30 Degrees Of Separation
Sitting in 30 degrees
Thinking of you
I fill my lungs with a warm disease
I feel the toxins start through my bloodstream
And watch what's left float away
A lighter color than my heart
Filled with all we didn't say
Trying to feel my fingers
Trying not to field my thoughts
The disbelief lingers
And with few answers to balance my questions
The numbness I feel in every bone
Spreads to my last chance hopes
And reminds me of a situation I cannot atone
Slipping into my dreams
Every one about your smile
I run my hand along the softened seams
Of a face I'll have to fight to forget
Now the object of the questions of a quick goodbye
Once the good-morning-smile on my lips
I'm left with broken ties and whys
And nothing to dry the tears I've cried for us
Etching The Blue
Lost in you
Etching the blue, fine lines you've drawn
Sketching you mine
Wishing the lines were less defined.
I'm crying
Lying in my bed
Staring at the ceiling
Reeling with the possibility of you
Feeling you.
Windows wide open, freezing breeze sweeping through over my entire naked body.
And all I feel is you.
Tracing the lines of your face
My memory's a beautiful place tonight
The alight Godly grace of your form
The storm in your eyes.
What comfort.
Storms best calms
Qualms are sworms of frustration
And the sensations that enshroud
Cloud even the clearest dedication.
I miss your eyes
Dark, yet a spark of the heavens in them
Each twinkle carefully placed
Graced by the brilliance you exude
You elude the adoration I cannot control
And I cannot control the way I need you
But I do.
Lost Love
I lay in this bed I've made, while it's colors fade; you try to fade away but I fade into you. And all I feel tonight is the light burning our skin, our sin, and the longing I still have for your existence. What a mess I'm in.
Lost Love II
What am I doing at this computer?
Waiting for you, no doubt
You're out
And I'm here
Waiting
Hoping
Needing to see something from your thoughts
To pretend it's your voice
Needing you
What am I doing in this situation?
Where is my self-sufficiency??
Here's what scares me:
I don't hate you
I have no disdain for you
I have no pain from you
I'm not mad at you for my caring
For sharing myself with you
That scares me
I should hate you for my loss of options
For pouring myself into this possibility
But I don't
Because you're out
And I'm here
Waiting
Hoping
Needing you.
Lost Love III
You
Filling me
Part thrill
Part simple still contentment
Gentle waves of you
Go through me
Flow through me
No sea in sight
You are what I am emmersed in
Drowning
Beautifully
In you
Stilly
Slowly
Sinking lowly into you
I would that every breath in my body were lost to your lips
Stake Your Claim On Me
Missing your kiss
Our tryst
The bliss that persists
When we twist ourselves together
Missing the hest of your kiss
Missing your chest
No rest
But the best exhaustion of my life
Needing your touch
Much of myself
Lost in your clutch
I am such a slave for you
So stake your claim on me
Shake me and break me
Make me anything you want
I am yours for the taking
200 Miles
200 miles today.
Worn and tired.
I'm breaking but wired for you.
You're a nice memory,
Smelling sweetly,
And all very neatly composed;
You're perfect.
200 miles to go,
Revery rules,
And your memory fuels my journey.
Tenebrous love:
Undying adoration,
And a simple hesitation to leave.
So green.
200 miles too far,
All alone too,
Wishing to God I were alone with you.
Barely sitting still,
Senses reeling,
My every loving feeling racing to the surface
Of my weary little soul.
200 miles 'till you,
Ideal motivation,
Anticipation sends chilling sensations through my body.
Butterflies in my tummy,
I'm pure energy from you,
And you just don't know you do it to me.
But you do.
Lost Love Reprise
There's a fire in my veins,
But an ease remains
And soothes my burning soul.
Laying here in my bed,
My blood runs hot and red
With subtle traces of you in me.
Though there's no lightening tonight,
There's a storm in sight,
Thunderously anouncing all my intentions.
