horror! The funky horror!

Palpable apathy.

This page best viewed with a goddamn computer.