The Grinch Who Closed Adoption Records Every Who Down in Who-ville Liked families a lot... But the Grinch, Who lived just North of Who-ville, Did NOT!

	The Grinch hated families! Both adoptive and birth, No one quite knows the reason, but for what it's worth It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
	But, Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes, He stood in the agency door, hating the Whos, Staring down from his desk with a sour, Grinchy frown At the warm lighted windows below in their town. For he knew every Who down in Who-ville couldn't wait Adoption records would open, tomorrow at eight.
	"They're getting their records!" he snarled with a sneer. "Tomorrow it happens! It's practically here!" Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming, "I MUST find a way to keep open records from coming!" For, tomorrow, he knew...
	...All the Who girls and boys Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their files! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise! That's one thing he hated - NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
	Then the parents, both kinds, would be filled with regret. They wouldn't be ready - oh, not now! Not yet! They'd been promised their privacy! No one would know! They would turn on the agency, sue them at least A thought that the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!
	And THEN Something worse that he liked least of all! Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Would run back to their "REAL" families, those ingrates, they would! Too dumb to know adoption was for their own good!
	They'd hug! And they'd kiss! Reunited! What bliss! The more he pondered the trouble it would bring, The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing! "Why for fifty-three years they've put up with it now! I MUST stop open records from coming! ...But HOW?"
	Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
	"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat. And he looked around quickly for a scapegoat. And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick! "I'll take a page from the book of Bill Pierce, that big prick!"
	"All I need are some birthmoms..." The Grinch looked around. But since birthmoms are scarce, there were none to be found. Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said, "If I can't find a birthmom, I'll BE one instead!" So he called up some congressmen, said he'd expected From rapists, from bastards, he would be protected!
	THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks In his ramshakle car And formed his plan of attack.
	Then the Grinch laughed nastily And the car started down Toward the homes where the Whos Lay a-snooze in their town.
	All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air. All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care When he came to the courthouse that sat in the square. "This is stop number one," The old Grinch hissed And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
	Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch. But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch. He got stuck only once, for a moment or two. Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue Into the room where filing cabinets all sat in a row. "These files," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
	Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant, Around the whole room, he took every file present! Home studies! Releases! Placements! Non IDs! Consent forms! Terminations! And oh was he pleased! And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly, Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
	Then he slunk to the next room (he had the master key) He took all the info! He took the amended BCs! He cleaned out each cabinet, too quick to see! Why, that Grinch even took their last OBC!
	Then he stuffed all the files up the chimney with glee. "And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I'll take the open records decree!"
	And the Grinch grabbed the decree, and he started to shove When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a young Who! Miss Cindy-Lou Who, who'd just turned twenty-two.
	The Grinch had been caught by a mere adoptee Who had come to the courthouse to get in line early She stared at the Grinch and said, "Miss Birthmother, why, "Why are you taking our open records decree? WHY?"
	But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake birthmother lied, "I want to save you from a wound to your pride. "Your birthmother didn't want you, my dear. "And that's the real reason that she left you here."
	And his fib fooled the girl. Then he patted her head And he told her "Go home now and go back to bed!" And when Cindy-Lou Who shut the door with a thud, HE went to the chimney and stuffed the decree up!
	Then the last thing he took Was a log for his fire. Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar. And he thought of the records he'd burn on a pyre.
	And the one speck of info That he left in the place Was a crumb he thought too small for a PI to trace.
	Then He did the same thing In all the Who houses
	Leaving crumbs Much too small For even PI mouses!
	It was quarter past dawn... All the Whos, still a-bed All the Whos, still a-snooze When he packed up and fled, Packed his car with their files! The consents! The non IDs! The waivers! The terminations! Home studies! OBCs!
	Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Curnit, He rode to the tiptop to burn it! "Pooh-pooh to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming. "They're finding out now that no reunions are coming! "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do! "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two "The all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!"
	"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply must hear!" So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow...
	But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry! It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
	He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
	Every Who down in Who-ville, both adoptive and birth, Were joined hand in hand, their eyes filled with mirth. He HADN'T stopped reunions from coming! They CAME! Somehow or other, they came just the same!
	And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so? "They came without open records! They came without fears! "No ruined adoptive families! They came without tears!" And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! "Maybe families," he thought, "aren't formed by a decree from above. "Maybe families...perhaps...are formed by -- well -- love."
	And what happened then...? Well...in Who-ville they say That the Grinch's small heart Grew three sizes that day! And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight, He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light And he brought back the files! And the non IDs
	And he... ...HE HIMSELF...!
	The Grinch handed out the OBCs!

Adapted from

by kim@pitt, the infamous adoptee of alt.adoption

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