Ok, Personal Information right? Well I live near
Dayton,
Ohio, and have basically all of my life. My husband Greg and I got back together, after being seperated for quite a while, in April of 2003. Since then a lot has changed for both of us. We bought a house in Springboro, and now we're having a baby! We thought it would take a lot longer to get pregnant than it did, and now she'll be here very, very soon. I quit work because it was exhausting trying to work 3rd shift and sleep during the day while I was pregnant and we were planning on me quitting anyway when we had the baby. For updated information visit Greg's page (link on my index page) because I'm horrible about updating. Right now the plan is that I'll stay home with the baby (we haven't decided on a name for her) and we're looking into the pros and cons of home schooling. My concern about it is the socialization factor, since I had gone to Montessori school when I was little with such small classes I'm very aware of how important it is.
Catherine Marie was born August 4th, at 2:11 pm. She was 7 lbs 20 inches. At my daughters 2 month appt she suddenly hadn't
gained enough weight, which led to finding out my milk supply was low.
Suddenly her extreme fussiness and lack of b.m.'s and bouts of crying
were explained! I had learned about bf in my bradley class, a class
at the hospital, and attended LLL meetings before and after delivery,
and everyone said that everyone worries about their supply and its
almost always unfounded because low supply is very rare. And other
than the lack of b.m.s since day one there wasn't really indication
until close to 2 months lower urine amounts (I used disposable since
we couldn't find a diaper service so its harder to tell). I was so
mad because I thought if I had been able to catch it earlier it might
have been more fixable, although I'm sure its not true. And I
realized how much of my parenting ideas was wrapped around bf, part of
me wanted to give up and just leave her in her bouncer all day like
some other parents do because i was depressed I guess and because I
gave up. Thankfully my mom practically moved in and was very
supportive. I saw the best lactation consultant in the area, got a
hospital grade pump and spent all day bf, bottle feeding formula, and
pumping, for 7 weeks before denial faded. I took fenugreek, brewers
yeast, and mothers milk tea. I started with pumping 3 oz in 24 hours,
got up to 10, and then back down to 2!! I don't know if the decrease
was due to being sick, or because I tried taking vitex (herb) to help
my hormones ( I have polycystic ovary syndrome, the other problems
were my milk ducts being far back, and she had a bubble pallatte we
got fixed with cranial-sachral). No one could say why my supply was
low though, not one reason, just a combination of the several
potential problems. So I started using a supplemental feeding system
(ended up using lact-aid), so I don't have to pump as much, and as
much of a pain as it is I'm happy with the situation now since I can
bf and she gets breast milk as well as the formula. And I switched
formula and she's handling it much better, before she was cryinf with
her b.m.'s and they were solid ( the formula half, other half breast,
but it kept me going when I wanted to quit). And so things are better
now, she's not hungry and crying all the time, I get to bf, and can
actually leave the house since I don't have to pump all the time. So
finally I feel half way normal!
Ok, let's backtrack awhile. After I graduated High School (96), my best friend since 4th grade and I got an apartment together. That was the best and worst time of my life. First of all, it almost completely tore our friendship apart -- Luckily we survived though. Second of all, We had a lot of people I really didn't know suddenly practically move in with us!! But that wasn't all bad; one of our boarders was Jeremy, who has now been one of my best friends for years! Looking back now, even though it seemed crazy and out of control, and was, it was definitely an experience. And now that it's been a few years I would say a worthwhile learning experience. And it wasn't all bad, we had a lot of fun along the way. Greg and I met on May 6th of 1998 and got married on may 8th of 2000. Unfortunately we were seperated for a while but as I said we managed to work everything out and get back together April 6th 2003. I think that was truly a miracle that things worked out so easily between us. And now we're expecting our daughter August 10th of 2004!!
Ok, on to a much more personal side....(i.e. you might want to stop now so you don't get bored).....I have always been a firm believer in a sort of destiny. That when we came to this earth we had already chosen who our parents were to be and what lessons we wanted to try to learn during this lifetime. Also that everything that happens, even things that seem bad, like a bad relationship, happen for a reason so that we can start looking at the issues we need to deal with. The problem is that it SUCKS!! I've learned a lot in my life, especially about relationships, and the more I learn the more I realize I don’t know anything. The learning always seems to be through a lot of pain and through causing other people lots of pain. I think causing other people pain is worse. And unfortunately if you don’t learn your lesson the first or the fifth time, you seem to have to go through it all over again until you do. One thing I can say that I'm very lucky for though is my friends. Whenever I've gotten depressed or stupid my friends have always been there for me: forcing me to go out and have fun against my will, rubbing the fact that they were right in my face, etc. :) J/K Seriously, they've always been there when I needed them, whether small or big, and whether I recognized that I needed them or not. I still have a lot of work to do on myself both as far as outside goals and internal issues, but that's what life's all about, right? I have faith though that when I'm ready it will all work out. God always seems to give us what we need when we need it, whether good or bad. I honestly believe the only way to have a functional relationship is if it's between two complete, happy, well-rounded individuals.
