Conversations With Jack & Diane
Chatting In the Face of Doom
Like every other dentist’s office in Hawaii, this one boasted
an aquarium filled with exotic tropical fish. Jack watched a school
of neon tetra dart from one end of the huge glass tank to the other.
He hated coming to the dentist, but at forty his teeth needed all the
proper maintenance if they were to join him in his later years.
Watching the fish always seemed to help calm him down. He
checked his pulse rate. It had slowed. It looked as if he might
survive after all.
“Good morning Jack,” came the sweet greeting.
“Good morning,” he responded, his eyes still on the
colorful band of fish.
Jack!” the voice called again, obviously a little miffed at
his lack of attention.
“W-What,” he replied again, his gaze rising as he broke
away from the gliding school. “Oh...Hi Di...” He smiled and
removed the folded newspaper from the seat of the chair next to
him. “Please,” he gestured. “Sit down love.”
“Don’t mind if I do,” Diane chuckled, aware of the nervous
flush on Jack’s face. “Oh don’t do that,” she said as Jack sought to
find another spot for the newspaper. “Give it over,” she urged. “I
haven’t yet had a chance to read it this morning.”
“Oh, ok,” Jack nodded, too shaken by the coming prospect
of dentistry to muster anything more by way of a witty response.
Diane took the paper and started in on the headlines. Jack sat
silent for several minutes.
“Hey Diane,” he finally managed, his eyes back on the
watery world.
“Yes Scardy, I mean sweetie,” she snickered.
“Very funny,” Jack frowned. “Hey,” he repeated.
“Yes,” Diane echoed, her attentions tuned to the front page
story she read.
“Do you think all dentist’s offices have aquariums?”
“What..?” mumbled Diane.
“Aquariums,” Jack repeated. “I’ve never been to a dentist
on the mainland. But do you think all of them, everywhere,
display aquariums in their offices, like they all seem to do here in
Hawaii?”
“Who knows Jack,” Diane answered absently.
“I like aquariums. They calm me down.” He swallowed
hard. “And I need calming this morning.”
“Oh Jack,” Diane huffed playfully. “Stop being such a big
baby!” She smiled and winked at him over the edge of the paper,
her sweet face disappearing quickly as she returned to the article
she read.
“I am not a big baby,” Jack grumbled, pouting pointedly.
“Are too,” Diane answered definitively.
“Am not,” Jack assured her, reaching over and gently
forcing the newspaper lower until he could see her face.
“Am not,” he repeated.
Diane stared at him with her fascinating sapphire eyes.
“Fine...” she finally relented. “You are not a big baby.
You are a big strong man.” She winked again and went back to
her article.
“What the hell’s so interesting that you can’t help me in my
time of need?” Jack protested.
“Same sex marriages,” Diane mumbled from behind the
paper.
“What?” Jack frowned.
“Same sex marriages,” she stated anew, dropping the paper
below her lovely face. “Or as they are calling it now, Domestic
Partnerships.”
Jack’s expression narrowed. “What in the world are you
talking about?”
“This,” Diane gestured, dropping the paper to her lap and
pointing at the headline that read...”Hawaii, First State to Approve
Same Sex Marriage”
“Oh that,” Jack scowled, wrinkling his brow.
“Got a problem with it Jack?” Diane posed, eager for a
discussion on the subject.
“I got a problem with the term, Domestic Partnership,” he
advised her.
“And why is that Jack?” she pressed.
“Too vague love,” he answered. “I have a sneaking feeling
that it’s going to cost us taxpayers a pretty penny.”
“Oh really Jack? And how did you, in all your momentous
wisdom, come to that ridiculous conclusion?”
“Geeez Di,” he glowered. “Why so defensive?”
She shrugged. “I’ve got some good friends that could
benefit from this new law,” she offered.
“Gays?” Jack inquiered.
“Yes Jack, gays! Got a problem with that?” She eyed him
closely.
“Nope...” he responded easily. “Live and let live,” he
shrugged.
“But I get the feeling you’re not for the new law,” Diane
persisted.
“I never said that woman,” he objected. “Stop putting
words in my mouth.”
“Well your tone seemed rather standoffish,” she assured
him.
“I have a problem with the law as it’s written. It’s to all
encompassing. Domestic Partnerships indeed. Before you know
it, people will be doing partnerships with their pets so they can
claim them as dependents.” He folded his arms across his chest.
“Oh don’t be silly Jack,” Diane laughed. “That’s not going
to happen.”
“Wanna bet,” he nodded.
“Do you have something against gay people Jack?”
“I’ve already answered that question,” he pointed out.
“So what’s the real reason you’re not comfortable with this
whole issue?”
“You really wanna know?” he asked.
“Yes Jack, I do...”
“Ok then, I’ll tell you.’ He sat up and faced her.
“I’m a fag,,,” He let the statement sink in. Diane tried to
hide it, but he could tell that she was shocked. He smiled as he
enjoyed the uncomfortable squirming Diane was doing.
He laughed out loud. “I’m just pulling your leg sweetie.”
He took a deep breath. “I just love shaking you up...”
“You son-of-a-bitch,” Diane whispered. “You scared the
shit out of me with that one.”
“Why,” Jack inquiered. “Would you of had a problem with
it had it been true?”
“Yes,” she answered. “I’d of had a problem with you
specifically. Being a homosexual I mean.”
“And why is that?” Jack probed.
“Well...” she tried to hedge.
“Tell me the truth now sweetie,” he urged with a smile.
“Well,” she finally admitted. “However impossible it
might be in reality. I still harbor some hope that you and I will
come together someday.” She winked. “If you know what I
mean.”
“Oh you flatter me Diane.” He smiled slowly, an actual
blush warming his handsome face.
She leaned back in her seat. “But do tell me seriously Jack.
Why do you have a problem with the new law allowing gay
people, and others, to assume legal binding partnerships?”
“Well, I was serious Diane. I think the law is too broad.
Someway, somehow it’s gonna cost the taxpayers a lot of money.”
“So what do you think they should have done? The
legislature I mean?”
“Well, I think they should have given gay people what they
had asked for in the first place.”
“You mean the right to get married?”
“Exactly,” Jack nodded. He pointed at the headline.
“Same Sex Marriage,” he shrugged. “No ambiguity there. It
would have been a specific law pertaining to a specific request.
But this deal with domestic partnerships is gonna be a pandora’s
box of problems.”
They sat silently for a moment until Diane asked what she
felt she had too.
“Jack,” she probed.
“Yes...”
“Are you sure you aren’t gay?”
He smiled at her. “Yes Diane, I’m sure...”
“Good,” she beamed. “Because one of these days I just
might wanna have my way with you.” She winked playfully, but
oh so seductively.
Just than a nurse appeared in the waiting room. She
pointed at Jack.
“Your turn,” she nodded.
“Oh god!” Jack swallowed. “They’ve come for me!” His
eyes widened with a growing apprehension.
“Oh just buck-up will ya,” Diane chuckled.
“Pray for me...” Jack beseeched as he disappeared through
the swinging doors of doom, his voice fading to silence.
Diane chuckled to herself as she went back to the paper.
Jack was such a big baby she thought. But he was her big baby.
Her best friend. And possibly, sometime in the future, her lover...
The end
Unpublished Works © 1997 GJB
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