main shard: Dark Aesthetic
large shard: Drear Toys
small shard: In Winter, Alone
We hold the Gothic Scene or Death Rock or Darkness in common. If we define ourselves as part of a group, say, Gothic or a Death Rocker or Dark, then we must share some attributes in common with the group, otherwise we're being silly again and should ammend ourselves quickly to Aunt Shayin's home brew (how is Shayin by the way?).
We hold in common one aesthetic. Abba Cusraque says it's Darkness. I say it's beauty and romance found in the limits to vision which are Darkness and Death. Now, that's nothing solid, nothing you can poke or tickle, but it's a single aesthetic which is large enough to accomodate anyone who consents to join the Gothic Scene. The centerpiece to the aesthetic is a philosophy: we will all die, yet all is suffused with the beauty of our Heart. More esoteric is the belief that we already died and are in a queasy afterlife. Argue against it if you will, but for every proof there is counterproof. In the end, we must admit we know nothing but do occasion to pretend at wisdom. I too pretend and here is the book to prove it. Pretentions are at the root of all Art and Society.
Keep your friends, by the way, and your parents, unless they abuse you. You might need them later. If you need to subvert them or to hide your attitudes and costumes and music from them, you'll like the advice given in the candle section. You might also benefit from a reading The Best of Abbie Hoffman and Alice Miller's Thou Shalt Not Be Aware. If your parents or another adult has been so crude as to tamper with you against your will, you might habituate The Courage to Heal or Victims No Longer, two books for those who need recover from sexual abuse. Believe it or not, sexual and physical abuse are against the law and you may take legal action against the perpetrators of either.
I have found these items to be of undeniable use to Ours:
any brand of cloves which fit your longing although I prefer Sampoerna Xtras (which I hold between my middle and ring fingers), unused razor blades, broken mirror, dead blossoms, black lipstick, black eyeliner, black fingernail polish, white face, palest foundation, black velvet, black lace gloves, crucifixes (turned upside-down if you so desire although I prefer removing the INRI headsign thus creating a "thief's crux" which is a crucifix representing one of the two thieves who hung astride the Man of Sorrows), black & red tarot, candles, wine glasses, two penpals, scars, a hypodermic needle, black velvet on the walls and windowpane, a grimoire (which amounts to a blank book kept for your written and visual art and for a record of interesting events and people), a tape player or cd player or both, paintings done by oneself, a pet spider in a glass container (feed it or suffer my wrath), black cigarette lighter, many long stemmed matches, silver jewelry often relating to the occult and (if possible) christian heresy, and my symbol is that of an inverted crux ansata, a VII written on the side worn against skin.
I do discourage you from owning pets unless you can love them utterly and avoid abusing them. Treat pets as if they were your favorite Gothic musician as a child.
You don't *need* to have any of these to be Gothic or even to be the mournful sort of Goth that in my feeling originated the Scene. More on the subject of origination in the grimoire chapter. If you do not wear black to this funeral, you weaken your Heart unless you're of a strong mind and an even stronger sense of poetry which you *constantly* feed into every moment of your life. September was this way, when young and named Opal. However, if you feel so strongly about this funeral we live, then I see no reason why you should not wear black unless your parents or work prohibit. In which case, there are other options.
You may wear soft, white clothing without marking of any sort thereupon, but only if you know what you're about. You may wish to wear a tastefully small ankh as a necklace if you're a vampire or if not, a crucifix with rosary or a star of david. If you're Islamic, the crescent moon is a beautiful symbol and romantic beyond words, except perhaps the words angels whispered to the chosen Prophet.
All religions have their beauties and their beautiful heresies, except for cults, which you should avoid: among these cults which can serve to damage your Heart are Scientology, the Unification movement of Reverend Sun Myung Moon, and Jesus Freaks.
In much of Asia, white is the color of mourning. Mia, a friend of mine, knows this to be so, although in her country, as she told me, white is the color of the Yakuza. So don't go about Japan wearing white, but do wear white to China. Look to Japan, though: it is a beautiful country and their Buto theatre holds a beautiful synonymity with the aesthetic that is Ours.
Attitude? There are many of these. An attitude is a mental state and to every mental state, there's a key. Much of our attitude is simply a strategy for dealing with our everchanging environment and personality is the composite strategies we've grown habituated towards using in order to deal with the situations that arise because of our personality. The system of life feeds into itself so patterns re-emerge. That's why you keep going back to the same lovers: it's the world's fault and your fault both.
The Attitude is not cruel or meanspirited. It's genteel, ethereal, compassionate, quiet, and austere. You are going to die and you don't know when. When you die, you will die forever. Behave with noblisse oblige and others will respond to you with respect. In you is a Heart that loves in such a way that any who is held by your Heart will retire there during dreams and after life. Act accordingly.
You will find it comes naturally our of self respect and denial of the crude and banal.
You might want to keep a core personality, have several personalities, or none. It's all up to you, although for me changing involves slight discomfort. I'm a wanker and a whiner, but it's served me in good stead as well as bad. I might change tomorrow and become saintly and quietly suffering, as I've been in days bygone. It's not likely though. Feed me anyway.
The moon is a mirror.