Purpose of These Writings
I have for some years now intended to begin significant writing. The problem I have run up against is that I usually won't let myself write unless the thought, idea, or work of imagination is already complete. I have begun to see that I am mistaken in such an approach. In some of my most recent ponderings in deep psychology and self-analysis, I have noticed that various fragments (or incomplete analysis or ideas) have, when combined with later conceived fragments, circled around and formed a complete system. That is, thoughts that were disconnected temporally, never-the-less connected together in a logical fashion, filling in blanks left by the previous considerations, and finally solving a particular perplexity.
These considerations have lead me to believe that the most fruitful way to proceed with writing (and the further developing of my ideas), is to begin chronicling the thought fragments as they occur in my mind. I am certain this will result in much disjointed, contradictory, and occasionally moronic material, but I am confident that enough of value may be salvaged to justify this undertaking.
I also intend to engage in free-form analysis of ideas encountered in books I read, and elsewhere; this being perhaps an vehicle for intellectual growth. [6-10-98]
Style of These Writings
While stylistic concerns are of secondary priority, I consider there to be (at this time), two major approaches that I shall use: One is a narrative/diary form, as I believe the chain of reasoning and psycho-social forces behind a particular idea to often be useful, especially in psychological matters; the other is a purely objective exposition of a topic, especially when an essayistic expansion might be in the back of my mind. I will of course mix and match these and other forms as I see fit.
A further note should be made on what might seem to be a pomposity of tone and/or language usage and/or ambition. When I am in deep thought, and striving for a precise grip on a concept, such a tone as this is what is most natural to me. In a sense it is pretentious, but it is only a natural consequence of the mode of thought in which I am most productive in such a pursuit, and is not necessarily indicative of my social self, nor even of my habitual private self. [6-10-98]
The Body of These Writings
[The date appended to most major entries refers to the date it was first written here (if originally conceived and written previously, it will be noted). However, everything is subject to revision as my whims shall determine, with only significant changes warranting an addition to the temporal record.]
Depression
An analogy of Kierkegaard's that I just got done reading seems to bear aptly on this subject. Imagine someone who's house has become permeated with a horrible nauseating stench, to the point of causing illness even. That person would undoubtedly attempt to find different lodgings until the problem was adequately taken care of. Meanwhile they might check back occasionally to see if the odor was bearable, but leaving again if not. Finally, if patience was exceeded before a solution could be found, a permanent move would be in order.
So it is with a person who's life has taken a turn in a direction that becomes seemingly impossible for the self to psychologically cope with. The weary, anxiety ridden "self" that the self-consciousness (the more objective, reflective aspect of the self that is) resides in, becomes unbearable to the self-consciousness, and different "lodgings" are sought. But the self is not always so capable of changing into something satisfiable to the self-consciousness, so the only way to be extricated from the dilema is to shut down the more reflective parts of the self, often inadvertantly initiating a system wide shutdown in the process. So the nose is plugged up to escape the odor, so to speak, but the toxins remain, often continuing to poisen. But self-consciousness has an inherent need to be active (evolution has seen to this--humans need it to survive), so it checks in occasionally to see if the fire has cleared (this is the moment that friends and family may think they have snapped out of it, and are returning to thier old self again). Upon finding the initial cause to be just as present as ever, the shutdown occurs again. Eventually, however, even this quasi-solution becomes wearisome and impossible to live with. There are three possibilities here: That the hopelessness of every possible option overcomes the person, leading them to self annihilation (either through direct suicide, or more prolonged versions of it including alcohol and drug abuse, which cause a temporary change in "habitatation", but nothing more); Or, the realization that the current state of depression has become even more terrible than the thing being escaped, causing a partial or full return to the prior self, perhaps with an eventual resolution to the initial problem; Or third, a despair so deep that the self preservation instict of the old self is so weakened, that a sudden attack upon it is successful in transforming it into something livable, regardless of whether the initial cause is still present. [6-10-98]
Overcoming
"What is done out of love always occurs beyond good and evil."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Psychologically this is true, but morally this doctrine is an abomination--if misinterpreted. The dichotomy of good and evil was a decent stepping stone towards morality, but is not morality itself. It's virtues and vices should be considered to be of a weak and remedial nature. Of the higher virtues (of which love is one), there is a hierarchy, but a higher virtue superseding a lower one is not necessarily moral. Morality must be determined from the hierarchal pinnacle, which is a dialectic between the most intense (ever-changing) subjective self, and the objective reflective self which must integrate the whole self and make a (psycho-moral) determination before the most intense subjective self is given permission to act in any particular instance. So while love is always superior to "good and evil", it is still subservient to the reflecting integrative self. [6-11-98]
Momentous Need Soliloquy
Do I seem indifferent? I want this, but I don't need it. It's my future that needs it, so it is hard to feel its presence as an absolute. At the same time, I feel that if I allowed even one emotion through, it would be the breaking of a dam; as everything I have ever cared about is connected to this. There are some times so momentous, that if you let yourself feel the weight of now, every cell in your body would have no choice but to implode. [6-11-98 written previously]
A Uniting Duality
I am a philosopher of life, and poet in life. These dual roles communicate with each other in a way that provides the "missing half" of the other, in a marriage dissolving all ubiquitous (psychological) "dualities"; experience-reflection, control-release, reason-will, mind-body, object-subject, male-female, pleasure-pain etc. And bringing thereby a unity in a multiplicitous self, that embodies no contradiction! [6-11-98 written previously, reflection thinks poorly of this statement, but I yet believe it contains some value]
Cause of Cultural Schizophrenia
It is a rarely observed phenomena that the mass media ingress into what were largely self-perpetuating closed systems of meme transmission, has been the primary cause of our cultural schizophrenia. It produces effects never before seen, and is mutating at an incredible speed. Understanding and containing this monster may be the most important challenge faced by humanity in the 21st century. [6-11-98 partially conceived previously]
A Caged Cheetah
If a cheetah is confined to a 10 X 12 foot cage, though it may pace or fling itself against the bars in restless frustration, it
won't run 70 mph.
"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him...
a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.
Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - - - so
that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his
very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange,
unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating."
Pearl Buck
[8-13-98]
Citeonic Sayings
"The purpose of education is to place one in communion with one's uniqueness."
"Is music dangerous? Can it not elicit violent emotional depths? It is not allowed in mental hospitals--that is true--but upon these my life is not modeled."
"Wisdom is what remains when one has puked up the last remaining toxins of a false sanity."
"Behind the eyes, lies no flesh."
"But I do have love. I have the love of two people clinging to each other in the darkness, while everything burns down around them."
"All at once, things start to change over time."
Supplement
Epigrams, Aphorisms and Poetic Musings by Other Authors
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