PARLIAMENTARY NOTES.

The South African Parliament can boast with at least 29 self-admitted thieves as MP's, but many more - some claims estimate the number at 300 - may be uncovered as parliament  is preparing to release a closely guarded forensic report that implicates hundreds of MPs in the so-called Travelgate scam — and shows that some cheated on their partners as well as on taxpayers.
The report — by PricewaterhouseCoopers and said to be the size of a telephone directory — names about 330 past and present legislators initially implicated in the scam, but insiders say around 100 were knowing participants in the fraud now said to have cost Parliament as much as R30-million.
Parliamentary sources familiar with the report said its release would show some MPs had taken holidays and private trips with people other than their spouses. The theft mostly occurred when MP's traded the coupons for free airline tickets for cash from certain travel agents.
Close to R10-million has been recovered from MPs and travel agents who systematically cheated Parliament for up to four years.
About R2.5-million has been repaid by the 29 MPs who have been charged or who have completed plea-bargain arrangements with the state. The rest has come from travel agents and others, including Cabinet ministers and senior officials who were allowed to make repayment deals without facing prosecution.
In October 2006 16 MPs (and former MP's) sealed deals with prosecutors, accepting convictions for theft or fraud of between R45 000 and R28 9000 and agreeing to pay fines generally between a quarter and a half of the amount they stole. The first five ANC MPs who admitted guilt in 2005 — Ruth Bhengu and Pamela Mnandi, Mildred Mpaka, Rhoda Joemat and Mavis Magazi — were fined amounts generally higher than the cost to the state of their crimes and were forced to resign their seats.
All also have to repay the money they took, though some have been given until 2010 to do so.
Former Democratic Alliance MP Antoinette Versfeld was among those who concluded plea bargains. Craig Morkel, a former DA member who jumped ship and formed his own party, the Progressive Independent Movement, is still fighting to clear his name and Charles Redcliffe, a former MP for both the DA and the New National Party, paid a R70 000 fine earlier in 2006.
Amongst those not yet charged is ANC Chief Whip, Mbulelo Goniwe, who claims that those who admitted to theft are not really guilty "because they believe they are not guilty of any offence," despite having signed admission of guilt fines.
A full list of the self-admitted thieves in parliament can be seen here.

If you have never heard of ANC Member of Parliament Storey Morutoa, don't worry - you are not alone. She does not often speak in Parliament, but when she does, fellow MP's pay attention - at least those who have not been "extinghuished".
In June 2006 she begun her annual speech like this:  “... Hon Deputy President, Hon Ministers and Deputy Ministers, Hon Members of Parliament, and all extinguished guests present in national gallery.”

“The true greatness of a person is measured by the impact that person has on the lives of others. This statement rings true for (guess who?) who has touched the lives of many in different ways.
“Such is the essence of true greatness.
“A greatness that comes from understanding the complexities of the human condition; a greatness that rests in the humility of touching a human being from the moment of birth to the final departing breath and a greatness that consistently strives to make quality of life possible for every one of her people.
“Such is the profound devotion that she has shown in her efforts to improve the lives of people.”

South Africa's Deputy State President, Phumzile Mlambo-Nguka, took her husband and two children, her friend Thuthukile Mazibuko-Skweyiya, and the two children of her personal assistant, on a private holiday to the United Arab Emirates (UAE) from December 27th to 31st 2005. The entire entourage visited the UAE as non-paying guests of the UAE heads of state. Mazibuko-Skweyiya is the wife of dr Zola Zklweyiha, minister of social development, who has personal interests in the oil industry.
Mlambo-Nguka commandeered a Falcon 900 executive jet of the SA Air Force's VIP fleet for the flight there and back. The facts are as follows: she and her multi-millionaire businessman husband, Bulelani, and their children, her friend, and her personal assistant's children flew on an official jet at government (read: taxpayers’) expense to the United Arab Emirates, where they enjoyed a holiday over the Christmas period.
After her expensive (R400 000 or so, just for fuel - excluding the cost of accommodation for the entourage of pilot, cabin crew and security guards) indulgence was brought to light, she said nothing for three days. Then she told the SABC that there had been a business dimension to her trip, more specifically that she had been looking at crane building, which tied in with her project to improve South Africa’s growth rate to 6% a year. It is unknown to what extent Mlambo-Nguka is an expert in construction cranes.
Then came a statement from her adviser, Khanyo Gqulu, in which he stated: “Contrary to yesterday’s and today’s reports, she did not travel to UAE on a fact-finding mission, nor did she go there on half-business half-holiday and she did not go there to study crane-building businesses.” Soon after, a third explanation was put forward: Murphy Morobe, PRO of the presidency, explained that Mlambo-Nguka was "oficially on holiday", but that she "unoficially" visited building projects and a development exhibition with the assistance of the South African ambassador.
She authorised the flight with the Falcon 900 herself, claiming the R700 000 or so total expenses against the presidential budget.
Ms Adrienne Carlisle, communications head of the PSAM (Public Service Accountability Monitor) of the Rhodes University stated that the visit to UAR cannot be justified under the present rules and that Mlambo-Nguka will have to reimburse the state for the total expenses thereof.
Less than a month after the controversial flight to the UAR, Mlambo-Nguka was again in the news when she commandeered a Gulfstream V international  jet for a flight of 13 minutes to Sun City, at a cost of R75 000, to attend the opening of the Women's World Cup golf tournament. A smaller Cessna Citation jet or a King Air turbine prop airplane could have done the flight for less than half the cost, with a flying time of a few minutes more.
See also Flying presidential style.

A truly Stella performance Public Works Minister Stella Sigcau was late for her speech to Parliament on the state of the nation in Febrary 2005 and the whips had to demote her down the list of speakers to accommodate her. When she eventually took to the podium at 4pm, she still believed it was morning and said so several times. For example: “In responding to your speech  Mr President, we must this morning realise that ...”  She told Parliament that the Public Works Programme would create 13 000 jobs by the end of the financial year. This after President Thabo Mbeki had told Parliament the previous Friday that 75 000 jobs had already been created by the programme. A perusal of a copy of Sigcau’s speech revealed that she actually meant to say 130 000. But wait, there’s more The minister then pulled out a piece of paper which, she promised, would prove that her ministry was doing a great job and that she was a minister par excellance. It turned out to be a letter from First Rand Bank, inviting her to lunch. She read the letter in full, turned to face Mbeki and asked: “What a better accolade to receive?”  She didn’t get so much as a glance from Mbeki. - Sunday Times, 2005-02-19

MINISTERIAL LOGIC: MORE CARS = MORE HIJACKINGS One of the reasons for an increase in the number of vehicles being hijacked in and around Cape Town is residents are buying more cars, and so the hijackers have more to choose from, according to Safety and Security Minister Charles Nqakula.  "A boost to the economy resulted in people buying more vehicles, thus increasing the availability of such vehicles to offenders," he said in a written reply to a parliamentary question in November 2004.  Hijackers from Gauteng had also moved their activities south, and Capetonians were unaware of the strategies they used "and easily fall prey".

RED CAPITALIST At the end of the parliamentary session of 2004 in Cape Town, the bills have started to arrive.  The numbers are in and the annual contest for the department with the mostest food, drink and battered prawns at its parliamentary party has been completed.  The five leading parties of 'cocktail week' cost a cool R401 065 between them.  There are a total of 27 government departments so you can imagine the sorts of extrapolations a Stats SA professional could arrive at with a pocket calculator.  Coming in only at number five is President Thabo Mbeki's cocktail party, which came in cheaply at a mere R52 000 for food and drink.  As an official statement said: "The expenditure to host the Presidency Cocktail was not intended to improve service delivery."  The winners of the parliamentary party stakes is none other than the Minister for Public Enterprises, Alec Erwin (a prominent member of the Communist Party of South Africa) hosting both a lunch-hour reception at Parliament and a separate jol at popular music venue Marco's Place at a combined cost of R141 025.42, of which R93 000 went to the food and drinks category. Which proves that when it comes to spending big, the Communists are hard to beat. In second place was the Department of Education which spent R140 896.61 on its party -- R39 839 on printed materials, R27 000 on catering, R2 400 for a UCT string quartet and R63 657.61 on "post event advertisements".  Said the responsible Minister Naledi Pandor (new in her job): "We maximised the opportunity to report to the nation."  - Sunday Times 2004-07-18

"If my sister should come to me and tell me that she is in love with that man, I will give her a whipping."
These were the words of Pres Thabo Mbeki during a pre-election ANC rally in Rustenburg, Mpumalanga, in March 2004 when he pointed to a poster bearing the image of opposition ACDP-leader Rev. Kenneth Meshoe.
At first Smuts Ngonyama, ANC communications head, vehemently denied that Mbeki had uttered the threat, saying "the president does not even have a sister." Mbeki was speaking in the Sotho language at the time.
However, after repeated newspapers reports by various independent journalists well versed in Sotho and strong protests by various organisations opposing the abuse of women, Ngonyama backtracked and explained that "the president was merely joking - it was his way of informing the voters aabout the correct political choices. He could easily well have referred to his brother in stead of his sister; let us not make it a gender issue....."

