Of all the wonderful places I'd been in my life, there has always stood out in my mind as the one to where I'd always wanted to return: Disneyland. I was there twice when I was a little fella, and I'd never had the chance to go back. Disney's Magic Kingdom is pretty much the best I can do outside of California. Besides, how different can they be? Well as I found out on day 5, you can never fully reclaim your youth. However you CAN scare the crap out of little girls and make yourself feel all better about it.
As we pulled into the parking lot at the Magic Kingdom, I noticed that we couldn't see the park entrance from where we were. I just figured there was a massive parking lot, and we were near the back. What I didn't realize is that everyone who parks at the Magic Kingdom rides the monorail a couple of miles to get to the actual park. This would be fine, if it didn't smell like urine, and you weren't packed in like sardines. This aside, I was sure I was well on my way to the happiest place on Earth. Even if I hated the place, I was getting my car repaired by Roscoe and it would be ready to go as soon as we got back to the trailer.
We entered the sea of people moving into the park, and since there was no way
to 
fight against the flow
of the other thousands of people, we found ourselves herded right into Tomorrow
Land. It was my favorite place at Disneyland when I was a kid. It's
home to Space Mountain, the People Mover, and now, the Extraterrorestrial Alien
Encounter. Which was the first attraction we went to. There were
signs everywhere telling you not to bring in kids and some adults. I don't
have any idea why they put up those signs. I found that it was really
tame. At least until the
people around you are eaten alive, and you're sprinkled by the entrails of a
screaming attendant. The second time Wes and I went through, we ended up
sitting in the middle of a large group of giggling pre-teen girls. They
didn't giggle for very long. I nearly have most of the hearing in my left
ear back. Space Mountain was the first roller coaster I ever rode.
It's changed a lot, but it's hard to explain. Instead of cheesy lights
that are supposed to look like stars, Space Mountain now has a projected ceiling
that shows stars, comets, meteors...and it is pretty spectacular. It's a
pretty tame coaster, but c'mon! It's Space Mountain!
As we walked on through the park, we realized just how packed the place was. Every ride in Fantasyland had a wait time of 60 minutes or more. Speaking of Fantasyland, I have a bone to pick. The coolest dark ride I'd ever been on in my life that didn't involve ghosts was Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Apparently, Mr. Toad was hijacked by Winnie the Pooh and kicked out of the park. I do have to say, I'm not happy with that. At all. I officially lodged my protest by not even acknowledging the ride was there. In fact, forget you read this. Mr. Toad's Wild Ride was there, but under repair...THAT'S the ticket!
Next stop was my then favorite dark ride of all time. The Haunted
Mansion. I can't
say enough good about it. Especially since the animatronics there are
MEANT to be creepy. Wes was kind enough to point out a small doll that was
talking. I've had nightmares about it ever since. It's the evil
Queen of Animatronics. From there we ventured to the Pirates of the
Caribbean, and the Jungle 
Cruise.
Our guide on the Jungle Cruise was mental. I remembered bits of the spiel
from when I was a kid, but this guy was over the top. We got to the
part with the headshrinker and he busted out into "It's a Small World After
All". This struck me as one of the funniest things I'd ever heard,
and evidently, I've become quite good at irritating people by singing, humming,
or whistling the song at completely inappropriate moments.
Splash Mountain was the best flume ride I'd ever ridden. It's fun. Plus you have the benefit of pointing out the animatronics that look like naughty bits. I won't say where I got that idea, but it's not an original one. If you ever ride this ride, look for Brer Bear hanging from a tree. It's quite amusing if you take it completely the wrong way...
I would have to say though, that barring children in my future, I don't think I'll head back to the Magic Kingdom. It breaks my heart that I'm too old for the happiest place on Earth. I suppose I'll just have to settle for being able to go to the second happiest place on Earth: Wal*Mart.
Click here to move forward to Day 5.
Click here to see what Matt thought of all the attractions he visited at Disney's Magic Kingdom.
Got a problem? Email me at worldomatt@yahoo.com.