Hey you dirt bags, check out the funny audio clips on the audio page.
If you are having a hard time getting to this site, it is because so many people are downloading from the audio page that geocities shut this site down for an hour at a time! They then tell you how you can PAY THEM MONEY so that this will not happen. In other words, it is not a problem of too many people downloading that their system can't handle it, their system can mysteriously handle the traffic if I PAY THEM MONEY. This sounds almost illegal, but what can you do against the big money hungry greedy bastards of big corporations like this? Many people are apparently downloading the new Doctor-X song "Come Inside Of Me" and probably want to know when other songs from Doctor-X will be available. I don't know yet for sure, but as soon as he gets the next song done, I will put it here, or at least information on how to download a copy of it. Keep checking back here for updates. Oh, and also, Doctor-X, unlike some artists, has no problem with the free trade of this song on the internet, so feel free to send copies to all your friends and put it up on your websites. According to Doctor-X, this song is an experiment and depending opon it's popularity on the internet, will determine how many more songs like this he does and makes available to all of us. In other words, the more it spreads on the internet, the more he will do. I know this is just the opposite of the greedy artists and record labels, but that is just the kind of guy Doctor-X is. See, his very first song "Beaver Hunt" was distributed by people making copies on cassettes and giving to friends. (this was way before the internet was here) This is what made Doctor-X popular in the 80s. He never forgot this and understands that you need to give out some songs for free in order for people to find out about you and your music. Once you are better known, THEN you can worry about record labels and producing CDs for sale at Best Buy and CD stores. So for now, enjoy, compliments of the good Doctor!
Just a reminder not to get hooked on, or start watching any new weekly television programs this fall. Because as soon as you get interested in the story, they will start changing what day of the week the show is on, the hour it is broadcast, and will cancel a few weeks at a time for sports games and what not. Then before you can find out how the story will end, they will cancel the program without giving it any proper ending. Hey, we seen this with dozens of shows the past few years, so don't get screwed again this year! Don't watch any of the shit until they learn some responsibility at the networks!
Hey, are you like me... Sick and tired of all those Christian cult members who keep waving and quoting the Bible? Here are some REAL AUTHENTIC Bible quotes taken straight from the King James Version that you can quote back to them!
"If any one comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." - Jesus from Luke 14:26
Apparently eating shit and drinking piss are a big part of Christianity as well. Check your own Bible if you don't beleive these are EXACT QUOTES.....
Hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may
eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
Isaiah 36:12
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces! - Malachi 2:3
And thou shalt eat it as barely cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man..." - Ezekiel 4:12
"Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung and thou shalt prepare thy bread therewith" - Ezekiel 4:15
Now one that we would LIKE to see...
"Why do adults hide naked pictures from kids when they have seen themselves naked?" god.
Ok, enough nice talk... You bastards don't come here to read me talk like this, so here is the bitch for this month... When are they gonna get those fucking "ratings" things off our TVs at the begining of every show?! It's not bad enough we have to stare at that stupid network logo in the corner of the screen during the entire program, we have to see this silly rating too. The stupid thing is that first of all, NOBODY knows what those ratings codes MEAN anyway! They could have used R, PG-13, G, but that would be easy. here's something else to consider... Is there EVER any profanity or nudity on TV? Never. Why? Because "children" could be watching. (yes even at 3am) But if every show on TV is censored so that there is no profanity or fucking, why would you need a ratings system to tell you which shows are ok for children to watch?! They can watch anything on TV! Besides, kids use more profanity in school and with friends than adults do in the workplace and at home, so who are you "shielding" the profanity from? Even the PLAYBOY CHANNEL censors penetration shots and such! And WHY can't kids see naked people? They see themselves naked whenever they take a bath! Nothing they haven't seen before! And as far as violence, there IS NO violence on TV! It is all fake and special effects! There is nothing VIOLENT about an actor "acting" to get shot by a prop gun! The only way violence would ever get on TV is if newscasts were to show actual fighting and violence. ...wait a minute.. I take that back, there IS real violence on TV, it's called "SPORTS"! Boxing, Football, Hockey, Basketball ALL show REAL violence and very poor sportsmanship. Should a child be allowed to see grown-ups beating each other up because someone missed catching a ball in a GAME? What "message" does this send to our young people? Let's ban all sports from TV and instead put on some good loving SEX for them to see.
"The United States of America becomes less of a free country everyday when more laws are passed."
Did you know that not that long ago in the USA you could legally smoke marijuana, didn't have to wear a seat belt, there was NO federal income tax, the dollar bill didn't force you to "trust in god", did not have to register your bicycle, could legally own and carry a gun, could go fishing without having to get a government permit, could have a garage sale without a permit, and thousands of other things that are now illegal? Everyday the government passes more laws. Each law tells you what you can now no longer do. Unless the government stops making new laws, and instead starts taking away existing laws, we will eventually not be allowed to do anything except be a slave to the government. Yup, there was NO federal income tax before 1913, and marijuanna that was once forced upon some farmers to grow back in the colonial days, and became quite a popular treat for citizens in the 1920's and 30's only became illegal as recently as the 1960's by President Nixon! As a matter of fact, cocaine, opium and all those other drugs were legal too! This is why the Libertarian Party always says we need to RE-legalize drugs. Because they were not always illegal. Just as Prohibition of Alcohol from 1920 - 1933 started sensless deaths and murders from gangs (gangsters) brought about by the governement not allowing legal sales of alcohol, the current prohibition of drugs is causing the same sensless crimes and gangs today. Relegalize drugs and the gangs go out of business, and so does crime and 90 percent of the people in jail. Cigarettes are almost outlawed too (just a few more years) and although I think it is wrong to smoke those smelly things in restaraunts and other public places, what you do in your own home is your business. Furthermore, you think we have a problem with gangs and crime NOW? Wait until Cigarettes are illegal and the MILLIONS of tobbaco addicts open up the underground black market for tobbaco!
