Evening. I'm Dan. How are you?

So that you are able to quickly label, categorise and judge me according to your existing prejudices, it will be helpful to know that I:

• am male (aggressive, sex-obsessed, like fast cars, lager, football, large breasts, expensive gadgets)
• am introverted (uncomfortable with my masculine side, don't like cars, lager or football, probably gay)
• am heterosexual (not in touch with my feminine side, very uncool)
• am white (have an inbuilt superiority complex)
• am English (as above, disgusted by sex, hate Europeans, love Americans)
• am a socialist (hate Americans, love Europeans, idealistic, principled)
• am a Labour Party member (utter lack of any principles or ideals, a Blair sycophant)
• am a student (doss around on taxpayers' money doing nothing of use)
• am a Cambridge University student(member of the intellectual elite, hard working, upper/upper-middle class)
• am a King's College student (lower-middle class, want to be working class really, doss around wasting time and taxpayers' money being a political activist)
• was originally from Devon (not very bright, into tractors, go "oo-aaar a lot")
• wasted my adolescence in Kent (obsessed with money and success, love London, am xenophobic, speak in 'received pronounciation')
• like Radiohead, R.E.M. and The Smiths (self-pitying, introspective, miserable, can't pull)
• like baggy, hip-hop, drum & bass (quite cool, outgoing, respected, happy with life)
• am a Christian (intolerant, judgmental, dull)
• have a fairly liberal faith (not a 'real' Christian at all, wooly thinking, few real beliefs)

• have a family
• have a past
• have a CV
• have a penchant for Kellog's Pop-Tarts