June 18th God what a weekend! Garys sister got engaged and had a wee night at her house on Friday and of course his younger sister had to bring along a bottle of tequila. That and lager soon had me somewhat inebriated! I cannot drink well, which is a travesty for me being a scot. My lovely sis in law proceeded to do a bit of artistry on my face with a ball point pen while i slept. The cheek of it lol. Gary also glued a few cigarettes and matches to his cousins face and ears, so i wasn't the only one...and someone got gaz too although he swears he didn't fall asleep all night. Then last night was my best buds 21st birthday, but we were all dying of hangovers. Including the birthday girl. Kay finally passed the poo hurdle and can use her potty to poo in, pees have been under control for a while but we were still having poo accidents, now she seems to be taking to toilet training easily. She is drinking far too much milk though and i'm worried that she isn't eating enough as the milk is filling her up too much. Poor gary is working from 6.45am to 8.00 today, they are having an audit at work poor baby, but after 2 weeks off, he can't complain, and he did sleep all day yesterday, except for getting up for an hour to eat his fathers day breakfast, a traditional scottish fry up. I couldn't believe the commotion on the belly kicks list, I understand that some people don't wring true but some of the accusations were downright cruel. Still, at least my site wasn't listed as a so..called fake so i can relax lol. :) well thats me for now. cya.luv maz. June 20th. Garys cousin stayed over from Sunday and went home today. I feel rottten because he had to walk home as i thought Gary hadn't left any money and then i found it lying on the bedroom floor. I also missed my brothers sports day because of it, i'm starting to feel really bored, as the weathers terrible and we can't get out because of it, poor Kay can't get to the park and i'm beginning to go spare staring at the walls. She's away for a nap now so i can work on my site, but when she gets up i need to get her to help me do the housework..lol. I added a discussion board to the site, which i'm hoping will liven the site up a bit. I need to advertise it a bit though. I'm finally getting around to fixing up the links pages, but it's taking forever as i can't spend too much time on the puter, with kay and housework. Well thats all for now. cya later! June 24th Kay is napping, poor cookie , she's upset because i've had to stop her from drinking milk between meals, it's bagging her up and she isn't eating an awful lot. restricting her milk seems to be helping, and i was pleased that she ate a packet of raisins, 1/2 a boiled egg and some toast for breakfast. I've also discovered that she loves tangerines, so i've invested in some of those. She's about 28lbs in weight but she doesn't look underfed or anything, in fact she looks perfectly healthy, but i'm always worrying about her appetite, or lack of it. I think i'll take her out for her lunch today, i really want her to enjoy her food the way gaz and i do, instead of seeing it as a chore, and picking at her meals. Gary left his coke in the living room when he went to work, and she was crying for some, saying 'please please' but she doesn't get fizzy drinks at home so she was none too pleased. My mum was at the funeral of a teacher from my primary school yesterday, she was a really nice woman and in her late forties, she died of breast cancer and it's such a loss to her parish and to teaching. Its made me realise that i don't really do breast checks as much as i should or as thoroughly as i should, so i must get some info. I'm also due for my first smear and i'm terrified, i don't usually mind doctors but i'm really anxious because this is my first. I was gobsmacked at the news of the woman who murdered her five children. I'm surprised that noone noticed how dangerous her withdrawal into depression was becoming, especially as she had previously tried to commit suicide, i think that this woman her family and those poor poor babies have been failed by someone. If she had been given the treatment she so obviously needed ...this tragedy might never have happened, as no woman in her right mind with the kind of family support she had and who adored her kids before she sank into depression, would murder their children. It's a sad, sad day when it takes something like this to highlight the shortcomings in mental health care both in America and Europe. Well thats all for now cya. July 5th. I haven't updated in a while, because i've had a lot on my mind. We are expecting a baby, probably in February, i have my first antenatal appointment later today. I had been trying to talk Gary into having a sibling for Kayleigh, but it was a surprise to find out i was pregnant and at first we were a little upset. I felt that control had been taken away from me, i wanted the fun of trying and the anticipation of trying to concieve. The fact that i had been trying to persuade Gary to have a baby, kinda puts me in a bad light, but fortunately we were using condoms and so it's harder...