Frogbert Want's You!
You Need Your Fun
Start Here

Frogbert and Valbert wood like
2 welcome ewe two the
Bert Recruiting page fore ARIZONIANS.


Here we will try to persuade you to assume the word BERT into
one of your handles and use it once in a while. Now we promise
to use slight of hand, mental telepathy, trickery, mind melds,
hypnosois, subliminal messages, spirit manifestations, preternaturalism,
transcendentalism, eeriness, witchcraft, sorcery, wizardry, theurgy,
thaumaturgy, occultism, telekinesis, uncanny, ghostly, unearthly,
miraculous and wonderous means by which to convert you to Bertiness!!
OH!! I mean NOT!! We Promise we will NOT use any of the above...Honest!
Really....Berts Honor!!!




Yes, we are so pleased to announce that rachibert and autbert were seen in the Coffee House using their BERT names!!! *S* Yes, we like the BERT in them! *s* Look at that dedication to bertdom! That bert spunk...that bert drive...that bert sparkle in their eyes!

VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Val and I would like to thank all of you for putting up with our attempt at humor with this special announcement we had!! *S*








Snoopsterbert

Beloved pet to Lil'bert


Here my friend, you will always stay a part of our lives.
Here you will live forever in the hearts of all those who
became a bert as you did...here, you can run free......






I'm a Bert, She's a Bert, Wouldn't you like to be a Bert too??





I'm sitting here surrounded by people I know, the beer is cold and the music's up loud. There's a smile on my face 'cause this is quite a unique and magical place. *Looking around at all that have gathered* Just take a look from which we all came from and where we all just happen to have met.
BERT TESTIMONIALS
Val and I would love to see your testimonial here! If you've converted yourself and have wonderful news *which no doubt you will* to convey to the undecided masses...please email me your testimonial so we can put it here!!!
____________________

MELBERT
Since becoming MELBERT my life hasn't been quite the same.
The change was drastic...the change was instant. Strangers
came up to me asking about that lovely glow on my face.
"Are you pregnant?" they would ask, thinking that was the answer.
"You must have found new love" some would say. Yep, I just
smiled my MELBERT smile and said "No, I'm a BERT"!!!!! Being a
BERT opens many doors. Why just today someone was walking in
Wal-Mart beside me and guess what?? You got it, they held the
door open for me. Do you think for one second that would happen to
me had I not been a BERT?? I think not. I am one of the FEW, the
PROUD, the BERTS!!

Taybert
This is not only a testimonial, it's a story of self-discovery. You see, only
a few short months ago, I was a regular, if tall, suburbanite... I did laundry,
went grocery shopping, and generally led the life of a normal married woman.
Then, one fateful day, I met Frogbert... and my life was forever changed. It
was like he knew me better than I knew myself... detailing an entire seperate
life I never knew I had. Now, I am no longer Tayla... I'm Taybert, the
Sockless Gremlin Queen. I rule in the realm of the Gremlins (and I don't mean
the cute furry things from the movie, I'm talkin' the kick-ass cars) and my
socklessness attracts hapless mortal men far and wide. This new realization of
self has given me confidence and poise, not to mention this great little wand
that I get to wave around as I order my minions. Also, ever since I became
a Bert, I've been getting the best parking spots at Safeway... coincidence?
I think not! In conclusion, being a Bert has changed my life, and definitely for
the better! Why, if I'd just been plain old Tayla today, I'd probably still be pushing
my grocery cart back to Siberia where I was forced to park, instead of giving this testimonial!

Catbert
"I'm not really too sure where to begin, so here goes! I have been single
for over a year now and was truly wondering if I would ever find love (or something
like that!) in the arms of another man again! I thought for sure that my love
life had all but shriveled up and died! THEN, I too, became a "bertconvert",
and WOOOOOHOOOOOOO my luck changed. Out of the blue, a man
from my past gives me a call and asks me out! Well, of course, I was a little
more then surprised and curious, but I said I would love to go out with him! I spent
the next week trying to prepare myself for this momentous ocasion!
I tried to seek out the advice of my friends! (You know who you are!)
I needed to know......what does a women of the ninetys do that hasn't dated
since the seventies? I was certain that there were preparations that had to
be made! What could they possibly be? So I took it all in, and waited for
the big day to arrive! Finally.....the hour had come! We went to a big reception for
a huge golf tournament that was in town! All of a sudden I was amongst
"the beautiful people" of my small town! The finest! The "movers and shakers"!
And drinking far too much wine, I might add! I knew that my luck was about to
change! First the flirting started, then the kissing and, well i think you can all
imagine what came next!! Yes, you all guessed! My love life had taken a decidely
good turn for the better! All I can say is i'm sure this could only be the direct
result of becoming CATBERT! Somehow all the stars and planets had aligned
themselves up to set my love life on fire once again! I am certain that it will
only get better from here. So *thanks* for all for your testimonials that urged me to
become the BERT that I've been longing to be for many months now!



Some General Rules When Meeting a Bert

 1. Never take medication before, during or after a Bert meeting.
2. Never try to meet a Bert on a full or empty stomach.
3. Meeting a Frogbert without contacts/glasses is preferable.
3a. If you don't wear contacts or glasses, find some.
4. If headaches persist, abort the meeting.
5. Never attempt comprehension of a Bert at a first meeting.
6. If bleeding persists, apply tourniquet around neck and tighten.
7. In case of siezures, look up number for 911.
8. Always use the buddy system when meeting a Bert.
9. If the Bert persists, seek medical attention immediately.
10. ALWAYS CARRY THE EMERGENCY KEEPER BEEPER WHEN MEETING A BERT!