Dr Mangosutoho Buthelezi, former Minister of Home Affairs and leader of the Inkatha Freedom Party, likes to perform to his people in Kwazulu-Natal in traditional dress. However, both he and his colleagues at these occasions are always all draped in the skin and body parts of a Cites-listed endangered wildlife species. Which explains why he has not been appointed Minister of Nature Conservation and Environmental Affairs.....
(Buthelezi was left out of the cabinet after the general election of April, 2004.

Polygamist deputy president Jacob Zuma is a man of many wives. That perhaps explains his high cost of living: during 1999 he overspent an amount of R37 000 per month, and during 2000 an amount of R29 000 per month over his parliamentary salary.
These facts came out in the charge sheet against Shabir Shaikh, Zuma's financial adviser, who was summonsed during August 2003 and charged with with corruption, fraud, theft and money laundering during the armaments purchases.

• In October 1997 Standard Bank summonsed the closed corporation in which Zuma's home loan of R443 618 was taken out for unpaid installments. Zuma partially paid the amounts owing in February 1998.
• On May 14th, 1986 his bank account at Nedbank had an overdraft of R66 500.
• He owed Wesbank R291 145 for purchasing a car.
• In this stage he also owed SA Permanent Bank R75 000.
• In September 1998 he had an overdraft of R105 717 on his personal account at Standard Bank.
• In October 1998 the company AQ Holdings, for whom Zuma owed R86 500, threatened to sequestrate him. Shaikh paid this amount on behalf of Zuma via his defence company Nkobi.
• Between October 1995 and 30 September 2002 Zuyma received a total of R1 161 562 from Shaikh or companies in which Chaikh had interests. The payments range from cash for Zuma to allowances for his children, to rent and repayments on various loans. In one case a loan which Zuma had at Nkobi was written off.

• That he was corrupt because he paid Zuma more than R1.2-million that was “not legally due”;
• A second count of corruption concerning the facilitation of a R500000-a-year bribe for Zuma;
• That he fraudulently wrote off more than R1.2-million paid to Zuma by Nkobi Holdings and its subsidiaries without the permission of shareholders or creditors; and
• That he laundered money when he arranged transactions paying for the building of Zuma’s residence in Nkandla and then “disguised” them.

DEPUTY President Jacob Zuma lived large but paid his bills very, very slowly — if at all.
South Africa’s second citizen had such a fundamentally flawed sense of personal financial discipline that a massive 140 of his signed cheques — with a collective value of more than R447 766.67 — bounced.
That happened over seven years, from 1996 to 2003. The reason: he did not have the money in the bank — or available through his overdraft — to support his spending habits.
But Zuma’s financial chaos did not end there.
Standard Bank took back the MasterCard it had granted, because his debt escalated to R120 000 by June 1997.
In May 1999, Permanent Bank issued judgment against the man who is set to become South Africa’s next president after the end of Thabo Mbeki’s term, because he missed 20 bond repayments on his Durban flat.
These and other details of how Zuma conducted his financial affairs will be presented in the Durban High Court as part of the evidence of forensic auditors KPMG during October 2004.
The report, presented by auditor and self-confessed “bloodhound” Johan van der Walt, was admitted as part of the court record.
In November 2003, KPMG was asked by the National Directorate of Public Prosecutions to compile the report — which stretches to 259 pages and a dozen files of supporting documentation and addendums — to assist with the prosecution of Zuma’s former financial adviser Shabir Shaik on corruption charges.
Even Shaik’s appointment as Zuma’s financial adviser in 1995 did not help lessen the then KwaZulu-Natal Economic Affairs MEC’s financial woes, although his relationship with Shaik did see him benefit by more than R1.2-million.
According to the state’s evidence, Shaik used money from his Nkobi Group — money which came mainly from overdraft facilities given to various Nkobi companies — to bankroll Zuma’s extravagant lifestyle.
Shaik picked up the tab for everything from rent to bond payments, to school fees, to car payments, to telephone bills, to repairs on Zuma’s luxury vehicles.
He even bought Armani and Gucci and suits from his friend Prakash Soni’s exclusive Casanova boutique, after commenting to his then personal assistant, Bianca Singh, that Msholozi (Zuma’s clan name) wore “cheap suits”.
According to the state, no amount was too large or too small for the cash-strapped deputy president.
Zuma was not above collecting an envelope from Singh containing a mere R700 — R200 from Shaik’s wallet and R500 from the Nkobi petty-cash tin — at the air force base in Durban in late 2000. The envelope was delivered to Zuma by Singh on Shaik’s instruction, at a time when Zuma’s accounts were so heavily overdrawn that any deposit would have been immediately swallowed by the bank.
At the other end of the scale, in 1999 Shaik’s Kobitech stumped up R50 000 to pay the arrears on Zuma’s Mercedes- Benz E320, which he had bought for R350 000 in 1997. In 2002 Kobitech (for which, read Shaik) was again Zuma’s rescuer, this time coughing up some R47 000 towards his Mitsubishi Pajero, which he had bought in May 2001 for R275 000.
Annual payments to Zuma from Shaik and Nkobi companies began with a modest R3 500 in 1995, peaking at R256 423 in 1997. By 2002, Shaik and Nkobi’s largesse towards Zuma had totalled R1 269 836.40.
According to the KPMG report, the payments did not stop in 2002, the cut-off date for its investigative mandate.
Absa Private Bank initially declined Shaik’s application in April 2001 as he had a “high risk rating” and had exceeded his overdraft limit 15 times in 12 months. However, Absa took a “strategic decision” to accept his application “because Shaik was the financial advisor of Zuma”.
This was not to last. Three months later, Absa again declared him a high risk with “no tangible security” and moved his account to an ordinary business centre.

Polygamist deputy-president Jacob Zuma, in an attempt to convince the world of his innocence in the defence contract scandal, found himself in Madrid at the end of September 2003. He took time out from his not too very busy schedule to watch a Real Madrid training session.
His minders said he would take questions only on football.
Zuma requested that the training session be interrupted so that he could shake hands with the players. The response was something along the lines of "Jacob WHO?" and the deputy president had to contend himself with staring admirably from the sidelines. The training session went on uninterrupted.

The company Deloitte Consulting has developed a delightful software program that is able to assess the amount of jargon in the text of a speech. Appropriately named "Bullfighter", it also identifies confusing and indecipherable language and the general level of obfuscation.

The diagnosis on President Thabo Mbeki's last six major speeches?

"Teetering on the edge of unclear. The overall meaning remains discernible, but it becomes possible to lose oneself in corollary thoughts, which may be worth exploration, but which can also detract from the core point of the written article."

Frequently used "bull terms": "empower" (27 times), "transformation" (12), "enterprise" (9), "global" (8) and "paradigm" (1). The average word count per speech is 3 500 and sentence length 26.5 words. And the speech with the most, uh, bull? The Youth Day rally one on June 16, 2003.

The computer program was a lot nicer about Democratic Alliance leader Tony Leon: "Mostly clear, with some unnecessarily long words and sentences. You get to the point, although with an occasional detour. Most educated readers will navigate the text with no difficulty. Longer words and sentences appear occasionally."

And Tony Leon's bull terms: "empower" (2), "reach out" (2), "leverage" (1) and "global" (1).

For all those who have been confused by the government's position on Zimbabwe, South Africa's cherubic Defence Minister, Mosiuoa Lekota, has finally cleared things up. Commenting on Zimbabwe opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai's detention, forget-me-not Lekota said: "Why do you leave the talks when the people agree let's go and talk? "

"He must go with his own position to the talks, and then Zanu must come with their own position. But when he left that, we felt he weakened our position. We really felt he weakened our position, but we will continue, even now, we continue to say to Mugabe, they've got to go to the talks."

