Conversations With Jack & Diane
Fancy Pants
The French Colonial stood like a regal jewel atop the
gentle rise, it’s front portico gleaming in the warmth of the sunny
spring morning.
A fresh, scented breeze blew in from the coast and gently
swept across the pastoral beauty of Kamuela. A gorgeous coastal
town on the northern tip of the Big Island of Hawaii.
Jack drove his Landrover through the wrought-iron gates up
to the classy columned entrance. He smiled to himself. The
spectacular home was the perfect compliment to Diane’s elegant
persona. He always enjoyed visiting here at her home, although he
hadn’t been out this way for quite some time.
As he approached the double koa doors, ten feet high each, the
mammoth “gates” swung opened with the smooth of a calm summer eve.
“Good morning sir,” chimed Edward, the butler. “Madam
is in the study.” He gestured Jack over the threshold. “This way
sir...”
“Call me Jack.”
“Thank you sir,” replied the butler. “If ever we should
meet socially, I shall.” He smiled warmly as he led Jack into the
study and presented him to the lady of the house, leaving without
further comment.
“I like Eddie,” Jack nodded, watching the perfectly tailored
man exit the room.
“Edward is a wonderful butler,” Diane concurred.
“Seems like a nice man as well,” Jack countered,
narrowing his gaze.
“Yes,” Diane agreed. “A very nice man. But you’ve met
him before, haven’t you?”
“Well, sure,” Jack shrugged, moving over to the couch that
Diane occupied, taking a seat opposite her. “But it’s been so long
since I was last here that this all feels new to me, you know.”
“Oh, but you’re always welcome here Jack, you know that.
Your absense was of your own making.”
“I know Di,” Jack smiled, accepting a cup of hot morning tea
from a very pretty young woman. “Thank you,” Jack
grinned, his gaze admiring the young woman for her beauty.
“Some things never change,” he offered smoothly. “A good cup of hot tea.
And the charm with which you serve it...” He cocked his
head toward Diane and winked.
“That’ll be all Lani,” Diane ordered gently. "Thank you.”
The young woman vanished without another word.
“Awww,” Jack frowned. “Why’d you go and chase Lani
away?” he pouted.
“She’s very pretty, isn’t she?” Diane smiled.
“Indeed,” he agreed. “And she makes one hell of a cup of tea.”
“Well,” Diane assured him. “I thought her how to,
do-it-up, just the way you like it.”
“I’m sure you did,” Jack winked. “I’ll have to test that
theory a bit further before I leave.” He took a long sip of tea, smiling
generously with his eyes.
“Oh stop it Jack. You’re terrible,” she shook her head.
“And it’s still so early in the morning.” She sat the book she was
reading down on the koa table.
Jack leaned forward in his chair. “Shakespeare’s Complete
Works,” he mouthed. “Are you boning-up for a stint with your local
community player’s?” he asked.
“Don’t be silly Jack,” she admonished lightly. “I just like
reading Shakespeare in the morning.”
“Well excuse me,” he teased, arching his brow in mock
extravagance.
Diane pursed her lovely lips, pouting with an elegance
reserved for the truly cultured.
“Is somthing wrong love?” Jack posed, enjoying the
growing warmth of tea in his chest.
“Do you remember my brother Jason’s daughter?”
Jack shook his head, shrugging slightly. “Vaguely,” he
answered absently, sipping more of the delicious tea brew.
“She’s visiting with me. Staying for a while during her
spring break from college. She’s upstairs in the east wing as we
speak.”
“The east wing huh.” He smiled, sipping still more tea.
‘Yes, the east wing,” Diane nearly snapped, catching
herself before the words turned into a growl. “Please don’t start on
me Jack. It’s not my fault that Fred is a very successful man.”
“Who’s fault is it than?” Jack countered, instantly
regretting it. “I’m sorry love,” he offered sincerely. “It’s just
that...” He gestured expansively. “All this opulence makes me
nervous.” He finished-off the tea.
“Well relax,” Diane ordered. She picked-up the tumbler
and walked over to the china table. She fixed Jack another hot cup and
returned without delay. “Here you go love.”
“Thank you my most gracious hostess,” he smiled. “Now
tell me what’s bothering you...” He sipped at the steaming brew.
“Does it have something to do with your visiting niece?” He
paused for a moment. “Hmmm,” he expressed smoothly. “This is
delicious.” He smiled slyly. “Obviously,” he winked. “You
haven’t taught Lani everything you know...”
“Not hardly,” Diane assured him, smiling weakly.
“I’m sorry love,” Jack offered intuitively. “Now back to
the niece situation. Tell me all about it.”
“Well,” Diane began, tucking her feet up under her firm
butt, draping her silken skirt down over her knees, leaving the
fluttering hem to dangle gracefully. “Dominique...That’s my
niece,” she advised, waving her delicate hand. “Anyway,
Dominique and I were talking last night. You know, girl talk.”
Jack nodded his understanding. Diane continued.
“I told her about our relationship, and how much it meant
to me.” Her gaze fluttered slightly as it fell to the koa table.
“And...” Jack prompted.
“She thinks I’m spending way too much time with you
Jack. She says it isn’t healthy.”
“And when did this Dominique person graduate from,
Relationship College?” he asked sarcastically, taking a long sip of
the heated tea.
“She was only expressing her opinion Jack...”
“An opinion you obviously agree with,” he countered, his
expression suddenly pained.
“I didn’t say that,” Diane retorted.
“You didn’t have to,” Jack frowned. “I can see it in your
eyes.”
