Some days I go to bed defeated. Worn down by the crap the world throws on me. Feeling like a victim. A spectator in life, pretending to be satisfied with the restrictions others put in my way. I am content to accept the known hell, rather than dream of an unknown heaven. I feel as though I am already dead, and just waiting to be buried.
Then a magical rebirth comes over me, for when I awake I am filled with enthusiasm. I want to create a life for myself that is exactly "me". I want to keep the the little boy in me alive. I've got the energy to celebrate who I am. I want to live the truth, accept no barriers, and rejoice in who I am and the path my heart tells me to follow. I like myself. I like the world. I see opportunities just waiting to be explored.
Up and out in the morning, I can't wait to grab my share of happiness. The bus is reeling with life, with youth and vitality. My excitement keeps away the punks. All things are possible. There is no problem that I cannot turn into an opportunity. I don't sweat the small stuff, cuz it's all small stuff. I'm on a one-way trip destined to create self-fulfillment and peace for myself. I will love and be loved. I will understand the world, and they me.
As I walk into the dark drab building, a cold chill overcomes me. This is a hostile environment. I don't belong here. This is a prison where the spirit dies, not a fountain where it can be nourished. The teachers act like zombies. They have long forgotten their childhood. They have lost the ability to motivate. They can only control, oppress, and kill. We have standards placed upon us. We are each to take our place among the multitudes. Memorize this, imitate that. We must work at the pace of the slowest amongst us, submitting to their plan to make us all identical, accepting their values, all subservient to the common will. All the same. All marching to a common drummer. Good little humans.
After a day of degradation, I escape back into my own world. My family, my best friend, my computer. But I'm not the same anymore. My spirit struggles to recover a hint of it's spontaneity from just hours earlier. I make a conscious effort to find and nourish that which is really me. Now the heavy hand of oppression is hidden. The limitations on who I can become and how I should think are more divisive. Hidden from view, those who control me do so with threats and fear. With talk of the common good, of "normal" ideas, of protecting me from becoming an individual in a mass society. This is the part of the day when I deal with adults. People who are both victim and oppressor. Whose own spirit has been broken by the state, the church, and by the collective good. Who imagine no way other than to perpetuate the castration they received at the hands of this culture. They became what they once questioned. They turn a blind eye to the freedom that they demanded in their youth.
Is this the way of the world? Now that the "me" generation holds the positions of power, are they still out for what benefits them? Do they have even less understanding of the human spirit than their forebearers? History records that they are more afraid of diversity than generations that came before. All the old hate is still there, but combined with a new tendency to legislate ethical and moral standards, their standards, under the banner of "protecting" themselves from individuality. The laws of the land make less and less sense, yet everyone continues to distance themselves further and further from the concepts that educated people used to consider undeniable.
I don't know which is worse, the evil that I can see, from those who claim to be helping me to grow and develop, or the evil that I can't see, from a society that has obviously lost their perspective. You leave me no choice but to think for myself, or to die. I should be able to turn to you for guidance. But you turn me out to the government prosecutor. I should be able to question, evaluate, investigate and discuss, but you value your laws and regulations more than you value your own children. You want the best for me, but you think you can buy it with money or by compromising my inheritance of freedom and independence. You are so insecure that you protect me with laws, when what I need is concern and guidance on a one-to-one basis. Teach me, don't threaten me.
I have no choice but to reject you and your world. I will do those things that are expedient until you all die off. I will play your game as long as you have all the power. But you will not kill my spirit. As you control me, know that you have created a monster within. My heart will not be stilled. My intellect will not go unused. I will hide from you, for you wish not to see the truth. I will bow down to the power of your government. But not forever. You will not be able to control your children much longer. And you will reap that which you have sown. You will not live to see a world of individuals, where dishonesty is not tolerated. Where hatred is not to be nurtured and protected. Where the human spirit is cherished as the primary tool of our existence. There is a new world coming. Hold on to your hatred and your bigotry while you can. For I have a dream...
As I cleanse my soul with sleep, the harsh realities of the world that you have created for me ebb away, and I am refreshed by the inherent spirit of my species that manifests itself mostly in the young. That which separates us from the beasts. Were it not for this gift of renewal, I would die today, every day. This spirit of freedom cannot be silenced forever. There are some who do remember, or rediscover, the freedom of childhood. The beauty of the world. The sanctity of all love. These are our allies. These few are the ones who will be remembered and honored in the days to come. The individualists, the dreamers, the madmen.
This page hosted by 
Get your own Free Home Page