Even Deloitte Touche's "Bullfighter" programme gave up when asked to analyse this statement.

A total of 24 new BMW automobiles, at a total cost of R25 million, were purchased during the past three years by the police for the presidencial cavalcade (consisting of Pres Thabo Mbeki and Deputy President Zuma). It includes four armoured series-7 BMW's - the same vehicle used by the well known Victoria Beckham, also known as Posh Spice.
According to experts the armour includes bullet-resistant bodies and windows, as well as reinforcing the vehicles to be landmine proof. These modifications can only be done in BMW's special factory in Germany. The purchases includes 12 series-5 BMW's in 2002-'03, 2 BMW X5-four drive vehicles in 2002-'03, 4 5-series BMW's in 2003-'04 and 2 BMW X5-four drive vehicles in 2003-'04. The total cost amounts to R24 909 675, enough to build 1720 low cost houses for the homeless.
The vehicles are used as official cars for the president and deputy president, with half of them stationed in Cape Town, the other half in Gauteng.
In an article in the magazine BMW News, the company reports on the presidential choice under the heading "BMW - the car the president prefers."
Also see Flying Presidential Style and Flying Deputy-presidential style.

Opposition parties have condemned an incident on an international Lufthansa flight during which Health Minister Manto Tshabalala-Msimang (left)  became abusive and swore at a fellow passenger. The incident occurred on a late night flight from Frankfurt to Cape Town April 28th, 2003, when passenger Jentz von Wichtingen (right) refused to sit next to her "because she is responsible for the deaths of thousands of South Africans as a result of her HIV/Aids policies". The bare-footed Tshabalala-Msimang told fellow passenger Jentz von Wichtingen, to "fuck off" and threatened to hit the Cape-Town based German on  from South Africa to Germany on Monday night.
Shortly before her overseas visit, she had addressed a mining summit at Midrand and had again, publicly rejected the use of anti-retrovirals to treat Aids patients.
A shocked Von Wichtingen, who has lived and worked in Sea Point for ten years, said on Monday he was totally stunned when the country's health minister told him loudly, and twice to "fuck off" in front of a number of passengers and crew.
She also stabbed her finger against his upper arm repeatedly, threatened him, told him she would hit him and said he "should have stayed in Germany."
In a statement  Democratic Alliance health spokesperson Sandy Kalyan said the time had long since gone for President Thabo Mbeki to fire Tshabalala-Msimang. "Surely among the ANC's almost 300 members of parliament there must be someone who would be less of an embarrassment to South Africa, someone who could do a better job.
"We are still waiting for Minister Tshabalala-Msimang to apologise for raising groundless fears about the safety and effectiveness of Nevirapine. She should add to this, by apologising to the passengers who witnessed her reported behaviour on this flight."
Kalyan said she should also apologise to the South African public for conduct unbecoming a member of cabinet.
Tshabala-Msimang's spokesperson Sibani Mngadi, who was with her on the flight, was not available for comment. However, his colleague Jo-Anne Collinge confirmed that she is aware "an incident" had occurred on the flight, but had not yet had an opportunity to speak to the minister. The Minister's office subsequently refused to comment on the incident, although Essop Pahad, minister in the president's office, chastised  the South African press and white South Africans for not showing "enough respect for black ministers". Pres Mbeki announced that it had no intention of taking any steps against Tshabalala-Msimang.

Manto Tshabala-Msimang, Minister of Health  appears to have moved to New York, understandably considering her total lack of popularity in South Africa. Why else would she have told Democratic Alliance MP Mike Waters, in response to a question in the National Assembly during September 2003: "I have flown in all the way from New York to answer your question and yet you are not listening to me."

Zanele Mbeki, wife of state president Thabo Mbeki, purchased a house in Summerstrand, Port Elizabeth, from the Department of Public Works in November 2001 for the amount of R440 000, without the Department asking for tenders. Ms Mbeki used her maiden name, Dlamini, for the transaction in an obvious move to hide her true identity. In July 2002 she put the same house up for sale, asking R875 000.
Mbeki's father, Govan Mebki, previously rented the house from the Department of Public Affairs before his death in August 2001. He was then deputy chairman of the National Council for Provinces.
When the deal became known, Zanele Mbeki-Dlamini offered to resell the house to the Department of Public Affairs at the original price. In February 2003 she finally agreed to do so, without giving any explanation. Newspapers were asked not go give any publicity to the matter.
A spokesperson of the Department of Public Works declined to comment.

Monwabisi Khundulu and his gang bludgeoned deaf pensioner Matheus Palvie and his wife, Jeanette Palivie, 54, to death with a hammer. They made off with an alarm clock, a pink pillowcase and four cigars.
The Truth and Reconciliation Commission refused amnesty to Khundulu, 43, in 1998, saying Jeannete Palvie "was killed out of malice".
Yet, in May 2002, Khundulu - who has also been repeatedly convicted ooff housebreaking and assault - was one of 33 prisoners, all of them memmbers of either the ANC or the PAC, who was set free by Pres Thabo Mbeki as "political prisoners".
Mbeki said he had pardoned them because "they were incolved in the struggle, and the reason they are in jail is a direct result of those activities". All of those given presidential pardon were refused amnesty by the Truth & Reconciliation Commission.
Mark Whale, a detective who helped solve the Palvie murders, said: "It was one of the most brutal murders I've seen. Two totally defenceless old people, and they attacked them with hammers."
Nine months before the murders Khundulu - then 28 and a member of the ANC yout organisation in Cradock - was released from prison where he had served time on three counts of housebreaking.
At his trial for the murders Khundulu was sentenced to death, which was later commuted to life imprisonment when the death penalty was abandoned in South Africa.
On hearing the news of Khundulu's pardon, Brigadier Eric Strydom - the Eastern Cape's top detective in the late 1980's - roared: "That was  not political. Is this a joke?"
Other of the 33 murderers pardoned by Mbeki include:

• PAC member Phakamile Cishe, who killed two policemen and a police informant at a shootout in Zwide, Port Elizabeth, in 1990; he was refused amnesty by the Truty & Reconciliation Commission;
• Dumisani Ncamazana, an APLA "soldier" sentenced to 51 years in prison for the bombing of the Highgate Hotel in East London and the murder of three people at a church in Mdantsane, as well as a police constable; he was refused amnesty by the Truth & Reconciliation Comission;
• The ANC-aligned "Mdantsane 12" gang who murdered four gang members in February 1987. They were refused amnesty by the Truth & Reconciliation Commission.

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

• 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
• 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
• 3 have done time for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
• 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the Past year
• 16 are illiterate and cannot read or write

Deputy Minister for Social Development David Malatsi believes that charity starts at home - and that the same applies to social development and affirmative action.
Malatsi received a donation of R100 000 from the Italian billionaire, Ricardo Agusta, in May 2002 to assist him in getting approval for developing the R450 million Roodepoort gholf estate near Plettenberg bay. This was the second donation, the first being R300 000 given to the New National Party (NNP) in April 2002.
The R100 000 was paid into an account on which Malatsi and his personal secretary, Mrs Mariaan Meyer, had signing rights. The donation was not declared to the NNP. Of this R18 000 was paid into Malatsi's bank account on Nov 14th, 2002, which amount in turn was paid over to a "guest house" in Bronkhorstspruit, ostensibly run by the Asibamhane Women's Project, for six days of accommodation (at R2 000 per day) for Malatsi, plus R1 000 per day for Malatsi's chauffeur. He claimed the expenses of R18 000 from the state, apparently for attending the World Conference on Sustainable Development.
The "guest house", which is not fully furnished, has no signboard and no proper sanitary facilities, belongs to Malatsi's wife.  The treasurer of Asibamhane is Malatsi's sister-in-law. His wife gave an invoice for R18 000 to Malatsi's chauffeur for the six days accommodation, requesting to pass it to the authorities for reimbursing Malatsi.
Malatsi was ousted from the NNP in January 2003. He stated at the time that he had "no intention to resign as a deputy minister", something he eventually did on January 28th, 2003, without explaining the situation regarding his accommodation expenses during the World Conference on Sustainable Development. He did make one last quotable quote, to whit: "There is only one person who is clean, and that is God".