Diane took a moment to regroup. “Well,” she finally
offered. “We do spend an inordinate amount of time together.
I’ve often felt guilty about taking-up so much of your life.”
“Oh come on Diane!” Jack responded, his voice a bit
louder than he’d intended, it’s resonance bouncing off the high
ceilings. “Sorry,” he shrugged. Diane smiled sweetly. Jack went
on. “Look Di,” he instructed. “We’re friends aren’t we?”
“After all we’ve been through together,” she nodded.
“We’re more than just friends.”
“Indeed,” Jack agreed. “And I don’t know about you Di,
but for me, the times we spend together are like rays of sunshine in
my life. There’s a happy place inside of me that you touch.” He
smiled, setting his drink down and fixing his penetrating gaze on
Diane. “Look here Diane. Let me tell you something okay.” She
leaned forward slightly, her blue eyes sparkling. “I love you,” he
whispered. “It’s a love unlike any other I’ve ever experienced
before. You fill me with...With...” He searched wildly for the
right words. “With a calm,” he finally offered. “Yeah, thats it.
You fill me with a calm that no one else can. When I’m with you I
feel a peace that guides me to myself. Your presence allows me
the ability to shred away the darkness that otherwise blinds me
from myself.”
He needed more hot tea. “Ahhh,” he gasped, smiling at
Diane as he leaned back in the soft folds of his chair.
“In other words,” he continued. “When I’m with you, the
gentleness of your spirit allows me to be myself. I am content to
be the person I want to be when I’m with you.” He kept her gaze.
“Please don’t take that away from me Diane. No matter what old Fancy
Pants says.”
Diane’s blue eyes held a soft mist as she smiled at her
friend, her face glowing gently.
“I will never keep my friendship from you Jack.” She
paused for a moment, her expression slowly turning to a frown.
“Who’s Fancy Pants?” she probed.
Jack leaned forward in his seat. “Your niece,” he
answered. “You know, the armchair pyschiatrist.”
Diane stiffled a smile. “But why Fancy Pants?” she
persisted.
Jack fell back comfortably, stirring his finger in the hot
sweet liquid and tasting it before he answered.
“Well, “ he offered slowly. “I’m a product of the seventies.
You know that right?”
“You mean the nineteen seventies?” Diane inquired.
“No, the eighteen seventies,” he laughed. “Of course the
nineteen seventies silly,” He shook his head. “Anyway,” he
continued. “Aside from all the other crazy things we did back
than, we were also notorious for our. How should I put this...?
Ahh yes,” he said. “For our over dressing...” He chuckled
affectionately.
“Yes,” Diane nodded immediately. “I do recall my
brother’s less than stellar styles...” She smiled.
“Indeed,” Jack concurred. “But even beyond those
standard, wardrobes from hell, there were those who went
overboard to the second power. Extravagances of color, willowy
proportions, and dazzling accessories of the plastic bead variety.”
He took a slow sip of tea and continued. “Guess what we called
these folks?” he dared.
Diane pouted, propping her elbow onto her folded knee and
resting her graceful chin upon her upturned palm. She blinked
heavily as she thought.
“Fancy Pants!” she finally offered, her eyes wide with
satisfaction.
“You got it babe,” Jack smiled. “Fancy Pants indeed.”
Diane’s frown deepened. “I don’t get it Jack. How does
that connect to Dominique?”
“Well,” he offered. “Although we all lacked a certain
amount of decorum back than, the Fancy Pants folk went far
beyond the normal absurdities. They never seemed to think about
how ridiculous they looked.” He winked at Diane, smiling warmly.
“The term, Fancy Pants, quickly became synonymous with people
who’s mouths moved faster than their brains. In other words, folks
who didn’t think before speaking.” He paused for a
moment to let his words sink-in. “Sorta like your niece
Dominique, who seems to speak her opinions without prior
thought.”
“Ahhh,” Diane nodded. “Now I get it...”
“Good,” Jack smiled, polishing-off the last of his tea.
“She’s young Jack,” Diane offered. “She hasn’t had a
chance yet to experience the kind of friendship that you and I are
lucky enough to share.”
“And if she doesn’t change her attitude,” Jack volunteered.
“She may never get that chance.”
“So perhaps you could have a talk with her,” Diane posed.
“Ha!” Jack exclaimed. “We wouldn’t last ten minutes in
the same room together without a fist fight,” he chuckled.
“I hope you’re wrong,” Diane offered, standing as her niece
entered the room.
Jack stood as well, turning as he follwed Diane’s gaze.
“Good morning Aunt Diane,” Dominique smiled, her blond
haired, blue eyed beauty exploding across the cavernous room. In
fact she looked just like Diane, only her hair was a whitish
blond and her eyes more of a dark mediterranean blue.
“Good morning sweetie,” Di smiled generously. “I’d like
for you to meet my good friend Jack,” she introduced.
Dominique offered her hand in greeting, taking Jack’s big,
rough grip into her’s and squeezing gently. “Aunt Di has told me
so much about you,” she smiled, her teeth like pearls between her
supple lips. “And I think it’s high time someone put you in your
place...”
She moved past Jack and sat herself on the couch, opposite
him, her body language screaming with the arrogance of youth. She wore
a short blouse that showed off her belly button ring and a tight pair
of Bobbie Brooks jeans. She was stunning, in a cheap sort of way.
Jack sat himself heavily, reconciled to his fate. The Brat
from Hell would not be denied her moment in the sun. He folded
his arms and listened as she proved herself the intellectual Fancy
Pants he knew she’d be.
The End
Unpublished Works © 1997 GJB
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