( but not impossible )..to point the finger at me. Yes i was anxious for another baby, but i would NEVER decieve Gary , or force him into something that he doesn't want. Still Gary knows that, and thats all i need, i refuse to get mad, i have nothing to hide and it is no ones business but mine, so as far as i'm concerned it's a closed subject. Gary is to tell his mum tonight so hopefully she'll be happy for us, as we're very happy and looking forward to it now. My mum and dad were happy that we were happy, and my mum offered to buy a lovely pram that i saw on special offer, i don't rely on gifts from my mum and dad, but their help is a welcome luxury. She also bought the sweetest pair of cerise patent shoes for Kays birthday, they have a tiny raised heel and are just adorable. The only thing is she has to wait until her birthday to get them :)) Gary and i picked out Carla for a girls name, if it's a boy we can't find a name that Gary likes. I'd like to name a boy Gary, but Garys not too keen. Kayleigh has been so good with her potty , she's almost totally day trained now. I just made sure the potty was lying about so that she could make the choice of using it, and she has. Well i must go, i'll update with antenatal news later. July 27th Hiya....wow i can't believe i'm actually updating, i've had some problems with my phoneline and wasn't online for a while. My first antenatal appointment went ok, until i mentioned to my GP that i intended to deliver at home. Suddenly her attitude changed towards me and it was clear that she thought i was being ' awkward', she was trying to convince me against the idea but had no facts to back her view up, telling me i could bleed to death....like i wasn't expecting her to use that. I could give her a multitude of facts and figures showing homebirth to be safer in low risk pregnancy, but as i think she's washed her hands of me i don't think i'll waste my energy. I'm hoping for my pregnancy to only be attended by midwives, doctors don't need to be around me unless something goes wrong. I had a perfectly normal birth with Kay and the midwives had to literally put their foot on the door to stop the doc coming in and intervening with forceps because my birth wasn't going as quickly as his allocated time allowed....NEVER AGAIN! Gary has promised to learn lots about home delivery so that he can be an active birth partner instead of being relegated to brow mopping. I'm a little mad as he hasn't given up smoking, he doesn't do it near Kay or me, but as i went cold turkey with Kay..( started up again unfortunately after i'd finished nursing) and i've gone successfully cold turkey this time..hopefully it'll be forever this time, i'm a little mad, as it feels like i get sickness, body changes, cigarette withdrawal, mood swings etc..and he doesn't even make an attempt to stop smoking in sympathy. My brothers wife is pregnant! Coincidence or what? They're due 4 days after me, so i'll be an aunt and a new mum within days of each other. We have different parenting styles, she's quite mainstream, bottlefeeding etc, and she thinks i'm mad to homebirth. So it should be good fun having babys around the same age , i just hope that my brother makes up his differences with my parents so that the babys will have a chance to grow up close. I can't wait until Sunday, we're having a little party for Kay, she has a lovely tweenies tricycle which is so cute, it has a parent bar at the back, to let me push her along while she learns to pedal, she thinks that the bar is a microphone and runs around singing into it all day...she'll be a picture when we attach it to the trike. She has a lovely plum satin look French connection dress, with a gorgeous wee Kenzo coat to match, they were supposed to be £100 but i got them for £20 in a closing down sale and they aren't even past season, she also got a bon bleu peach joggy suit, little silver and pink adidas superstar...( sooo cute) an orange gap cap, two new dolls, one crys/burps/snores/giggles , and one answers yes/no, a toy vaccum cleaner, iron and brush and shovel set...she loves helping me clean! A twirly pooh straw, pooh jelly pop...very sugarry so thats a one off, with vigorous teeth brushing for afters lol, i don't usually get her many sweets but it's a special occasion, winnie the pooh character crayons..adorable! I love the disney shop. and a few other things that i can't remember at the moment. I got a little unexpected money as the university finance office phoned and told me that i'd had a travelling expenses form in the office since April...new to me. So that paid for Kays pressies...We had a lot of money to pay out this month, and we went to get finance as our fridge broke and we cancelled the washing machine rental. We picked a lovely silver fridge and washing machine and the payments are much less than our rental payments. I'm sitting waiting for the damn things to get delivered before i can go out. It's not a very nice day for July...we haven't had a great summer at all, but at least it isn't raining, i feel like making homemade soup but need to get out to get ingrediants etc. I'm starting to feel less sick , but i'm still a little nauseous now and again, i was really bad for a few weeks which was a shock as i was never that ill with Kay...i've been winding gaz up telling him that it's twins as extra hormones can mean extra sickness and as i've developed a lil bump very quick we're both a little worried, as my dad is a fraternal twin...:( Still whats for you wont go by you, and what doesn't kill us will make us stronger so we're prepared for any eventuality! My mum comes back from 2 weeks in great yarmouth in England tomorrow, which is good as i've missed my mum...you don't realise how much you rely on them for a listening ear etc until they are gone for a while. Well i think i'll give her a call on her mobile...see you all later. July 31st. Things are good, the sun is shining, making a change from the glasgow summer drizzle we've been having. Kay had a wonderful birthday, she was a little sick from the exitement but a few cuddles on the couch later and she was fine. We had her photographs taken yesterday , and i think they are going to be gorgeous, but i have to wait until next week to pick them up, my mums going to scan them so i can post them right away. Erika was nice enough to let me know that we don't have to be worried about twins running in the family as it's passed from the mother, but i haven't told gaz i'm having fun winding him up! September 15th I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to update! Thank you for all the lovely messages and i'll try to respond as soon as possible. First of all we'd just like to express our heartfelt sympathys with anyone affected by the twin towers tragedy. We have followed the events trying to make some sense of it all. There can never be any reason or cause important enough to cause that kind of devestation. I had some problems with our phone company and eventually Gary told them where to stick their phoneline and switched to another company. It's just taken so long to get it sorted out , and without the phoneline i couldn't get online, this company provides broadband internet access though so it's much faster and i can get my site altered much faster, which means that i'll be able to update more and add lots of new things. Kayleigh is doing great, she is talking wonderfully and understands everything. We went shopping on Thursday with my mum for some warm clothes for her as the bad weather starts to creep in, and she was quite matter of factly telling us what she liked and what she didn't. She has so much energy and is a bundle of mischief, she just can't stop climbing and often has other people nervously watching as she trys another death defying feat at the local swingpark or play area. She is also becoming quite adept at dressing herself and very vain when it comes to her curls, beads and baubles. I've been reading my sheila Kitzinger pregnancy and childbirth book which is good. It's very unlike a lot of the books i've read and is very pro natural birth.We had our first ultrasound a few weeks ago and it was amazing, they changed our due date to 7/March/02 which came as no surprise as my periods are about as regular as british rail. Which for anyone who doesn't know ISN'T very regular lol. I don't know if it's because it isn't a long time since i breastfed, but my boobs feel very heavy very early on in my pregnancy, and i have tiny leakeages, although not enough to mark clothing. They already have the familiar tingle of preparing for nursing, and i am in awe of the magical process that a womans body goes through in preparation for her child. I finally had an antenatal visit with a midwife who was extremely receptive to my wishes for a homebirth even sticking up for me when the doctors registrar tried to convince me otherwise. She let me speak to a grade G midwife, as she was only a grade F and therefore not allowed to attend a homebirth...everything seemed to be going so well until they discovered that i lived in Toryglen, which is apparently not under their area for a homebirth. Even though i had Kayleigh at the Rottenrow, i would have to be cared for by midwives from the southern general midwives dept. They sent me to my GP for a referral letter to the SG midwives unit and that's when i knew i was going to hit another hurdle. The GP i saw was nice but obviously disapproving, she told me that it wouldn't be her choice to give birth with no medical equipment nearby. She also said that Kay was more resiliant than i thought and would be fine with me going into hospital..yadda yadda yadda. She warned me that there would be aspects that the midwives would be unhappy about and that i would be embroiled with controversy, but as i said to my mum...it's my right to request a homebirth and i don't intend to be bullied into giving up this right for anyones conveniance! Well i cheered up when we went out and bought a lovely white and silver fleecy outfit and hat, the first real outfit i've bought for the new baby. My mum has been buying and knitting like mad despite me telling her to calm down. She has two boxes, one for us marked BABY MILLER and one for my brothers baby marked BABY SMITH. Everytime she sees a nice blanket, bib set, outfit etc she buys 2. She has bought Leons baby it's bottles and has offered to buy me some breastfeeding things or something like that instead of bottles which is nice although i don't really need much. I've been looking at the different kinds of cloth nappies and trying to weigh up which ones to get i'd no idea how much choice there was. Gary moaned a little about it being easier just to get disposables, but that just gave me someone to preach to :) My mum is very pro cloth nappy so i have a good bit of support in that direction. I am not really too bothered about whether it is a girl or a boy, i always wanted a girl and now i have Kay so i'm just looking forward to carrying this baby regardless of sex. We have definite names now :Carly Elizabeth Sarah Marie or Gary Thomas Raymond Hugh. I have finally stopped feeling tired and sick and have a little belly that is growing out my jeans quicker than my Kay belly did, so i invested in some maternity belts to save me buying expensive maternity trousers, i can wear my own jeans with them and just buy some big, or maternity shirts when i get a big belly. You still couldn't tell i was pregnant unless you knew me, or i had very tight figure hugging clothes on. We went out last night and i was drinking one of my favourites, long Vodka...but do't panic it was minus the vodka..lol. (Everyone else was downing lavish amounts of alcohol around me.) Yup boring old soda water and lime cordial...