December 12th
Now I'm on a roll, dear readers. All...one of you? Maybe we can hope for two. There's always that link on the Honors College page. There's nothing more disconcerting that having multiple OU administrators tell you what they thought of your last blog entry, when you know the one a few paragraphs down is little more than drunken nonsense. The perils of the internet. Remind me not to run for any important offices.
Speaking of important, as my ambitions turn towards government service and all the excitement and lengthy meetings it entails, I increasingly pay attention when certain names pop up in the news. Reading the news is roughly equivalent to reading a series of graphic novels. Certain characters, long forgotten, re-emerge at key moments to aid those in power (Donald Rumsfeld). Others are destroyed in the public arena only to rehabilitate themselves in a new role (Oliver North). And some just won't go away no matter what anyone does (Newt Gingrich). Personally, I always enjoy the emergence of new players, mavericks with exciting new ideas and agendas, etc etc. And I always note, too, how rapidly they fade from view and how often their agendas go nowhere, even when they end up winning (Jesse Ventura). And then there are the little people, the deputy-deputy undersecretary of someone else's portfolio, the people out there doing the heavy lifting in the construction of international agreements, receiving little to no public acclamation for their achievements, but usually going on to do quite well for themselves. Schmucks like Robert B. Zoelick, first the US Trade Representative and now Undersecretary of State for the Bush administration.
Who is Bob Zoelick? He, like nearly everyone who has their biography posted somewhere on a .gov, is a graduate of an elite college (Swarthmore), is middle-aged, and has had many different posts in both private and public life. He was the primary US government official responsible for negotiating the entry of China and Taiwan into the World Trade Organization, and was also at the helm during the negotiations between West and East Germany that resulted in reunification. He also was a senior advisor to Goldmach Sachs. Basically, he is a terribly successful person. We can only hope that in the mornings, when Mr. Zoelick rolls out of bed, he appreciates how much he has accomplished in the space of one state.gov biography page.
Compare the biography of, say, most of the recent Presidents to this guy, and Zoelick looks a lot better on paper. "Wait," you're saying, "I don't fracking care about the Undersecretary of State!" The reason I am thinking about it is that such a position is likely where I'll end up if I choose to pursue the government path for long enough. I may not boast a wispy moustache or a graduate degree from the Kennedy School, but at least I'll be part of something interesting and actually important to people's lives. How much has changed in China because of entry into the WTO? Unimaginable. And I have this thing, not quite a complex, about needing what I do to be important, to someone, somewhere, if not to me personally. I could go on with it. Perhaps Undersecretary isn't low enough, not humble enough, perhaps, I need to actually be the person, the message boy who runs between rooms at a crucial moment and hands the actual Secretary a note just when it was needed, Sir, don't pick up the phone until you read this! and the stodgy old white guy (or highly educated black woman, as the case may be) turns to me and says, Good work...ah, what was your name again? and I'll know that my role in history is secure, and nobody can take that away from me. Riiight...
December 11th
There's nothing worse than a man without a purpose. Currently my purpose is to research and write for a lengthy thesis regarding Chinese efforts to construct a new 'alliance' of Asian states to displace American influence in Central Asia. As far as thesis topics go, I think it's a good one. I get to read foreign newspapers rather than lengthy scholarly works that might tax my patience beyond its limits, and I think it's fairly original, current, and relevant. Somewhere, there is a think tank writing this same paper. Hopefully mine will be better and cause them to fire whoever wrote the other one, and hire me in an explosion of champaign and confetti. First you write the thesis. Then you get the money. Then you get the power. Then you get the women. And then a lifetime of sniping at other think tank employees who write slightly different papers on the same topics, and weekends in the Hamptons. Polo shirts and loafers for everyone, kids.
Alternatively, I could finish the thesis (or not, I suppose) and immediately set out for the remaining destinations on the Jacobson World Tour, 21st Century Edition, which include South America, Germany, England, Japan, and more of China. By being creative and sneaky I could thread the needle of budgetary responsibility and not go broke because of my appetite for travel. Somewhere in Europe, perhaps, I'll meet a fiery-eyed girl who speaks her mind in many languages. I'll keep going, no clear destination but still building, adding to something within. Is wisdom something that flows together like water, or is it something that is carved, shaped, or scarred into us?
There's only ever been one decent piece of advice for people, anywhere, anytime. That's what Joseph Campbell distilled out of his work on myths, he said that all myths are commanding people to follow their bliss and become who they were meant to be. It sounds a bit too easy, a bit too self-satisfying, like so many things in American society, dedicated only to the hedonism of the individual, towards no greater purpose than passing pleasure. But following something doesn't always imply a safe and happy journey. Another lovely quote from Mr. Campbell:
The myth is the public dream and the dream is the private myth. If your private myth, your dream, happens to coincide with that of the society, you are in good accord with your group. If it isn't, you've got a long adventure in the dark forest ahead of you.
Hardly a shiny happy way of looking at things. Who can claim to be in perfect accord with the dreams of others?
Writing is a thesis is not a blissful enterprise. But it points the way towards something that might be.
December 9th
Well. What happened to Fall?
I'm spiraling towards nowhere in Athens, Ohio. Graduation is only six months away, and while I have no fears of failing to meet the requirements, I'm increasingly aware that I have no solid plans for next fall yet. I made a very specific plan for the past two years and carried it out, but now I need a new one. Not really, but having one would make me feel better. I'm torn between wandering the world as a vagabond or going to work/graduate school.
Who am I kidding. I'll apply for a job, soon. Soon.
Do you watch TV? I don't. But if you do, you should watch Battlestar Galactica on the Sci-Fi channel. SF normally airs total crap, so I don't watch them, but BSG is more like a complex drama that happens to be in space and with killer robots. And we all can appreciate the dramatic value of killer robots, especially when one of them is a Victoria's Secret model when she's not acting. I also like that I can watch the show on iTunes, removing yet another possible reason for me to not stare at my computer all day long. "Just stick it into my veins!"
October 20th
I used to hate the big questions. "Is there a God?" Who knows? Why bother with a question that, by definition, cannot be answered? "What is love?" I don't know, you'll know it when it happens. "What's for lunch?" Tuna. Again.
But I think I'm alright with them now. The more things I experience, the more ready and willing I am to make a flailing attempt to answer such major questions. Someone asked me about China, and as always, why China? Why Chinese? Why all the work? Usually the ready barrage of 'job opportunities, interest, challenge' et cetera satisfies, but I was pushed to answer whether or not I really believed what I was doing could have an impact in the world. And I said, yes, I really believe it. It is my mission in life.
Tonight was the annual Ohio University Costa Lecture in History, and tonight, the topic was China. The speaker, Chen Jian, a professor at Cornell, said what I've been thinking for the past few years. For all the problems, for all the misunderstanding, China and the United States are poised to enjoy a mutually beneficial relationship that will transform the world forever. And it could happen without any major conflict.
Could, if people are around to explain and interpret all the different points of view that are going to pop up as different things happen along the way. I want to be there to say, wait, stop, look again. It's not like it seems. Look, feel, understand. This is not about becoming Chinese or being dissatisfied with American culture/politics, this is a pragmatic plan of mine, but it is also highly idealistic. The future will be shaped by those who can overcome cultural, racial, and geographic divides to forge the cooperative alliances that will complete the process of globalization and move us all forward. To defeat such divides will not be easy, it will require a massive engine of belief, capital both physical and human, and persistence. In America, it will require the virtual invention of a new class of citizen, one with vested interests and concerns both at home and abroad, who can become experts while remaining firmly part of American society. Put simply and in no humble terms, that is my goal. I want it because I love America, and I love China, and because I'm arrogant enough to think I can play a role in orchestrating the future of global politics.
So if you're looking to hire someone to recast the globe according to a utopian vision of cooperative global hegemony...call me. I can start immediately. References available.
October 13th
I was going to go to the Union and see MC Chris but I was tired and ended up at the library instead. Reading articles in 'The American Interest,' reading the pointless companion blog, reading the news, checking for any news on injured Cleveland Browns players, reading the news, again...blogging. Anything to avoid actual work. If I hold on just a little longer, they'll kick me out of here before I accomplish anything. I can do it. I believe.