Ivy Matsepe-Casaburri, former failed Chairperson of the SABC (who nominated herself for her reappointment) and got lost in Australia, later failed Premier of the Free State (where she failed to be elected as leader of the ANC in the province), and presently redeployed as Minister of Communications, has a problem with expressing herself clearly all the time. At a May Day rally in 2002, she spent nearly 90 minutes lecturing workers about everything from the duties of unions to the danger of HIV/Aids to the virtues of South Africa's first astronaut Mike Shuttleworth. When she saw that the bored workers were nodding off, she jolted them back to life in a way only she could.
"The (tripartite) alliance must be part of a broad progressive organisation that will continuously fight to defend racism," she declared solemny without batting an eyelid.

Former Transport Minister Mac Maharaj (left) and his wife received payments and gifts worth more than R500 000 from Durban-based businessman Shabir Shaik (right), who is under investigation by the Scorpions for his role in the arms deal. Most of the payments and gifts were given before Maharaj left the Cabinet in 1999. Under the parliamentary code of conduct, gifts and benefits worth more than R350 received by members, their spouses, companions or dependent children must be declared.
But not one of the gifts or payments is logged in Maharaj's parliamentary register of members' interests. Shaik, who is the personal financial adviser of Deputy President Jacob Zuma, is the chief executive of Nkobi Holdings and a director of Nkobi Investments. Nkobi Investments is part of the N3 Toll Road Consortium, which was awarded a R2.5-billion tender to upgrade the road from Johannesburg to Durban by the Department of Transport while Maharaj was the minister.
An Nkobi Holdings subsidiary, Kobitech, is part of the consortium Prodiba, which won a R265-million contract to produce new credit-card driver's licences. Maharaj declined to comment on the payments or on his relationship with Shaik.
He said: "All contracts awarded by the Department of Transport during my term of office are a matter of public record."
Documents scrutinised suggest that six payments totalling R260 000 were made to Maharaj and his wife in the four months after he announced N3 Toll Road Consortium as the preferred bidder.
Documents, including bank statements, invoices, financial records and faxes show that Shaik or his companies paid a total of R525 352 to Maharaj, his wife, Zarina, or her company, Flisan Investments.
In addition to the payments, an invoice shows that Shaik, through Nkobi Holdings, paid R49 857 for computers installed at Maharaj's home in Hyde Park, Johannesburg, in 1997.
An Nkobi Holdings official facilitated payment of import duties totalling R18 338 for a marble-top table imported from India by Maharaj's wife.
Shaik also arranged a trip to Disneyland for Maharaj and his family in July 1996.
Asked to comment, Shaik said: "I don't want to answer any of your questions. Tell the Scorpions to ask me those questions in court or ask Mac Maharaj to answer for himself."
In August 2003 Maharaj resigned as a director of FirstRand "to save the bank group embarassment", still denying any wrongdoing on his behalf. The investigation into Maharaj's activities is costing FirstRand more than a million rand for legal services rendered by the attorneys Hofmeyr Herbstein & Ghiwale, the auditing firm Deloitte & Touche, and full page advertisements in the press. The investigation only stated that, "on the basis of information submitted" no proof of wrongdoing could be found.
In the meantime Deputy President Jacob Zuma gave answers during August 2003 to some of the 35 questions put to him by the Scorpions, refusing to reply to questions which he regarded as an invasion of his privacy. Businessman Cyril Ramaphosa refused to act as mediator in the row between Zuma and adv Bulelani Ngcuka, under whose responsibility the Scorpions fall.
In a bizarre act Maharaj went on national television during September 2003, accusing Adv Ngcuka (head of the Scorpions which investigated the Zuma-Maharaj affair) of having been a government spy during the apartheid era. He could not explain why he, as a then member of the cabinet who appointed Ngcuka to this position, did not object then.
Judge Hefer found, after a court hearing costing the taxpayers an estimated R12 million, that there was no truth whatsoever in Maharaj's accusations of Ngcuka having being an apartheid era spy.

Intelligence Minister Lindiwe Sisulu has apologised for "the alleged insensitive and unsavoury" questioning of journalists undergoing security competence testing for the proposed new presidential press corps during April 2002.
This follows press reports that the National Intelligence Agency (NIA) has been questioning full details of journalists' sex lives,  including whether or not they had ever practised homosexual sex, as part of the security clearance process.
Among questions asked are who the journalist has slept with, whether that was a complete list of their sexual partners, and whether he or she has slept with members of the same sex.
The new presidential press corps is modelled along the lines of the White House press corps which has privileged access to the president and travels with him on occasion. It was proposed at the indaba between editors and senior journalists under the umbrella of the South African National Editors Forum (Sanef) and Cabinet in May 2001 and was scheduled to begin operation on April 30th, 2002.

It was jokingly said after the 1994 parliamentary elections that Parliament in Cape Town was infested by the Fat Cats. Now, it seems, that the place is infected by rats.
ANC-MP and party whip Elizabeth Thabethe wanted to know during a meeting in April 2002 of the committee for the national budget whether any funds had been budgeted for eradicating the rats. Lionel Klassen, divisional manager, organisational assistance, admitted that they were aware of the problem and that "it was receiving attention". Rats were not only present in the parliamentary cafeteria, but also in the offices of MP's, especially in the older part of the building complex and in the offices of three ANC MP's.
"They are big rats. I have seen them in the old parliamentary building, in the men's toilets, and some have eaten through doors. They not only are a health hazard, but have also already eaten valuable political documents" an officer in Parliament said.
It is not known whether any of the rats are MP's and of which party.

Winnie Madikizela-Mandela was unable to pay her bail of R5 000 in October 2001 when she appeared before the court in Pretoria to face 85 charges of theft and fraud. According to Madikizela-Mandela she "earns" R17 000 per month as a member of parliament, whilst her total monthly expenses runs to R72 169 per month. As chairperson of the ANC women's league she is not paid any salary.

Her monthly expenses includes R5 000 for electricity, R6 000 for telephone bills,  R10 671 for groceries for her "children and grandchildren", R2 800 for household staff, R4 5000 for body guards and R7 000 per month for hire purchase payments on her luxury Mercedes-Benz E240 Elegance car. According to her, she is dependent on "donations"  from friends and supporters, although none of these were declared in her compulsory declaration of gifts in the parliamentary records. In the latter heading for shares and other financial interests, remuneration for work outside of parliament, directorships in companies, consultancy work, sponsorhips, gifts, benefits, travel tickets, etc. she stated "Nothing to declare" in 2000.

Madikizela-Mandela complained about the fact that she was driven to court in a police vehicle that had no air conditioning. She offered her air-conditioned Mercedes Benz for the drive to court, which the policemen declined.

Politics, they say, makes strange bedfellows but the display by Minister of Sports and Recreation Ngconde Balfour (better known as "Minister Nostrils") in Cape Town in May 2001 had even his staunchest supporters shaking their heads in dismay. Welcoming delegates to the third meeting of the International Intergovernmental Consultative Group on Anti-Doping in Sport at a waterfront hotel, Balfour, obviously keen to show his international guests that sport in this country is united, asked his arch rival, Sam Ramsamy, to join him on the stage.
The National Olympic Committee of South Africa's (Nocsa) little Napoleon chose to interpret 'join' rather strangely, taking up a position at the far edge of the stage where he listened with increasing dismay to Balfour's buffoonish speech that contained insights that white men can't jump and that anyone who mentioned the Brumbies would be incarcerated on Robben Island.
As Balfour's speech rambled on, being constantly interrupted by gales of laughter (his own), Ramsamy's fixed grin became a grotesque grimace which, combined with his Yul Brynner hairstyle, made him look, as one guest, remarked, 'like a Mahatma Ghandi death mask'.
Could this, observers wondered, be the same Balfour who only a few months ago called a press conference to denounce the profligacy of Sam and his Nocsa buddies at the Sydney Olympics - only for Nocsa to tartly point out that it had funded Balfour's own lavish trip Down Under?

WHO'S FOR PRESIDENT?