Your beautiful skin is shining,
Our sweat is dancing, aligning,
And the world we are ravaging tonight,
Could not belong to us more.
Hard Little Nipples
Hard little nipples
Shivering lips
She's cold
She's young, growing old without
With no doubt of her survival
She's strong
She's in an old coat
Worn and torn and adorned with souvenirs
Reminders of her journey
Blinders to the unapproving world
She's waiting
Watching the subway cars pass
Each faster than the last
Dirtier than her past
It is misfortune that brought her here
So she waits...
With hard little nipples
Shivering lips
Cold.
Catching Hell
Catching hell
He's wishing well
But a condescending spell is cast
The last thing I want or need
Feeding me advice for a world he doesn't live in
For wounds he doesn't feel
For hatred he's not trying to let go of
For a past he doesn't remember
The last embers of what made me who I am today
Fading away
He says it's for the best
That the world will turn rose-colored
And the rest will disappear
The tears that turn to stone on my cheek
Will leak through the dirt
The grass
The rocks
And dissolve in this loving earth
The world isn't fucking holy ground
I'm lost in resounding, echoing reassurances
Caring advice pounding into me
Raped by abounding self-satisfaction
Do me a favor... record your own voice.
You II
I dreamt of you...
Holding me,
Molding my view of a bitter world.
'Till I loved it for it's ability to feel at all.
I thought of you...
Kissing me,
Missing the possibility we shared;
The chance that you once cared at all.
I smelt you...
Enshrouding the air,
Crowding the stair with your presence;
A pleasance I cannot pass.
But you are not here, my dear. And I am broken.
Sand Dollars
Here I am remanicsing and missing your smile
And all the while we walked the sea collar,
Searching for sand dollars
To rid us of our worries.
And all I seem to remember is the ember of our onslaught;
The battle we fought slow, burning to appease
Striving for the ease
To no longer struggle.
Now where are you straying? Again slaying dragons for me?
Fighting impossibility for my contentment?
Denying my resentment
Of your continued absence.
What is life worth if not sharing the mirth we indulge in?
Eve's sin could not please her alone.
I seek not even to atone
Without your presence.
Suddenly wind is blown and a sand dollar is thrown at my feet,
Worries retreat to the reaches of our past,
And though it may not last,
You are here again
For a sand dollar.
Her Sparkle
I saw her tonight! Her grin thrilled me; filled me with extacy!
Her eyes danced to a tune my Mother never wanted me to hear.
She came to me... nothing was said. I hid the nervousness within my veins.
Her grin transformed into a cunning and enrapturing smile;
Stunning and capturing me with her charm. We played a game of possesion;
All the while I was hers.
Her smile moved her beautiful, rosy cheeks to rest just beneath her thick, black eyelashes.
Slinted now, to a suggestive sparkle, her eyes sent a numbing tingle throughout my feet,
up my spine and enshrouding my senses.
In the seconds we accumulated that energy, a million lifetimes could have passed.
She extended her hand, offering me the world.
I took it.
Original Sin
Do your worst.
I'm ALL yours for the breaking and yet despite the legalities, I am unbreakable.
I know you do not realize my capabilities; that I could crush you between my thumb and fore-finger,
Tiring only in interest.
I do not mind your denial. You have looked on me as a less challenging opponent,
But you have treated me as a wounded sparrow; leading me through the steep and narrow.
You have appeased my restive spirit and indulged my uttmost desires.
You have touched me when I needed nothing more
Than the familiarity of warm skin to warm skin, taking care of the fantasies within.
Gently gliding your hand to me, guiding me through uncertainty.
You see me as weak but I am only relieved in your allowing me to be.
I can stand, walk away and abandon this stay... yet in your gaze I can find a safety and new danger to graze
Enshrouded in a passionate blaze and an enchanting and forgiving haze.
You do not awaken these things inside; they did not hide,
but in you they come through true and ready to be rediscovered once again.