I wonder what George Washington or Thomas Jefferson would say if they knew I needed the governments permission and a PERMIT to have a garage sale in my own home!!! And that guns had to be REGISTERED with the government and could not be carried on your person, but instead had to be unloaded, locked in a metal box!! In Chicago, it is against the law to own a handgun! What about the constitutional right to OWN and BEAR arms?!
Even though your vote does NOT count, and could never EVER affect the outcome of an election in the US, if you MUST vote, at least vote Libertarian. How anyone could ever vote for another Republican or Democrat after all the chances they got, has got to be the biggest mystery of all time! Is the vast majority of people REALLY that stupid?!
"An Auction is a contest in which a group of people compete to see who can pay the MOST for something."
Does anyone else besides me find something wrong with the way police show how they break the law, harrass people, and cause damage to property on the TV show COPS on the FOX network? (Not related to FOX RADIO) They will continuosly show police chasing people that forgot to use a turn signal or went a few miles over the speed limit and cause dozens on people's cars and property to be damaged during the chase. If during the chase, a driver goes through a stop sign or red light, the announcer of the program (a big giant PRICK) tells the viewers how dangerous that could be for other drivers comming through the intersection, and THEN the POLICE CAR goes through the SAME stop sign or traffic light at high speed! Can you believe it?! In other words, a police officer going through a stop sign or red light is NOT dangerous to the lives of other people, ONLY the drivers of cars they are chasing that would not have gone through at high speeds had they not been chased and shot at with guns just because they forgot to use turn signals when changing lanes! Then they blame the guy they are chasing, as they fire guns at him, for the cause of the damage and safety of other people's lives and property! Had they left the guy alone, none of the damage would have happened!
They always make it clear that speeding is a danger to the lives of others on the road, then they show a PRANK in which a friend of a cop is told to purposely SPEED down a highway full of traffic so that a police car that it passes can chase it and pull it over. The driver of the Police car is in on the PRANK, but the rookie cop in the Police car with him is NOT. They latter find fake drugs and a gun in the plain unmarked car the police authorized to speed through traffic, and let the driver off with just a warning to the surprise of the rookie cop who is then told to look into the hidden camera and everyone laughs at the prank. What if the speeding car hit someone or caused an accident?! The fact that this DANGEROUS PRANK commited by a police department is videotaped and broadcast on network TV should have those cops fired and in court!
It is also HORRIFYING to see police throw citizens on the ground while pointing loaded guns at them because the police found a gun in the citizen's car which the constitution gives him the right to own and bear! The police then YELL at the citizens because they had a constitutionally legal to own and bear gun?! All the time this is going on, the police are pointing their OWN guns at the peacefull citizens ready to FIRE! What the FUCK is going on here?! You will ALSO see police arresting citizens without reading them their rights! This is on NETWORK TV and on VIDEO TAPE! Why has no one taken these pigs to court, or better yet, to JAIL for these crimes?!
The more I watch the show COPS on Fox TV, the less respect I have for
police officers as I see what dangerous and unstable angry ASSHOLES they
really are! I suggest anyone reading this watch the show if they haven't
already and see this videotaped crime by police for themselves! DISGUSTING!
DISGRACEFUL!
"Christmas is a time for spending lots of money on gifts, decorating pine trees with lights and ornaments, and keeps a lot of retail businesses from going out of business. It has no religious significance whatsoever." SANTA P. CLAUS
VISA & MASTERCARD specifically PROHIBIT merchants from setting minimum purchase requirements! (If you want to charge a candy bar for 25 cents, a store accepting VISA or MASTERCARD MUST NOT refuse your charge!) American Express is an asshole and doesn't have as strict of an agreement. If someone refuses your card because your purchase is "too small" remind the owner of the establishment of the card issuer's policies by REPORTING the establishment! VISA Consumer relations PO BOX 8999 San Francisco CA 94128 or MASTERCARD Public relations 888 Seventh Av New York NY 10106.
While on the subject, it is also against the LAW for a salesperson to write your credit card number on a check you write for purchase. Even if your check were to bounce, the store could NOT charge your credit card account anyway! And you do not have to give your phone number when using a credit card! (Don't do it! This will only get you mosre telemarketing calls anyway-- especially if your credit card company never HAD your home phone number, which you should never give to them as they don't need to call you for anything... ...except solicitations!)
"A Troll is what you call a person who makes such a logical and correct statement on a newsgroup, that no one can come up with any way to argue the statement. When someone is on the other side of the debate, if they aren't mature enough to admit they were wrong, they resort to calling the winner of the debate a "Troll".
HDTV will NEVER become the new standard for TV broadcasting!
