February 29, 2000
When i was a freshman i decided i needed a devotional book. I ended up with, "Devotional Classics". I glanced through it once or twice but i ended up not using it. Two christmases ago i went to a conference and saw a book titled, "Quiet Time Companion". I didn't want to be hasty in buying it. After i looked it over I walked around the store reflecting and looking at other books. When i returned 15 minutes later somebody was picking up the last copy. i went to the front and told them the book i was looking for ran out of display copies. They responded that they had no more copies of said book. I was sad. A few weeks later i called Gospel. Unfortuantely, they didn't have the book in stock but they ordered it and mailed it to my house. Going through Devotional Classics has been so cool. The stuff in there is old school. CS Lewis and Dallas Willard are two of the most recent authors. There are some excerpts from people who lived in the fifth century. I just am amazed to realize that Solomon was right when he said that there is nothing new under the sun. Weird thing is i spent a lot of time thinking about getting the QT Companion and it turned out to be trash. Yet this book i bought without careful consideration turns out to be very profound and challenging.

On our last trip to Costco, I forced my mom to buy me shampoo and conditioner. It was absurd because I’ve had the same 10 oz bottles of shampoo and conditioner for 3 years. In fact the only reason why I ran out was because my two previous roommates used so much of the stuff. Anyhow my mom was just sort of incredulous that I would want to buy shampoo at Costco when I don’t really use much of the stuff. So I decided that to justify my purchase I have to start washing my hair at least once a month. It’s just so unpleasant. But since my hair is in braids it’s so much easier.

I think the number one question I get asked by non-blacks about my braids is how do you wash your hair. I get braids for 3 month blocks and go to the hairdresser in between and she washes it for me. I usually don’t wash my hair the entire time it’s in braids because I think it looks better for a longer time. Washing makes the braids get fuzzy so I try not to do it. Now i know this isn't true for everyone who has braids because some people believe cleanliness is more important than nice looking braids. Recently I’ve had this hankering to learn how to manage my hair by myself. Cuz I’m thinking if I go live somewhere that has no black people I’ll have to do my hair by myself. Which means I’ll have to wash and comb it by myself. My hair is super thick and anti straight(kinky). When I wash it, it becomes locked to itself and virtually impossible to comb. So I have to spend approximately 2.5 hours blowdrying it until it’s manageable. I’ve only done this about 5 times by myself in my entire life. My mom and dad used to do it for me. But soon they got tired and sent me off to the beauty salon. I was satisfied with the hairdresser for many years. I didn’t care what they did to my hair as long as it was straight when I got out of the chair. But one time I had to wash my hair myself. I think I was 15. I was so traumatized because I couldn’t comb it. It was tangled beyond belief and I broke two combs attempting to get through it. I vowed that I would never make the mistake of washing it myself again. I would just allow others the privilege of dealing with my hair. Now my attitude is changing cuz I want to be more self reliant. I might accidentally end up in antartica and I would have noone to depend on. I want to be prepared for such a situation by praticing lots. These are the kind of preparations i make for my future.

I was walking home from the bus stop and I saw these two little boys. I started talking to them cuz they looked so young. I asked where’s your mother? He replies "she’s at home. We walk home from school unless it’s raining." I was just so concerned because one of the boys was totally wrapped up in playing with his ball. I think he would have run after it into the street if my foot hadn’t stopped it’s rolling. I had a really good conversation with the other brother. He asked me for money to buy M&M’s. I said that I had no money but if he came over for tutoring with his homework I’d give him some M&M’s. He got very excited and wrote down my phone number. We live on the same block but this is the first I’ve ever seen them. I really, really hope that they call me. One thing I hate is how I don’t know anyone who lives on my block cuz I’m rarely home. I lived in the same house for 9 years and it’s not till I came back this year that I started talking to folks.

I love going to church. I don’t know if other people are like this but I get happy when I’m in church. I think part of why I wasn’t at peace or settled from August to December was because there was no joy in going to church. In fact I would wake up Sunday Morning and not be able to get out of bed cuz i didn't want to go- and that’s never happened to me before. As a result, I started going to Faithful Central Bible Church. I love Bishop Ulmer so much because he’s a man of God and he injects life into the words he speaks. And I think it’s contagious and it spreads through everything in the church. They have been doing a celebration of Black History Month. On Sunday group from South Africa, Committed, came to perform. I was so amazed. Because most people kind of sway back and forth when they are singing. But these guys were dancing, jumping, turning while singing, they were so joyous. It just reminds me that i have to go to South Africa soon.

When Bishop Ulmer is giving the invitation the choir is singing behind him. Suddenly he’ll stop turn around and start directing the band and the choir. The Choir Director has to be alert to his moods when he’ s talking and realize the instance he turns around so they won’t produce chaos by both directing. He stops directing and assumes the position of a regular choir member. So maybe that's what it's like to be a pastor. You're directing your congregation and trying to be alert and flow with the Holy Spirit. At any given time the Holy Spirit can decide to step in and take things in a different direction and you have to be ready to step aside and become a choirmember.

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