I could write about how lazy I am, but I've sunk to such lows that I'm going to write about myself not writing about it so as to excuse doing anything else of any possible worth.
So let's talk about another worrying trend in my universe. People joke about how they get stupider as they get older, or how it feels that way, if nothing else, but I'm fairly certain that my brain is actually losing the white hot intensity it once had. I go to the library often, because I need to bask in the radiation of the collected knowledge around me like a forlorn lizard searching for sunshine. Alden Library is a stopgap. The internet sucks all my productivity away into a massive black hole of wasted time and lost hours. It would be better if I could somehow sublease my forebrain to a really important problem while I'm busy playing games or reading news. I get a new high score, meanwhile some of my neurons help cure cancer. SETI@Home for the deep thinker.
This is a damn waste of time. Stop. Just stop.
Not really. I like writing. I need to write. Political science doesn't give me the chance to write anything of substance, at least not very often. It's a dry discipline, more the recasting of old than the bracing confrontation with the new. What was the last Poli Sci article I read that excited me? Maybe 'The Clash of Civilizations' could be construed as exciting, simply because it predicts massive war. I found Bush's 2002 SOTU speech alarming, which is close to exciting. Axis of Evil? You can't buy rhetoric that good. Except, you can. And more is produced every day, until something catches someone just because it's catchy. Power transition theory. Bandwagoning. Tethering alliances. Core nations and gap nations. Porous regions. Clashing civilizations. Hegemony. Peaceful rise. Harmonious society. Truth. Freedom. The American Way.
My kingdom for a sound byte.
October 3rd
This one's for you, Sarah.
Where were we? Oh yes. China.
China was many things, and I can't recount them all in the space that Geocities gives me. I have too many pictures, too many memories, too many opinions to stuff into this old blog. Suffice to say that all that crap they tell you about studying abroad, how it opens doors, broadens horizons, creates opportunities...is true. The culture shock thing, also, is true. I'm still not 100% used to having all these white people around. It was getting to the point where those of us who had been there for awhile would point at other foreigners and make fun of them, just like all the Chinese schoolkids do.
My Chinese is better. In the scheme of things, it's way better than most people's. In terms of where I want to be, well, it's still the hardest thing I study. It makes everything else seem trivial, easy. If I ever grok Chinese in fullness I will have done something really awesome, and that's what I want, on one level. More pragmatically, I think another year or so of intensive study followed by some sort of professional experience will put me where I want to be. Or, rather, it'll have to do, unless I can find more people willing to foot the bill for my misadventures abroad.
I went to a lot of places; I met a lot of people. Sappy, maybe, but I loved it. Loved. It was the best thing I've done so far.
Where I'm at now, something short of cruise control. I need to write more, so maybe I'll update this thing again. Maybe I'll finish that thing I've been working on for, what, three years, and get it published. Maybe I'll actually graduate. Maybe. In any case, what is needed is less staring at the internet and more staring at the printed page. To-do. Status report. You're not supposed to blog about this shit, but that's what goes through my head when I write. Proves that I'm egotistical, I guess.
We'll talk again soon. I missed you, blog. Did you miss me?
May 8th
Things will get out of control, sometimes. Sometimes you watch four movies a day and devour books and visit every site on the internet five times over, because, hey, you have the time. Sometimes, in the southern Chinese province of Guangxi, you find yourself taking pictures of Elephant Hill and other strange limestone formations ('karsts'), and then you say, hey, let's go take a nap, after all, I was just sick a few days ago.
Then you wake up, find yourself on a plane back to Beijing, and think, "Hey? What? Hmmm." Later, you wake up in your bed at Peking University, and remember, remember a weird, burning fever dream of a weekend.
Essentially: I had planned to go with some friends to Guilin, Yangshuo, and Shenzhen, all interesting places in southern China. I made it to Guilin, had a nice one day tour, relapsed into violent illness that had almost kept me from going at all, and came back to Beijing, where a few days later I regained some sense of normality, along with prolonged symptoms of boredom. I really missed out on something, and I'm going to have to make up for it this summer.
The fact that life here is unpredictable is part of the charm. Neal Stephenson wrote that for western businessmen, life is never the same after prolonged jobs in East Asia, because it's like picture books coming to life around you. Soaring rock formations that look to have been carved by the old and forgotten Gods, social practices that remain, at best, arcane and unusual even to the inquisitive, and strange illnesses probably contracted due to nothing more exotic than inadequately cooked food at the decidedly unexotic Jia Yuan Canting, a dive of a cafeteria on the campus of Bei Da that I will forever hold in a special black place in my heart. Xiexie.
Meanwhile, I've been researching graduate schools and have found the following to be the best possibilities: Johns Hopkins, Georgetown, Yale, and the Fletcher School at Tufts. Yale is iffy, because I don't know if I want a Ph.D, and for a lot of reasons Johns Hopkins and Tufts are rising to the top right now, even though I still have an unquantifiable desire for Georgetown. I really want to be in a major urban center, and Yale basically fails that criteria, because I'm not sure exacty how to refer to New Haven. Johns Hopkins offers a strong IR program bolstered by a serious focus on China, and Tufts offers, well, everything, with an intriguing offering in international law, something I hadn't previously found interesting. I still need to investigate Stanford, Harvard, MIT, and anything else that falls my way. But increasingly I'm thinking of working before graduate school, because it seems like a lot of programs are seeking people with work experience, and because, hey, I've been doing school for a long time now. I could use a change. And some money.
April 24th, two:
Maybe you're sick of just reading about China and want to see some photographs, instead. If so, you can visit my Flickr page and peruse mine. They're still out of order as of writing this and I don't know when I'll have the time to organize them. Flickr is an essential tool for anyone wanting to make the most of their webpage, and it seems to have a predominance of Asian users.
April 24th:
There was an article in the Washington Post today that more or less claims Hu Jintao, the current President of the People's Republic of China, has turned out to be a civil-rights crushing traditionalist and not the reformer everyone was hoping for. This article is no surprise for two reasons. First, because anyone who was expecting a rennissance of civil rights under Hu Jintao is dreaming, and second because it continues a steady trend of skepticism from the American media towards anything that happens in China.
If I've learned anything from my purusal of Chinese media and Chinese (or China-oriented) blogs, it's that most casual observers in the media really have no clue what's going on in China. This is partially owing to the considerable restrictions placed on media in China, but also because outsiders view China through one or more pre-calibrated lens. Instapundit, for example, has been a big booster (for lack of a better word) of the regime-toppling protests that swept Central Asia not long ago, and seemed to post China stories only when they had a faint resemblance to those from the Ukraine and Kyrgyzstan. To suggest that any recent incident in China foretells a government collapse is silly, though, right? Probably. But Huankuantou/Huaxi happened even as this wave of anti-Japanese protests has been cascading into violence and property destruction, bringing signs of instability (carefully managed though it may be) to China's most prosperous coastal cities. There are suggestions that the CCP is purposefully stoking nationalist sentiment as a tool against the Japanese, that the Chinese are simply tools of the government. This is hard argument to back, seeing as I would say roughly 95% of the Chinese people I am friends with support these protests. The only thing CCP is guilty of is giving them a little too much freedom to smash windows. This hurts relations with Japan (bad) and also encourages violent, hateful, behavior by angry Chinese people (potentially very bad for CCP). However, these protests are not planned by CCP, they are not motivated by internal propaganda, and they are not fake. They are real. Chinese people hate Japan for what they did during the Second World War and no matter how many times Japan apologizes there's still going to be bad blood between the two. And in a country where there is a lot of legitimate media oppression, it's hard to tell what's real and what's fake. For that, you are free to blame CCP. But check your own position first.