( i couldn't have angus doorie bitter in it either) Gary is trying to get me fat, as he trated me to a huge pizza and chicken pakoras from the indian takeaway on the way home....mmmmm. I saw that there was a new site for discovering fakes out there, which i noticed has already begun causing arguments among the sites. There was a message in my guestbook saying i had passed for this week lol lmao! I just took it with a pinch of salt though as i am 100% the genuine article....i'm sure i would be a lot more exciting as a fake though :)). Well must go, my cherubic toddler has just emerged from her nap and is flashing me a mischeivous smile. Love Maz. Sept 17th. I took the www.spark.com bitch test, and although i scored higher than average i'm proud to say that i've dropped by 5% since last time. Gary, is off to casualty for an x_ray and probably a sick line for a few days off of work, he fell over on his ankle and has been limping around the place and groaning lol. Poor baby! I finally posted Kays birth story, in as much detail as i can remember, i'm sure that there will be a huge difference in this birth as i am overly anxious in hospital surroundings. This baby will also be coming into the world in surroundings where the bacteria is familiar to her and us, i'm hoping to have enough time before madame emerges from her nap to set up a page for Gary/ Carly to record this pregnancy...Does anyone know of some good mp3 sites as Gary wiped my puter to clean it up and lost all my songs. I've started to collect webrings which is becoming something of an obsession , but it just seemed like a good way to link up to similair sites, or people with similair topics that mean a lot to me such as breastfeeding. I have kinda noticed a bit of tension building up around the teen pregnancy/mom sites which seems to be coming to a head...seems to be a week where aggression is in the air. It's my dads birthday tomorrow so i'm looking forward to that, and then ten days later Gary turns 23...he's getting past ...lol ha! He's been amazed at how big i've gotten in the last fortnight, i'm 16 wks pregnant and look much bigger than i did with kay, don't get me wrong you couldn't tell in my normal clothes but Gary is seeing that lil bump bare so it looks huge to him, but it's just because i don't have any fat to hide the bump, everything else is slim except this belly. I could easily pass for a non preg person in jeans and a shirt. My mum was weird when pregnant, she saw a woman a few weeks before she had me, then when the woman saw her with a newborn she asked whose it was because she hadn't realised she was pregnant...my mum never really showed that much. The bad thing about this i've noticed is that noone gives you a seat on the bus, or the train. lol Gary had his money stolen at work the day before yesterday, i had to go out and get him from work so he could get home, he can't believe one of his work mates would steal from him, how bad is that? Turns out that security have known that someones been thieving for a while and they have it narrowed down to 8 people, they've been noting who has been instore working their shift when something has gone mising so i don't suppose they'll be stealing for much longer. One of the things they stole was someones packed lunch...LOW OR WHAT? Anyway it was so wet that day that i ended up with a chill which made me miserable yesterday..i still can't believe how exited i still feel when Gary walks through that door at night after work. I don't know who's worse...me or Kayleigh? Well i have to go if i want to get anything else done before Princess wakes up. luv Maz. Sept 19th Gary is off for a week with his ankle. Which i'm really, really enjoying, today he took Kay and i out for lunch and tomorrow we're going again with my mum. We're also going to get him some denims (jeans) and clothes, for his birthday. We looked at prams today and i decided to get a buggy rather than a proper pram as i'll have baby in a sling most of the time anyway. I love a beautiful one i've seen , it's ivory leather and comes as a buggy or a pram, but my mum and dad hate it! We also looked at some breast caps for collecting the overflow of milk that often emerges when breasts are full and baby isn't feeding, if it's sleeping etc...waste not want not lol. Gary has promised to buy me a scanner in two weeks time which is great i can't wait. I have so many photos to post online, and scans of both Kay and new baby. I'm also going to take some belly pics of this pregnancy, i wish i'd taken some with Kay so that i could compare....i seem to be getting more immense with each day. My boobs are leaking already, I have also begun to wear my maternity belts which are great and let me wear and buy my clothes in my normal size. I just need to get a few maternity shirts. It also lets me spend my money on my princess instead of clothes that will only be worth buying in the short term. I'm not going to spend much time on this subject, but i was visiting some sites that i enjoy visiting today and saw some rubbish that was written . Someone bad mouthing me for promoting breastfeeding and showing off my man, my first thought was to retaliate, but i restrained myself as 1. I'm not sinking to her level 2. I don't want to aid her in ruining someones guestbook and 3. There has been a spate of similair posts picking out aspects of journals and things and using it to start online fighting...so i think they're delibrately making trouble and if they wanted to draw me in to their silly little arguments in guestbooks then they've failed. My problem isn't with opinions being expressed but in the way they do it, as if it's just to make trouble. It's pathetic really! Before i go...congrats to Jessica who was getting induced yesterday and should have had her baby by now. Hope it all went well.