Rape is defined as illicit sexual intercourse with a woman {man} without her consent (by force, deception, whiile she is asleep, etc.).

The word rape often provides images of a man jumping out of the bushes and attacking a woman.  Many people have this idea in mind, and it is only half the story.  The crime of rape entails so much more.  In fact, the majority of rapes are committed by someone we know. This individual could be a current or past boyfriend, a friend, or someone you just met.  This phenomenon is known as "acquaintance rape."

According to "'Friends' Raping Friends--Could It Happen to You?"  by Jean O'Gorman Hughes, "about 60% of the victims know their assailants."  The percentage of acquaintance rapes among adolescents is frightening: "92% of adolescent rape victims said they were acquainted with their attackers."

In 1985, The National Institue of Mental Health funded the most comprehensive study on acquaintance rape ever done on American campuses.  According to the study by Mary Koss, a professor at Kent State University, "one in eight women were the victims of rape.  One in every twelve men admitted to having forced a woman to have intercourse or tried to force a woman to have intercourse through physical force or coercion...Virtually none of these men, however, identified themselves as rapists.  Similarly, only 57% of the women who had been raped labeled their experiences as rape; the other 43% had not even acknowledged to themselves that they had been raped." (NOTE-The book, I Never Called it Rape is based upon this study.  The book explains all elements of this rigorous scientific study.)

There are several myths circulating about what rape is and what it isn't.  I found the following list of what rape is not on another site. (WARNING:  This site contains vicious attacks against survivors and was created to free an "innocent" man convicted of rape.  If you are still dealing with difficult issues, it might be a good idea to avoid this site)  My rebuttals follow each entry:
 

• If a woman does not believe she has been raped, she has not been raped.
• The study funded by the National Institute on Mental Health, 43% of women did not even acknowledge their experience as rape.  Many women still have the stereotype of rape in their minds, and they don't recognize that what happened to them was rape.

• If a woman has sex with her husband, she has not been raped.
• When a women marries, she does NOT relinquish control of her body.  It is still her RIGHT to say no.  No means NO, whatever the circumstances.

• If a woman has sex with her boyfriend, she has not been raped.
• If a woman does NOT consent to having sex with her boyfriend, or she is unable to give consent (i.e. asleep, passed out, drugged, etc.) and he has sex with her, then she has been raped.

• If a woman continues to date the man she had sex with, she has not been raped.
• According to the study mentioned above, 42% of women had sex with their assailants again.  This almost always occurs when the women does not realize she has been raped.  The vast majority of women who believe in the sanctity of sex in a relationship seem most vulnerable to revictimization.

• If a woman regrets having sex with a man, that is not rape.
• Studies show that women do not "cry" rape simply because they regret having sex with a man.  FBI statistics state that less than 3% of rape accusations are falsely made. This statistic is consistent with false reporting of all crimes. Those who claim that 50%, 75%, or even 80% of women who report rape are lying derive these statistics from their belief that there is no such thing as date rape.

• If a woman feels "used" after having sex with a man, that is not rape.
• A woman may feel "used" after having sex if she was, indeed, raped.

• If a woman decides that the man she had sex with was a jerk, that is not rape.
• If a woman was raped, she will of course conclude that the man she "had sex with" is a jerk.

• If a woman does not earnestly resist, she has not been raped.
• If a woman is asleep, passed out, drugged, or otherwise incapacitated, how can she possible earnestly resist?  If a woman is in fear for her safety (by threat of force, manipulation, coercion, etc.) she could believe that the safest course would be not to resist.  Regardless of whether a woman resisted or not, NO means NO.

• If a woman chooses not to resist, then she has not been raped.
• A woman may choose not to resist for many reasons, the main one being fear.  If the assailant uses force or threat of force, the woman may fear the consequences of resisting. Other possible reasons for not resisting could be that the woman was asleep, passed out, drugged, the man had a weapon, etc.  A woman should not have to resist.  Period.  No means NO.

• If a woman places herself in a position where she is unable to resist or to say no, then she has not been raped (i.e., becoming intoxicated).
• If a woman is unable to resist, that does NOT give a man free reign to do whatever he wants to her.  When a man does take advantage of a woman in that way, he is taking control of her body and not allowing her the freedom to decide for herself when and with whom she will have sex.

• If a woman behaves in a manner which leads a man to assume that she wants to have sex with him, she has not been raped.
• I don't care if a woman is walking down the street nude, NO ONE deserves to be raped.

Another statistic to keep in mind is that according to O'Gorman Hughes, "Experts estimate that as many as 90% of all rapes are never reported."

In "'Friends' Raping Friends..." there is a section on legal implications.  It states: "Women who have been raped by an acquaintance have the same options as those raped by strangers.  They can press criminal and/or Civil charges against the man (men) who raped them.  In general, date rapes are often difficult to prove.  A gun or knife is rarely used and so it is harder for a woman to prove that she was forced to have sex.  It is almost always his word against hers.  The man's attorney may argue that the woman "wanted" to have sex with his client, did so, and then thought better of it and so charged rape.  The woman [is then forced] to prove that she did not want sex, resisted, and was overpowered."