That said, let me reverse course and sympathize with PubliusPundit and Instapundit and all the other people who think these riots, anti-Japanese and otherwise, indicate that really is a problem in China. I don't have a brilliant analysis to back this up, but my gut feeling tells me that the divide between Urban Rich and Rural Poor is widening into a unbridgable chasm, and that there must be consequences looming for China and for everyone riding the coattails of 10% quarterly growth. This isn't Mao's China, where the priority and the power lay in the countryside. Today's China might be a more open, more prosperous society on the whole, but it's also a more torn society, removed from the sources of its rebirth and translocated to a time and place where all the revolutionary slogans we pass by on the trains seem empty, amusing and quaint, like the revolutionary posters you can spend your not-so-hard-earned yuan on at Hongqiao, put them up on your walls and say, isn't Mao just so cute? Today, the money and the media are on the coast, but the people and the core of China remain in the interior, and 58,000 mostly illegal demonstrations by the Chinese people is a bad indicator. When will it spill over and interrupt the golden growth? I have no idea. But CCP has not proven itself to be an apt enough system administrator to micromanage all the problems it confronts, and until it does, even those disconnected western media pundits who may have a point to make.
And Now...Draft Day Analysis: With the worst record among homo sapiens in predicting NFL games as well as regular season results, I am pleased to bring my particular analysis of the Cleveland Browns 2005 NFL Draft to this blog entry. At the end of Day One, the Browns have taken Michigan WR Braylon Edwards in the 1st Round, Oklahoma FS Brodney Pool in the 2nd, and Akron Zips QB Charlie Frye in the 3rd. No trading or funny stuff going on, and
consensus is that this is already a very solid draft for Cleveland, a team with too many needs to address in one draft. I particularly like the Brodney Pool pick, because it displayed both patience in not jumping the gun on Frye (a promising prospect, but not a sure thing) and rounded out the Safety position perfectly. Although three of the guys we have at safety (Chris Crocker, Sean Jones, and now Pool) are relatively young, and the one veteran has just joined the team, the talent pool is very strong, positionally, and we can basically cross that off our list of needs for the next couple seasons. Braylon Edwards is a great pick even if he isn't exactly what we needed, because he has an amazing work ethic and has all the physical goods, and Frye is a local boy with a lot of upside. All in all, an A (but not A+) first day for Cleveland. I would have liked to see an amazing trade-down that enabled us to get both Alex Barron at OT and Shawne Merriman at OLB, but that was next to impossible and would have meant giving up Round 3 or 2, and I think we did very well as it is - Pool was projected as a 1st-rounder and Edwards was #1 on a lot of draft boards, and Frye was thought to go in the 2nd round as well. Steals all the way, not a typical Cleveland draft at all. Go Phil Savage!
April 11th:
They say don't write in the second person. They say a lot of things.
Let's talk about science fiction and life. First, let's talk about The Forever War by Joe Halderman. In this story, we meet a man named Mandella who, by no fault of his own, is propelled through time by the miracle phenomena of time dilation - that is, as your speed changes radically, your own time slows down relative to others. Mandella, first a conscript and eventually a high-ranking commander in a war he increasingly does not understand, an alien in his own culture, is shipped around by an uncaring bureaucracy and eventually ends up 1,000 years old (relative to everyone else) and barely able to communicate with the people he is supposed to command. I can only hope my own career in the Foreign Service is so interesting, though I doubt I'm picking up much time by crossing the Pacific in a jet aircraft.
Some people scorn science fiction. I understand. They look and say, "Why, this is just a random situation...IN SPACE!" Well, yes. Location matters. Shaun of the Dead is a great movie, because it is already a good story, and it also happens to have a massive army of bloodthirsty killer zombies. If you take a good story, you can build on it, and decide to talk about time dilation, the free flow of information, sexual mores and norms (Stranger in a Strange Land), nanotechnology, or whatever you find interesting. I like to imagine, and speculate where I and the world might be in x years, so I find all this interesting filler material between the guy getting the girl or the girl transmogrifying into a Hagumemnon or whatever, so I keep reading.
Einstein's happiest thought was that even a man plummeting from atop a building could be theoretically 'at rest' relative to himself, if not to other bodies, but that's semantic nonsense and he knew it. We're all moving relative to each other, on different planes and in different directions along different axes, and the distance and the velocity are important. You can ignore, you can pretend, but we're all different at every moment, from one second to the next, from one place to the next, you could meet your best friend or the girl of your dreams and never know it because it just wasn't the right instant. And so your paths continue onward through the dark null space of the soul, like ships passing in a murky night. Maybe sometimes you collide and things go horribly wrong or horribly right, but usually it's nobody's plan to run smack into someone else's life and cause...whatever. It happens. In hindsight, there are causes and reasons, but in life, there are only situations and choices. "There are no answers, only choices," thank you Stanislaw Lem for making me a nihilist. Call Fyodor, let's have a party. (But, why bother?)
Theoretically any line that is not perfectly straight will intersect another line. Thinking of people as lines is admittedly stupid and contributes to a poorly-conceived and increasingly-mixed metaphor, but think about it this way: If you wanted to meet someone at precisely the right moment, what could you do about it? Wait patiently, assuming you know that the intersection is in the future? Pounce immediately, knowing that the intersection has come, gone, and only fades farther with each day? Or, is there a way to change your angle, your velocity, once you decide where you want to be? Where the hell can I get a map?
April 10th:
Another good story about ongoing events in Iraq. Give it a look.
Reading: The Forever War, Singularity Sky, and Cryptonomicon. All worth your time if you're into science fiction - Cyptonomicon is essentially an all-audiences book, even if it does fall under the umbrella of science/speculative fiction.
April 9th:
Here's an interesting article about the ongoing struggle to rebuild/recreate Iraq. It's faded from the news a bit, for the first time I can remember, but it's still not a done deal, Kurdish President or not.
Tony Pierce has just finished an interesting set of dialogues with the shade of Kurt Cobain. Pierce is a poet living in southern California.
April 8th:
Anti-Japanese Protest in Beijing Haidian District:
Today what appeared to be many thousands of Chinese took to the streets in the Haidian district of Beijing to encourage a nationwide boycott of Japanese products. Haidian is an increasingly developed tech district in the northwest part of Beijing, and it is coincidentally where Peking University is located. So, I was able to take some photos while remaining purely an observer of this event.
This story was linked to by Danwei, an excellent China blog. You can see these pictures featured there by clicking here. Any visitors from Danwei - welcome, I'm sorry my blog is so primitive.
April 8th:
From today, China will no longer receive food aid from the United Nations. It's a graduation of sorts, much like the Economist asked after China put Colonel Yang into orbit: Congratulation, China...no more foreign aid, right? Seems they're owning up to their rising power status.
April 7th:
Webpage note: I am redoing this page, because it's a good way to procrastinate, so most of the links won't work for awhile.
April 7th:
drumguy25 (12:39:03 PM): hey
NyghtFyr (12:39:05 PM): hi
drumguy25 (12:43:41 PM): so what have you been up to the past 2 or 3 weeks
drumguy25 (12:43:45 PM): i think that was the last time we talked
NyghtFyr (12:43:55 PM): I went to Chengde, I went to Qingdao, I went to Tai Shan, tomorrow I go to Shanghai
NyghtFyr (12:44:00 PM): next week, Dalian
drumguy25 (12:44:07 PM): wow working up the traveling
drumguy25 (12:44:10 PM): what did you think of qingdao
NyghtFyr (12:44:13 PM): I loved it
NyghtFyr (12:44:17 PM): I had an incredible time
drumguy25 (12:44:18 PM): the air is soooo nice
drumguy25 (12:44:27 PM): how long were you there?
NyghtFyr (12:44:31 PM): Apparently I became so drunk that I began buying people things
NyghtFyr (12:44:34 PM): and throwing things
drumguy25 (12:44:36 PM): did you go to the brewery?