Grace and innocence meets original sin.
Chasing Fireflies
I saw a firefly tonight
And thought of years and years and years past.
I raced through a lifetime of memories
And was in your arms at long, long, long, long last.
I was cleaning the kitchen tonight,
And felt your arms wrap tightly around me, though you were not there.
"Take My Breath Away" began to play... slowly; passionately...
And I found myself yours... bare.
I looked deep into the darkness then,
A place where I have surely been,
And saw NOT the fear that haunted me
But sudden, mysterious opportunity.
Is it possible you have discovered something?
In me? That I care more for myself, but no less for you.
I did not know it was always there... stumbling.
Fumbling through historic neuroticism, grey and blue.
Tonight it came up for air.
A violent, fulfilling, enrapturing gasp of enlightenment.
A life force so uncommon--rare!,
That it could only be enticed by your heightened scent.
Tonight is absolutely stunning.
On my back, familiar, I glare inquisitively at the expanding night skies,
And wonder how time has changed so much and yet so little... so cunningly.
As a child, I danced for hours in a bed of wet grass;
chasing fireflies.
Helpless
You are a mottle on a spotless white sheet.
You mottle all you touch, as your stunning feat of indifference.
You patchwork lies.
You invoke no subtle form of sweetened magic.
To erase all brittle, bittered, tragic that you instill.
You offer no solace.
In this hostile, harmful, hurtful age.
You hostess a war of graceless rage and you look on in pleasure.
You flaunt your flaws.
You conjure a weak and weary spirit for it's death.
You possess the intrigue to squeeze the last breath from a dreaming child.
You hunt wounded prey.
You dance in the flickering light of all you burn.
You seek all that is hopeless yet do not turn from our faces.
You are heartless.
We are helpless.
The outcome is inevitable.
Doorway Matters
You, standing in my door, confess
That you've grown to love me less.
Recanting passion once professed,
It was all a game, I guess.
A game that you admit to play,
Much to opponents dismay.
You smile in a familiar way
And leave me here in dissaray?
This thorny path I had to choose,
Making me to scratch and bruise.
Fighting opportunity I could abuse,
Soley for you, and then to lose.
A comforting smile from you, a rarity.
With all the grace of a tornados fury,
You grin as if senserity,
Had not escaped your mastery.
You, shockingly, the one I picked,
A nasty habbit I've kicked.
I, the naive innocent, tricked.
Just let me down easy, from the high you're sure you inflict.
Grace
Anxious dirty hands,
Anxious probing eyes,
And anxious little dreams
Grasp at lies.
We long our lives away,
Not ever for His face.
Surely, we fall short
Of free, saving grace.
What is this forgivness?
That quickly mistakes us?
Cleansing each sin,
To not break us.
Who is this sweet Saviour?
Still and forever serving.
Precious Father and Leader,
Surely, we are undeserving!
Groping, grimy, gritty thoughts,
Echo in your grubby smile.
While He forgives each indescretion,
And your agenda to defile.
This fragile life lies broken from passing through my brittle hands, tired bones, fouled opinions and weary heart. It lies at my feet in hopeless disarray, tangled from wear, kneeling from keep. What is this war it's had to fight with no enemy but who that lies within? The self-doubt that ails me, the judgement that fails me, this misery that undulates inside. What have I done?
Ye who indulge in name calling, stone casting,
In blind belief of life everlasting.
Arrogance, slander, prayer and fasting
Unsure beliefs contrasting.
You go through ages
Stages of persecution
And preach pages on sins you, yourself commit.
You teach love, this is true,
But loathe sinners like you
And burn all who bleed blue at the stake.
You detest sin so prided
Hate the misguided
And yet you may deny your own behavior.
You thrive and fester
Carry on as fools and jesters
As bullies, you pester the religious scene.
You who profess pure
Destroy all you abhore
And extinguish the poor in your cause.
Kiss