When there was the invention of color TV, they had to specifically and intentionally broadcast the signal in a way that would allow for people with existing black & white TVs to still be able to watch the new broadcasts. It took a LONG time before the majority of people owned Color sets. (Today B&W sets are STILL being sold and used!) When FM STEREO came around, it also had to be broadcast in a way that mono radios could recieve the broadcasts. Imagine if Color TV and FM stereo broadcasts would have required everyone to go out and buy new TVs and Radios or not be able to watch TV or listen to radio any more! This is exactly what is happening with the HDTV system! You can NOT watch HDTV broadcasts with exisitng Television sets!!! HDTV requires EVERYONE to go out and buy $3000 HDTV sets AND digital recieving sets! (I forget how much they cost, but the TV alone won't get you the HDTV signal! STUPID or WHAT?!) So... does everyone reading this understand why HDTV can never replace our current standard of TV broadcasting? Shit! There are still people that never bought COLOR TVs to replace thier black and white sets and the government (FCC) thinks they are going to run out and pay $3000 to $4000 for an HDTV?! What MORONS!
"An Asshole is someone who drives 30Mph while entering a highway of 55Mph." Tired of being smart
HOW TO MERGE ONTO A HIGHWAY FROM A RAMP
Hey, you know when you are taking one of those ramps that turns onto a major highway, or an exit ramp that goes from one highway to another? Did you know that it is your responsibility to merge into the highway traffic without making the highway traffic slow down so you can enter? It amazes me to tears that every single day I see every car except mine trying to get onto a highway with a speed of 55 by driving a speed of 15 - 30 Mph! If you figure out the math, it doesn't work! If you are comming on the highway at 15 - 30 Mph, the 55 Mph traffic has to slam on their brakes so as not to hit you when you cut right in front of them as you come on! HEY ASSHOLES, fucking use the ramp to build up to the 55 Mph BEFORE you actually get onto the highway!!! I am tired of always having to get on the ramp and come to a complete stop (to the puzzlement of the drivers behind me) until all the cars before me are off of the ramp so I can then step on the gas and accelerate so that I can make it upto 55 Mph by the time I am entering traffic on the highway! SICK OF IT I TELL YOU! I can't figure it out! If I just drive like everyone else, by the time I need to MERGE (NOT make other cars SLOW DOWN) onto the highway, I am going about 20 Mph as I see cars and trucks zoom past at 55 to 70 Mph! IS EVERYONE OUT THERE FUCKED-UP IN THE HEAD?! I guess so! Oh well, I suppose I will have to continue my practice of comming to a complete stop as soon as I am on a ramp and wait for everyone else to get off the ramp before attempting to build up speed to 55 Mph before MERGING (NOT cutting off other traffic like an ASShole) onto the 55 Mph traffic! ALSO... what is the deal when you ASSholoes do this and I am the one already ON the highway and you get mad when I don't SLOW DOWN so that you can come on the highway infront of me?! Go back to driver's Ed! I do NOT slow down to let you BOZOs on, YOU have to speed up or slow down to properly MERGE into the traffic without anyone else having to slow down because of YOU! ...by the way... did I mention that you people SUCK! Yes, ALL of you, as I have yet to see anyone but myself properly merge into traffic from a ramp! FUCK-OFF and EAT SHIT!
TELEMARKETERS SUCK!!!
Here is how I handled my most recent telemarketer harrassment:
To Whom it may concern:
After being told to not call my residential phone number at least 10 times, your comapny has refused to put my number on your do-not-call-list and has continued to violate the Telephone Consumer Protection Act.
My number, (XXX) 555-1234, has been called at the following dates and times, each of which a request was made to not be called again and to be put on the do-not-call-list without compliance:
6-30-99 4:18pm, 7-02-99 1:05pm, 7-06-99 11:26am, 7-09-99 12:52pm, 7-12-99 2:58pm, 7-15-99 7:48pm, 7-19-99 1:31pm, 7-21-99 2:55pm, 7-29-99 2:30pm, 8-02-99 1:19pm and the latest call (at the time of this letter) 8-04-99 6:01pm.
The telemarketer(s) refuse to give me the address or name as per law. After actually calling the number which from these harrassing calls were from (shown on caller id as (XXX) 555-6363 Buttfuck Enterprises) to get the business address so that I could file the complaints to the court, the supervisor on duty refused to give me the address or his name. It took me a lot of time and effort to finally get the address on my own.
I am aware that I will probably be awarded at least $5000.00 just for the number of calls alone, but would be open to settling out of court.
I am aware that your telemarketing is done in house:
Headquartered in Bumblefuck, IA Buttfuck Enterprises, Inc. has developed a sales marketing and resort operations strategy that has been at the forefront of defining the drive-to-segment of the timeshare industry. Buttfuck is vertically integrated with all sales, marketing and resort development and operations functions performed internally.
THE TELEPHONE CONSUMER PROTECTION ACT OF 1991
Telemarketers must record on the do-not-call list the name and telephone of any consumer who requests not to receive further solicitations. Telemarketers must provide the consumer with the name of the individual caller, the name of the person or entity on whose behalf the call is made, and a telephone number or address at which the caller or entity can be reached.
Telemarketers are also prohibited from disclosing the consumer's request to a third party without the prior consent of the consumer; except that such information may be disclosed to an entity affiliated with the caller if the consumer reasonably would expect that information to be disclosed given the identification of the caller and the product being advertised. Such lists must be maintained on a permanent basis so that consumers are not burdened with periodic calls to renew a do-not- call request.