Minister for Safety & Security Steve Tshwete (at left) went on national SABC TV in April 2001 and accused three senior ANC members, businessman (and former trade unionist) Cyril Ramaphosa, former premier of Gauteng Tokyo Sexwale, and former premier of Mpumalanga Mathews Phosa of plotting to oust president Thabo Mbeki and deputy-president Jacob Zuma from their positions.
Tshwete's claims were based on a statement made by ANC youth leader James Nkambulo, who is facing 77 charges of fraud and theft after embezzling R2,3 million from the Mpumalanga government.
Tshwete immediately called on the SA Police Services to undertake an official investigation into the allegations. Police Commissioner Jackie Selebi said: "It is our duty to investigate these kinds of allegations".
All three "plotters" vehemently denied the accuasations. Ramaphosa called the allegations "ludicrous and insane", Phosa said "It is rubbish" and Sexwale said "It is complete hogwash". Ex-president Nelson Mandela came to their defence, saying that he will "always regard them in high esteem".
Said DP deputy leader Douglas Gibson: "Who does Tshwete think he is? His job is to fight crime; that he is signally failing to do. The criminals are running rampant while he is abusing his office as the minister to fight internal party disputes in the ANC".
The ANC called the accusations by Tshwete and the way the matter was handled "a mistake", and pres Mbeki said the timing was bad and the names of the three accused should not have been mentioned in public.
Tshwete was unrepentant, refused to apologise for utilising the state's machinery to resolve an internal party matter, and accused the media of blowing up the matter.

A master of evasiveness, President Thabo Mbeki outdid himself in March 2001.
Asked by an MP to justify the R300-million jet that the government intends buying for his personal use, Mbeki effectively blamed his Cabinet.
"I will refer that matter to the Cabinet. I wasn't present when the matter was discussed and I am sure the Cabinet will find a way of answering the question".
The fact that the heads of state of a number of countries far more affluent than South Africa, including Japan, does not have a private jet for personal use and make use of public air transport, apparently does not impress the South African government.
No one could accuse Thabo Mbeki of being a cheapskate or flying with the herd. His personal jet Inkwazi has put a lot of his contemporaries to shame.
Tony Blair, for instance, flies British Air on long-distance flights, sis.
Australian prime minister John Howard has his own plane but sits in an ordinary aircraft seat, rather than a reclining sofa.
New Zealand prime minister Helen Clarke flies Air New Zealand. They seem to have no sense whatsoever of their own importance.
In May 2001 Mosiuoa Lekota, minister of defence, announced that an order had been placed with Boeing for a new transcontinental personal jet for Mbeki at a total cost of R587 million, almost twice the amount budgeted for. The president's existing private jet, a Falcon 900, will be retained as part of the VIP fleet. One alternative, that of upgrading one of the Air Force's existing Boeing 707's, was found "unacceptible".
Opposition parties pointed out that for the cost of the new private presidential jet, 6 000 vehicles could have been purchased for the Police, 15 000 houses could have been built for the poor, or 600 medical clinics could have been built. Boeing Business Jets delivered a luxurious Boeing Business Jet (BBJ) to the South African Air Force (SAAF) for Mbeki's use in June 2001. It is a special, high-performance derivative of the Next-Generation 737-700.
South African taxpayers had to fork out almost R700-million for the new presidential jet, but the Department of Defence played cloak and dagger with its latest acquisition, landing it under cover of darkness at midnight at Air Force Base Waterkloof late in October 2002.
Initially the minister of defence's spokesperson, Sam Mkhwanazi, described the arrival of the plane as a "non-event", saying it would be revealed at a function in four weeks' time, but after intense pressure from the media and political parties he said arrangements were being made to see if it could be photographed earlier. It never happened.
He did not want to give an exact arrival time and defence personnel were ordered not to give out any information about the aircraft.
Finally the Inkwazi, as the jet was named, was used by Mbeki for the first time in February 2003. He quietly left for a visit to France. Half an hour after take-off, the jet had to return to it's base due to noise emanating from a door. After repairs requiring 7 hours, the plane again left for Europe, causing Mbeki to arrive late for his appointment.
In a statement, DA MP Nick Clelland-Stokes called the new plane "a symbol of presidential power and ego".
Read: A disastrous reign

Tony Yengeni is a staunch supporter of the SA Communist Party. That, however, does not prevent him from supporting the government's controversial macroeconomic policy and privatisation, and he is of the opinion that "there is nothing wrong morally or politically for black people to become millionares". He is not only chief whip of the ANC in parliament, but was also chairman of the joint standing committee on defence when the controversial R43 billion armaments deal was announced.
It now transpires that, whilst he was chairman of the joint standing committee on defence, he received a state-of-the-art Mercedes benz ML320 4x4 vehicle from Daimler-Chrysler's aerospace division called DaimlerChrysler Aerospace (DASA), which was awarded a R220-million subcontract in the R43-billion arms deal.
The car, with registration number CA 80233, was ordered as a "private staff vehicle" by DASA, but three days after delivery was registered in the name of Tony Yengeni in Pretoria in October 1998. A few days later is was licensed in Cape Town- again in Yengeni's name. The traffic department's records lists the titleholder as being Stannic Bank, but the bank has denied this. Yengeni applied to DaimlerChrysler Financial Services to finance the vehicle eight months after he registred it - when questions were asked about how he paid for it.
Yengeni refused to given answers to the following question:

• Whether he paid a deposit for his 4x4 and, if so, how much;
• Why the car's registration papers, bearing his signature, list Stannic as the titleholder. Stannic denies it financed the car;
• Why he waited seven months after registering the car in his name to enter into a financial agreement with DaimlerChrysler Financial Services;
• Why his 4x4 was insured 140 days after it was registered in his name; and
• How he ended up with a car that was ordered by DaimlerChrysler Aerospace SA (DASA) as a "staff vehicle".

Tony Yengeni (middle) arrives at Pollsmoor prison to start his sentence.

Pres Thabo Mbeki announced in November 1998 that the Cabinet "unanimously" supported a new armaments procurement contract for the SA National Defence Force to the tune of R29,9 billion. He denied that Trevor Manuel, Minister of Finance, was worried about the influence of such a large expense on the national economy. In September 1999 the contract was finally approved by Cabinet, but in the meantime it had increased to R43,8 billion (an increase of 46%).
"Worried ANC MP's" leaked a document to Patricia de Lille, PAC MP, with accusations that senior ANC members in the Government have received bribes from weapons manufacturers. Jayendra Naidoo, chief negotiatior for the Weapons Contract, denied the accusations as "rubbish".
Despite promises by Mbeki that counter trade agreements for R104 billion and the creation of 65 000 job opportunities will realise as a result of the deal, it attracted extensive criticism. It is argued that a country with grave social-economic backlogs cannot afford to spend double the annual budget for social services on fighter planes, corvettes and submarines. The value of the defence contract is R10 billion more than the national health budget for 2000-2001.
On November 30th, 1999 De Lille delivered "five or six boxes of documents" with "proof" of bribery of senior ANC members to Judge Willem Heath of the Special Investigating Unit, known for his thorough investigations into various matters as the "corruption crusher" and "Judge Dread". The "proofs" came from the Coalition for Defence Alternatives, a pacifist NGO who claimed that they received their information from ANC MP's and other ANC members who believe that the Government had "renounced the struggle" with the Defence contracts.
In September 2000 Shauket Fakie, Auditor-General (AG) found that "substantial deviations" from the accepted procurement procedures for allocating tenders occurred. He also expressed concern about the fact that the guarantees for counter trade were insufficient, and recommended a forensic investigation the the primary and secondary contracts.
The AG's report and other documents were given to the Parliamentary Standing Committee on Public Accounts (SCOPA), who came to the conclusion that "improper influence" was executed in the choice of the contractors, and expressed concern that vested interests and a conflict of interests were not eliminated. The estimation of 65 000 jobs to be created, was described as "adventurous" and "optimistic" by SCOPA, who also criticised the Government for not properly informing the public about the reasons for the increase from R29,9 billion to R43,8 billion in the total cost of the contract.
SCOPA recommended to Parliament that, due to the complicated and overlapping nature of the investigation, four organisations - the Auditor General, the Public Protector (PP), the Heath investigation unit, and the Investigation Directorate for Serious Economic Misdemeanours - co-operate to thoroughly investigate the very serious allegations regarding the armaments deal. SCOPA's report was approved by Parliament on November 3rd, 2000, to which the four organisations agreed on November 13th,  2000 to co-operate in their investiations.
Gavin Woods, chairperson of SCOPA, requested in writing on December 8th, 2000, at the explicit request of the AG, the Public Protector, and the Directorate for Serious Economic Misdemeanours, that the Heath unit be part of the investigations and requested that Mbeki issue a proclamation to this effect. It was clear that the government were reluctant to employ the services of the Heath investigating unit.
On January 10th, 2000 adv. Selby Baqwa, the Public Protector, recommended (at the request of Penuell Maduna, Minister of Justice) that Mbeki not approve "at this stage" the participation of the Heath unit. Baqwa wrote the letter without the knowledge of Woods.
At a surprising press conference on January 12th, 2001 four ministers, Alec Erwin, Mosiuoa Lekota, Trevor Manuel and Jeff Radebe, unexpectedly announced that SCOPA has "misconceptions" about the weapons contract. On January 19th, in a nationwide broadcast, Mbeki described SCOPA's conclusions about the weapons contract as "wrong".  He unleashed a blistering attack on Woods in the form of a letter from Deputy president Jacob Zuma saying that Woods had acted beyond his powers by writing the letter to Mbeki. He further admonished judge Heath for having questioned the integrity of the President and his ministers, and waded into Heath for undermining the competence of other investigative entities.
Mbeki further said that the Western Cape Director of Public Prosecutions, Frank Kahn, and the Heath unit's legal adviser, Jan Lubbe had found that there was no prima facie evidence of criminality in the arms deal. Except that is not all that the two men said. It happens that both Mbeki and Penuell Maduna, Minister of Justice, quoted selectively from Lubbe and Kahn's legal opinion, who both recommended that the Heath unit investigate the arms deal.
Three days later the ANC members of SCOPA changed their tune and supported Mbeki in his view that Heath's unit should not form part of the investigations. Andrew Feinstein is removed as chairman of the ANC's component of the committee, which is also bolstered by new party loyalists. According to ANC circles Feinstein "had drifted away, beyond the reach of party discipline".
Mbeki later announced that he would not refer any further investigations to the Heath unit because they are "overloaded" with work.
In August 2003 the investigation unit of the Scorpions, headed by adv Gerda Ferreira, unanimously recommended that Deputy Pres Jacob Zuma be prosecuted for corruption because prima facie evidence exists that he tried to obtain R500 000 from a French arms company Thomsons-CSF. However, Adv Bulelani Ngcuka, director of public prosecution, yielded under intense political pressure and announced that he would not prosecute Zuma. Zuma's financial adviser, Shabir Shaik, was however arrested for similar offences. Zuma's gifts and benefits from Shaik and other parties will be referred to Parliament for a decision.
See: Making the weapon's scandal disappear. and A disastrous reign

