REAL, actual on-air quotes from VKØMM scheds:
" .... Thanks for the contact, you are 59. What is your callsign ?"
" VKØMM, what is your QTH...??? " (this is after VKØMM announces the QTH at least once per minute...so much for the art of listening)
" When will you be working Europe ? " (The day after I worked Europe exclusively for three hours. At the rate this guy was asking, probably never)
" What is QSL manager VKØMM ?? " (The most common)
" What is QSL information for VKØMM " (The next most common)
" Shut Up Stupid.... " (Anonymous italian when I'm working JA)
" You are very strong in Europe " ( Repeated ad nauseum whilst I'm patiently trying to work that weak 100W & dipole station in North Dakota)
" Propagation is very good for Europe " (Do Europeans seriously think I care about propagation to Bosnia-Hertzegovina or Liechtenstein when I am working Stateside ??)
" VKØMM, this is G4*** QRP running only ten Watts " (He's 40dB over S9 & I'm working North America)
" Please, this is HA4***, please work me now, I have to go to work soon. Give the working classes a chance. " (This guy obviously thinks that I'm either on vacation or chose Macquarie Island as the place to spend my retirement)
" This is DL6***, I know you are not working Europe...." (Then why the ***** are you calling me ??)
" This is MØ***, I know you are not working Europe, but I am 92 years old "
(MØ series have only recently been issued by the UK authorities)
" Please, this is IKØ***, I need VKØ for my DXCC " (Er, so everyone else except you is actually an amateur ornithologist who just wants to chat about the penguins ??)
"Domo Arigato (Thank You) Mr. Alan " (Courteous JA station during a JA sched, conspicuous by their absence during American & European scheds)
"This is UAØ***. I am in Europe" (Yeah, Vladivostok is really in Poland)
" Er, Hi, I worked you on phone last week. Can you tell me if I am in the log ?? "
(An American..... who else ????)
" UP5MM de IK3*** " (CW) More quotes....
Let me know if you hear any gems !!