Enforcement
State law permitting, consumers may file suit in state court immediately if a caller violates the Act's prohibitions on the use of autodialers or prerecorded messages or after receiving more than one telephone call within a twelve month period by the same company in violation of the guidelines for making telephone solicitations. Consumers may also request enforcement action by the Commission through use of the Commission's existing complaint procedures. Telemarketers may present evidence of efforts to comply with the Act and the Commission's rules as an affirmative defense to any consumer action. States are also permitted to initiate a civil action in federal district court against telemarketers who violate the Act or state telemarketing statutes.
Private right of action. A person who has received more than one telephone call within any 12-month period by or on behalf of the same entity in violation of the regulations prescribed under this subsection may, if otherwise permitted by the laws or rules of court of a State bring in an appropriate court of that State --
(A) an action based on a violation of the regulations prescribed under this subsection to enjoin such violation, (B) an action to recover for actual monetary loss from such a violation, or to receive up to $500 in damages for each such violation, whichever is greater, or (C) both such actions.
Please let me know how you plan on handling this situation by mail, as you are not to call my number for any reason. If no satisfactory response is received by September 1st, 1999 I will take further legal action.
J. Doe PO BOX 555
I hope all you fuckers out there do the same and teach these COCKsuckers a lesson! I will let you know if I recieve a check from these bastards, which would be in their best interest as the costs of flying a lawyer to my state for a local court case that they have no chance of winning would cost a lot more than just making a check out to me.
"A REAL free country would never try to make an amendment to it's constitution that would outlaw the burning of the country's flag by one of it's citizens like the United States is doing." John Doe
Why do grocery stores now make us carry an extra card in our wallets in order to get the advertised sales prices on items in the store? I now have three different cards taking up space in my wallet so that I won't get overcharged at any of the local grocery stores. Can't those god dammed bastards just gives us the sales price without making it inconvienient to it's customers? After all, most of these sales are only for a savings of 2 to 10 CENTS per item anyway! And then they LIMIT how many you can buy! Why would a business not want a customer to buy more than a certain amount of something? Afraid of making too much money? Imagine opening a store where you sell lamps, and when a customer wants to buy 5 lamps, you tell him no the limit is 2. Why would you do this? Because you want your business to fail and selling more than 2 lamps that day would keep your business in the black one more day? Because you don't want that customer to come back or tell his friends about your business? Or is it because you are an idiot? Suppose another customer comes into your store and buys another lamp for $20. You tell him that he must show you his special lamp card or you will have to charge him an extra 10 cents. Why the FUCK are these FUCKING grocery stores being such ASSholes?! Let's teach then a lesson! When asked for the special savings card, say you don't have one, and if they are not going to give you the special price advertised, you will leave the store without buying your overstuffed shopping cart full of groceries and they can have someone spend an hour putting all the shit back on the shelves.
"You can't make peace happen by using violence." Duh.
Imagine the state of Florida deciding it wants to become it's own country and break away from the United States. Of course the US government would never even think twice of allowing this, and why should it. Besides there are a lot of military bases in that state along with our best place for space launch. Never the less, Florida decides it will become it's own country. The US government immediatly sends tanks and troops to Florida (as it did in Waco and Montana) to keep it's land and law. Russia becomes outraged at this action and says the US government can not kill and murder thousands of people as it has in the past in Waco, Montana and elsewhere, and that the "ETHNIC CLEANSING" of Floridians is another Holocaust similar to the actions of Hitler. The US government asks how it can be "ethnic cleansing" if the people are from the same country, to which Russia replies, "I guess the same way you accused Yugoslavia of Ethnic cleansing of other people in IT'S own country of another state wanting to become it's own country." The US government, being too idiotic to see the similarity, shrugs it's shoulders and continues to send troops into Florida to take back controll. Russia quickly assembles it's NATO alliance consisting of mostly itself and two planes from Iraq and begins to drop bombs on the United States. The citizens of the US are outraged and begin burning Russian flags and protests while thier homes are bombed. The United States succesfully shoots down one of the Russian bombers in self defense, and the Russian government quickly responds that this is an act of WAR! The Russian "NATO" alliance states that now it will take stronger action and more bombing raids, and also implements a NO-FLY-ZONE over the US from the Rocky Mountains to the East Coast. (This means the US is not allowed to fly it's own planes over it's own country) As ridiculous as all this sounds, the telivision media never has daily (or hourly) broadcasts of President Clinton pleading to the world of this unfairness and violation of international law, but instead has daily and hourly broadcasts of Russian President Yeltsin shouting only HIS one sided opinions day after day.
Of course the citizens of Russia cheer "Down with America!" "We support our Russian troops killing people with bombs in the US to promote "peace!" as they have been succesfully brainwashed by thier local government, schools, and one sided media.
I don't care HOW you justify it, you can NOT get "PEACE" as a result from "VIOLENCE"!
And for those people who feel sorry for American military killed or captured by countries that we invade... There is NO DRAFT. These people volunteered of thier own free will to take a proffession in which the job is to kill and murder people. They could have had any other job. I didn't see any one cry or feel sorry for John Wayne Gacy when HE was killed, why should any of these other murderers get our sympathy?