The April 2000 issue of Getaway magazine, a journal which caters for owners of 4x4s and their like, contains an interesting article under the by-line of the head of state, Pres Thabo Mbeki, dealing with the "African renaissance".
One paragraph in the article states: "We recall that African armies at Omduraman in the Sudan and Isandhlwana in South Africa defeated the armies of the mighty British Empire."
"Omduraman" could not be found in the history books, nor on any map of the world. But detective work on the Internet uncovered a Battle of "Omdurman" in 1898 when Kitchener clashed with the Mahdist forces of Muhammad Ahmad. Unfortunately Kitchener's lot killed 11 000 and wounded 16 000 while British losses totalled 430.

Deputy president Jacob Zuma decided that having two wives was not enough: each had to have her own official government sponsored car. The polygamist deputy president is divorced from his former third wife, Minister of Foreign Affairs Nkosazana Zuma, who receives a government car in her own right as a minister of the cabinet. After their divorce Nkosazana Zuma claimed that she had been Jacob Zuma's "only legal wife".
Opposition groups criticised Zuma, who is number two to President Thabo Mbeki, for obtaining a Mercedes and an off-road Toyota worth R557 500 each at the taxpayers' expense. A letter issued by the Office of the Presidency in reply to a written question from the opposition Democratic Party said the cars were "for the spouses of the Deputy President."
A government spokesman told local newspapers that the two cars were "justified because Zuma carried out additional duties to that of an ordinary sitting member of parliament". The opposition United Democratic Movement blasted the government for encouraging a culture of self-indulgence and enrichment while millions of South Africans live in abject poverty.

Polygamist deputy president Jacob Zuma's conjugal visits to his wives is costing the South African taxpayers a small fortune. During the first four months of 2000, visits to just KwaZulu-Natal has run up a flight bill of R656 530. It includes two Air Force helicopter flights to see one of his two wives at a cost of more than R67 000. The bulk of the flights have been "official".
Twice, in January 2000 and over the Easter weekend, Zuma has been flown in an air force Oryx helicopter to visit MaKhumalo Zuma, who lives at Nkandla in rural northern KwaZulu-Natal. His other wife, Kate Zuma, lives in Johannesburg. These visits alone cost R67 704 at an average cost of R16 926 an hour, according to information supplied by the Air Force. The deputy president has run up further bills of at least R743 559 on other flights this year.
Zuma's spokeswoman, Mathula Magubane, said all flights had been "necessary". "He has to go to his home sometime", she said, not quite explaining where "home" is supposed to be.
He has been flown on a variety of air force aircraft - including the Falcon 900 and smaller Falcon 50, a transport plane (Casa 212), Oryx and BK117 helicopters, and a twin propeller craft. Their cost in the air ranges between R4 259 and R9 038 an hour.
Kate Zuma died on December 8th, 2000. The Presidency announced that she had died of heart failure, and she was given a semi-state funeral that was addressed by Pres Thabo Mbeki and Nelson Mandela.
In March 2001 it was announced that she did, in fact, die of an overdose of drugs which she had taken.
For the time being deputy president Zuma has only one wife. Watch this space.

Dr Fido Maforah was appointed as chief director in the Department of Welfare in May 1998. Since then the department has been riddled with allegations of corruption. One of her assistant directors, Olga Mtheleni, is in jail for defrauding a poverty relief project of R800 000.
Another former senior department official in the Western Cape is being investigated by the state prosecutor for allegedly defrauding the poverty alleviation programmes of approximately R500 000.
In February 2000 the Auditor-General disclosed that the Welfare Department had spent less than 1% of the R204-million it was allocated for poverty relief in the 1998/99 financial year. Parliament heard in March 2000 that poor South Africans were deprived of more than R500-million over the past three years because the  Welfare Department was incapable of distributing funds, including those for poverty relief, disability grants, pensions, child support grants and HIV/AIDS projects.
In March 2000 Maforah was suspended by the Minister of Welfare and Population Development, Zola Skweyiya, after allegations of financial irregularities in her department.
During all this time Maforah was allegedly recruiting staff as distributors for Amway - one of the world's largest direct-selling companies - to sell household goods including pots, pans, perfumes, washing powder, cosmetics, multivitamins and car-washing liquids. For every person she recruited who sold productrs, Maforah was paid an extra bonus.
Allegations include that Maforah:

• Displayed her products to provincial welfare co-ordinators during poverty alleviation workshops held in expensive hotels;
• Kept her Amway products in her office cupboard in the Pretoria headquarters of the national Department of Welfare in the Hallmark building;
• Held group sessions every Thursday with her Amway recruits at the department;
• Recruited five staff memebrs into joining Amway - some have left the department but are still distributors;
• Asked a former welfare director, in 1997 when she worked for the department in the Western Cape, at a meeting in Mmbatho, if she could use a committee room to do "sideline business" to recruit and sell Amway products.

“We’ve been standing here on the street longer than 26 seconds. Nobody has been raped”.

"Adapt or die!"
- Min Membathisi Mdladlana, Minister of Labour, in an address during February 2001 directed to farmers in South Africa. In view of the fact that more than a thousand farmers had been murdered since the ANC/SA Communist Party regime took over in 1994, this was regarded as an extremely unhappy choice of words. Mdladlana was unrepentant.

Within one week of being appointed as Minister of Safety and Security, the national chairman of the South African Communist Party Charles Nqakula was asked to comment on the statistic that one out of every three children in South Africa are abused some time or another. Replied Nqakula:
"I have more than three children at home, and yesterday not one of them was abused".

During the World Summit on Sustainable Development, held in Johannesburg during August 2002,  Joburg Mayor Amos Masondo and chief executive of the event organising company Moss Mashishi held a press conference. Masondo extolled his own virtues as mayor and extensively described his own contributions

Masondo droned on endlessly about what a nice place Joburg was and Mashishi about what a great job Masondo had done. "I know I'm making a meal of this," said Mashishi. "I want to thank everybody who put their wheel to their shoulder."

See if you can spot the racist bigot.

If we said, "think politician," you would probably think of a fat man kissing a baby or a bungling fool with his feet in his mouth. Combine these images - the fat and the foolish parts - and readd these extracts that come from the official minutes of a UCB meeting with South African minister of sport Ngconde Balfour (photo at left), known as "Mr Nostrils", and your vision comes alive...

