Side Note: Wye Oslo is Way Too Bad

King Hussain's look of great consternation kept me at the edge of my seat. But at some point during the signing ceremony, I was not sure if his was a look of great discomfort or a forewarning of an impending burst of laughter at Arafat. Both old and ailing Arab leaders presented a stark contrast to the energetic Clinton and aggressive Bibi. The symbolism may be trivial but hard to ignore. The Old Middle East is still with us today thanks in part to the American crutch.

I have grown to like Oslo, but for all the wrong reasons. Perversely, there is a sense of sports-like adventure involved in Oslo not unlike bungee jumping with minimal energy loss. It's a matter of time before one stares the brink in the eyes again, and again, and again.

Oslo, and its nephew Wye, have signaled the end of conspiracies almost over night. You see, there has to be an element of mystery to a conspiracy. As of Wye, many Arab conspiracy theorists have been put out of business. Now the CIA is a publicized part of the Oslo arrangement just as the Mossad was before. CIA and Mossad regional offices in Amman and Ramallah are ready for applicants. Next time an old Hajji at the corner café cries CIA conspiracy, please remind him politely it's now modus operandi.

Another fringe benefit to Oslo is in the field of Israeli physics. Only in the West Bank is 13.1% less than 5%. It all depends on time and space. To be more specific, it's a matter of wasting more time to grab more Palestinian real-estate space. Einstein, while a genius, did not anticipate the Israeli version of Relativity. I propose the GMAT and the GRE consider a section on Illogical Reasoning to prepare the future generations of negotiators.

While Camp David seemed a decisive step, Oslo is the mother of all processes. For Palestinians, Oslo is a process of a process of a process. It's a permanent test of their worthiness to Israelis. Oslo has left an indelible mark on the psyche of Palestinians and Arabs. It was the crowning achievement of Arafat’s failures and that of his advisors. The more progress made under Oslo, the greater the risk of explosion at a later stage possibly erasing prior achievements.

This escalation has been the hallmark of this poor incrementalism devised in Washington and adopted in Tunis. Many have predicted Arafat will run out of rabbits before reaching the end point. Well, they have exaggerated. Not only is he out of tricks before the half way point, he has taken it upon himself to kill the few rabbits still up his sleeve. Arafat's systematic liquidation of the Palestinian resistance will prove costly. Good intentions can never be an excuse for incompetence, again, and again, and again.

Now that Oslo is part and parcel of the Palestinian experience, and in recognition of the immense contributions of this accord to our political nomenclature, I propose the following engraving on future coins of the PNA: "In Oslo We Trusted." Such coins could make a great addition to any collector’s set.

Many of us have grown to like Oslo. Sure it's a nerve-wrecking experience. But it would have been a dull life in its absence. The Palestinains have been living on the brink of annihilation since the founding of Israel either from direct confrontation with the Jewish state or nearby Arab regimes. It's only befitting even during a political settlement that Palestinians continue to walk a tight rope under the threat of total violence.

May 1999 is the Palestinian’s date with another cataclysm. With Arafat cornering himself and the Palestinians, again, into a corner, the future looks less promising as the expiration date of the Oslo can of worms looms near.

While the world gears up for year 2000 bug glitches and stoppages, Palestinians are left with the almost surreal scenario of the last fight for their existence. In May 1999, an all or nothing battle, albeit one-sided, will ensue with an enemy with killer and unrefined ways. Welcome to the May 1999 Arafat Bug and there seems no fix in sight to download. What a thoughtful gift to the Palestinians that promises to keep on giving even after Arafat is gone.

In light of this historic moment, I call upon Mustafa Akkad, the great director, to start plans immediately for the first Arab science fiction epic movie. It should be titled, "Oslo Strikes Back, again, and again, and again, …"

The closing dialog should read something like this:

KIRK: Beam me up Scotty.

(silence)

KIRK: Scotty, are you there. Scotty, get me out of hear NOW.

(silence)

KIRK: Scotty, that’s an ORDER.

SCOTTY: I am behind you Captain . You don’t have to shout like this.

KIRK: OH NO! IF YOU ARE HERE SCOTTY, WHO IS UP THERE?!?

ARAFAT: Hello my friend and partner Captain Kirk, this is your partner President, not Chairman, Arafat. You have nothing to worry about. Your safety is my safety. I know how to run the Starship Enterprise, the ship of the brave.

KIRK: DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING ALIEN BEING.

ARAFAT: I know what I am doing my dear partner Captain Kirk. I promise to get you out of there in an Oslo minute .

Collective cries of horror.

FADE TO BLACK.