"You gotta have stuff that sucks, in order to have stuff that's cool" Butthead
"Oh yeah, huh huh huh." Beavis
What is with those stupid school speed zone signs that say "...on school days when Children are present." I guess it is OK then to go faster, or to turn on red, when Children are present and it is NOT a school day! What about when adults are present? And just because there are Children PRESENT, but they are not in the street, why do you have to drive slower? Why do you have to have slower speed limits in "residential areas"?! I see no difference between a street in a residential area or any other area. Do the residents have their homes ON the street? If I drive 10 MPH or 100MPH it should not affect the residents, their homes, or anything else that is not on the road! And anyone that decides to walk on a street for any reason should watch for cars, NOT the other way around! (now if one was driving on a sidewalk, then it would be another story)
"The power of a Judge in the United States is no different of that of Saddam of Iraq" Truth
If you ever have the luck of going into a court room, even for a small traffic ticket, you will see what an UN-free and scarry country the United States really is! There is a man in charge of this room (called the Judge) in which you must stand up and RISE to when he enters the room or get arrested! Just like a King or Dictator! If you ever excersise your alleged "right to free speech" if he does not want you to talk or explain your situation, he can have you locked up in a jail cell with NO TRIAL OR JURY!! This goes against everything we are taught in school, such as the right to be tried by a jury of your peers. Everyone in the court room is actually presumed GUILTY until proven otherwise, and even if you CAN prove otherwise, you must ALWAYS pay a fine! THAT'S RIGHT! Not guilty, proved your case, no mark to your driving record, BUT still pay $100 minimum! You can even be fined, or found guilty depending on how you are DRESSED! One Judge, who said there was no time for any trials that day, and he didn't want to hear anyone say they were NOT GUILTY because he has heard all the excuses before, called everyone up by name, glanced at their appearance and how they were dressed, and fined the not so well dressed people higher fines than those in suits and ties. He even made COMMENTS to those who did not have suits on saying they should make an effort to dress better for court!! Some FREE COUNTRY! You can't even dress the way you like! You are even supposed to refer to this man as "YOUR HONOR"! Why should one person be singled out to have this much power and be risen to opon entering a room and refered to and called opon as a god?!
I am surprised and SHOCKED that no one has found anything wrong, immoral, unjust or ILLEGAL about this situation! Why are there no TV or Radio talk shows talking about this? Why do they waste time only talking about Bill Clinton? At least Bill Clinton doesn't make you call him "your honor" or have the power to throw you in jail for just talking (or does he?)
I even had my trusty swiss army pocket knife taken away from me and was patted down and searched (without a warrant or any other bullshit legal rights) because I had to go into a court room for a traffic ticket. This is how a FREE COUNTRY treats it's CITIZENS? I see SPICKS get treated better for ILLEGALLY breaking into our country and crossing our borders! They get REWARDED with FREE health care and education IN SPANISH!
Perhaps I should go to Mexico, sneak back into the US pretending to be a SPICK and not knowing any English, and enjoying the GOOD life the US has to offer, rather than getting SHIT on as a stupid citizen with PRETEND rights.
FUCK-YOU Your Honor! FUCK-YOU very much!
Remember in School when your teachers told you about how King George of England was evil for taxing our tea and we had the great Boston Tea Party to rebel and protest England's evil taxing of our tea? Well I just went to the store to buy some tea here in the USA, and guess what... I was charged a TAX on my tea purchase!!! I tried to explain to the cashier that there should be no tax on tea as that is one of the main reasons we broke away from England and formed the United States of America, but she was unsympathetic. Looks like we need to have another Boston Tea Party to protest against the evil King Clinton and his ridiculous taxes on our tea! Did you know that there is also a tax on food and clothing in the USA? What kind of sick demented government charges a tax on neccesities like food and clothing?! Revolution time again? VOTE LIBERTARIAN!
"If we REALLY cared about peoples safety, we wouldn't have to HIDE so that people will speed, we would be visible on the road so no one would dare speed... However we wouldn't make any money on all those ticket fines!" Hypothetical Honest Cop
It is legal to have sex, right? But if someone PAYS MONEY and has sex, then it is illegal, right? That's why prostitutes get arrested, just because they asked for money. If they had picked someone up at a bar and went home with them and had sex without asking for money, they could not get arrested. So the big crime is not the sex itself, but the act of asking for money when associated with sex. Therefore, when a store asks for money when you want to take a box of condoms, those bastards should be arrested and thrown in jail! How can any store legally try to SELL condoms?! They should be FREE! Is society fucked-up or what?!