NyghtFyr (12:44:48 PM): but I don't care, it was so much fun
NyghtFyr (12:44:53 PM): yeah
NyghtFyr (12:44:56 PM): we toured it, it was alright
drumguy25 (12:45:03 PM): you get bottomless beer though
NyghtFyr (12:45:10 PM): was cool to see the different versions of qingdao, german, japanese, chinese
NyghtFyr (12:45:13 PM): no, they were stingy
drumguy25 (12:45:18 PM): ha not for us
drumguy25 (12:45:21 PM): we drank SO much
NyghtFyr (12:45:21 PM): so we left and got drunk elsewhere
drumguy25 (12:45:34 PM): it was also a thursday afternoon in november
drumguy25 (12:45:37 PM): we were the only ones there
NyghtFyr (12:45:44 PM): there were 20 of us
NyghtFyr (12:45:55 PM): the CIEE group is good at traveling
drumguy25 (12:46:30 PM): haha thats good
drumguy25 (12:47:44 PM): taishan is awesome too
drumguy25 (12:47:50 PM): did you go to Jinan, you were like 30 minutes away
NyghtFyr (12:48:02 PM): no, we did not
drumguy25 (12:48:05 PM): or did you just stay in Tai'an
NyghtFyr (12:48:07 PM): we were too broke
drumguy25 (12:48:14 PM): Tai'an is a neat city
NyghtFyr (12:48:14 PM): and exhausted
drumguy25 (12:48:25 PM): yea those FUCKING steps
drumguy25 (12:48:31 PM): they NEVER END
NyghtFyr (12:48:48 PM): I got back from Qingdao on Monday, right, monday morning
drumguy25 (12:48:56 PM): yea
NyghtFyr (12:48:59 PM): no sleep
NyghtFyr (12:49:06 PM): 40 hours with no sleep
drumguy25 (12:49:13 PM): good god man
drumguy25 (12:49:16 PM): 40 hours
drumguy25 (12:49:19 PM): what in the hell did you do
NyghtFyr (12:49:31 PM): I left for Tai Shan Tuesday night, spent Wednesday there and returned this morning at 7 AM, having slept, though
NyghtFyr (12:49:37 PM): Today is Thursday
drumguy25 (12:49:43 PM): lol you must be dead
NyghtFyr (12:49:48 PM): I have done more in this week than I thought possible, is it really the same week? unbelievable
drumguy25 (12:49:48 PM): and you are going to shanghai this weekend?
drumguy25 (12:49:55 PM): you will not sleep in shanghai
drumguy25 (12:49:58 PM): i guarantee it
drumguy25 (12:50:07 PM): beijing is NOTHING i mean NOTHING compared to shanghai
drumguy25 (12:50:11 PM): its INCREDIBLE
NyghtFyr (12:50:14 PM): I am on the edge of exhaustion and being overwhelmed by work all the time and it is the best way for me to do things
NyghtFyr (12:50:24 PM): I will sleep a lot tonight, though
drumguy25 (12:50:31 PM): hehe, shanghai has over 5,000 15 story buildings
drumguy25 (12:50:32 PM): its crazy
NyghtFyr (12:50:38 PM): and I really did plan to have this weekend for rest, but this is better
drumguy25 (12:51:01 PM): are you on break or something?
NyghtFyr (12:51:02 PM): but I am an opportunist, so whatever
drumguy25 (12:51:04 PM): or just missing class
NyghtFyr (12:51:05 PM): no...
NyghtFyr (12:51:10 PM): just stupid, man
drumguy25 (12:51:13 PM): lol
drumguy25 (12:51:16 PM): you only live once my friend
drumguy25 (12:58:45 PM): i am excited though, I have 2 months of travel time from december to feb
drumguy25 (12:58:48 PM): it is going to be amazing
NyghtFyr (12:59:00 PM): just get with the right people
NyghtFyr (12:59:04 PM): and you'll have an awesome time
Ohio University, warzone: Mike Cunnington, who in slightly less lucky circumstances might have been killed, is a good friend, and I do not care how mentally ill this Ryan Salim person may be, I have nothing but loathing for these school-shooting imitator wannabes who prepare to murder others for no clear reason other than that they're unhappy. Kidnapping, concealing a weapon, premeditating a massive public slaughter - this guy had better go away for a long, long, time.
April 5th, two:
I went to the Chinese coastal city of Qingdao over the weekend along with a large number of other CIEE students as part of an extended birthday celebration for a friend. Despite a hellish return journey, it was undoubtedly the best time I've had in China this year. Qingdao is not just some tourist spot, it felt more like a living, breathing city with fresh air, the ocean, and houses, not just block after pale block of identical apartments ad infintum. The German/Japanese presence and the Chinese renewal have combined into today's Qingdao, a gallimaufry of European and Asian architectural styles, the ubiquitous Chinese institutions of government and military (Qingdao has a naval base), and beautiful natural scenery.
One of the most interesting places I visited in Qingdao was St. Michael's Church, a lone outpost of Catholicism on a frontier of Buddhism, Confucianism, and state-endorsed Atheism. I haven't been inside a Western Church for a long time, including while I've been at home. I was once a good little Catholic boy, the favored student in my evening parish school classes, but I have since become disenchanted with the Church, and frankly was never well integrated into its social structures - which, if you ask me, is the real reason for religion: meeting girls! Still, it was vaguely comforting and familiar to see the western style of art and design in the middle of a Chinese city.
Chinese art is different: It morphs the landscape into an emotional mirror of the artist's mind, making hills and rivers into just another whim of the heart or wile of the brain. This is how we really see, not just the lines and angles and comparing one thing to another, desperately seeking a template or stereotype to make mental shortcuts with, but actually changing things just by being near them, or by looking at them. Once you've experienced something, you own it, and it becomes part of your visual vocabulary. The more you see, the more you do, the bigger your artist's palette gets.
I have a casual sort of contempt for artists and intellectuals, probably borne more of jealousy than scorn, because most of the time I think things are essentially what they appear to be. Or as they appear to me, anyway. But once in a great while, even a cynic like myself can look out over a fairly alien city from a high, rocky hill, and imagine how something might play into the creation of a new future, a life I hadn't previously imagined for myself. Possibility is an endless realm, a sort of mental playroom that anyone can run rampant in.
Common sense is no defense against the throes of speculation and fantasy the mind can put itself into, over anything, over nothing. We're just too good, too imaginative, to let ourselves be limited in what we can conceive. Everything is possible in the mind's eye; spanning vast abysses of difference and distance requires mere seconds. Impossible, never. Difficult, hardly. Simple. Obvious. Already done. But maybe never to be. We are remarkable in our ability to desire and act out total reinventions of ourselves, but I think we fool ourselves into thinking that the 'new' self is the one in charge. Behind the scenes, one of our other selves is pulling the strings.
Photos soon. I forgot my camera, so I need to steal them from the other guys.
April 5th:
It's a remarkable era we're living in, with information penetrating every corner of the world. For better? For worse? Read about one Iraqi's news-watching habits: Iraqi Media (Riverbend)
And here is a nice post containing quotations from Hans Christian Andersen and Agnes Repplier from a blog obliquely related. Repplier was an American essayist. No-Pasaran.
March 24th:
I just watched the videos of Terri Schiavo being 'responsive' that were posted by her parents at terrisfight.org, and I am more convinced than ever that she is gone, gone, gone. Synapses are firing, maybe some visual stimuli are creating -something- in what's left up there, but that is not a sentient individual anymore. I'm sorry she and her family, husband included, have become the objects of such controversy, and with that, I'm done with it. Rest in peace.
March 22nd:
Hao jiu bu jian. Long time no see.
So what's happening? I'm still grinding away at on the Chinese millstone, learning slowly but steadily, and having a good time in the meantime. I undertook a language pledge, which has been difficult, occaisionally rewarding, and next to impossible to keep when everyone else is speaking English.
In the news is all this nonsense about Terri Schiavo. While I am loathe to meddle in the affairs of others, I think it is perfectly proper for Michael Schiavo to have the final say on the matter. Unless there can be demonstrated some sort of nefarious motive on his part, or even a slim possibility of the recovery of any degree of sentience on her part, then forget it. Brain dead is as good as dead, maybe worse, but that's only a personal feeling. I would not want someone I love living a purely biological existence and staring at me and not knowing me. Too painful for me, too pointless for them. If people can see past that and imagine love, that's fine, I guess. I think it's a family feud, and Tom Delay needs to shut up about being so concerned he won't rest until he knows that Terri is okay. I thought we were defending the sanctity and value of marriage, Tom? Or are we tossing that precedent out along with that whole 'states' rights' thing? Posturing by the GOP, correct rulings from the courts, mindless demonstrations by protesters who apparently have got their own lives all sorted out and dealt with - seems like a political win for everyone. And she's still effectively dead. It's like politial necromancy. And everybody knows it.
