Beautiful Lie

By Moonlight

Perfect

Three Way Mirror

I still taste the lies you fed me,
Still feel the dry bitterness in my mouth.
You, my first love,
You, savior and destroyer of my heart.

You said you loved me completely-
Not because you believed it, but because
You thought perhaps if you said it enough
You might just make it true.
But I built my life around that lie.
I gave you my love, my devotion,
All at the price of my heart.

I comforted myself with the knowledge that despite the bitter end,
Something in there was real,
But even this was a lie.
At least I will not have to go on remembering a lie,
Beautiful though it was.

It’s your beautiful lie I see now
Where there once was your beautiful face.
Coldness in the place of caresses.
You’ve burned the bridges,
And I don’t want to get my new clothes wet.

I came with my fury,
But when I saw you again,
The pain your eyes possessed,
The anger and vengeance faded into the night.
Your life is your own prison-
Mine my own revenge.

And so I say good-bye,
For it is all I can do.
My heart is no longer mine to offer you,
And trust, respect, honour-
The foundations of love-
Have no place in you,
So have you no place in me
Besides that of distant love
And distant memories.

Good-bye, my love,
My beautiful lie.
And so I walk away.
I don’t look back.

Silently I watch the river.
Time flows like these waters-
Unrelenting.
Days, hours, minutes,
Years.
It all blends into one monotonous passage.
I drift with the current
Not caring where I end up;
I hardly remember where I began.
In my heart I feel only a dull ache.
Pale moonlight casts shadows in my lonely soul
And as the sullen moon reflects her eerie glow upon the waters
So reflects a tiny world trapped in the tear that glistens as it slides along the contours of my face
Like raindrops on cold stone
As cold as the stark night,
The everlasting night,
That has become my one companion.
So rich is the still silence,
Feeding the emptiness that grows within
Where only moonlight soaks the barren void...
There exists no other beauty quite so magnificant as moonlight
By whose pale glow I strain to see the faint reminders of the eminent day.
But as dawn creeps closer like the footsteps of a phantom-
I dare not look behind me, I dare less look ahead-
Before the night loses her silver beam
Distant memories echo in my mind as
By moonlight
Into the darkness I too slip away.

Where did you come from, my beautiful boy?
What possessed you to come and shatter the fragile foundations of my heart?
My heart had been given-
It yearned for you.
I cherished the rare moments
I spent basking in your attention,
Smiling at your compliments,
Lying in your arms,
And our eyes met-
And you were gone, again.
You were my forbidden fruit,
Perfect
But not enough.
The more you fed my addiction to you
The more I longed
To possess you
With my eyes,
My hands,
My lips-
My heart.
I bid you to me-
You came willingly
Into my arms.
Lip to lip
And time stood still.
Perfect,
Those precious seconds
When you became a part of me.
Perfect-
This was not supposed to happen.
Not this.
Not now.
I offered my body-
I gave my self.
It is yours now;
I have become my own sacrifice.
Empty now,
I long to fill the void within you.
I envy your indifference;
How easy it is for you to walk away
When this passion does not
Light a fire that singes the
Far corners of your heart.
I burn for you,
I feel it in the pit of my stomach,
And there you stand.
Perfect,
Unchanging, unfeeling
As bright and beautiful
As the loneliest star in the coldest winter sky.

I.
sometimes, I think I know you-
I guess we’re all naive like that.

sometimes I think I love you-
but love is just a word, and words are infinitely inadequate,
to explain this
fire that burns within my raging heart.

I am lost when I look in your eyes.
I am swallowed in your glance, your touch.

what is this darkness? the emptiness is comforting to me.
my heart yearns for release-
raging rivers of interminable force, gushing forth with the strength of the gods,
burning like the star that bursts into the night and shatters the fragile stillness.
you are the fire that lights my soul
supernova-
your love scalds my tender flesh.
I am ashes in your palm.
I am dust at your feet.

what is this fire?
I let the flames consume me.
take me, I give myself to you,
I am all I have-
and maybe less than that.

I am so tired of all this.
I don’t want to do it anymore.
when does the warrior rest?
even the gods need their sleep,
eternal,
unrelentless.
pain is an ocean,
the waves are crashing upon the shores of my soul.
even the hardest rock, over time, will be eroded,
made smooth,
made perfect.

is that the purpose of this pain?
perhaps, like the rock, I too will be smoothed and polished,
worn down,
washed over,
dulled into defenselessness.

take me then, take my new perfection,
encase me in gold and wear me around your finger.
I must be worth a lot;
perfection, after all, is rare.


II.
city lights pass over our heads as we drive.
we have no destination,
we exist only in each other.
I will take you to my breast,
I will stroke your hair and dry your tears,
my lover
my father
my child
myself
I struggle to find the point where you end and I begin.
the line is blurred.
everything is blurred.
I realize then that I am crying,
the tears are making it hard to see.

I have to tell you something:
I’m scared.
that’s right, scared. afraid. terrified.
hush, it’s a secret. no one can know.
not even you,
so you’d better forget I told you.

when will you take me to the place where their are no boundaries?
where love’s rays shine through the thunderclouds of pain,
and the living and the dead converse casually over a steaming cappuccino.

please, don’t go.
don’t make me follow.
three souls of the damned,
dancing and laughing through the scalding flames of hell,
father, son, and unholy ghost.
I shiver with the irony,
and the cold.
I toss my cigarette and roll the window up.
it’s chilly tonight.

I’m alive, I realize.
otherwise I wouldn’t be feeling the cold.
it amuses me the surprise I feel at this realization.
after all, I know I’m not dead.

I know a lot of things.
I know you.
I love you.
I am you.

in the distance, three souls of the damned are dancing in the moonlight.

sleep now,
close your tired eyes.
I cannot,
I have battles to fight.

bravely, I take my sword and turn to face the demons of your soul.

I hear your peaceful snoring there beside me.
I take my first blind swing.

it’s going to be a long night.