• "Good Ash? Bad Ash? I'm the one with the gun!"
  -- Bruce Campbell - Army of Darkness

• "The earth is degenerating these days. Bribery and corruption abound. Children no longer mind parents ...and it is evident that the end of the world is approaching fast."
  -- Assyrian Tablet Engraved in 2800 B.C.

• "The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
  -- Hunter S. Thompson

• You hand me more work - I hand you your liver

• At the fountain of knowledge, some drink deeply ... and others only gargle

• When you're having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss
  you off, remember, it takes 42 muscles to frown and
  only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle.

• "I think being defined as mentally ill behind the wheel is a good thing.
  No messy explaining 'he started it' or 'she flipped me the bird.'
  Just crank the wheel hard right, ram the sumbitch and seek counceling"
  --Sports Car International

• Life is hard.... Play short

• Arguing with a woman is like trying to teach a horse to sing,
  It won't work, and really annoys the horse

• The best way to a man's heart is to split his chest cavity open
  --Women's rest room, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

• Beauty is only a light switch away.
  --Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.

• If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life,
  then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
  --Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C.

• Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
  --Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

• God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
  --The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.

• Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
  --The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

• No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
  --Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

• Make love, not war. Hell, do both - get married!
  --Women's rest room, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.

• If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
  --Revolution Books. New York, New York.

• A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
  --Women's rest room, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.

• Corollary: If it has tires or tits, it's gonna cots you money

• "Welcome to western civilization you skinny vegetarian fucks!"

• Constipated people don't give a shit!!

• (seen on the back of a biker's vest) If you can read this, my wife fell off...

• Hey you! Get out of the gene pool!

• Unless you're a hemorrhoid, GET OFF MY ASS!

• If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

• (seen upside down, on a Jeep) If you can read this, please flip me back over...

• Please tell your pants it's not polite to point!

• If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive a little better!

• A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass...

• Never raise your hands to your kids...it leaves your groin unprotected.

• Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.

• (Reported to be seen on a restaurant) GUYS No shirt, no service GALS No shirt, no charge

• Impotence Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

• Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

• I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

• We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart??

• Save the trees ... Wipe your ass with an owl.

• Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

• Ax me about Ebonics

• Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel

• Boldly going nowhere

• CAT: The other white meat

• CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!

• Don't be sexist - broads hate that

• Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

• Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

• He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged

• Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window

• How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you

• If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets

• If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

• I'm an imbecile and I vote

• Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch

• Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!

• WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull

• Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted