It's a great place to live, that's for sure. Here are just some of the great places you could visit, if you were at all welcome in this greatest of states:
Oglebay Park in beautiful Wheeling, West Virginia (my home town) is a privately-owned park (there aren't many of those, folks!) with lots of stuff for adults and children to enjoy, if you dared cross our borders! The Good Zoo and the Mansion Museum are both wonderful places to visit, but you'll never know!
The Greenbriar Hotel in beautiful Greenbriar County, is a place where rich people go to look at trees and swim in kidney-shaped pools. It's also home of one of the biggest and most indsidious secrets in the history of the United States government. Those crazy guys up in the pentagon carved out a big chunk of the ground and built a really nice Bomb Shelter there for all the rich, stuffy, pimpley-faced corruption specialists (also known as politicians) from Capitol Hill to go in case the world suddenly exploded while they all happened to be in West Virginia. It's not a secret anymore, folks, and you could go there and enjoy it if we really wanted you to, which we don't.
The Italian Festival, in Wheeling, is a gathering of lots of Italians who eat lots of spaghetti and listen to Italian music.
Jamboree in the Hills, in Wheeling, is a gathering of lots of rednecks who eat lots of hamburgers and listen to Country music.
My home city of Wheeling is the third-largest city in our state, and there are only about 30,000 people in it! It has the oldest suspension bridge in the universe and the largest Cut Nail Plant in the world. I don't know what either one of those things are, but I'm told it's a really great thing! Too bad you'll never know! Wheeling was also named the Safest City in the Country two years in a row, but all that will change if you people from New Jersey or Florida start visiting. One thing that nobody must come and see is the Festival of Lights. It's when the people who own Oglebay park dress it all up like one big Christmas tree, causing brown-outs all over Wheeling and pissing off the locals (especially when 99% of the people who "watch" the lights are non-locals) when they take up all the roads and fast-food places! Don't you make this same mistake!