Archive of Heard/Seen/Read Today

• On a flier for a sewer and drainage company:

Our Business Is Going Down Your Drain.
1-800-YAH-WE-DO

• On a t-shirt:

IRONY
The opposite of wrinkly.

• "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us." - tortuous answer from South Carolina's contestant Laurie Upton when asked during the Miss Teen America pageant on why one-fifth of Americans are unable to locate the United States on a map.

note: Upton's answer was selected as the first runner up by Yale's Fred R. Shapiro for the most memorable quote in 2007; the winning quote was from the U of Florida student who yelped "Don't tase me, bro!" before screaming like a girl.

• "If a kiss were a raindrop, I'd send you showers. If hugs were a second, I'd send you hours. If smiles were water, I'd send you the sea. If love was a person, I'd send you me" - entry from hotornot.com

• "Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you." - Robert Fulghum

• "I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death" - Robert Fulghum

•

More WE
Less ME
 ad for Loyola Univ

• "Well, Dolly, the guy's gotta think that the gal's just the greatest gal in the world; and the gal's gotta think the same about the guy." - Advice (on the secret of a happy marriage) given by her late father, as recalled by Kathy Griffin in "Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List (Season 3)."

• "4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions." - anonymous

• Nemo Dat Quod Non Habet - [legal term] "One cannot give what one does not have."

• Omg Is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like - idea for Britney Spears' new album title, suggested by (i'm not making this up) Britney herself. Like, duh, it's Britney, like, Y'all!

• Gone Crazy. Back Soon. - bumpersticker

• The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow.
Sow an act, and you reap a habit.
Sow a habit and you reap a character.
Sow a character and you reap a destiny.
-James Allen

• If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, - to dream all the time. - Marcel Proust; as quoted in Medium (NBC) 2006-07 season premiere.

• Don't Dream, Do!
Don't Want, Get!
- Dr. Phil

• B GOOD OK - licence plate

• Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth.
- Alfred D'souza (quoted slightly differently, and credited as to Alfred D. Suja, in My Lovely Samsoon final episode)

• Nice men are ugly.
Handsome men are not nice.
Handsome and nice men are married.
Handsome, nice and unmarried men are useless.
Handsome, nice, unmarried and rich men are not interested in us.
Handsome, nice, unmarried, rich men who are interested in us are players.
Handsome, nice, unmarried, rich men who are interested in us and are faithful are gays.
Handsome, nice, unmarried, rich men who are interested in us, faithful, straight and who would not lose interest in us even if we made the first moves - these men must have some problems.
(My Lovely Samsoon, ep.8)

•

Learn
b r o a d l y
Serve
g e n e r o u s l y
Lead
c o u r a g e o u s l y
 Ad for Loyola University

• LookBetterNaked - ad for DavidBartonGym

• You can pick a friend. You can pick your nose. But don't pick a nosy friend. - RedEyeChicago's StickFigure

• "It�s the silliest thing I�ve ever heard in my life. It really is silly. It�s silly, silly, silly. It is just silly. Silliness. It is silly. Completely silly. You�ve been on [the Chicago Skyway]. Come on. It�s silly. You know me. That is the silliest thing I�ve ever heard.... It's silly. [Then pointing at a Chicago Tribune reporter] Baldheaded! HA HA HA HA. He's baldheaded! It's that silly. No. C'mon! That is the silliest thing I've ever heard. Next question."
Chicago Mayor Richard Daley on how the Skyway questions are silly.

• Prayer of a backswoodman battling a grizzly bear:

"Oh Lord, help me kill that b'ar,
and if you can't help me, oh Lord, don't help the b'ar."
(from The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt)

• Roper Poll finds that six out of ten young Americans (ages 18-24) were unable to find Iraq on a map, despite the daily exposure of the war news. 75% were unable to locate Israel. 47% could not find India. 20% of respondents placed Sudan in Asia. 50% had no clue where the U.S. states of New York or Ohio are on a map; one third couldn't locate Louisiana (despite overwhelming news of the hurricane), and 48% couldn't find Mississippi (*a higher percentage if asked to spell, i also think*). Only 3 out 10 believed it's important to know where the countries are in the news. and 100% thinks denial is the name of that river in Eqypt.

