June 2000
June 25, 2000
Yes, I've done poorly this month. Tsk, tsk, haven't written since May.
Things have been going quite well. That may be partially why I haven't written. I tend to write most frequently about the ruddy things that happen.
Anyway, my summer job has been very good. Any fears I had were quickly put aside. Everyone there has been (for the most part) kind and easy to work with. And, the drive (around 70 miles/day, roundtrip) hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.
One rather important thing happened very recently. An old conflict was further resolved. I am quite convinced that without prayers said in anticipation of trouble, things would have gone poorly. Jesus worked it out, though.
I know I have said this a few times before, but you all may be seeing a revision of the format of this page soon. I have a lot of free time on my hands at work. I might use some of it to plan a new layout. I think if I get it all worked out in advance, it won't take long to code.
June 29, 2000
Technically I'm adding this on the 30th, but I wrote it on the 29th, so that's how i've decided to date it.
As I was reading earlier, I was reminded of a few ideas I formerlly held.
I have said before that I find my intelligence to be my greatest gift, second perhaps only to the Blood of Christ. Though I am admittedly arrogant about it at times, when I am more sensible, I am not. First, it is a gift and not a thing I have earned. Second, I have been hobbled by it in some sense. (In fact, this disability is what I intend to write mostly about.) Third, I have a number of friends to keep me in line. Next to their mental capacities, mine fades. However pridefully (sinfully) I feel about it now, though, I felt far moreso earlier in my life.
For a time I excused, or at least attributed, my doubts about the Faith to my mind. I reasoned that my "great mental ability" prohibited or impeded me from having the faith of "lesser" individuals. I imagined a relation to a perceived philosophical intelligentsia: those whom I believed, by virtue of their reason, were unable to accept the Christian religion. I convinced myself that I believed it, but at the same time, I felt it beneath me, that I had lowered myself to take it in.
Though the philosophical veracity of the Gospel did not begin my journey with Christ, it slowly dawned on me that Christianity is as manly a creed as can be found. Manlier, in fact. As Chesterton pointed out so well, Christianity was a new creature in religion and philosophy in that it is both. A union of mythology and reason hitherto unseen, striking because of its very existance, but more striking because the mythology is true and the reasoning coherent.
The illogic of all the things I felt then (I hestitate to say that I even devoted a lot of thought to them) is obvious. I fell victim to modern thinking, to the beliefs that skepticism is somehow sophisticated, that Christianity is dull and antiquated, and that the supernatural is in and of itself a little preposterous. A little thought (surprisingingly little thought) reveals that this way of thinking is utterly fallacious.
Ultimately, the root cause of my problems was vanilla pride. The sort that overtakes people every day. I was in no way special among men, though I desperately wanted to be. Ironically, the one place where I could be special, in the eyes of God, I had turned away from to find my own glory.
In the end, it was that desire for love and meaning that brought me to Jesus. In the midst of my sophistries, my emotional foundation crumbled. I was empty and it was then that I realized I needed Jesus. The Holy Spirit skipped over my intellectual snobbery, the supposed cause of my difficulties, and went straight to the real source: My heart.
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Contact me: adam.stephens@ttu.edu