"Read my lips, NO NEW TAXES!" George Bush (never impeached for lying)
Concerning this whole Clinton Impeachment thing... Some people seem to think that Clinton should be impeached because he lied about having an affair (who wouldn't?!) yet George Bush lied about raising our taxes and no one even BROUGHT-UP the word impeach! Clinton's sex life does not affect me or you in any way and him lying about his personal sex life is no crime, yet George Bush lied about something that was WORK RELATED to his JOB and DOES affect you and I! If George Bush did not get impeached or thrown in jail for lying about not raising our taxes, then how in the world could Bill Clinton get impeached for something that has nothing to do with his job as president?! Why does the world worry about stupid silly things like the president's personal life, stage violence on TV, family values & morals, what color your window blinds are, if you are wearing your seat belt, if you use drugs, etc, yet no one cares about taxes being raised, homes being searched against the 4th amendment by new city ordinances, needing a permit to own a gun, (forget about the old right to BEAR arms as you can't even get a permit for that) and new laws being passed every day! (think about it... every law takes away another one of your freedoms or rights)
What is the deal with SAMS CLUB? Here is a store owned by WAL-MART that sells the same merchandise at a higher price and charges people annual fees to shop there! Who are the idiots who actually pay to get ripped-off?! First of all, anyone can look around for free by first stoping at the registration desk and asking for an application and a temporary one day pass. Then all one has to do is look at a few items, write down the model numbers and prices, then go across the street to the Wal-Mart and find the exact same items for less. (sometimes HALF the price) If you WERE stupid enough to actually pay more and buy an item from Sams Club, you better have a briefcase full of cash, because they don't accept credit cards or checks. (except for Discover Card-- another thing only idiots have that charges 20% interest) Gee... I think I'll buy one of your Computer systems and a Refridgerator and see if I have enough CASH for that in my wallet. If it wasn't for the fact that these people are making money from the Wal-Mart chain, this place could never stay in business. Are there really that many stupid uneducated rich morons in this country that shop there to even make it worth while to keep open?! I guess so, huh?
Here's a fun LEGAL thing you can do this Halloween. (Kind of RARE to see the words "legal" and "fun" in the same sentance isn't it?) Go to your grocery store and go to the checkout with only two items... A bag of apples, and a box of razor blades. The looks or rude comments from the checkout bitch will amaze you. Absolutely no problems if you try to purchase either of these legal to own items seperately, but buy them together, and all of a sudden you are a child killer! Never mind the fact that if you WERE going to put razor blades IN the apples that you would have bought each of the items seperately or from different stores and not at the same time! Obviously one who is going to use these items to harm children is going to buy only those two items, TOGETHER, with nothing else so that the cashier bitch could easily identify the person to police. Someone THAT stupid would be too busy shopping at Sams Club.
"Some people see the glass as half full, some see it as half empty, I see it as BONE DRY!" Jon Fox
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration just reported that 105 people were killed by airbags last year. At the same time, they don't think that people should be allowed to remove them or put a disable switch in the car. What a bunch of stupid ASSHOLES! It is either the same agency or another one that has just realized that those annoying "daytime headlights" on new cars are too bright and are blinding drivers. Rather than stopping the stupid law that requires new cars to have them, they are CONSIDERING making the lights a little less bright. How in the world did people in the 1800's ride horses without running into each other without daytime headlights and third brake lights? How come it wasn't a problem for people who drove cars in the 70's? I guess when your job is to make laws, you eventually have nothing left to make up except really stupid silly shit! I wonder how long until breathing air is illegal.
CHECK IT OUT!!
Check out the new search engine on the top of our main webpage! It is DOGPILE and can search all of the main search engines AND usenet newsgroups at the SAME TIME! Give it a try! We may also have a quick entry bar for DOGPILE on our main page next month so you can search directly from our main page (one less click of your trackball) Go ahead, try it NOW you bone head! CLICK HERE-----> DOGPILE!
Smelly Shit Still Comes Out Of Your Ass.
As much as humans want to think of themselves as superior to the rest of the animals, and as much as they like to look back at the days of outdoor outhouses and see how far and "modern" we have become, smelly shit still comes out of their ass. No matter how far technology comes, and how modern and clean our living environment becomes, we still have to have one room that is conected to a sewer in which we go daily to produce the most unpleasant substance on the face of the earth and have it come out of our bodies. Try to avoid it all you want, but you still have to shit and piss. The funniest part about it is that there are some people reading this right now and think that these comments are very disgusting and how could anyone write this sort of thing. Yet it is the TRUTH and common FACT. Why is the truth and making a true statement such a terrible thing? That is just more of the DENIAL! You don't WANT to admit that it is true and are ASHAMED that you are not the "great master intelligent species" that you like to make yourselves out to be. I could write about other truthfull statements such as how people are killed and murdered everyday, but so does the mainstream press and no one calls those writers disgusting and perverse. Touch on a subject that no one wants to admit is true and you are "perverse" or "strange". At least this is one topic here that I can make a statement about and no one can argue or dispute that smelly disgusting shit MUST come out of their ass! It's a FACT. The first step to comming to terms with this issue is to ADMIT that it exists. Perhaps the government would like to have a Shit-comming-out-of-your-ass-awareness-day. This would be no more silly than the aids or drug awareness days! I'm sure everyone is "aware" that those things exist. Well, that's all I have to say of this issue at the moment.
"Let me fuck you up the ass, call you every day, and waste all of your time." Real Estate Agent
Trying to buy a house is kind of like letting hundreds of mosquitos sting your cock, only not as enjoyable. First you have the fucking asshole Real Estate Agents that only care about one thing... getting your name and phone number so they can call you every day for the rest of your life. Try telling them no, and they will continue to ask you for your number until you are convinced they are fucking deaf. However, when you need to contact them, be prepared to wait a few days for that return call, when the house will be sold to someone else. When you finally tell the fucking overpaid motherfuckers (who get 10,000 dollars commision for making your home buying experience as unpleasant as possible-- and yes YOU pay this fee as the house is priced 10,000 over it's value when an agent is involved) that they are not ever to call your number again acording to the federal telephone consumer protection act, you must now deal with the home owners themselves.
