Well, hello there readers, I hope you had a pleasant Xmas and New Year period. Thank God us blokes don't get them, eh, lads? Anyway, I know why you've come here - it's to find out who won the grand Xmas headline comp, isn't it? I had an astonishingly high number of entries - sixteen may not sound like many, but compared to the one I usually get, it's a hefty improvement. So here, in an easy-to-swallow format, are who thought which headline was made up...

Blowtorch fiend "laughed". A real story about a woman's ex-boyfriend bursting in on her with a blowtorch to hand. "Her cabinet needed fixing!" was his innocent plea.

tim, bris.as.uk

al, bris.ac.uk

kris, geocities.com

Barefoot ordeal of swimmer. Can't remember what this one was about, but it's real.

ric, hotmail.com

will, bris.ac.uk

OE Simms, bris.ac.uk

C Martin, virgin.net

emma, hartingdale.com.au

Whose knockers are these? Made up.

mental, nescafe.co.uk

Jet-set gnome taunts owners. Someone's 'amusing' next-door neighbour kidnapped their stupid little garden gnome and sent postcards from around the world.

steve, bham.ac.uk

alan, aber.ac.uk

liz, bris.ac.uk

Lawyer "was so kind". God knows, but it's real.

M.I.S., juno.com

dawn, sheffield.ac.uk

james, hertford.ox.ac.uk

anonymous, anonymous

So, readers, despite a good number of entries, you're all shit. Mental has won again, although as he turned down any offer of prizes last time, I'll assume the same applies (for 'assume' read 'hope to God'). Mind you, he does live in Cheltenham, so... hang on... he could just know the answer by reading the Echo... er, blimey.