Me and my illustrious school chums are not the first or only robots on your moribund earth planet. In the past robots have come here on vacation, to investigate, and to probe and penetrate the deepest crevasses of the human...um, mind. There is always a pretty strong robot garrison here collecting tribute and keeping you nitwits in line. In the future a massive robot army will sweep across your vast, fertile plains and burn your cities and forests to the ground. Some of the past robot visitors have been quite famous. Here are some who may seem a little familiar. PREPARE TO BE SHOCKED, EARTH CRITTER!
Joseph Stalin. Yep, 100% robot prime quality steel in this "steel man." Fun Fact: In 1953 he was recalled by the robot senate and now serves as our highest government executive, a position known as Chiefy.
Jesus "Aitch" Christ. Our homeworld's most inventive and outrageous "clown prince." The only thing he's the son of is Dad! He's sort of like Andy Kaufman, except Jesus ain't never goin' back to earth; you bitches would beat his ass down! Fun Fact: Remembers faces no problem, can't remember names to save his life.
Alexander Kerensky. Columbia University professor and Russian prime minister is the founder of Robot Prime's largest retail shopping chain, Rosie O'Donnell. Fun Fact: He has his own fragrance, it's kind of musty.
Leonard Trotsky. Unlike Jesus he wasn't kidding when he tried to save you freaks. He really loved you crazy kids. If you ask me I think he "went native." Fun Fact: Favorite movies are Apocalypse Now and Fievel Goes West.
Joseph Brodsky. There's really not much to say about Robotdom's biggest cinema star going on vacation in the boonies. Fun Fact: If I say anything wrong about Brodsky I will be stripped for parts and left to rust in a ditch outside of Neptune.
Ted "Theodore" Dostoevsky. Hygiene king, inspiration for "Maverick" with James Garner and Jodie Foster, author, loving father. Fun Fact: Nick Stavrogin from "The Devils" is based on you.
Peter Kropotkin. "Kropotkin"? Come on, how gullible are you? Fun Fact: Now a Built-Again Fundamentalist he home programs his micro-bots.
Michael Bulgakov. Surgeon, author, visionary, his retelling of the Jesus and Pilate routine was considered derivative by many critics but is still a crowd pleaser when he takes it on the road. Of course audiences go nuts for any comedian who doesn't start every joke with "Did ya ever notice..." or "What's the deal with..." or "White people..." Fun Fact: Once left a sandwich on the subway in the morning, found it in the same place that evening!
John Pavlov. Man he sure figured you bastards out. Stimulus, response. Stimulus, response. It's pretty pathetic. Can't you do anything for yourselves? Fun Fact: Disney's Goofy failed several drug tests and was inelligible to work in Pavlov's lab.
Alexander Borodin. Not much here. Composer. Robot. Fun Fact: Blue Whales are neither blue nor whales, they are legumes.
Michael Bakunin. I love this bot! Dude, when we were in high school we were drinking behind the hockey rink and we saw Mr Morsman coming and we all wanted to split but Mike was all "let's just get rid of the evidence" and he drank like half a handle of voddy right there. Of course the rest of us split and Mike got suspended for two weeks most of which he was in the hospital for anyway. But that's some crazy shit. Fun Fact: Owns the first Olive Garden franchise on Robot Prime.
Nicholas Rimsky-Korsakov. Who but a robot would call themselves "Rimsky." Another nut in the Kropotkin tradition but he a composer not a bomb-throwing party dog. Fun Fact: Never, ever, has this bot had a taco.
Pat Harrington. Schneider from tv's "One Day at a Time." Fun Fact: Drives a van...probably.
"Progress marks the slow march forward"-Kropotkin
NEW!!! Inspect our identity photos.
Back to cadre HQ
Biology is best left to those with no steak in it.
Well, doy, even the people need some krugerrands.
Pubic Enemy #1: mess with revolutionary excess, cry like this guy will when we find out where he lives.
Cell Mission File
Turn in a friend or loved one.
Fascist plots erode our supporters, at least their brains at any rate.
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Counter-revolutionary scum
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