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THEG.A.S.P. GAZETTE |
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THIS IS A WEB PAGE DEDICATED TO
THE BOLD GOLFERS
WHO MAKE THE ANNUAL TRIP TO THE
G.A.S.P. TOURNAMENT.
INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR THE NEXT
ISSUE OF THE GAZETTE
TO APPEAR IN YOUR MAILBOX, NOW
YOU WILL BE ABUSED
OVER THE INTERNET YEAR ROUND!
I suppose each of us
will have different reasons for remembering the 2000 version of the G.A.S.P.
New faces, different golf courses, and some hideous weather on Sunday will
certainly stand out in my mind. We can only hope the latter will
not deter Al, Sean, and Rob from joining us again in 2001. However,
with two of the new players on our tour forced to tow home the 15 pounds
of timber we call a trophy for winning, it would not come as a surprise
to this writer if they gracefully decline. (As I heard Al remark
as he left after Sunday’s round, “I played in shitty weather and spend
$200 bucks for this!? Thank God I don’t have to keep it! Trish
will kill me if I have to store this in the house for more than a week
or two!”) Sorry Al.
Here is a recap of the 2000
tournament.
Longest Drives:
Lyle and Jim
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It didn’t go unnoticed that the prizes
this year were better than ever before, even though Lyle and Joe hadn’t
planned it that way. Thanks to Sean (and his unnamed underling at
Pamco/EFX that backed out of yet another tournament) for supplying the
great mugs and balls. I’d like to thank Revy for the travel mugs,
but after running over two of them on the highway during the ride home,
I guess most golfers decided they were single-use only. All kidding
aside, thanks Joe and Lyle for a great time. The camping was perfect
for our motley bunch, the golf courses were outstanding, and the two-man
best ball was one of the best formats yet. The tournament was up
for grabs until the end, even with Lyle in with the second group of golfers.
And on a personal note, the cake was a nice touch - thanks guys!
It wasn’t the same without Jack, Mal, Alvin, and Mark, but we can only hope they return soon. With Doug and Dave planning the festivities next year, including lessons with the “Pro” below, things are in good hands. (Joe suspects a lot of shots will be close to the HO after the lessons.) Let’s see if our good friends at Enhanced Energy can top the challenge from Pamco/EFX for best prizes ever. |
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RULES THAT GUYS WISH THAT GIRLS KNEW... (PART II)
24 - If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the
hassle.
If you are looking for that perfect birthday or Christmas gift, have our raccoon stitched on shirts, hats, golf towels, etc. Just take your stuff to Logos Embroidery on Dunmore Road and tell them you are part of the GASP tournament. The cost is around $6 per item - it looks great! |
(AP) A shocked Mr. B (who, to protect his identity, will be referred to as Mr. Bader in this article) revealed to the world last week that the recent baldness cure developed in his laboratory had produced frightening results after the unauthorized use by local “lumber”jack. This came days after one Mr. Faichuk was found wandering the streets in tattered clothes, reeking of beer, and endlessly babbling about his recent golf game. After local police determined this was his normal state, they asked him to explain the appearance of facial hair, especially that under his ball cap, not present since his first driver’s license. At this Mr. Faichuk burst from the officers on foot to make his escape. He was captured, exhausted, fifteen seconds later.
Even more shocking was the fact that Mr. Faichuk completed the entire day at work without anyone saying anything. “Everyone is just happy if he finds the shower before coming to work,” an unnamed employee remarked. The company is withholding comment. |
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