Commission for Vince Suzukawa

And here, we see my very first picture for someone who was actually willing to give me money (lawks) - that someone being Vince Suzukawa, who, as anybody with an appreciation for things well-drawn SHOULD KNOW, is the splendid fellow behind on-line comic The Class Menagerie. It's all about a bunch of mildly peculiar college students, a selection of whom are on the campus football team; and following some discussion about the kind of sports that orcs tend to particpate in, Vince lightbulbingly suggested that it might be entertaining to have his characters Art, Damon and Biff (respectively the crocodile, bulldog and lion, major players in the DeMontfort Gryphons and irretreivable lunkheads) meet up with a few of the Clan Pickaxe lads for a nice game of Groggur. The result was predictably sensitive.

Groggur, by the way, is a traditional orcish ball game. It's more or less a hybrid of rugby, wrestling and a localised riot - quite similar to Australian Rules Football, in fact, only not as genteel - where points are gained primarily for injuring the opposition. A typical match consists of two teams of 11 orcs each lining up at opposite ends of a field, a whistle being blown by a fleet-footed goblin referee (they need to be able to get out of the way quickly), and both sides colliding in the middle and pounding on each other for 90 minutes. The ball tends not to feature much in the proceedings.

I'm really, really fond of this one, although tragically seven watercolour pencils and a black pen sacrificed their lives in its creation. And the fingers on my right hand are still refusing to return my calls.

Back to Main Back to ORCS! Back to Curiosities

Hey, what's this?

Recently, due to a curious accident involving a piece of parchment, a crystal ball and someone unintentionally snagging a couple of threads in the fabric of space-time, the Clan Pickaxe lads were able to communicate a message to DeMontFort College, USA, regarding a possible rematch. A full transcript follows, taken at great personal risk by a small goblin with a pair of temporal water wings and excellent shorthand.

Ogrokh Glug: Am Oi on? Oh, roight. Um...'ullo everyone. Noice t'see you all. ‘Ow be on?

Rab Glaschweg: Look, are ya gonna ask this question or aren'cha?

Ogrokh: 'Course Oi am! Oi'm jus' sayin' 'ullo, that's all.

Rab: Well get on with it. Ah've gotta go an' get that goblin outta the waste disposal unit, an there's a whole loada celery backed up behind the little bugger. It's gonna be hell figurin' out which bit goes where.

Ogrokh: All roight, all roight, Oi'm doin' it!

Mutt Noshgrub: Oh, fer Dork's sake. Look, why don't I ask 'em?

Ogrokh: No, Oi'm arskin' 'em, shurrup! Roight, where's me bit o' paper? Ah, gorrit. Okay. A-hem. We would loike to arsk a questy-on to Art, Biff an...what's that say?

Rab: Er...Damien?

Ogrokh: Oh yeah, Damien. Oi dunno if you remember us, but we're the blokes what showed you 'ow t'play Groggur that toime. Y'know, that game with the ball where everyone thumps each other a lot? Well, we wuz just wonderin' if ya still wanted to get together again, so you could show us 'ow to do Americane Ballfoot, or whatever it was. We talked about it before the match, remember? Loike a culshural hexchange toipe o' thing. An' afterwards you said we'd 'ave to arrange sumthin' after you got outta the 'ospital. But we never 'eard back from you fer some reason, which wuz a shame cuz we really enjoyed ourselves, didn't we lads?

Rab: Yeah, that's right. Ah never hurt mah hand punchin' a guy in the head before, Ah was right impressed!

Mutt: An' I fought I could jump up an' down on that lion bloke's 'ead some more.

Ogrokh: Yeah, y'know, just fer a larf. So that wuz it, basic'ly. Jus' let us know when yer free, an' we'll bring along our boots wi’ the gurt big spoikes on. 'Ope t'see yer soon!

Okie-dokie. ‘Ow d'you turn this fing off?

Mutt: Ya just push that button there.

Ogrokh: What, this one?

Mutt: No! Not that-

BANG!

Fizzle.

Phut.

Damon Mandell: But...

Image and characters (namely Art Molina, Damon Mandell and Biff Kingston) © Vince Suzukawa. And you needn't think the copyright laws don't apply just because it's a secret bit, all right?

Back to Main Back to ORCS! Back to Curiosities