I don't think i've led a horrible life but it definitely hasn't been a privileged one, financially or emotionally. I think it's helped make me very tough and independent. But, it's also made me super appreciative and thankful of little things that people do. On the other hand, i have no time for useless gifts or help that is absolutely unneccessary. I guess in general i hat e all things that have a remote resemblance to fluff. Guys pulling out my chair, opening my doors etc. This behavior actually confuses me cuz i'm already sitting down in my chair by the time i realize that someone tried to help me by pulling out a chair. But anyways, i'm antifluff but i also notice little things alot. And anyone that ever says or does something nice to me (in utter sincerity) no matter how small, wins my lifelong gratitude.
I'm staying with my friend Alice for the summer and her apartment mate is letting me use her sister's car for the summer. Cuz her sister is going to be gone most of the summer. I thought that was an incredibly nice gesture, even though no one was using the car. Still, she didn't have to make the offer, so i thought it was sweet. But the more i thought about it, the more i felt i couldn't do it. Cuz i wouldn't be insured, and it would be awful if i accidentally totalled the borrowed car and a brand new mercedes. I would be plunged into $60,000 debt, have to forget about school forever, get job and try to spend a few years paying it off. So i told her this, and said i would have to decline the offer. In response she goes out and gets me an insurance policy and pays for it herself!! Of course i shall now love her forever. Because it was such an incredibly undeserved gift. We don't even know each other. Anyhow i run around telling people this story, and few people are impressed by her kindness to me. So maybe it's not such a huge deal in reality, it's only mind blowing to me and my mom. I have so many memories of similar instances of kindness and i just turn them over in my mind continually. it'll just make me smile or burst out in laughter at God's goodness.
I absolutely love tutoring. I haven't tutored for a year and i had no idea how much i missed it until i started again. I especially love junior high kids. They are pretty mature but still a little flexible. I love all three of my current kids because they keep me laughing the whole time. Every once in a while i have to crack down and get some work done. But my newest kid, i guess he's not a kid cuz he's going to be a senior in high school, is so funny. Anyhow he goes to two football pratices each weekday in addition to the chemistry class he's taking in summer school so he's super tired. His busyness during the week doesn't leave him time to hang out with friends. He tries to squeeze everybody in on the weekends but it's tough, he's forced to flake on people all the time. Next year, he's not going to have a girlfriend cuz it's too time consuming. I'm so glad we had a chance to straighten out his social life and work on chemistry problems. Oh and the policy is i teach you "proper English" and you teach me the vocab. of the streets- cuz i'm incredibly ignorant considering the town i hail from. This summer i've learnt a bunch of new words, shanking, banging, dipping, dragging, p.o.s, etc. they are more than willing to teach me. i like to think of it as a two way street.
Two things i've read recently had a big impact on me. I reread "To Kill a Mockingbird" cuz i couldn't remember what it was about, just that i loved it when i read it in 8th grade. One idea that really stood out to me, was doing something because it's right, despite the personal cost to you and your chances of success. Atticus takes on the defense of a black man when he is certain of the fact that he will not win the case, and he will be ostracized and hated for doing it. He still chooses to do it not because he's a particularly moral person, but because he is convinced that it is the right thing to do. As the trial unfolds it is pretty obvious that the defendant is not guilty, but he doesn't really have a chance to be acquitted by the jury. I thought it was so sad that Tom's kindness and friendship were the very things that made it easy for him to be blamed for the crime. It is just so impressive that Atticus worked so hard although he knew he couldn't win. It inspired me to stop being such a slacker. in fact i'm going to stop working on this entry and go look for a job. (even though it's mid-paragraph). I'll have to talk about Eastside Prep, next time.