Enough of that. Let us speak of other things, things great and small. I've been seriously thinking about this language pledge nonsense, and I've come to the conclusion that as I live with other people who are not doing it, I have to choose between essentially losing any meaningful communication with them or abandoning (at least at certain hours) the pledge. This is a problem, because while my desire to master Chinese grows by the day, my absolute adoration for my mother tongue is also on the increase. English is great. I love it. Girls who have advanced vocabularies are a huge turn on. Books, from the pulp to the most cryptic and obscure, are still the best pastime. Besides hanging out with the well-spoken girls, of course. So give it up? Entirely? Even temporarily? No. A thousand times, no. No more She found a lonely sound/She keeps on waiting for time, out there/Love, can you love me?/Love, is this loving?/Is time turning around? No more five syllable words that I superfluously say to make myself feel smart? You Quebecois, I sympathize with you, you and your arrogant provincial ways. A little. Someday, I may come to love Mandarin Chinese as well, and maybe the pain of separation from English would accelerate that, but I am willing to take a little longer. My affair with English is epic, I shant forsake her.
Cultural imperialism is a hot phrase when talking about the spread of Western/American/Capitalist culture to other parts of the world. In a brash and overarching generalization, I think it's a real, observable thing, not just another theory word, and I think it's happening, accelerating, everywhere, and nothing is going to stop it. For better or for worse, a lot of the things the West has built are going to be replicated everywhere by everyone. You, whoever you are, have already beena assimilated, because you're reading this, on the Internet, which is this cultural revolution's main method of infection. It's too late for you. This is not to say that certain habits and practices and beliefs will not persist - it's just that western culture is so adaptable and insidious. People are nothing if not stubborn in their ways, so it won't be as awful as some anthropologists have suggested. Then again, if we were to conceive of cultures like organisms, and if we're rapidly standardizing ourselves into one big humming global ameoba, the next cultural virus that comes along, be it some form of crypto-neo-fascism, a sudden fad involving self-immolation, or a deadly memetic virus that travels via Top 40 radio, could be the end of us all. For more thoughts along that line, you should read Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash or Chuck Palahniuk's Lullaby. And then you could read Globalization and its Discontents and The Lexus and the Olive Tree, and all that other stuff. Especially Neal Stephenson, though. When I found out he was being read in University classes, I was surprised. After I read him, I wasn't. The Diamond Age is a great read.
Football. How about them Browns? Lots of player movement going on. I think everything is good news except getting rid of Gerard Warren, who I think could have been good (and didn't suffer from the injury problems Courtney Brown did) and the fact that the Ravens prevented us from acquiring RB Chester Taylor, who seems very promising indeed. The defensive shakeup is substantial already, and progress in the offensive line is definite with the signing of two veteran guards. What do we still need?
- A superior/franchise-grade left tackle. Ryan Tucker is good at RT, and Gonzalez is not a bad backup. But we need an upgrade at LT, Verba is ideally a superior guard, not a makeshift tackle.
- A starting quarterback. Trent Dilfer is, like Jeff Garcia was supposed to be, a temporary fix. He could be great, and he is a good guy, but he's not here for the long haul. Prove me wrong, Trent.
- Depth and dependability at Running Back.The Browns are making the transition to a power running game, but they only have one decent running back, Lee Suggs. William Green is worthless, a totally wasted draft pick, in my opinion the worst of the batch between Brown, Couch, and Warren. Behavior problems are only forgivable for players who are outstanding in several ways. Suggs runs circles around Green, and Green misses games because he can't keep himself together. Trade him for whatever you can get for him, and start grooming some young guys, fast. Better yet - take the hit to the cap and sign Shaun Alexander. Trade the second round pick and Green, and then trade down in the first round to draft OT Alex Barron (or Jammal Brown) who will be substantially less expensive than, say, Cedric Benson or Ronnie Brown, which then gives you a crackerjack guy on offense and a fast developing lineman that you need anyway, and maybe you get the 2nd round pick right back in the trading-down part. Boom! Power running game established immediately, bolstered by the blocking/short pass threat of TE Kellen Winslow and awesome blocking FB Terrelle Smith. Why am I not General Manager yet?
- Monster defensive lineman. Or linebacker. MLB Andra Davis is pro-bowl material, and Matt Stewart and Chaun Thompson both have the potential as well. But we could really use a Jevon Kerase/Michael Strahan type of threat up front. We've been paying Courtney Brown as if he was one, but he's gone now, thankfully, and needs to be replaced. I like Kenard Lang where he is as a starter, but the other side needs some change. I guess you could start Ebenezer Ekuban, but we can do better.
- Me as general manager. See above. I do not compromise and will work for a ridiculously low salary, as long as I get a nice apartment and a luxury box at the stadium. I can start next week. Fast learner.
Note to the Management: It is still intolerably cold (for late March) in Beijing. Please increase the average daily temperature by 5 degrees Celsius, and decrease the wind speed by half. Thank you.
March 2nd:
"UN Troops Kill 50 Militiamen in Congo."
Wait a second. UN Troops...kill? That implies they actually fired on someone. That implies they had weapons. Loaded ones. My God! The UN can field a combat ready force! They might actually be able to keep peace! If only the Dutch in Bosnia and the Canadians in Rwanda had been allowed to do the same.
March 2nd:
I voted for Kerry. But I never ruled out Bush. I'm a foreign policy voter, mainly, but I gave Kerry a domestic policy edge, mainly for his energy policy. In foreign policy, I was torn. I supported Iraq, bemoaned the failure of reconstruction (does anything with that name ever turn out well?) and concluded that although we had accomplished a worthy deed in removing Hussein from power and finally making good on our promise to do so in 1991, the planning and the attitude behind the war were both flawed.
Since Bush has come into office, a lot of things have happened. Post 9/11, the government decided it would talk tough and not compromise in fighting terror. Fighting terror required the destruction of states supporting it, and something had to be done with them after the fact, so we came up with the idea of 'spreading liberty' which entails a lot of fighting and occupation and reconstruction. And, frankly, an awful lot of rhetoric. Axis of Evil. Infinite Justice. Enduring Freedom, Iraqi Freedom, and so on. Policy in the era of sound bytes.
But other things happened, concrete things. We removed the Taliban from power and oversaw a relatively successful election in Afghanistan. We captured one of our age's most ruthless dictators and imprisoned him, we brought the world's attention for better and for worse to the two thirds of Iraq that had been ignored by its government for more than 10 years. We enfranchised the Shiites and the Kurds while alienating the Sunnis. We brought democracy, we brought bombs and the insurgents brought more bombs. But now Iraqis gather and protest the bombs, ours and theirs, and they organize and get together and elect the people they want to lead. The secularists and the clerics face off in a clusterfuck of politics that makes ours look boring and tame, for all the grief we go through.
In Libya, even old Mohammar Gadahfi saw the writing on the wall, and the UK and US negotiated an end to their WMD programs, even as we discovered that Iraq's were, in fact, a mere shadow of what we had feared. Libya normalized relations, and British people visited their for the first time in two decades. Doors opened.
In the Ukraine, an obviously rigged election triggered massive protests and blatant criticism of Russian meddling - but it was the Ukrainians who determined the outcome, staying in Kiev freezing night after night until they got their chance, took it, and ran with it, and who knows where they'll go next. Putin grimaced and complained, but his control was mostly gone and he knew it.
In Lebanon, now, people decided they were sick of the Syrian-backed government. So, they protested, decided not to leave, and with the eyes of the world on them the government decided they were done for and called it a day. Now what? Who knows? But all those pretty Lebanese girls with flags can't help but make one feel vicariously patriotic.
Are the events linked? Were they inevitable? Or does this rhetoric, this uncompromising, bull-headed attitude actually produce results? When Reagan called for the end of the division of Germany, nobody cared, even though the Germans cheered him from the crowd. Then it suddenly happened, maybe Regan predicted it, maybe he guessed, maybe he precipitated it, but it happened, and the same scenes we see today in Ukraine and Lebanon were playing out way back then and David Hasselhoff had a concert in Berlin and became a cult star forever. These things happen.
