Bob Stoner
Traded NASA Moon Landing for New Songs by Tupac!!
Bob
Stoner, the slacker astronaut, stands with Tupac on the moon.
QUOTE:
Pac can breathe in space because “Real niggaz ain’t got to worry
about gasping for air and shit.”
THE TRUTH MUST BE KNOWN
Bob Stoner, a NASA astronaut who
actually sits around and smokes weed instead of searching the stars
responsibly, is the true cause of the lost tapes of the lunar landing. Why? He traded those tapes to some grays from
Yilamhar so that he could be guaranteed access to Pac’s music. He asked to be photographed in the
full blown space suit in order to save NASA further embarrassment. “At least if the public
doesn’t see my face, they won’t be able to beat me whenever they
see me driving on the Beltway near DC.”
When we pointed out to Stoner
that all he had to do was go to some of the Hip Hop clubs and ask any DJ in
existence for new Pac material, Bob replied, “Yeah, I know, but I’m
scared of urban blacks. You know,
‘tew-pack’----“ (we’re trying to reflect how he
pronounced Pac’s name like a spoiled yuppy sissy slacker)----“is
cool, and the black guy who sells me my weed is cool, and those black chicks on
Flavor of Love are cool, but most black guys are scary. The only time black guys don’t try
to beat me up is when I tell them I’m an astronaut. I guess they like space or
something. Or maybe they think I
can get them a space shuttle so that they can fly back to
I pointed out to Stoner how I, a black guy, have managed to interview him
without provoking fear he said “Oh, I’m not worried about you. You’re dressed up and you
talk nice. You’re not a real
black guy anyway because your subjects and verbs agree. I bet you like Bill Cosby,
don’t you?”
So when Stoner found out about our organization and website, he used
NASA’s resources to contact Chuck the Buff
Alien and other grays on Yilamhar.
Stoner begged repeatedly for first dibs on new Pac songs. The aliens sent word that Pac was not
interested. After months of
negotiations, Stoner, who tried bribing Pac and the grays with money, gold,
porn, experimental low-gravity weed grown by NASA, and drunk white girls, used
the only real bargaining chip he had:
the NASA tapes.
Pac said that the aliens on Yilamhar have always been interested in the
moon landing footage. “The
aliens love to see niggaz try to do shit in space. And I want to see them lunar tapes and
shit too. So when dude said he could
let us have them joints----the real original joints----I said heal yeah.”
Stoner also asked Pac if he knew the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden. “Yeah, I know where Bin Laden been
hiding,” Pac said, “but if he want to know that, he gonna have to
let a brother know how to get a hold of Stacey Dash. Man, that bitch is finer than a
muthafucka.” Fortunately for
the Thug Immortal, his two ladies, Princess Di and
Shanikwa of Borg, where not around for the interview. “Or,” said Pac,
“he could let a nigga have some of that low-gravity weed. I bet that shit will literally get me
high, know what I’m sayin?”
WHAT DOES NASA HAVE TO SAY ABOUT ALL OF THIS?
NASA had no
comment. They merely threatened to
have Homeland Security
label me terrorist and deport me to