When buying a home "by owner", prepare to deal with insane and senile retards here too. The biggest concern to them is "EARNEST MONEY". They want you to waste one of your checks by writing one up for several thousand dollars to be held by them until they back out of the contract or verbal deal and give it back to you for you to throw away. These "sellers" will not even consider you as a buyer unless you write them one of these silly worthless checks that they would never ever legally be able to cash EVER! The higher the amount you write it for, the happier they are, although it doesn't make any fucking difference as they would never be able to cash it anyway! All one has to do is take one's down payment money out of one's bank and the loan will not go through, and you will get your check back. Silly dumb assholes! The real stupid part of this is that it is always the seller who backs out of the deal, and there is never any earnest money for the poor buyer who is screwed out of time, money for lawyer fees, inspections, appraisals, loan fees, etc.
Be prepared for THIS too... If you verbally agree to a price, and go to sign a formal contract the next day... they will change their mind, or pretend that they got another higher offer and will not HONOR the agreed opon price!! Instead of being embarrassed for showing that their word means nothing, they will recite to you the law that says they don't have to honor any agreement not in writting! I don't have to tell you that after this, you most CERTAINLY do not want to deal with such a dishonest person who is not good at their word, and the best thing to do is to tell them as quickly as possible to fuck themselves up the ass! Then, after 3 months when they are still trying to sell their house, call them back pretending to be someone else and offer them their asking price and tell them that you would like to write them a $10,000 earnest money check. Then tell them that you want to close three months from now, expect a $10,000 earnest money check from THEM as well, and will show up over the weekend to sign the contract... ONLY if you see that the FOR-SALE sign has been taken down, or you will not even ring their bell. Then just never show up.
Now let me tell you the PROPER way for a person to sell a house...
No Agent. For-Sale sign in front yard with EXACT FIRM price listed on it! Any ads should clearly state that the price is FIRM and NOT open for silly back-and-forth price game playing, first offer at the stated price SOLD! (Of course you don't have to inflate this price, just ask what you REALLY want to get for the house! Easy huh?) No demands for worthless earnest money checks, or bragging about how the appliances are staying. (no SHIT they are staying, anyone who takes the oven with them is fucked in the head!) Finally... Any verbal agreement should be HONORED, and you should not show the house to anyone once you have agreed to a sale! All this should be common sense, but after going through this several times myself, and having the owners back out of the deal after having offered a price AGREED opon by them, I see that not everyone is aware of how to keep to their word, or make a respectable and honorable transaction.
"The Abreviation for July is Jul , how fucking lazy can you get?!" Lord Melbury
If god can prevent evil, but doesn't, then he isn't all-loving. If god intends to prevent evil, but cannot, then he isn't omnipotent. If god both intends to prevent evil and is capable of doing so, then how can evil exist? Because there is no god! Any god that would perform miracles of parting seas, walking on water, and making poor images of Jesus and Mary on brick walls and potato chips, instead of eliminating cancer, aids, mosquitos, or tornados is one sick mean motherfucker!
Why do blacks get angry when someone calls them "you people"? Are they offended that someone would consider them people rather than apes or gorillas?! There is just no pleasing those people!
Why is it that every single ethnic group that comes to live in the United States can speak English except for Mexicans and Polish people? I have yet to see any Germans, Italians, or French people here that could not speak fluent English. Why is that? And why is it that the people who want to keep the customs of their native land, and only listen to music and radio in their native tongue, and display flags and bumper stickers of their country, ran away from the country that has all of that?! If a country is so bad that you have to run away from it, why do all the things and practice all the customs that suck so much? If America is so much better, then perhaps you would want to observe the language, customs, and music that make it so great! If you try to live in little communities that imitate the country that was so bad you had to leave it, aren't you just turning this country into the same crap?! Stop waving flags of a country you ran away from, and start behaving like an American if you want to be one!
PROOF OF EVOLUTION. All the religious assholes keep trying to deny evolution and claim that there is no proof. (they never seem to need proof to believe in gods and mythical flying angels with wings!) Yet people are constantly going through the evolutionary process. Peoples jaws are getting smaller as we no longer need all the teeth we used to for chewing today's softer proccessed foods, so much smaller that everyone needs to have thier wisdom teeth taken out by oral surgery as there is no room for them to grow in. These unfortunate people are midway between the evolutionary process as there are many born today WITHOUT ANY wisdom teeth, and little toes, as they are no longer needed! Indeed there are many organs in our bodies that are no longer needed as well such as the apendix or spleen. Eventually when there are no more people being born with these organs, the religious assholes will no doubt say that god sent some angel to remove them or some other bullshit mythology story or legend! The fact that people are now being born different without the troublesome wisdom teeth or appendixes, is the proof of the ongoing evolutionary process. Now, let's see some fucking proof of this great "god"! Surely someone with powers to create the universe can have the power to show himself to modern man! Let's see some oceans divide! How about talking through some more flying burning bushes! Hell, even David Copperfield can walk on water and make the Statue of Liberty dissapear! Isn't it amazing that of all the miracles god would have the power to do, like eliminate aids or cancer, instead he allegedly forms very poor likenesses of "Jesus"or "Mary" on brick walls and potato chips! Of what purpose would these "miracles" be? And why aren't the images PERFECT or in 3-D?! Perhaps god is now old and senile and has lost most of his magic powers. It still amazes me that people believe there MUST be a god because how could all of life and "intelligent" humans just have come out of nowhere, some great intelligent god HAD to create all of this complex existance. By that exact same "logic" one would have to ALSO wonder how could this intelligent god just have come out of nowhere! SURELY some great intelligent god had to create god! Idiots!
