Russell (stroking
his beard absently): So, Dean, how can we
mess with their minds this time? Last year it was 105 degree weather, long
lines and an hour and a half of classical music, followed by a comic that
shot balloons out of his nose. We are really going to have to come up with
something great to top that.
Dean (so cool
he doesn't need ice in his drinks): Let's
do another gig in Austin in August, it's hotter then hell and maybe this
time we will finally kill off Dave from Stubb's with all the stress.
Russell (tugging
softly at his lower lip): I could slowly
stroke the side of my crotch again and have the 1st 3 rows faint.
Dean (too
sexy for his rose shirt): You already did
that and mentioned your underwear was soaking wet. Like you wear any!!
Russell (running
his hand through his long locks and chortling at his own cleverness):
Right, mate. The safety pin in the album sure has 'em confused. I keep telling
everyone I want babies. No one seems to be paying any attention.
Dean (wearing
classy ray ban shades although in a bar):
I suggest you leave off with the Bono impersonation Russ, you are starting
to freak me out with those buggy shades, mate.
Russell (reaching
inside his open shirt to stroke his nipple cause it itches or it just feels
good): I got to do something about my image.
My trick with the same flannel shirt didn't fool my fans or anyone else
for that matter. Maybe I should bring out the old stand by Canon shirt.
That always gets a rise.
Dean (shooting
a double shot of jack daniels): Well, you
could at least wash a shirt if you are going to wear it for weeks on end.
Say, how about a contest where the fans have to send in their reasons for
wanting us to play their home town? That will be enough to make them wonky.
I bet we get cold hard cash, phone numbers and people's first born.
Russell (setting
his shot glass on fire, drinking it down and following it with a full beer):
Whoa, mate. I said I wanted babies, I meant my own!
Dean
(mentally adding condoms to the tour list): Well,
we were in Austin last year, they could be yours, you wanker.
Russell (giggling
at his own joke): Hey, Dean, remember when
we made the crowd learn the words to a song and then didn't put it on the
album? That was the best, man.
Dean (wishing
for a harem but not sure where he would put them):
Yeah, and remember we shot a video before we left and we didn't bother to
release it in the states where 99% of our fans are? I think we got this
" mess with their minds" stuff down, how could we possible improve?
Taking a swig
of beer: Russell (tugging at the crotch of his jeans):
I know, I could threaten to quit acting for the next 10 years and produce
the next Destiny's Child album and Enimem's video : Slap my Bitch up.
Dean (wondering
if he could possibly move even less while on stage):
Sounds great, why not tattoo the name of
your dog on your butt, that will throw them off.
Russell (asking
himself where he is going to put all the crosses and stuffed cows):
Not enough room, since I put a portrait of my favorite cow back there.
Dean (visions
of hootchie mama's in his head): Well, lets
have another drink.. if we drink enough we are SURE to come up with more
evil ways to mess with em…