The Seven Deadly Sins of Bertdom

 FIRST - PRIDE, THY SHALL NOT HAVE PRIDE IN THY NEIGHBOR
TWO - COVENT - THOU SHALT NOT COVENT THY NEIGHBOR’S WIFE
THREE - LUST - THOU SHALT NOT LUST AFTER THY NEIGHBOR’S WIFE
FOUR - ANGER - DO NOT BE ANGRY WITH YOUR NEIGHBOR’S WIFE
FIVE - GLUTNEY - DO NOT EAT THY NEIGHBOR’S WIFE’S POPCORN
SIX - ENVY - DO NOT ENVY YOUR NEIGHBOR’S WIFE
SEVEN - SLOB - DO NOT BE A SLOB
AND THE EIGHTH DEADLY SIN IS PIZZA!!!



ME - Frogbert
Frogbert - NiceButtBert
Valerianna - Valbert
Valbert - ValBabeBert, ValBabeoliciousBert
TexMelanie - Melbert, SunshineBert, BelleBert
Delboy - Delbert
Tayla - Taybert
Catlvr - Catbert, Bertlvr
Mookie - Mookbert
Classact - Classybert
InSaNe - InSaNeBeRt
Scapaflow - Flowbert
Silverfoxx - Foxxbert
Rachelle - Rachibert
JackSquatt - Squattbert
LadyBullshooter - LadyBabeBert
Jix - aka Jizbo -- Jixbert
Tiger - TigerBabeBert *Grrrrrr*
Autumnrain - Autbert
Sammy - Sambert
Sun Shine - Sunbert
mici - lil'bert
Snoopy, beloved pet of lil'bert - Snoopsterbert Medellia - Medbert...
Rosebud - Rosebert
*First net friend & First I've met in person 7/25/97 *etes**
Geopeach - Geobert
GPFOX - Foxbert
Dave man - Davebert
Janest - JanBERTest
minx-in-a-chatroom - Priestess Minxbert


*smiling* Just look at you...all of you! *bowing before you* You have made me quite happy to see my friends do this! You are all truely wonderful!



The early BERT catches the worm.

 A BERT in the hand is worth two in the bush.

 BERTS of a feather flock together.

I like the BERT in you!

A Bert a day may not keep the doctor away, but it sure does make those times in life's waiting room a little more bearable.

One is not born a Bert, one becomes one.

A Bert doesn't live by bread alone. They need buttering up once in a while.

Berts in the kitchen
Berts on the street
Struttin' naked through the cross walk
In the middle of the week
Half baked cookies in the oven
Half baked people on the bus
There's a little bit of Bert in everyone of us!



WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT GO HERE! THIS IS A FRIGHTENING PLACE FILLED WITH LIES...UNTRUTHS EVEN! SO, FOR SANITY'S SAKE, DO NOT GO HERE! This has been a public service announcement brought to you by Frogbert and Valbert.


FAMOUS BERTS:
BERT of Bert and Ernie Fame
Valerie BERTinelli
BERT Parks
Richard BERTon
AlBERT Brookes
Herb AlBERT and the Tiajuana Brass
EngelBERT Humperdink
RoBERT Urich
Jack LamBERT

SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA BEEN FAMOUS BERTS:
BERT SHIELDS - Brooke's Babblin' Brother
BERT REYNOLDS - Foiled by his brother RJ
BERT DISNEY - Walt's imaginary friend
BERT WRIGHT - Orville and Wilbur's younger brother, engineer, test pilot - he was wrong.
BERT COLUMBUS - Christopher's brother - he discovered Oxnard.
BERT GATES - Contends that Bill, his second cousin once removed, stole all his ideas.
BERT REDDENBACHER - Orville's Father and originator of the popcorn business, unfortunately, people mistakenly thought he was trying to sell Burnt Reddenbacher's Popcorn


Please fill out my Survey

Please tell us your current handle: (Do not hit return)
Please tell us what 'Bert' handle you would like: (Do not hit return)

1) How old are you?

I'm under 5 feet tall...
that's irrelevant -- you should like me not matter my age!
I'm old enough to know but too young to care
don't know, but I've been born
somewhere between birth and death
Isn't that a question for mortals?

2) How often do you visit our page?

Every chance I get!
Once in a while
Only when I'm forced in
What!? You want me to come back???

3) So what do you think of this Frogbert Character?

I love him...can't get enough of him!
Frogbert who?
He's one way cool frog..err guy..err what ever
Why are ya even askin'?!

4) So what do you think of this Valbert Chick?

Just love her to death!
I want to marry her!
I want her to bare my children!
Val who?
She drives me crazy!

NOTE: Hitting "Submit" will take you to a screen which will show how your email will look and it will be sent to Frogbert! Wooohooo! And yes your answers count! There will be a survey results section once I get some results! *LOL* Just hit the "BACK" button on your browser after you have submitted to get back to this page! And Thank You for your Support!!




Phrases that just might bite ya back...

 There's a couple gallons of gas left when the gauge hits E....
Oh, he's a nice dog, he don't bite...
My kids are always good. I can take them anywhere...
I do...
It tastes just like chicken...
I've never had a problem with it...
Well it's usually that color....Isn't it?
In a few months you'll forget the pain...
What do you mean, turn my head and cough?
Oh, a little mold never hurt nobody!
This tastes a little strange...what do you think?
Don't worry, you'll get used to it!
I've never been caught yet...
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Hop on over to Frogbert's World, I promise you won't croak

If you're still dillusional, check out Valerianna's Dilema