"Once upon a time there were two long haired, Led Zepplin listening to, children of love, who decided they needed a pain in the Ass to break up their Utopia. So on the glorious day of September, 5, 1978 the worlds' biggest pain in the ass was born. Upon birth three wise garbage men followed the North Star to the northside of Columbus. With them they brought three gracious gifts: a Penthouse Magazine, an Alice Cooper record, and an Artari 2600. Shortly thereafter my mom got tired of me and sent me to school. At school they taught me how important it was to share. So, I found the prettiest girl I could find and shared my crayon with her. Once I got out of school and went to college I learned the concept of responsible consumption. This meant limiting myself to ten shots of Captian Morgan, and two cases of Molson Ice. As you can tell my youth has made me a better American citizen, as well as a Christain.

Born the itinerant son of sharecroppers Matt began his life of constant struggle. As he worked on that Jamacian farm, he became instilled with the values that would help him to achieve his goals. He learned the value of hiding when there was "hard" work to be done and to "stretch" the truth... Lessons that allowed him to graduate at the top of his third grade class. Later, after coming to the States with his minature shetland pony, Zeke, five dollars and his lucky cheese grater; Matt decide that he needed to improve his education. He knew that he could no longer support himself with his meager earnings as an artist (during this period he produced a great number of salt sculptures of Lot's wife and the rest of the areas inhabitants). No, Matt realized that he must strive to stretch his intellectual wings, and avoid criminal charges. After looking at several Ivy league schools, Matt finally choose BGSU for the strict moral atmosphere it possessed. Moreover BG was renowned for it's College Republicans, then under the paternal gaze of Brain Dicken, chairman and swell guy. As he grew to understand the ways of the world, Matt's goals also changed. He decided to away the unrealistic dreams of childhood and to focus on making his way in today's world. Therefore, he began to lay the foundation for his progressive chain of methadone clinics/preschools. Never one to put all of his eggs, or beers, into one basket, Matt also has some other projects in the works. One of which is patenting the process by which fireworks can be replicated by pressing on ones eyes. After the tragic loss of both Zeke and his cheese grater eailer this year in a tragic Bacardi 151 rum fire, Matt is both wiser and more careful with matches. He has revaluated his life and is ready to graduate and spread this knowledge with others. Further, he hopes to have his dream clinics/schools open up a few years from now. However, in the short term, he has already secured a position with the prominent Doctor Kevorkian for after graduation.

Nate has not forwarded his biography yet, so I'll hold off saying anything.

"A bit further back in the History of modern civilization, the gods smiled upon my people, and bestowed upon them a son. And beholdend that son to grow up with much wisdom and skill, thus to oversee and lend help to his peers and others. Found, tucked within a corner within the shadows, my hulking figure is seen at nearly every meeting. No, I am not Merlin, nor have I a crystal Ball, but I would envision that since you have read this so far you clearly are interested in learning more about each of us. I shall relish the joy of greeting you all at the next meeting.