• Life Is Art. Live It. - Motto for a community center

• 19 Percent : of Americans who have favorable views of Islam, according to ABC's World News Tonight (35% unfavorable, the rest no opinion)

•

Know Yourself First
Save The World Second
Ad for Loyola University

•
1 of 4 girls
1 of 6 boys
children who are abused before they reach 18

• 32 PERCENT: the number of Malays who believe that Hari Raya Puasa is the Malay New Year, according to Merdeka Centre for Opinion Research.

• Have You Been A Dad Today? - Ad for National Fatherhood Initiative, featuring a father hiphop-dancing with his young daughter.
me:.... :(

•

"Why kill your wife???
When you can let our machines do the work!
For special $1.00 offer, contact..."
- Advertisement for laundrymart

• PEE LIMIT 25MPH - (vandalized) speed sign.

• "Prayer: The Original Wireless Communication." Another advertised sermon topic.

• Give. Live. Love.
Christmas billboard ad for Diet Coke.

• "Lord, make me the person my dog thinks I am." Advertised sermon topic for a church.

• "Many first-time dads hesitate to get involved [in baby-raising] for fear of doing something wrong and incurring the wrath of Mom..." MSN article on parenting.

• "Health is our goal. Love is our guide." Motto of a healthcare center.

• Licence plates: TEE MUP1

• Bumper sticker: I BRAKE for penguins. (huh??)

• "Perfection has its price." - billboard ad.

• "(pic of a cat sighing:) nine lives, and i had to choose this one..." - quotation from fridge magnet.

• "Would you like to talk to the man of the house, or the woman who actually knows everything?" - quotation from fridge magnet.

• (Idiot) Rush Limbaugh regarding the economy - "As prices go higher, my philosophy is: Go earn more money."

• News item: IKEA instruction manuals, in order to avoid offending Muslims, show only men putting together furniture.

• It is not that I am smart, it is that I stayed with the problem longer. - Albert Einstein

• Faith makes all things possible. Hope makes all things work. Love makes all things beautiful. - Quote supplied by Ms Nobie; original author sapa ntah kita tak tanya la pulak.

• "It's been pretty cloudy..."- replied American Idol contestant Carrie Underwood of Checotah, Oklahoma, when asked whether she had seen many stars in Hollywood.

• Anwar Ibrahim, who haven't watched any TV in his entire six-year prison term, said in an interview with the NYT: "There are a few things I need to see: the Sept. 11 video, some clippings from when I was arrested, and of course Fahrenheit 9/11."

• headline: Europe LPGA to allow transexual to play.
next headline: Golfers: know your balls.
*LOL*

• sorakan adik-adik, kedengaran di FM Melaka: "Mendeka! Mendeka! MENDEKAA!!" hikhik.

• "Crap happens." - US Olympic SHARPSHOOTER Matthew Emmons, who only needed to shoot anywhere on his target for an assured Olympic gold medal, fired at the wrong target in the final round and dropped to last place.

• "Fall. Form. Grace." - frontpage headline for Chicago's Daily Herald about US gymnast and Olympian Paul Hamm, whose nasty fall (onto the judges, no less) caused him to tumble from first place to 12th position with only two exercises remaining. He nailed the next two with perfection, winning the gold medal by a 0.012 points.

• Bumpersticker:
"I thought I wanted a career.
Turns out I only wanted the paychecks."

• From a website: "Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who only dream by night." - Edgar Allen Poe

• On a bus: There's no "I" in team. But there's an "I" in vacation. Enjoy your health!" (Ad for Northwestern Memorial Hospital)

• A child's prayer:
"God, if you can't make me thin, please make my friends fat." Hee!