That's right, I have devised a BRILLIANT plan for WORLD DOMINATION!!! Yes, soon you will all be ruled by ME, as I will be Absolute Ruler of the Universe AND Supreme Allied Commander. So I have decided to post my plan on the internet, accessable to all, so that when it happens you can stop and say to yourself "Damn, I thought he was crazy, but look at this!" Right before my high-paid slave driver whips you and tells you to get back to quarrying granite. Anyway. Here it is, a comprehensive step-by-step list of my plan to take over the world!



Step 1: Graduate high school

Step 2: Invade Poland (Come on, EVERYONE starts off with that!)

Step 3: Place a mole in the government of the former USSR

Step 4: Conduct a terrorist strike on the Australian Embassy

Step 5: Raise a small but highly-trained force of Canadian mercenaries

Step 6: Assasinate Prince (oh, damn, THE ARTIST FORMALLY KNOWN as Prince), OJ Simpson, and Bob Barker.

Step 6½: Hire Pierce Brosnan to steal Soviet "Goldeneye" satellite

Step 7: Sieze control of Cape Kennedy and a space shuttle

Step 8: Launch "Goldeneye" satellite into orbit

Step 9: Shoot an EM Pulse at Mexico City

Step 10: Use "Goldeneye" to systematically destroy every TV/Radio station on Earth
with the following exceptions:

MTV, 610am WTVN, The History Channel, 99.7 the Blitz, Comedy Central, ESPN (1, NOT 2), fox primetime, BBC four, ABC, and BET.

Step 11: Broadcast silly propaganda and brainwashing subliminal messages
constantly on Fox (which already happens, you
know it does)

Step 12: Take all the VJs from MuchMusic (a canadian ripoff of MTV) hostage and have Carson Daly, Thalia, and Dave Holmes shoot them all.

Step 13: Kidnap the president and take his place

Step 14: Arrest ALL Major League Baseball players, coaches, managers, and owners. You wanna know why? Ever see that episode of "The Simpsons" where Bart is being tracked by the MLB organization? They weren't making that up.

Step 15: Dissolve Congress.

Step 16: Marry Jennifer Lopez.

Step 17: Invade Russia.

Step 18: Get that bum off Main street and into the Army (Reynoldsburg joke only, folks)

Step 19: Start round-the-clock air raids of Red China.

Step 20: Blockade all English ports.

Step 21: Nuke Canada, India, Egypt, Greenland, and Australia.

Step 22: Execute ALL hippies and KKK members.

Step 23: Release an airborne strain of Ebola into the Jet Stream over Europe.

Step 24: Throw Rodman OUT of the NBA. Finally.

Step 25: Take control of Middle East oil reserves.

Step 26: Deport all killers, child molesters, protitutes, drug people, and drug addicts to bikini island/

Step 27: Clone a pack of velociraptors.

Step 28: Release velociraptors onto Bikini island

Step 29: Shoot velociraptors, butcher them, and send them to France

Step 30: Resume nuclear testing on Bikini island.

Step 31: Send marines to invade Panama

Step 32: Launch nerve gas SCUD missles at South Africa.

Step 33: Destroy that stupid tower in paris, that clock in england, and the ugly onion-dome things in Russia

Step 34: Use Navy SEALs to destroy all communications/road+railways/helicopters in Iraq

And on and on it goes.