--Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"

One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious Tiger.

He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled helplessly over the fatal precipice.

As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine.

Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry.

He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious!

There once was a monastery that was very strict. Following a vow of silence, no one was allowed to speak at all. But there was one exception to this rule. Every ten years, the monks were permitted to speak just two words. After spending his first ten years at the monastery, one monk went to the head monk. "It has been ten years," said the head monk. " What are the two words you would like to speak?"

"Bed... hard..." said the monk.

"I see," replied the head monk.

Ten years later, the monk returned to the head monk's office. "It has been ten more years," said the head monk. "What are the two words you would like to speak?"

"Food... stinks..." said the monk.

"I see," replied the head monk.

Yet another ten years passed and the monk again met with the head monk who asked, "What are your two words now, after these ten years?"

"I...quit!" said the monk.

"Well, I can see why," replied the head monk. "All you ever do is complain."

One day there was an earthquake that shook the entire Zen temple. Parts of it even collapsed! Many of the monks were terrified.

When the earthquake stopped the teacher said, "Now you have had the opportunity to see how a Zen man behaves in a crisis situation. You may have noticed that I did not panic.

I was quite aware of what was happening and what to do. I led you all to the kitchen, the strongest part of the temple.

It was a good decision, because you see we have all survived without any injuries.

However, despite my self-control and composure, I did feel a little bit tense-which you may have deduced from the fact that I drank a large glass of water, something I never do under ordinary circumstances."

One of the monks smiled, but didn't say anything.

"What are you laughing at? asked the teacher.

"That wasn't water," the monk replied, "it was a large glass of soy sauce."

During a momentous battle, a Japanese general decided to attack even though his army was greatly outnumbered. He was confident they would win, but his men were filled with doubt.

On the way to the battle, they stopped at a religious shrine. After praying with the men, the general took out a coin and said, "I shall now toss this coin. If it is heads, we shall win. If it is tails we shall lose."

"Destiny will now reveal itself."

He threw the coin into the air and all watched intently as it landed. It was heads. The soldiers were so overjoyed and filled with confidence that they vigorously attacked the enemy and were victorious.

After the battle. a lieutenant remarked to the general, "No one can change destiny."

"Quite right," the general replied as he showed the lieutenant the coin, which had heads on both sides.

The Emperor asked Master Gudo,
"What happens to a man of enlightenment after death?"

"How should I know?" replied Gudo.

"Because you are the master,"
answered the Emperor.

"Yes sir," said Gudo, but not a dead one."