"Whenever I feel sad or down, I just think about the Holocaust and I bust out laughing!." Jesse Jackson
Hey, want to hear something really fucked-up? Did you know that FLAMMABLE means INFLAMMABLE, and INFLAMMABLE means FLAMMABLE?! Look in the DICKtionary if you don't believe it! Both words mean the same fucking thing! School teaches us that the prefix IN- means "not", yet inflammable means something IS flammable! (or should I say... flammable means something is INflammable) What a FUCKED-UP language English is!! I remember being taught (brainwashed) in school that "I comes before E, except after C" so today I STILL misspell words like SOCIETY, ANCIENT, GLACIERS, SCIENCE, EFFICIENT, and dozens others! When you see the other words like ATHEIST, SLEIGH, THEIR, WEIGH, Etc. you start to think it should be the OTHER way: "E before I except after C"! Ever wonder why teachers never talk about this?! (because they are dumb.)
Here are some other nice things I was taught in school by teachers that are all lies: George Washington cut down a cherry tree and had wooden teeth with metal springs, There are only two political parties, We have the right to bear arms, Swallowed gum will stay in your stomach for 10 years, Learning History and knowing what year Washington crossed the Delaware will be important in later life, Marihuana is an addictive drug that will lead to harder drugs.
Here's something they DON'T tell you: Registering to vote puts you on a list to be endlessly harrassed to travel 30 miles to a place with no parking for Jury Duty when there is a court house in your own city, or you will go to jail. Drugs were LEGAL in the USA until only the last few decades of our 200+ year history, AND many farmers were FORCED to grow marihuana by the governement at one time! Being forced to swim laps for 45 minutes without stopping right after your lunch period will make you sick and vomit. If the US flag ever touches the ground, you MUST burn it (by law) but when you DO burn it, you will get arrested and go to jail. The USA is the only country besides South Africa that doesn't provide government paid health care for it's citizens. We had the "Boston Tea Party" to break away from England's ridiculous tax on tea, yet we now pay ridiculous US tax on tea. When someone hits a rock hard baseball with a hard wooden bat as hard as he can in gym class, everyone else in the class should NOT stand in the direction of the ball trying to catch it.
Teachers also like to tell kids that fail a multiple-choice test (in which there are more than one correct answer for many of the questions) that they will never be successful or amount to anything in life, yet they bitch about what shit poor salaries THEY make. They also like to punish kids for chewing gum! How FUCKED-UP is that?! Can you imagine getting fired at work for chewing gum?! Pink Floyd said it best: "Hey teacher, leave those kids alone!"
Here is another interesting note: Most people will read this, think about it, and understand what is being said. Teachers, on the other hand, will instead point out the spelling and puctuation errors I made instead of paying attention to the statement being made. Losers.
"JESUS IS COMMING! ...all over his fucking sandals!" Frank Sinatra
"JESUS SAVES! ...because he's a penny pinching JEW!" Ben Franklin
What is the deal with Magazines and newspapers not keeping articles together, but rather making you jump throughout the pages in order to finish reading an article?! Why stop an article on page 4, and then print "Continued on page 53"?! Why not just continue it on the NEXT page, 5? Don't think it can't be done! QST, a popular Ham Radio Magazine NEVER makes you jump to another page to continue an article! (that's why they were rated the best in the BEST section of this website which has been updated to inform you of the BEST products from Bikes to Televisions) If QST magazine can do it, so can everyone else!!
You probably know all about the crazy mythology creatures like the one eyed Cyclops from Greek Mythology, but can you geuss to which Mythology the red dragon with 10 heads belongs too? The same one with the flying people with wings... Christian Mythology! That's right! Creatures like the dragon with 10 heads, and the sea monster with seven heads and ten horns can be read about in the Revelations Chapter of the King James Bible!! This is a great science fiction book, but has lots of sex and violence in it, and may not be suitable for children. There are very BIZZARE things in this book, like an angel that made someone eat a small book (that's right.. I said BOOK) and it tasted sweet as honey in his mouth, but was real bitter in his belly. (Another reason why the bible may not be suitable reading material for children, is that they may try to imitate things in it like eating books as it makes children think that they taste sweet like honey!) It is AMAZING that people actually believe this science fiction book to be REAL HISTORY!! The book mentions things like the "four corners of the earth" and other references that shows that they believed the earth to be FLAT! Another amazing thing is that it refers to the magical place of Heaven as being straight up in the sky. If this is the correct direction of Heaven in relation to Jerusalem and the middle east, then it would be DOWN for us here on the other side of the planet! This would also conclude that Heaven revoles around the earth in orbit like a satellite! Most parts of this book make God (the lead character in the book) to be a very scary being that creates man in his own image (which means he has arms legs and a cock) and then puts them in the most horrible tortures you can imagine! He comands us to not kill, yet he drowns all the people in a worldwide flood, later admitting that this was a MISTAKE, and that he would never do this again. Good thing this is only FICTION!!
See you BASTARDS next month!!
That is, IF you are still ALIVE!