The Space Heads have been following the recent developments with the Cuban refugee boy Elian Gonzalez. We the Children of the Thug Immortal have learned that the Greys bought Tupac back to Earth so that he can lend his support to the family and let them and their cousin Speedy Gonzalez, the "Fasted Mouse in all Mehico" spend some time on the alien world until this whole thing blows over. The news media wants you to believe that the boy will be kept at a home in the DC area, but that is not the truth! Once again the conspiracy to hide aliens, make you think that Tupac is not alive, and make you believe that a Cuban man cannot raise his own child has kept reality far from your grasp.

"This shit don't make no sense, Dog" began Tupac. "I mean, look at this shit, man. His momma was trippin', she floated his lil' ass on a raft all the way over to Florida, and then as soon as the baby daddy show up, America want to start trippin'. Why it got to be like that, dog? Why can't my Cuban nigga Juan get his little shorty back? I mean damn, it ain't his fault that Castro is all communist and shit. What that got to do with a nigga and his kid, knowwhatI'msayin'? Y'all need to stop trippin' and let this Cuban nigga have his lil' boy back, for real."

"I am so greatful that a celebrity like Tupac would come all the way from his other planet just to support me and my son," said Juan Miguel Gonzales in Spanish. "This is really something. We did not even know that Tupac was dead until we got to the Americas. If my son was to really experience America, then Disney really is not enough. If he wants to feel America, then he has to meet with my dog here, Tupac Shakur." Juan threw up a gang sign that Tupac taught him and said "Keep it real, homie!" in English.

"Yeah," said Tupac, "I'm turning these Spanish muhfukkaz on to some hood shit. See shit is all uptight over there in Cuba. I heard that Castro don't be lettin' in no hardcore rap shit from the '90s and the milenium, just that played out Anti-U.S. shit that Public Enemy and them be doing. I mean I ain't hatin' on Chuck D and Flavor, but damn, when them niggaz gonna blow up with some new shit? I mean really, dog, I'm supposed to be dead and on another world and I'm still gettin' more airplay than them muhfukkaz."

We asked Speedy Gonzalez how he got involved in the incident. "Holy Gato" said Speedy, "I've known Tupac for years. I saw heem one day when he was touring in Mehico. He tole me he could help me make more cheddar. I thought he meant cheeze, but then he made me the fastest AND richest mouse in all Mehico. Tupac is my neeger. He even show me some ghetto fighting treeks. Now, I don't even have to run from the pussy gatos." Speedy paused for a second and took a drink from a mouse-sized 40 bottle that the aliens made for him. "Juan Miguel, he is also my cousin. We mouse Gonzalezes used to live in their houses many many years ago, but when Castro took over, all us mouses got deported to Mehico. Castro, him no like mouses in the houses."

"Mr. Castro feels that the mice were a bad influence on the body politic" said Juan, again in Spanish. "So we had to say goodbye to our little cousins, as it were. Every now and then the Great Castro allows us to receive letters from our little rodent friends. We have managed to keep in touch over the years and still refer to each other as cousins. I have a good life in Cuba. I really do. Perhaps in time our rodent relatives will be able to return home to that good life. In Cuba, my homeland, the homeland where my son Elian belongs." His constant references to how happy he was in Cuba was almost enough to make me think that HE is an alien.

We asked Tupac what he thought was behind the debate as to whether Elian should stay or go. "They debatin' 'cause his lil' ass ain't dark, yet he ain't white either. If he was one of the Domican, Haitian, Jamaican, you know, some black island muhfukka they'd have kicked his ass back on the raft in a heart beat. Since he was lighter than the wood the guards said fuck it and let him come on across the border. I heard that they sent a boat load of Haitian muhfukkaz back the same time they found lil' shorty over there. That right there is enough to make me wonder how Lauren, Wyclef or any of The Fugees ever got a record deal in America. But I tell you what though, when them Feds came down there to Miami and started whippin'ass, I bet they knew just how free this land was then, didn't they!"

Elian is excited to meet his famous mouse cousin Speedy and the celebrated thug Tupac. "This is so great" said Elian. "I got to meet a real rap black person, not some suburban white guy wearing too many sweat clothes. Tupac is so great, and he makes the aliens sound so cool. I can't wait for us to visit there before we go home. I hope I get to meet a real alien." Juan then reminded his son that he did not have to worry about that because technically, a few of the people demonstrating outside of his Miami relative's home may have been aliens of a different sort.

The stepmother had no comments, but I noticed that she did stare at Tupac a lot. "You know how that is dog", said Tupac. "I know they ain't got no real G's down in Cuba, 'cept for them niggaz that run for Castro. But it's all good though. Castro is running shit and in control. As far as I'm concerned, that nigga is a pimpin' ass playa, for real. He just a communist ass pimpin' ass playa is all. Shit, if he got a haircut and got rid of that fucked up beard and shit he might have some flavor. He got to have SOME hood flavor. Don't a lot of them Cubans have some black in them?"

At this point I felt it was best to cut the interview short. I could see that all of the Gonzales except for Speedy were a little taken aback by Tupac's comments about Castro's beard.

As of this report, Elian will be staying in the DC area for a few days and then fly with Tupac and Speedy to Yilamhar for a week before returning to Earth. We assume that the Miami relatives will be allowed to come along on the trip and that the aliens will drop the families and mouse off in the United States.

When asked how he thought the Miami family would enjoy a tour of another planet, Juan replied in Spanish that "I'm sure they will find some aliens who agree with them and some who don't. At the very least, I hope they don't take some alien's child from his alien father and them tell HIM that he cannot return to his own home!"

"Yo Juan" said Tupac, "if they tried that crazy ass shit on my grey space niggaz, they'd get they ass beamed the fuck up fo' shore!"

LONG LIVE PAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDITOR'S NOTE: I'M HAVING A LITTLE FUN WITH THIS WHOLE SITUATION, BUT IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I REALLY FEEL, I THINK THAT OUR LAND OF THE FREE HAS STEPPED ALL OVER THE INTRINSIC HUMAN FREEDOM THAT A RESPONSIBLE FATHER HAS TO TAKE CARE OF, LOVE, NUTURE, AND BE WITH HIS SON. IF WE LOVE FREEDOM SO MUCH IN THE STATES, THEN WE SHOULD ALLOW MR. JUAN GONZALES THE FREEDOM TO BE A FATHER!!!!!