A California driver pauses to reflect on the meaning of life.

DRIVING TIPS FOR CALIFORNIANS
(cause lord know y'all need it)

This is a by-no-means comprehensive list of tips for anyone who gets behind the wheel of a car in the golden state, and who (most likely) will end up in front of me on many of our beautiful highways...

THE TURN SIGNAL - if you look to the side of the steering wheel, there are usually two different protruding handles. One of them controls the wiper blades... do not use this one. The other handle, the one with the cobwebs on it, is the turn signal, and is used to let people know you're about to turn the car. It is NOT meant to be used as a way to show people what you just did. Remember to use the signal BEFORE you apply the brake, otherwise you'll only have yourself to blame for the saab that is now in your backseat.

THE GAS PEDAL - This one is a tricky problem, for some people in California have had their gas pedals removed for safety, while others have a medical condition that keeps their foot slammed down onto the gas and unable to reach the brake. 

Slowpokes - if you feel that 25 miles an hour is "just right" for the left lane, if you think setting cruise control to the speed limit (in school zones) is prudent driving, I admonish you to use another piece of equipment on the car besides the gas pedal - the big shiny thing hanging from your windshield is called a "rear-view mirror." Check it often, and once you see another large metallic transportation device (a "car") behind you, get out of the way.

Maniacs - If you feel the need to go 80 mph on a side street, I ask only one thing... make sure YOU'RE the car in front of me.

TURNING THE CAR - if you're pulling a right turn from the right lane, you don't need to cross two or three lanes of traffic. In fact, get in the closest lane, as this will give you practice with that "turn signal" thing we discussed above.

GREEN LIGHTS - You do NOT brake at a green light, unless you hear sirens. When it's green, you GO, damnit!

RED LIGHTS - You DO brake at red lights. They do not mean "three more cars can go now."

And some words of wisdom for the "planners" of LA streets and freeways:
Not EVERY intersection needs a light or stop sign.
Those meters on the freeway cause more smog and traffic than they prevent.
Having four major highways drain into the same interchange is a stoopid idea.