the end of the quarter quickly approaches. funny, i can still remember the first day so clearly. It's cuz i had such a memorable move-in date. Highlighted by the fact that i ended up with a wonderful, random roommate. As it come to an end i've just been thinking a lot about the future. Something that i've thought about continously since sophomore year (3 years). It's so frustrating that the longer i've thought about it, the more uncertain and confused i've become and the rockier my world has become. I just can't figure out how to do all the things i want to and still keep the family happy.
i always wonder what i would be like if i came from a great family. You know the kind, where when you leave home you get homesick cuz you want to go back. You cry when your parents take you to the airport... I can say a lot of good things about my family but overall it's kinda hard to be a member of it. It consumes my thoughts. I want things to be made right but wounds run deep. Like sometimes i wonder what other people think about. There are 3 things that continually run through my mind. My family (mostly my dad), post graduation plans, God related thoughts (bible, bible study girls, gospel choir...). A close runner-up is money. I am always trying to make my 2 cents add up so either i won't run out of money by the end of the academic year. Actually one year i did some really, really bad math so i literally was living on negative money. And i was so amazed cuz i never had to go hungry or without anything i really needed. I sometimes wrote checks cuz i felt like i needed a certain product even though i knew i didn't have the money. and no checks bounced. strangely enough a check finally bounced months later when i was out of country cuz someone cashed their $18 check 4 months after i wrote it. go figure.
actually i was only saying all this to say that i think about my family all the time. If i prayed half as much as i thought about it, i'm sure i would be able to experience more peace daily. I don't have an awful family/home life or anything, but i just dream of better things. Like i want so much more for everyone. We're just scraping by. but if we could just get it together it would be sweet. I never stop hoping, praying, that it will come to pass.
I just thought i'd let y'all know that small detail about me. and i don't bring it up just cuz, (although there's nothing wrong with that, neccessarily). I just feel like it's really hard for me to talk about cuz there's so much to be said, not enough time, but it's an integral part of who i am.
this is my 4th year here and it's my first year on a meal plan. it appears that there is something about a meal plan that leads one to be excessive. But my sister's experiences of near starvation in Nigeria, made me committed to never waste food. So i try to clean my plate at every meal, by taking only small amounts. But lately it hasn't been working. either i'll overestimate cuz i have guests, or i just won't be hungry at all. so my roommates know that i'm really trying not to throw any food away. they along with others try to convince me that, it's waste whether i throw it away or force myself to finish it. But i say that if i make an exception once and throw away food then each time it'll more and more difficult to hold to the principle of not wasting.
Another reason why i don't want to waste food is cuz it's so expensive. I think one of the reasons they say our meal plan is costly is cuz, we students throw away so much food. So i'm hoping that thru my diligence this year, the meal plan price will drop by at least a cent next year. i actually could care less about what i eat in general. it's just frustrating to me that i have to pay whether or not i can or will eat it. It would make me enormously happy if they made a new plan just to meet my individual needs : 8 meals/week + 42 points per quarter. but i will say this about the managers, they work really hard. I talked to one at the beginning of the quarter and her goal was to learn the names of all the students who live in lag and roble. And i love shredded wheat and told them so. They started buying it. In fact today, i went to the back to ask if they had some cuz it wasn't out on the cereal table. So i'm thinking i'll get some at dinner time (cuz this was lunch). Imagine my surprise when the manager brought the box to my table.
Just going along with one of my previously listed "common thoughts". One issue i ponder often is Race and Christianity. It was so cool to talk with a fellow resident who feels as passionately about it as i do. But coming from a different angle. I talked a little about how i never chose to attend Korean Central Presbyterian Church as a political statement. I chose it because i felt it was a group pursuing God. The reason i stay is because i believe that it's been used to develop my character and grow me spirtiually. I don't feel "comfortable" and i don't know if i ever will. But that isn't even an issue for me. But anyways, talking to this person about it was so interesting. Why is racial diversity something we pursue as Christians? Maybe it's a Stanford thing, but i hear it everywhere i go, churches, fellowships... and it's slightly unsettling to me because i haven't heard it explained as a Christian ideal based on the bible. Don't get me wrong, i do believe diversity is a good thing and worth having, but it would be valuable to talk about why this is from a biblical standpoint.