"You say black players don't want to feel like quota players. Tough shit. It is the media that calls them that. It is for more players than them. If they can't stand it they must get out. I don't care a shit about that. They must take the pressure like we had to in the struggle," the Minister said.

The Minister said that he did not go to Newlands to watch players like Boucher and Kallis (photo at right). He went to watch Paul Adams and Makhaya Ntini. "Who is Jacques Kallis? Jacques Kallis means nothing to me," he said, adding that black people wanted black people on the field.

Makhenkesi Arnold Stofile was premier of the Eastern Cape Province from February 1997 to May 2004. During his term of office, he was severely criticised for mismanagement and the high level of corruption in his province, the poorest in the country. It was no surprise that he was not re-appointed as premier by pres Thabo Mbeki after the April 2004 elections. To everyone's surprise, he was however appointed as Minister of Sport and Recreation in the national cabinet.
After his appointment, Stofile commented as follows: "It's as if a huge rock has been lifted off my shoulders... The media made me out to be a thief who did not have the interests of the people at heart. The people of the Eastern Cape were disrespectful, they fabricated lies and were always conspiring."

One may forgive the Minister in the Office of the Presidency, Essop Pahad -- in charge of things like the presidential press corps (PPS) and Government Communications and Information System (GCIS) -- for silly slips of the tongue. After all, he has a lot on his mind what with South Africa's spies having to drop their questions about hacks' sex lives, but still insisting on personal interviews and full financial disclosures.

So during his GCIS budget speech in May 2002 it was out of pure exhaustion over how best to get government's message across that the minister kept referring to the PPS as the press corpse in his written speech ...

During a debate early in the 1997 Parliamentary session, Andries Beyers (NP) was speaking. Nkenke Kekana (ANC/SACP) interjected: "Mr Chairman, on a point of order: is it in order for a member to mislead this House by claiming that..."
The temporary chairman, Kisten Rajoo intervened: "Order! That is not a point of order. Please be seated".
Kekana: "Mr Chairman..."
Rajoo: "Order! That is not a point of order. I have made my ruling. The honourable member Mr Beyers may proceed".
Piet Coetzer (NP): "Mr Chairman, I rise on a point of order. I apologise to my colleague, but his time is not running because the clock stops. The previous speaker who tried to raise a point of order, which was not a point of order, said specifically that the hon Mr Beyers was misleading the House. I ask your ruling on that".
Rajoo: "Order! I cannot rule on what a previous speaker stated when another presiding officer was chairing".
Coetzer: "Mr Chairman, if I may further address you on this point: I was specifically referring to the accusation by the hon member Mr Kekana who stood up and tried to raise a point of order while you were in the chair. I am not referring to a previous speaker".
Rajoo: "I have already ruled that the hon member was out of order and I ordered him to be seated. I told the hon member Mr Beyers to continue. If the point of order was not recognised, how can I rule on what was said? The hon member may continue".
Wille Hofmeyr (ANC): "Mr Chairman, on a point of order: Is it in order for the chair to rule on a point fo order without hearing what it is?"
Rajoo: "Order! I have given my ruling. If the hon member wants to take it up, he should lease put it in writing to me. The hon member may continue...."
[Laughter in the house].

SLIPPING STANDARDS

ANC MP Maria Rantho, as reported in a speech delivered in Parliament:
"It is imperative to get rid of merit as the overriding principle in the appointment of public servants".

A SOUND KNOT

ANC MP Johnny de Lange, who is also chairman of Parliament's Justice Committee, is known to seldom wear a tie round his neck. Apparently he has been warned that he should be more presentable when he appears in public.
So when colleague Willie Hofmeyr (also without a tie) asked him to honour a request for an interview from the national broadcaster, De Lange obliged, but dashed for his tie first.
It was only when he arrived in the studio that he realised that he was required for an interview on radio.

SCORE CARD

The Democratic Party announced its "report card" on the national government during November 1997, awarding ministers marks out of ten.
Four ministers scored nil out of ten. They are:

* dr Sibusiso Bengu (Minister of Education), for getting rid of the most experienced teachers;
* Sankie Mthembi-Mahanyele (Minister of Housing), for firing the excellent Director-General Billy Cobbet after he exposed the Motheo housing scandal;
* Alfrex Nzo (Minister of Foreign Affairs) for his lack of a unified foreign policy; and
* Steve Tshwete (Minister of Sport) for ensuring that the government interferes in sport.
Min Nkosazana Zuma received one out of ten, the motivation being that "it is remarkable that she spent only R2,8 million to improve her image".

LISTING IT ALL

In February 1998 the Register of MP's Interests was published. Of all the lists of gifts from ingratiating favour seekers, none was as impressive as that of Labour Minister Tito Mboweni.
His gifts included "Hat, Wine and Glass, Two Ties, Miss SA, Desk Mate, Tie, Cuff Links".
Initially several MP's listed little or nothing, including the Minister of Sport, Steve,Tshwete, and Jannie Momberg, ANC MP. After initially disclosing nothing, Momberg stepped forward to declare interests in excess of R400 000, closely followed by Tshwete, who initially listed only the gift of a bubu (African suit) but then came forward to declare that he had received three bottles of brandy from the Greek Minister of Sport. It is unknown whether the latter was given before or after October 5, 1997, the day the International Olympic Committee awarded the 2004 Olympic Games to Athens.

WELL DRESSED

Deputy minister of Environmental Affairs and Tourism, Peter Mokaba, was forced to repay two amounts of R7 360 and R13 098 respectively which he spent, using his official ministerial credit card, in the United States and Monaco. It was for new clothes - a suit in the US, and a coat, jacket and two trousers in Monaco. Mokaba claimed that the purchases were necessary to replace lost luggage. Further purchases in South Africa at Pick 'n Pay and CNA, also using his ministerial credit card, also had to be repaid.
"I dress well because I am not a white liberal, and I will not go to our people with unkempt clothes", Mokaba said.
Mokaba was also in the news when he had to repay R1 400 at the end of 1997 after he used office facilities to copy and distribute an ANC document.

VANISHING PARLIAMENT

According to a list handed out to staff and members of South Africa's main legislature, thousands of rands worth of personal belongings, from microwave ovens to laptop computers have gone missing from the Parliamentary buildings in 1996.
A rash of thefts was reported in the initial stages of South Africa's new democracy, when the feeling of freedom appeared to extend to taking anything from TV sets from offices, to electronic diaries belonging to ANC minister's wives.
In September 1996 police handed out lists of stolen articles. In two cases, duplicate keys were used to open offices and steal computers. Other examples on the list: microwave ovens, "12 cups and saucers, 2 steal (sic) mugs plus computer mouse. Kitchen not locked".
Duplicate keys were also used to steal answering machines, a R50 note, dictaphone and calculator, and R200 was stolen from a locked, steel cabinet.
Other items reported include: "Windscreen wipers (Durablades)...replaced by old wipers". "Silver hubcap off Mazda Sting". Then a few days later the other three were stolen from the same government car. Also reported missing were a silver toilet handle, a pair of size 9½ men's black shoes, 10 lengths of cream curtains, three Collins thesauri, two law dictionaries and a multi-language dictionary.
It was reported that the minister's wife's electronic dictionary mysteriously reappeared back in her office after it had been reported missing in the list that was distributed.

NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN

IFP MP Albert Mnewango, during the debate on the Land Restitution and Reform Laws Amendment Bill in Parliament:
"Minister Derek Hanekom likes to pretend that the issue has been successfully negotiated and resolved, but that is only because he runs around like one of the former ministers of Native Affairs, issuing orders left, right and centre".

VOTING WITH THEIR KIDS

The ANC used its majority in the Education Committee in parliament to bulldoze through the amended Schools Bill, which will ensure an "egalitarian schools system". The vast majority of the committee send their children to private schools, which will be unaffected by the changes prescribed by the bill.

ABOVE AVERAGE

After awarding themselves a 15% salary increase and a 30% increase in their car allowances in 1996, the average member of parliament earned 32 times more than the average South African. The chairperson of the Youth Commission, 26 year old Mahlangu Bengu, earned R30 000 per month. During 1996 the State appointed 1 723 consultants, who earned a total of R347,2 million.

PREMATURE PARTY

The biggest party held during 1996 was to celebrate the acceptance of the final Constitution. It was held at the Parliament on March 9th, at a cost of R1,3 million. During the party Finance Minister Trevor Manuel danced a merry jig with trade union Cosatu boss Sam Shilowa. Afterwards the Constitutioal Court referred the constitution back to Parliament to amend a number of articles, and the final constitution was only signed on December 10th, 1996 - nine months after the celebratory party.

