We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidlines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
Article I: You do not have the right to a new car, a big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can acquire these things legally, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
Article II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
Article III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and your relatives independently wealthy.
Article IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing wearyof subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
Article V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health care.
Article VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
Article VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen TV or a life of leisure.
Article VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every tyrant in a military uniform and a funny hat.
Article IX: You do not have the right to a job. All of us would sure like to see you have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the oppurtunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourselves useful.
Article X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness-which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who are confused by the bill of rights.
Well, there it is. Some of you are now heavily offended. To you, I say refer to Article II. To the rest of you, I point out that the most embarassing thing about the whole Bill of No Rights is that people will be offended, because they sincerely believe that they have these rights. These are the people to watch out for, because they are the true idiots. Perhaps someday they will come around, perhaps not. All we sensible people can do is hope, and of course, think. I leave you now in the hopes that you come away more intelligent, more thoughtful, and have a wider view of the world, and as always,
© 1997 quig6@aol.com
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