Coming Out to Myself

Four flames dancing toward the sky
Bringing peace to this small room
With too much furnature
Eleven, eleven is the time
Before my bedtime
Yet after it all the same
I fight with myself cause
I know my mind is wrong
But yet to me
I was born
And my mind tells me it is so right
To like the same and
Just be friends with the other
Is condemned by most my friends
But that’s how I am!
I can either accept it,
Deny it, or reject it
If I accept it
I reject my friends
If I deny it
Then I reject myself
If I reject it
Then I cheat
myself out of a companion
a lifelong friend
and a life I can feel complete with
right now peace does not come easy to a gay man
with a family full of disgust
for that kind of thing
I shall always be in battle
Between my heart and my mind
I love God Yes
But will he love me with a man?

6-02

©Copyright Justin Hardesty 2002