In Regards To Spam


Letters I have written

Now I must address the grim subject the world detests....Spam(junk mail). It seems every evening when I go to get my mail, the mailbox is overflowing with the most awful unmentionable letters. There is no room for buisness or friends corrispondence. One evening it became so bad I actually wrote them all back. And I expressed my extreme displeasure. Each letter you see is one I wrote myself and sent to the person who had offended me with their "spam".

In Regards to Advertisments for "tavern activities"
Sir, Madame or Madman,

I am writing to say how deeply shocked and offended I am by this piece of "SPAM"! For starters I am a perfectly straight man. 2nd I am not able to any longer participate in any sexual function do to my most recent change of species and mortal death in the recent year of 1791. I have absolutely no interest in your sick porno sites. 3rd. You are deeply upsetting my dog Mojo.::pats Mojo's head:: But oh you really must excuse us. We haven't dined yet and your rude insulting mail is detaining us from our supper.::looks at the mortal licking his lips:: I ask that you leave us alone. Never write here again.
Louis de Pointe du Lac

1766-1791
In Regards to "How to Run Your Buisness"
Sir or MADMAN,
I am insulted that you a simple mortal would attempt to tell me, how to run my buisness better. Indigo is a widely prosperous crop. I have absolutly no trouble with my finacial well being. I can buy anything that I wish and have no need to advertise shamelessly on this silly magic box. You have insulted me , offened me and so rudely sent this "SPAM" without me requesting you company or your advise.Be gone and never send this again.::shows fangs to mortal smiling wickedly::
Louis de Pointe du Lac

1766-1791
In Regards to a "girly email"
Madam,
I asure you we have no need of teh pleasures of flesh. It is nothing in comparisson to drinking live human blood.::laughs at the motal:: I have no desire to visit your site you have sent so many times. I am more than offended by this. I neither requested your company nor asked for your "spam mail" Leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Louis de Point du Lac
1766-1791
Concerning "Nutrition"
Sir or Madam,
I asure you , I need no such nutrition that you are selling.::laughs at the mortal:: I have infact no need of your human products. The only thing that I could possibly need for nurishment would be human blood. And I can aquire this anytime I wish with little or no effort. Be asured I find it in poor taste and pure rudeness that you would send us your "spam" without me requesting your company or your services. Do not send this again.
Louis de Point du Lac
1766-1791
In Reply To Your Talks of Europe
Madam,
I asure you I have no need to win a trip to Europe. ::laughs:: I can afford to go anywhere in the entire world I wish, just so long as I travel by night, carry my coffin and make sure the ships are clean of rats.But then sometimes a plague strikes the passangers on board. Only I am imune.I must say I find it extremly rude and in very poor taste to send your "spam" to some quiet person who minds there own buisness and has not requested your company or your services. I ask that you do not send this again.
Louis de Point du Lac
1766-1791
ADRESSING THE SUBJECT OF LIFE INSURANCE
You see, Sir or Madam;
I have no need of life insurance. ::laughs:: I am in fact imortal. There is nothing on this earth that can distroy me. No, No, not I.::smiles at the human:: I also think it very rude to send "spam" to a person who has not requested you services or your company. I ask that you do not send this to me again.
Louis de Pointe du Lac
1766-1791

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