Full Contact Nude Kitchen Handball

One very disturbing weekend (many years ago), a normal Thursday Debauchary had stretched into a 72 hour marathon session, fueled by the consumption and absorbtion of a bewildering mixture of plant-based chemically derived stimuli, a copious quantity of Team S&M ceremonial libation, and the fortuitous placement of a federal holiday on that Friday. As we look in, Chairman Picklebutt has just awakened to find himself naked, bruised, extremely hung-over (a rare occurance...), and collapsed on an enormous couch, partially covered by an assortment of jackets and cast off clothing:

After noting that all of his body parts were still intact, the Chairman made a cursory search of the premises to determine if any police, farm animals or hookers were in the immediate vicinity. After deciding he was alone, he put his energies to the next questions: Where was he, and why did he smell like beer and women's perfume? Slowly, the mist in his brain cleared, and he realized that he was in CEO Jackson's palatial bachelor hang-out. That revelation in hand, he staggered off to check for his co-founder's corpse.

As the chairman entered Jackson's bedroom chamber, another mystery was solved: The CEO had a female in his bed. Picklebutt thought, "Well, that explains the perfume, but why is he blessed with 'X' chromosome companionship, and I'm left with an ill-smelling pile of clothing?" Then, it dawned on him. This was the CEO's latest squeeze/girfriend/conquest! The Chairman thought, "What the hell is her name? Well, no matter, what's important is that I'm standing here, naked as a Bluejay, and both of them are fast asleep, missing out on this great hangover that I'm presently experiencing. I must do something about that... I've got it! Full Contact Nude Kitchen Handball!! That'll wake them up! But to be on the safe side, I'd better wear a helmet..."

So it was, young Jackson and his current consort were shaken from their slumber by the unholy sounds of a large naked man wearing a motorcycle helmet, playing handball against, and crashing into their bedroom wall. Staggering to the kitchen to see what the ruckus was all about, the CEO paused, rubbed his bleary eyes, and exclaimed, "Honey, I think there's something you need to see..."