They make me think, for an instant, just a flash, that maybe there's something to it all, and if that's even remotely true, I know that Bush is the better man to push the policy. I hope he's right. I hope he proves all his critics, especially me, wrong, on the big issues, even if he's dead wrong on a lot of other ones. We will see...
February 28th:
So today I will start a language pledge sure to frustrate me beyond just about anything, and of uncertain value...one of my allowed exceptions will be this web page, which I note I cannot actually view from China, were I to try. Thank you, People's Republic of Pointless Censorship. First, the permanent residency, and now my own censorship controversy. You do me too much honor.
Homework is getting harder, and, uh, more. I start my character writing class tomorrow, which is sure to be a train wreck of pulled hair and broken mechanical pencils. Speaking of hair, I got my haircut by some Chinese guy who had what I would call distinctly Japanese hair, were that not such an insult here, and he did what would have been a very good job on a Chinese person, but comes out looking like I've progressed into my mid 30's and am finally just losing all of my beautiful coiffure. While cutting my hair, this guy summoned everyone in the place (a common Chinese practice to deal with any problem: massive manpower) to try and speak to me in English, because his accent/speed basically overwhelmed me. The typical questions came through: "What country? What state? Do you like the NBA? Do you know Yao Ming? Does your city have a basketball team? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want a Chinese girlfriend?" And one of them, I'm about 95% sure, asked me if I was gay, confirming Alex's (my last semester's roommate) suspicion that people here will come right out and ask you that sort of thing. I was unsure what he was talking about, but his friend drew a very helpful diagram. They then asked me to haul some American girls down to Hairworld and introduce them. I said I'd do my best, but there's only so much I can do for someone named Shui Mu (Water-Wood) who wears a bomber jacket and a communist party youth cap. One of these nights, one of us will call the other one and nobody will understand anything the other says. I love China.
Movies: See Closer, see Sideways. Both were excellent. I thought Sideways got a little silly at times but overall was very good, and Paul Giamatti's character was fantastic. Why isn't he nominated for Best Actor? Closer is dominated by Natalie Portman and Clive Owen, who I would very much like to put into glass display cases somewhere as generally outstanding examples of good looking human beings. Also, I saw Alexander. Why the vicious panning? It wasn't that good, but it wasn't awful...I think the critics were incensed that Sir Anthony Hopkins basically had a pointless role in the movie. Axe the old Ptolemy character and restore the flow of the film and it's not half bad, except for Colin Farrell growling at Rosario Dawson in bed. And some people didn't get over the fact that Colin Farrell is Irish and Alexander was Macedonian Greek, which is a problem I had with Enemy at the Gates: I never bought into Jude Law as Russian, not even once, so I hated the whole movie no matter what. I understand that, but for some reason I was alright with him, and even with Angelina Jolie. Oh well, Oliver Stone's career crushed, so it goes.
One day, I will make a photo album on Yahoo or something, but for now here is a picture of a Chinese woman explaining a formal tea ceremony while Nate from Boston looks on. I'm sorry for not compressing it. I would have taken pictures of the Underground City I toured but it was verboten, for unclear reasons. While I was touring this tunnel system, supposed to have been built by Mao to protect large numbers of people from aerial bombardment, I kept thinking about Logan's Run and wondering where all the cool stuff was, and pondering if the Underground City could stand up to bunker buster munitions or perhaps the Mother of All Bombs. In the end the trip was a dissapointment because we did not get to see the cool stuff ("We were afraid visitors would get lost in the long tunnels") nor was I permitted to purchase the one item in the gift shop I found worthy, a real-deal era military handbook containing mathematical tables for artillery (I think) and example troop displacements along the Sino-Soviet border. No doubt that would give Them an excuse to arrest me, state secrets and all. Oh well.
February 22nd:
Hunter S. Thompson. There was a disturbing man.
When I first saw Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, I was thirteen and it just confused the living hell out of me. I hate being confused so I hated the movie by extension. Later, more jaded and cognizant of the dark forces that forge a man like Thompson, I liked it. Some of that is due to Terry Gilliam, but Thompson is clearly in that movie.
He was molested, bothered in some deep way by the society around him, and the fear in loathing, be it in Las Vegas or anywhere else, was shared between him and the generation he was a part of. He saw society as a war that was already lost, trusted nobody, writing from and dying in a �fortified compound� outside Aspen. Beaten back by a world he seemed never to accept, he ultimately chose to just leave it.
I spit on suicide, and hate anyone who does it, but deep down I know it�s for the same reasons that I loathed Fear and Loathing the first time; because I had no clue what the fuck was happening. Thompson�s immersion in a society in crisis and his own spiral of self-hatred put him in a universe apart. He was scarred, he said, by the assassination of JFK, and never recovered, believing the world of politics to be nothing but a betrayal of belief and trust. Maybe he was right.
Sometimes disturbing is good. A signpost on the road to perdition. Thompson �spent his long glorious & legendary career writing the Requiem for the American Dream,� says Tony Pierce. I think that�s right on, and the fact he chose to give up at the end should be the final disturbance to all of our American souls.
Westwing (8:40:42 PM): Depart: Tokyo (NRT), 12-Mar-05 at 6:10 PM Terminal: 1
Arrive: Beijing (PEK), 12-Mar-05 at 9:25 PM
Flight: Northwest 11
Westwing (8:41:01 PM): Depart: Beijing (PEK), 20-Mar-05 at 9:05 AM
Arrive: Tokyo (NRT), 20-Mar-05 at 1:20 PM Terminal: 1
Flight: Northwest 12
Jared's coming to China. Take that, China.
By the way...my Chinese? It's all coming flooding back, and I seem to know it better than before. Pronunciation still not so great, but repairable. Progress. It's explosive.
February 11th:
Three days, youzuo, until China, in case you weren't counting. This will be my seventh transversal of the Pacific Ocean. That's gotta be counting for me, somewhere.
Finished Mona Lisa Overdrive. Pretty good, ties in stuff from Neuromancer subtly, but doesn't seem to advance the plot, just sets the stage for what I can only assume will be a complex and chaotic conclusion in Count Zero. Gibson is a better writer than I give him credit for, even if he does overuse gritty prefab-future imagery.
Also, Jared demanded I watch a television series called "Firefly", and since my friends have been on target with their other tv reccomendations, I acquiesed and bought the whole series on DVD. Sadly, there is only one abbreviated season, since FOX killed it after a handful of episodes. I can sort of understand why - it's innovative and creative and unusual, which means it can't possibly survive for long on FOX. In the future, the core worlds are futuristic paradises of rigid order while the frontier consists of a western-style setting where trading takes on a distinctly Chinese flavor (so does the language, interestingly enough...) and life is just one tough break after another. The 'gritty future' setting is always more convincing than the 'We wear our tight full-body uniforms everywhere, even to bed' setting of Star Trek. There's a lot of death and sex, and the science part of the science fiction is either left unsaid or well done, such as when the captain puts out a major fire by exposing that area of the ship to space, or the fact that there are NEVER sound effects in space. Also, there is hot girl-on-girl action. In one scene, anyway.
I've just learned that the Temple of Zhang Fei, which enshrines the memory of the legendary warrior of the same name, is to be submerged by the Three Gorges Dam reservoir. Or already has. I don't know. Many of the heroes of the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, particularly those who served with uber-good guy Liu Bei, fought their greatest battles in the southern riverlands, so it wouldn't surprise me to learn that other historical markers are being obliterated as well. Given China's ravenous hunger for power, I'm not sure if I can claim that the Three Gorges Dam is 'bad', persay, but it certainly will have a lasting impact. If it doesn't work properly, you can bet it'll be a losing-face occasion for the big, hungry dragon.
