I Hope You Have an Open Mind :)

RULES FOR CAR MAINTENANCE

Give her a good "Going Over" at regular intervals. Grease her NIPPELS well.
When running her in break her in Gently.
Her "CLUTCH" should not be too "Hairy".
Wax her BODY all over.
If you should strike her REAR END, say sorry.
Check her "Load Bearing" capacity, too much weight can impede her PERFORMANCE.
If she loses her "SPARK", she may be suffering from high TENSION troubles.
Never take her too fast up the "Straight", warm her up GENTLY first!
Keep fingertip control at all times.
Her "BIG ENDS" should be kept well Oiled!
Don't leave your TOOL hanging about.
Give her a Re-Bore when necessary and a good Grind - In!
If she sags when climbing give her a Boost.

Superman is flying around one day searching for crime when he looks down and sees, of all people, Wonder Woman, sprawled on the ground, naked as the day she was born. He flies down with his super speed and does her in the blink of an eye, and then is gone.
Wonder Woman sits up and says aloud, "What the hell was that?!"
The invisible man replied, "I don't know, but it sure hurt like hell!"

Q. What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A. Snowballs

Q: What do you call a lesbian with big fat fingers?
A: Well hung.

Q. Why are a man and a carpet alike?
A. You lay them right and you can walk all over them for years.

Q. What is the dumbest part of a man's body?
A. The penis -- it's got no brains, its friends are two nuts, and it lives next to an asshole.

BANANA BREAD

(For experienced chefs only)
[INGREDIENTS]

1. Two laughing eyes.
2. Two loving arms.
3. Two firm milk containers.
4. Two well-shaped legs.
5. One fur-lined mixing bowl.
6. One large Banana.

(METHOD)

1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs slowly.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very slowly and gently until fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased. (Check frequently with middle finger)
4. Add banana and gently work in & out until well creamed.
5. Cover with nuts and sigh with relief.

The bread is done when banana becomes soft.
Be sure to wash mixing utensils and don't lick the bowl.
**NOTE:If bread starts to rise, leave town QUICKLY!

Me