It’s Finally Here!
Waiting over 12 months
for this most-hallowed event is too long; especially when everyone expects
you to write newsletters while we wait for the golf! Nevertheless, June 23, 24, and 25 draw near with the G.A.S.P. prize up for grabs as the four winners (?) from last year want to clean out their trophy cases. The teams for this year will probably be decided on the Friday evening during excessive celebrating and story-telling. (Jim plans on selling shares to his latest company, so don’t carry cash.) Rain gear for the Friday evening is optional.
The Campground
According to Joe, your camp
hostess, the campground for this year’s trip is De Graff’s Camp Resort (403-782-2193), which is advertized as a “quiet, clean, family oriented campground”. It is located on the east side of Gull Lake, which is on the west side of the #2 Highway. The 1999 AMA Campground Guide states it is 9.5 km north of Hwy. 12 on Sec. Rd. 792. (Refer to a quality map or the image on the last newsletter for the location - it appears to be only about 25 km from the Lacombe golf course.) Some of the campground notables include: tap water, public phones, laundry, beach, wading pool, driving range, club house and 36 hole putting course, nature
trails, games room, firewood ($), showers, boat rentals, fishing, and more. The 1999 rates are given as $22 per site. (It appears
that it will cost an additional $18 if an extra tent is put on the site.) Three sites (with power) have been secured for Thursday (June 22) through Saturday (June 24), and are in Joe’s name if you arrive early. The old folks running the campground are worried we will be too rowdy during our evening celebrations - I’m sure we won’t disappoint!
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Golf On Friday and Sunday
The
rounds on Friday and Sunday will be played at the Lacombe Golf and Country Club, which is right along the highway, so you can’t miss it. (Sadly, this includes many of my drives.) Golf Guru Lyle has booked the following starting tee times: 1:30 on Friday, and 12:00 on Sunday. (Note to Tony: These are the times we plan to tee off, so please leave for the course one hour earlier.)
Golf On Saturday
The
round on Saturday will be played at the River Bend Golf Course in Red Deer. According to the internet, it is found 5 km north on 30th Avenue from 67th Street. (In case you get lost, the clubhouse phone number is 343-8311. Facilities available include:
putting green
licensed food facility
outdoor patio
driving range
lounge
pro shop
beverage cart.
Clubs and cart rental are available. And if you are wondering Jim, payment methods include Visa, Mastercard, and Interac. Our starting tee time is noon. The cost appears to be $37 per round.
Image from #14 Tee Box at River Bend.
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The Funnies
RULES THAT GUYS WISH THAT GIRLS KNEW... (PART
I)
1 - If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
We refuse to answer.
2 - Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
3 - Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
4 - If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasise about having sex with her. But don't worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together.
5 - If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6 - Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7 - Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, big guns and monster trucks.
8 - Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9 - Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
10 - When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11 - You have enough clothes.
12 - You have too many shoes.
13 - Crying is blackmail.
14 - Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15 - Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say what the heck you want!
16 - No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
17 - Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
18 - Most guys own three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
19 - Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
20 - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
21 - A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22 - Foreign films are best left for the foreigners.
23 - Check your oil. |
Dear Editor: Can you suggest any way that
I can stop slicing with my woods? from Dave S. in the Hat
Dear Dave S.: Try using Jim’s woods instead - they slice pretty good for him.
Dear Editor: How can I stop my camping/golf
mates from snoring ? from A Sleepy G.A.S.P. Golfer
Dear Sleepy: Your first plan of attack may be to block their air passage way with a small pillow, or perhaps inserting some golf tees in each nostril. Personally, I plan on wrapping such offenders in saran wrap and dropping them in the lake. No witnesses, no crime!
Dear Editor: Should I wear slacks or shorts during the tournament? from A Confused Fashion-Conscious Golfer
Dear Confused: Who
the %#$%^@* cares - just bring extra clothes for when we throw you in the lake!
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