Stuff I've learned as a Man.

This is all I know, seriously I know nothing else.

You must Learn from these rules so as you will not wake up in a trunk some where in North Dakota. Ohh, just the thought of it sends chills down my spine.

1. Raise your hand to speak.

2. The Owner is always right.

3. Do not quit before the job is done.

4. Clean up after the job is done.

5. Out of state checks are not accepted.

6. The fee on returned checks is $20.00

7. Loser goes first.

8. Do not start until the green light is on.

9. No matter what you heard her say, the answer is still no.

10. Do not try to haggle at Wal-mart, you will not win.

11. Urinal Cakes are not for eating.

12. Do not try to pass of the letter "l" as the number "1"

13. The mafia will only do you a favor so they can get something in return.

14. Montanans don't like Califonians, or North Dakotans, or Americans, or Canadians, or anyone else from the planet Earth.

15. Germans seem to be angry, but that's just the media's spin on things (wink wink).

16. Television am good, Grammar am bad.

17. When dropping stuff of of tall buildings, have a well planned out escape route.

18. If you are gonna try to drink and drive, drink to the point of losing your keys in your pocket.

19. The only thing Duct Tape won't fix, is the errors in your term paper.

20. Whe throwing those America Online CD's out the window, don't throw yourself out too.

21. When meeting new people, don't hit them in the face and claim that they're of the opposite sex.

22. Recycle, Buy old Muscle Cars and use them, trust me, lots more dependable.

23. When making a time machine, use a car that have the wheels set apart exactly the width of train tracks, that way, if you get stuck in the old west, you can put special wheels on it and ride the tracks.

24. Do not block up windows in your house, unless you are trying to get the least ventalation as possible in that room.

25. If your gonna be a "Gangsta" learn to FRICKIN' AIM! Pulling a drive-by and missing anyone you were after really, really sucks.

26. Plead the 5th 2 times a week, it doesn't matter where, just do it.

27. No matter how dorky your parents seem, just remember, They managed to score.

28. If your car horn keeps going, just kick the fender, it'll stop.

29. When meeting now people, don't become friends with someone you can't incriminate later.

30. If you get pulled over by a Police officer, and some cameramen get out of the car, smile, and say "howdy" to your ma, you is dun got on COPS!

31. Be careful what you wish for.

32. Be careful of them Aliens.

33. Don't be an Otis, if you get drunk, don't lock yourself up.

34. It don't matter what it is, duct tape is the answer. Woman troubles, Broken windshields, Cops following ya on a 100+ MPH chase, Duct Tape. (I know I already mentioned it, but it is so great, it deserves 2 mentions doesn't it?)

35. The only way to get "inner peace" is by giving me $1.

36. Don't paint anything red, it'll fade, and just plain look stupid.

37. Send priority mail with UPS for $11, Fed-Ex for $13, And USPS for $3, Whats your priority?

38. If you live behind the town courthouse, don't even attempt a block party.

39. When you see a Mime, and he asks for a donation by putting out his hat, pantamime pulling a fat wallet out of your back pocket and give him a fat wad of mime cash.

40. Don't waste money on a billboard in Montana, few people will see it, not just 'cause of the few cars on the road, cause of the speed.