THE BOOZE HOUND'S CORNER
A Service for Anyone and Everyone Who Likes to Paaaaahty
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of beer."
- Homer Simpson
As an accomplished booze-hound, I thought it was only proper to share my tales and insights with fellow drunkards. What you will find on this page are an impressive array of drinks, bars across the country, and ratings of places to party.
Sit back, crack open a frosty cold one, and enjoy...
- Big Dog
FYI - This is not beer
DRINKS!
Like the Allstonians say, we should be drinking "martinis for two" (shaken, not stirred, please). Although, as many of you know, I'm not a big martini fan, I am an aficionado of properly mixed drinks... and beer. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, beeeeer....
Many a Saturday night has looked like this... at the end. Or so they tell me.
RANDOM RECIPE!
The Montana Posse - a great drink invented by a bartender at Smokey Joe's on 40th street in Philadelphia (and known to Penn alum and students everywhere as Smoke's), this is fruity enough to be sipped, strong enough to be manly, and subtle enough to get you schnockered.
Standard glass -
3 parts peach schnapps
2 parts Southern Comfort
1 part vodka
fill with cranberry juice
add a splash of 7-Up
Me, in a previous Teutonic life
Just a little caveat... before you take your drunken bad-ass self out in search of honeys, ask yourself if this is what you really want. Because, as the next list makes clear, a dog is in many ways better than a woman.
Why A Dog Is Better Than A Woman
1. Dogs come when you whistle.
2. The dog doesn't bug you with where you've been, he's just happy to see you.
3. "Taking the dog out" means out to the front yard, not blowing lots of money just to get a peck on the cheek.
4. Fido doesn't mind if you drool in your sleep... he does it too.
5. Fido also doesn't mind if you have a hairy ass or back... he's got them too.
6. If you want your dog to stop roaming around the neighborhood, just chain 'em up. Try THAT with a girlfriend.
7. If you want your dog to stop yapping and whining, you can just sock it on the nose with a newspaper.
8. When a dog meets a stranger, the first place they go is for the crotch.
9. Dogs don't bug you on your driving, they just hang their heads out the windows and pant (although I've known some women that do this, too).
10. Dogs don't slap you when you pat their tails.
11. Dogs have a tendency to jump into your bed, even when you're not expecting it.
12. When you're watching a sporting event, dogs will lie in front of you and shut up.
13. A dog will NEVER go out and get his hair cut too short on you (the dreaded "pixie cut")
14. Dogs don't need a commitment, just some time chasing the stick every once in a while.
15. If your dog is giving you trouble, you can give him away and get a new one.
If that hasn't convinced you, here's some more reasons.
Why a Beer is Better than a Woman
1. The bigger the beer, the better.
2. Being cold isn't a negative with a beer.
3. You can keep more than one beer around the house.
4. You can get LOTS of beer at a bar or dance club.
5. The hangover from beer usually only lasts a few hours.
6. Other people are more interesting with beer.
7. YOU are more interesting with beer.
8. Beer can be stored and used later.
9. When you're done with beer, you can throw it away.
10. And in some states get 5 cents for it.
"You're like a bear, Mikey, with fangs and claws..."