Spikasgeddon & Gorlob


 

Spikasgeddon (left) and Gorlob (right) Furgakh are brothers, and were the last to join the ranks of the Clan Pickaxe. They belong to a subset of the orc species known as the Rhagorc, which human researchers on the Firste Worlde have taken to mean "Great Orcs." The moniker seems to have stuck, although in fact this is only half right - the literal translation in orcish reads as "Bloody Thumping Great Orcs," but early researchers considered this to be too much bother to keep writing and, frankly, a bit embarrassing to have to read out in seminars.

In every respect, Rhagorc are exactly the same as regular orcs but on a bigger scale; the most obvious example of this being their physical size and strength. Even the smallest of them stand at around six and a half feet tall and are fully capable of breaking reasonably-sized monoliths in half, and their weaponry is scaled up as well (Spikasgeddon is modelling the Rhagorc version of that perennial orc favourite, "Big Club Wiv' A Nail In It," consisting of a tree trunk with a broadsword driven through the thick end). For this reason, and again in total defiance of what very clever humans go around telling everybody, Rhagorc are commonly of a less belligerent disposition than their smaller brethren - people that big tend not to be deemed a wise choice for picking a scrap with, and so very rarely have any cause to use violence. The unwise, however, should note the use of the word 'rarely'. It's important.

Spikasgeddon is an orc of few words, but the words he has tend to be worth listening to. He is a scholar of orcish philosophy, and something of a philosopher in his own right; and in the words of Nuttha (a particular favourite), "It is better to remain silent and get in a few good thumps than to open your mouth and get smashed in the teeth." Although admittedly, anybody considering the latter course of action in response to a remark of Spikasgeddon's would have to have no great fondness for their limbs, or otherwise a very reliable pair of running shoes. He is currently examining with great interest the teachings of the eastern wise orc Bafflus, and the principles of the ancient art of Fung Shu - the means of attaining spiritual enlightenment and cosmic well-being through the re-arrangement of the faces of one's enemies.

By contrast, Gorlob can be quite talkative when the mood takes him, although he too is most usually of the quiet persuasion. It is true that he is somewhat slow, but this is absolutely not the same thing as being stupid - he simply takes more time to take things into consideration, and as a result tends to make better decisions. It is also true that being calm, gentle and friendly is a long way from being naive - the fact that Gorlob never carries a weapon has been deemed by some to be a sign of ill-preparation, whereas in fact it also carries with it an entirely different significance that they've missed altogether.

His seemingly limitless patience has led to his being particularly successful in the cultivation of plants; of late he has been investigating some of the rudimentary aspects of druidical magic, and has already produced some interesting potions. These include a remedy for irritation (composed principally of Katorg Exploding Lava Root and applied by handing it to the source of your irritation in a wine glass) and a cure for hair (orcs are generally bald, and on the rare occasions facial growth occurs it is considered by some to be insufferably embarrassing). He is a firm believer in the benefits of talking to plants, and insists they are perfectly happy to be eaten so long as you appreciate them. Nobody esle is entirely sure about this one.

The exact circumstances by which Draklan and his fellows came upon the two are sketchy - they found them wandering the remote hills bordering the human territory of Mirmillo, totally lost and with no particular desire to return to wherever it was they originated from. It has been suggested that they were exiled from their tribe, but if this is in fact the case then neither of them are very keen to talk about it. Not surprisingly, therefore, no-one has been very keen to press the subject.


Back to Main Page Back to ORCS!