GM Crops

A new danger has struck the countryside. GM crops are made by mad crazy people who probably want to take over the world for all we know. They splice the jeans from dirty paedophiles and mix them in with normal every day friendly crops like corn and hemp and make plants that grow up childrens' legs when they play in the fields.

Oil Seed RAPE

Why are they doing it? Who cares...

They say look at the benefits, we spoke to an industry spokesman:

"We all eat bread right? Well this bread doesn't just grow on trees, well not yet anyway, no we have to grow from the ground up on the end of corn. The trouble is other stuff-like wide things- tend to eat the corn before we can get it. We're concentrating on rabbits at the moment but I'm told other things eat it as well, dirty little things like locusts and mice. You wouldn't want to find one of those in your bread now would you?"

But isn't this dangerous?

"No, no. What we do at this company is mix the corn with things that can defend themselves. At first we mixed the corn with sparrow genes and then the field flew off at the sight of a rabbit. The problem with this approach was Gulls ate the corn in the sky and what was left tended to bugger off. So after this we replaced the sparrow genes with something harder: Eagles. The only problem was it then tended to eat the Gulls and no longer tasted nice. Our latest trails have placed tiger genes into the corn. This seems to working fine so far and we see the future in this product."

Isn't that what attacked those people?

"Well, we've had a few claims for compensation from a group of ramblers getting their legs clawed, but for all we know they could of done that on barbed wire or a fleeing rabbit. Look on the brightside; the bread comes out stripy."

But do we need this technology?

"Yes. Goodbye. Mind the elephant grass on your way out."