February 9th:
Reading Mona Lisa Overdrive, which is an indirect sequel to Neuromancer. It's a good story, and like all good sci-fi, light on the science, heavy on the character development. The way a good sci-fi author envisions gadgetry or the matrix or whatever is as just another thing, one more modern convenience or hassle. But a lot of science-fiction protrays the future as a combination of urban decay and corporate supremacy, which all told, is not a bad prediction. Snow Crash was eerily accurate in predicting the whole 'enclave' mentality of the rich subrubanites. Get away from the city, and when the city comes to you, build a wall, as if it was a horde of Vikings coming over the horizon. Keep Out Estates. No Trespassing Boulevard.
I return to China on the 14th (not the 15th, as I had thought...I'm so good about dates...) and I was telling mom all about my plans and that the date was Monday and so on, and she accused me of "having no idea what I was getting into," and for the first time in a long time, I actually felt belittled by my mother, and spent the next half hour reciting the names and professions and facial expressions of all the personnel working for CIEE-Beijing, the details and times of our various conversations, and the building where I will live. As an only child and generally being an arrogant bastard, this is, I suppose, a typical response to criticism from one's parent. But in a larger sense, she's right, I have little idea of what I'm doing. Why am I even there? Career? "Finding myself?" The cheap North Face jackets?
So supposedly this webpage has been popularized in a magazine article of some sort at Ohio University. Disastrous news, really, as the page has just shifted from a politics-current events-travel abroad mode back into an introspective-read about my thoughts-puzzle out the meaning mode. Well, give it a week, new glut of readers, and you'll get more of the Chinese goodness.
This is a picture of a chimpanzee.
February 7th:
Not a fantastic game, but a very good one...McNabb's pass to bring the Eagles within 3 was brilliant. But, as usual, the Patriots were just more organized and tricky, with Mike Vrabel becoming the first linebacker I know of to have multiple Super Bowl touchdown receptions. Excellent running game by New England, and Deion Branch deserved the MVP. Well played.
February 6th:
I think Joe Cicco's blog is funny today.
I think the Patriots will win tomorrow, but it will be a close game, with the potential to be one of the great all-time games. Or maybe that's just the ridiculous, huge, hype speaking through my pliant American male mind.
I think I am still not taking Chinese seriously enough.
I think that's it.
January 27th:
Inventory
If all you've got is a hammer, the saying goes, all you see are nails. So what you've got determines what you see, and what you've got is dependent on what you've done, where you've been, et cetera ad infinitum.
Recently I've sat around a lot and asked myself, "What do I do?" Well, what do I have? I've got reading. Mostly, I read fiction. The stacks of non-fiction grow, but these, I do not read late into the night, they are mostly devoid of passion of any sort, although read deep enough and there can be a sort of revelatory moment when I find something that crystallizes the last four hundred pages of nonsense or something I agree with, or something so ridiculous that I throw the book across the room and then go pick it up again, because I want to be fair-minded and because it's already too early in the morning to start reading something different. Fiction is different. It lives, breathes, has flaws, it snares you and won't let go because it loves you and needs you to finish reading it so that it can rest, too. It can be fiction of any sort, any time period, any style. More recently I've read writers who write in terse, Hemingwayesque prose, sparing the adverbs and sometimes even eschewing proper and complete puncuation. Palahniuk made the imperative part of prose and then overused it and I haven't read anything since Lullaby, which I didn't really care for, except for the idea of a virus spreading through unusual media , which was sort of interesting but much better done in Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash. Snow Crash is a must-read. It's funny, it's witty, it's self-conscious but just barely.
When I saw the film version of Cold Mountain I was close to tears at the end, which is not normal for me in any situation. It was because I thought it was the best book-to-film adaptation I'd ever seen, and for all the problems with it I couldn't stop thinking of the book when I was watching it, and I love that book. It is a nearly perfect work of modern fiction, in my vastly unread opinion. I hope you can take my worthless word along with all the awards it won and the good movie and read it for yourself. George R.R. Martin's 'Song of Fire and Ice' books make my head spin with his fantastic grasp of timing and detail. I also am pleased that Martin is willing to kill off major characters even after investing so many pages in them.
Then, there are the books that 'change your life' or 'alter your perspective' or whatever. I have a few of these. The first is Atlas Shrugged. First, I don't buy into objectivism. But Rand succeeded in making me think about things in a totally different way, and in constantly evaluating how obligation the individual has to the society. That was useful, and dangerous, for the impressionable 9th grader that I was. The writing was a bit thick. And long...so, so, long. Next is Frank Herbert's Dune. Dune is fiction and also not a great example of using the language, but it succeeded in, firstly, entertaining me (like Martin) with a lot of intriguing things going on at once, and with the idea of engineering planets and societies to suit a need. I ended up reading a lot of Herbert's interviews and journals and such, and I think I gained more from them in a practical sense than I ever did from Dune, but I don't remember anything except that at his house he planted deciduous trees around a part of the house that had solar panels so that in summer they blocked the sun and in winter allowed in light that powered a small heater. And he had a big, bushy beard.
Of all the books I have read for my Political Science classes at OU, the one that has stuck with me longest is Mark Juergensmeyer's Terror in the Mind of God. I think this book has been largely influential in determining my views on how to deal with terrorism and religious fanatics, which is, address root problems with massive development and opportunity for young people, keep Palestinian teenagers from having a reason to go and blow themselves up, keep bored young Saudis from becoming homicidal geniuses, but when you actually encounter terrorists out in the wild, blow them the fuck up. They are past the point of negotiation, or being tried in court, or ignored. I remember the words of Mahmoud Abouhalima (sp?) who was involved in the first WTC bombing. Juergensmeyer asked him what he thought of America, and he said its best quality was that it was still very religious, and he said people who do not have religion are just 'dead bodies walking around.' I wrote a paper on this, it's under writings if you're super bored or too curious.
I've also read too many books to remember on the history of World War II and Nazi Germany. Again, there's a paper, but this one is from the Wayback Machine and Olmsted Falls High School, Junior Year, so be forgiving when you read it. So, lots of reading. I've got that down, even if I slip up now and then for a month at a time and read almost nothing substantial, I always read something and cannot imagine any leisure activity that compares in value. The end result is a tremendous stock of mostly trivial and useless knowledge, much of it regarding worlds that do not really exist, an obsession/love for the English language, and huge stacks of books slowly taking up the free space in any given living space of mine. Another book that has altered my outlook on things is the Chinese epic Romance of the Three Kingdoms (San guo yan yi). More on this later.
I've got music. I listen to music constantly; I'm listening to some right now. My musical tastes are a sort of wheel that contains almost all genres, it just spins around according to events and moods and eventually I get a little of everything. Right now, it's Interpol and Spoon, because their lyrics are great. I always listen to some techno/electronica/darkwave/ripped videogame music because it all fades together into the background while I do other things on the computer, and let's face it, I am addicted to the computer. It gives me a security blanket against the harsh, biting wind of boredom. There's a lot of truth in music, even if it's trite, lyrical truth. Spoon says, "What we needs is just what we wants." Belle and Sebastian say "Your life's never boring in your dreams."
I don't know about that. I have some pretty boring dreams.
I watch and follow some professional sports, namely the Cleveland Browns no matter how hard they suck and the Cavaliers because LeBron is worth watching. This gives me (because stats and facts stick to my brain, for some reason) an encyclopedic knowledge of rosters, draft orders, and statistics, and a stubborn brand of masochism one can only develop through devotion to professional sports in Cleveland. They lose, usually right when they're about to win, although recently it's been worse. Some people hate the Bengals, or the Steelers, but I, I hate John Elway and the Denver Fucking Broncos, because every time Cleveland was almost to the Super Bowl, they were there to stop us, with a little help from Cleveland's tendency to fuck up at the best possible time. It's irrational and trivial, and I love it.
Somehow, all of this needs to come together to form a cosmic, ah, something, for me, allowing me to decide what I want to do with my life. I want some leisure time, I want some money, I want to do something that society considers useful and good, and I want an amazing woman to be there through all of it.
Does reading Science Fiction make me better at predicting which stocks are going to succeed? Maybe. Maybe when paired with the opinions of people I know who just have a good sense for fashion and image, regular reading of the New York Times, some basic market principles and reliable human trends, maybe it makes me a regular Charles Schwab. If I had bought Apple in May...if!