ACCOUNTABILITY AND SEAMANSHIP

Aide Sefako Nyaka was brought in to polish up the image of the premier of Mapumalanga,  Mr "Lies" Ndaweni Mahlangu. At a press conference after Mahlangu delivered his opening addres  to the provincial parliament, Mahlangu was asked some questions by journalists regarding his opening speech. Before Mahlangu could try to reply, Nyaka stepped in:
"He cannot comment on the content of his speech because he did not write it, and you may therefore ask him something he does not know" he cut journalists short.
Later in the year, addressing the Mpumalanga Legislature this week, Mahlangu used some interesting maritime language.
Said he: "We have reached the calm seas. But we can  still hear the sound of the raging seas as wave upon angry wave batter the hull of our raft, throwing us from one end of the ship to the other."
Not bad for the premier of a landlocked province.

DEAD GIVEAWAY

Addressing the media in Cape Town on the occasion of the  ANC's 87th birthday, President Thabo Mbeki told a story of two white men in Eskom clothing who climbed up a pole on the Cape Flats and, after tinkering with cables, left in an Eskom van. Local residents  immediately knew they were policemen because, he said, "since when have you seen a white man go up a pole?"
The surveillance cameras planted on the pole were promptly stolen.

SEEING RED

The SACP (South African Communist Party) is well represented in the cabinet. But the party is worried about the uncomradely behaviour of some of its most prominent members.
There's Public Service and Administration Minister Geraldine  Fraser-Moleketi (deputy chairman of the SACP), who is stifling  the wage demands of public sector workers.
Then there's Public Enterprises Minister Jeff Radebe (central  committee of the SACP), who is overseeing the withering away of the state by rapid privatisation.
There's Provincial Affairs Minister Sydney Mufamadi (central  committee of the SACP), who plans to trim public servants at a local level by  introducing "public-private partnerships".
And, of course, there's Trade and Industry Minister Alec Erwin  (central committee of the SACP), who is seeing that global capital flows in and out of the country with as few restrictions as possible.
 With communists like these, who needs capitalists?

SAYING IT AS IT IS

The curriculum vitae of Deputy President, Jacob Zuma, is posted on the official government web site for the world to see.  Listed under positions and "other activities" is the rather bland statement: "Involved in human rights abuses while in exile."

MORAL  RECTITUDE

Probably less intentional, but equally illuminating, was the submission by the New National Party's Ludwig Andersen during the debate in the provincial assembly over moral regeneration during May 2002. "This House, yes, Madam Speaker every member of this House, must commit him or her today to the moral degeneration process in this province," he told the delighted gathering.

Barely four hours after being appointed Communications Minister, Ivy Matsepe Casaburri made her first mistake.
In a television interview on the SABC, which she once headed,  she twice referred to the burden of having to solve the "2YK"  problem - the millennium bug that threatened to crash the world's computers. The minister was quietly advised to use the correct phrase - Y2K - if she wanted to win the confidence of the communications world.

When the Auditor General, Henri Kluver, brought out a report on the finances of the Strategic Oil Fund during 1997, the then Minister of Minerals, Energy and Oil Affairs Penuell Maduna accused him of hiding a R170-million transaction and being guilty of "some nimble footwork" and hiding "behind the fig leaf" of secrecy surrounding oil transactions during a National Assembly date in June 1997.
R30 million later for legal and auditing costs paid by the taxpayer, an investigation ordered by the Minister proved that nothing untoward happened to the funds and that the R170-million "loss" was the result of a change in accounting procedures.
The Minister has yet to apologise to Kluver, or explain the expenditure of the investigtion in Parliament. He was, however, ordered to apologise in parliament by a parliamentary committee who investigated the matter.
Public Protector Selby Baqwa, who investigated the matter further (considering 25 000 pages of written evidence) and filed a report to Parliament, found that the Maduna has "knowlingly misled the public". By making disparaging remarks against an independent institution such as the auditor-general (whilst knowing that the accusations were untrue), Maduna also "violated the spirit of the Constitution, which compels the organs of state to protect such institutions". Baqwa has recommended that Parliament find an appropriate sanction for such a transgression but also said that the matter is too serious to be remedied by a simple apology. The Speaker of Parliament, Frene Ginwala, has established a committee of MPs to discuss the report and recommend a course of action on Maduna, who now is Minister Justice and Constitutional Development .
In April 2000 Baqwa glided into Parliament to appear before the committee, again stating that Maduna had acted unconstitutionally in making the false accusations against an office protected in the Constitution and had to be censured.
The investigation into Maduna's allegations took two and a half years to complete, generated 25 000 pages of evidence, and cost taxpayers about R30-million to complete.
To date Maduna has not apologised to either Kleuver or Parliament, and the ANC has yet to act against him.
ANC MP Andries Nel was asked early in 2000 to chair a committee to consider the contentious report from the Public Protector.
After postponing the reporting date times, the committee eventually delivered its report to Parliamant at the end of February 2001.  The committee, loaded with ANC supporters, did little more than pass on most of the issues raised by Baqwa to a clutch of parliamentary committees, and limply failed to pronounce on the issue of a further sanction against Maduna. Instead, it referred the issue of legislative measures to ensure institutions like the auditor general are protected, to parliament's constitutional review commitees and the justice commitee.
The jury is still out on suitable ways to act against the false allegations made by Maduna against Kluever.

GOLDEN HANDSHAKE
Subtitle: Who wants to be a millionaire?

Faith Sithole was sacked as head of the Mpumalanga Education Department by the new MEC for education, Craig Padayachee, in Jaunary 2000. This followed after manipulation of matric results in December 1998 when examiners noticed that Mpumalanga's matric pupils' marks in certain subjects were extremely bad. The examiners recommended that the marks be moderated by adding up to 60 marks, leading to an increase of between 15 and 20 percentage points in some subjects' results.
In July 1999 Sithole was suspended and subsequently charged with negligence and misrepresentation in that she authorised the release of the fraudulent reults. Four months later, still waiting for a disciplinary hearing, Sithole informed the department she would be returning to her post. A second suspension on new charges promptly followed. This time she was accused of failing to disclose interest in a company which supplied textbooks and stationery to schools and of ordering cleaning chemicals without following procedures. Sithole denied all charges and claims that she was made a scapegoat for the matric results scandal.
After sacking her, the department offered Sithole R2,6 million or a position in the Premier's Office.
She took the money.

PAID TO STAY AT HOME

The Mpumalanga provincial government is currently spending at least R1-million a month to keep more 100 corrupt officials away from work. Moreover, officials from the African National Congress complain that the cost of taking disciplinary action against corrupt officials is often higher than simply paying the officials not to work.
According to detailed charges released in March 2000 by the Mpumalanga administration, larger numbers of senior provincial employees were involved in corruption than previously thought. The 106 officials accused of corruption have been suspended pending internal investigations into the charges but are still being paid their monthly salaries and benefits despite not working.
The officials include a health department employee who allegedly refused to assist a drowning patient at a provincial hospital, three teachers who have allegedly attempted to rape school pupils and a fourth teacher who is accused of sexually abusing a pupil.
Documents presented in the Mpumalanga legislature show that a housing department official forged documents to secure a free house for his mother while a public works official allegedly defrauded the state of R3-million by awarding tenders to a company he owned.
ANC officials say that scores of other charges are being investigated.

DIRECTOR-GENERAL OF MPARALANGA

In May 2000,  a Department of Public Service and Administration investigation into  the qualifications of 71 senior officials in the Mpumalanga province found that 10 of them have fake degrees. The qualifications of 10 others are being viewed as "highly suspicious".
Director-general Shadreck Coleman Nyathi has spun a web of lies from Zimbabwe to South Africa about his academic qualifications and citizenship. It is alleged that he is an illegal immigrant from Zimbabwe.
Nyathi, who is the administrative head and accounting officer of Mpumalanga,  denied lying on his CV and twice told the Sunday Times reporter that "if you expose me I will kill you. I will shoot you."
Nyathi claimed in his CV that:

• He was a "doctor of business administration" - but the Sunday Times has established that he has only a Std 8 and a diploma; and
• He was marketing director designate with the Zimbabwe Tourist Development Corporation, now called the Zimbabwe Tourism Authority, but it denies he held a management position.

• The politics of the New South Africa
• A disastrous reign

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