And then there is the foreign and language study experience. Some Spanish, which is still servicible, it turns out, and is far ahead of where my Chinese is. Clearly, allthis time traveling and learning languages is a high, perhaps the highest, priority in deciding what I will do with my immediate future education and my life. There are a lot of options: Business, law, diplomacy, intelligence, military. I don't think I want to do law, frankly. I'm curious about business but I wonder if I would be any good at it. The other three circle around the government, and as part of my scholarship, I owe the government 8 months of service in any capacity I choose, sometime within the next 8 years.
I'm thinking a lot about the Foreign Service. The good thing about being an FSO is you get to see the world. The bad thing is you are constantly uprooted and moved to a new area, in order to keep you from going native and forgetting your duty to America. And another bad thing is, at this point in history, the state department is more marginal than it has ever been. Will Dr. Rice change this, as General Powell rides into the sunset? I doubt it. It's systemic. So if it's influence and power I want, I need to take another route.
For now, my plan is to return to China and live an awesome expat life, meeting new people of all nationalities (but hopefully predominantly Chinese) and improving my Chinese, particularly spoken, to an advanced-advanced level. Maybe I'll even learn to like Chinese music, and find something as good as Interpol in another language. In summary: I will stay in Beijing through the summer, saving 4,000 by enrolling in Princeton in Beijing instead of Middlebury College's Vermont-based program (not many Chinese in Vermont) and returning to Ohio in August to hurriedly conceive, create, and publish a thesis culminating my undergraduate education. I'm planning to look for either a winter enrollment in grad school or a major internship of some sort to launch me into grad school the next fall, where I will ramble on into the future. It should be good. It could be great.
January 18th:
The Chinese wouldn't let anyone mourn publicly for Zhao Ziyang. Surprise. I guess that's almost prudent and understandable, given how 'public mourning' usually goes in China. But it's still cold.
In China, you'd be lucky to even know about Zhao Ziyang's death if you were dependent on state-run media for all your information. And it's all state-run, by the way. (But cellphones + internet will end that, soon enough) 2003's Reporters Without Borders survey of press freedom ranked China second-to-last in the world, right ahead of North Korea. Ouch. But you, you lucky free happy people, you can read about it thanks to taxpayer-funded Radio Free Asia. Or you could just read the New York Times everyday, which is the one habit of mine I freely press upon anyone who asks. It's a good idea, even if you think the Times is a left leaning liberal den of inquity or fraud or whatever. It has good writers, and it has my favorite journalist, John Burns.
January 16th, 2005:
Remember when? Remember when America was the forbidden fruit desired by a whole other supercontinent, the mysterious stranger on the horizon who vaguely promised an uncertain, but glorious future? Those were heady days for the United States, and heady days for the international romance of globalization. Those were the early days, when we were still falling all over each other in our haste to make connections and end the stupid, decreipt tyrannies of the Communist bloc, because, hey, America's got the goods. Levi Strauss, Michael Jackson, Evil Empire.
So now we've gotten to know each other and things are calmer but there's tension underneath, because nobody can live in the same house together and not snap at one another. Except it's not quite so stupidly trivial, when you get right down to it.
And that's why I go to China. Not just for the cheap clothing, excellent food, and carbon-laden air, but to try to strengthen the bonds between the two nations, so that we can all live happy-like in a world based more on free trade and money and corporations than on nationalism, tribalism, and all the other demonised 'isms' that pervaded our world then and continue to haunt it now. The way I see it, the Chinese are the bellwether for the future of globalization. America's stock can rise or fall, but it's not going away. Eastern Europe is already sold on the idea, all the freezing young people in Kiev's downtown tent city are pretty good evidence of that. India has taken over a large portion of industries formerly located in the US, and Europe is getting its act together and competing effectively. Hallelujah. China's 1.3 billion can't be far behind, and if they are, it's a bad sign. Maybe Zhao Ziyang felt that way. Maybe he was just pissed off at the thought of shooting down his own countrymen in their own capital. Shei zhidao?
January 16th, 2005:
I still write short fiction, usually using the same characters each time so that I have half a chance to tie them all together under some umbrella theme. One of these text mini-serieses was about a heartless assassin who stalked a sentient, criminal bottle of cranberry juice across the world. Another was basically a series of short, half-derailed trains of thought on philosophy, religion, and responsibility, which I called 'civilized impulse.' Honestly, neither was much good. I think I prefer the cranberry juice exploding to the "we're driving around in a blasted wasteland doing self-critiques" theme of the other bunch. I just finished reading I Am Legend by Richard Matheson, and I can safely say, reading about a 'realistic' story of survival in ridiculous, fantastic circumstances, including the mundane business of living day-to-day, can be much more interesting than one where you just have no idea how, exactly, the protagonist manages to have so much free time to consider the big existential issues.
You know what the other problem with my little stories are, is the issues I ramble about, I usually know jack and shit about. I know an outline, some Cliff Notes, maybe. Have I read The Republic? Well, I own it...I may have glanced through it...but...
But that's not always true. Some things I know rather well. I know about being a self-indulgent prick, and I know that having a talking appliance would be pretty cool. I know that certain words, in certain orders, sound good and pleasing. To me, anyway, and usually at least a few other people. And for the moment, that is enough.
Well, I can't find Untitled C at the moment. Untitled B is under the writings tab, I think.
Finally, I'd like to thank Dan and his roommates for allowing me to make prodigious use of their common room couch this week. Without you, I could not have wasted this week on the internet quite as easily.
January 11th, 2005:
Returned from China a few weeks ago and found myself missing the place, looking at Americans and thinking, "My god, we are all overweight!", looking at photos I took and thinking about the people I met, the ones who went to Phuket, Thailand, wondering what happened and why.
One night in Beijing, we went to the expat bar district, my friend Jim and I, and had a choice at a fork in the road, as the chuzuqiche (taxi) driver idled impatiently: Turn left, and head to the more expensive, 'upscale' part of the Sanlitun bar district, or turn right, and go to nanjie, south street, the seedier, cheaper, part. We went right, and after that we always went right. Nanjie was far more interesting and lively than the boring music bars of the north street. One bar, Happy House, became infamous among our study abroad group for the biological hazard that passed for a bathroom. After bantering about the relative value of studying in China versus Japan and the prospects for China's economy, we made our way to a nightclub up the street called Mix. Because we are young and stupid we chose the most expensive club we could find (nearby), so money actually began to change hands rapidly at this point. After a couple sweaty hours there we returned to Bei Da (Peking University) and collapsed, smelly, into our respective beds. There were other bars on other nights, more towards the early part of China than towards the end. As I generally figured out what was going on, I tended to go out and party less. Of course, once I started making Chinese friends, there was another brief round of that, because apparently they drink, too.
Lest you think me one of the legion of foreigners who do nothing but "mix in unsavory ways" with the natives (the quote is from my program advisor, when he was asked what Nanjie was like), I also did my fair share of the typical tourist traps and UNESCO heritage sites. The Great Wall, for your reference, really is great, but the Chinese name, which is literally 'long wall' is more accurate. It's not terribly high, but it is built in unforgiving, improbable terrain. I can imagine a angry band of Mongols climbing some of these hills and, starving and tired, coming upon the wall, which at that time might even have been manned by soldiers, and thinking, "That's it. No more. We're going home. I bet I could climb that thing, but, hell with it, my legs are killing me." I also saw parts of the war in flatter areas that were crumbling and essentially ignored by local residents, who were busy building something new right next to it. There was also a giant sow sitting alongside the wall, the largest pig I have ever laid eyes on.
There were supposed to be visits to several Chinese military schools and lectures from experts, but those just didn't materialize. By the end of the program, I was happy to have received my course readings intact (they were six weeks late) and uncertain if I would ever receive a grade for anything I had done. In a country of 1.3 billion, organization is key, but standards are frequently lax. Cars speed through stop lights, lecturers dissappear into the ether, papers are lost, appointments missed, but it's alright, usually. Maybe that's just University life in general, more than China in general. Except for the traffic. That's China.