I’ve been thinking a lot about perception lately. In fact it’s become my new favorite word. I’ve realized that everyone has a different perception of a thing or situation than everyone else in the world, and that everyone’s perception of the exact same situation can change from one day to the next depending on what else is going on in their life. No wonder it’s so hard to understand other people without miscommunications. Here’s my simplest example; I went and saw Hope Floats expecting to absolutely love it because Sandra Bullock is my favorite actress, but I saw it right after my mom and I had a big discussion about control issues, and I absolutely hated the movie because it seemed like Harry Connick Jr was trying to control her throughout the entire movie. When I saw it at a much later date in time when I was in a less judgmental mood about control issues I absolutely loved the movie. Other times I’ve found myself getting frustrated and resentful about something, and when I looked at it from someone else’s perception I understood how they saw it and it took all of the frustration and resentfulness away. But with everything in life, hindsight is 20/20 in regards to perception also. It’s funny how I’ll look at a situation outside of my life and find myself having the exact opposite perception of it than I had years ago when I argued the other side of it. I think if everyone in the world tried to view every encounter from the other person’s perception and really understand why they would have that perception, we would not only all get along better, but also learn our lessons a lot faster. It’s often times so difficult to see what lesson we’re meant to learn, and yet the pain is so evidently clear. Maybe the pain blinds us to truth of the real lesson, and instead we hide behind our own perception.
Sarah had Sheridan Elizabeth on January 11th, 2001 at 5:45 pm. She was 19 1/2 inches long and 7 pounds exactly. Sheridan taught me a lot about how much I didn't know about babies and children, and also about how easy it is to love them! Sarah is pregnant again now and they'll probably induce her in November of 2004, she's also having a girl! :)
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Meanwhile too many people have gotten together and broken up again since I've last updated this to even begin to mention, and things are still always constantly changing, so we'll leave that alone for now until someone gets into a stable relationship that's worth writing about. I think that very few people ever think they know for sure that something will work out, I guess that's part of the thrill. Even those who think they know, I don't think really do because it's impossible. I heard on the radio the other night someone saying love is not a feeling, it's a decision. And as I thought more about it I had to agree, but it's a daily decision, not a one-time decision. Considering how many bad days a person has in a year and multiply it by 2 for each person, that's a lot of days that it would be easier to just call it quits. And I think that's where we run into so many problems with relationships. When you have bad days, and they have bad days, and it seems like one or both of you have been having a bad day forever, it becomes very hard to remember the good times and the things that made you love that person. And then you get so wrapped up in the bad days that when there is a good day thrown in we (I) tend to start thinking of it as the exception instead of the norm. I think that if we (I) took the perception of the good being the norm no matter how many bad days there had been lately, then it would be a lot easier to think of the relationship as "good", but I guess that's easier said than done. I guess all anyone can do is commit to who they feel they can best commit to, and try to make it work out through thick and thin, learning and growing (hopefully with each other). Of course I've learned over and over that's easier to say than do, but maybe it's just me. I have a huge fear that no matter how much work I do on myself, achieving goals, becoming better at communicating directly and honestly, etc., that I'll never be able to function in a healthy long term relationship. How do you know how to "make it work" and get through those tough times, or know what is "normal" when you never had that modeled for you growing up? A book I read said something about how while you aren't at all responsible for the programming you received as a child, as an adult you are 100% responsible for fixing it. In which case it doesn't matter that I didn't have a role model of a relationship, but I need to know how to "fix it". I guess that's accomplished by working on myself first, and then being truly committed to someone else. So I'll continue working on myself and doing the best I can on a daily basis. I'm very motivated to make sure things work with Greg and I think that's one of the key components.
Most of the pictures on here are from when we've been together with our friends from Canada. I absolutely love Canada! Our little group started out small about five years ago and w/ each trip gets bigger and bigger. I hate to say they usually come down here more than we go up there, but we keep planning to go up. It seems like we had been seeing each other once a month or so, but lately it’s a couple of times a year. I couldn't live w/out them though...whether they're coming here or we're going there, it's like a vacation either way. When I'm w/ them I can let loose and have fun, and not worry about the little things :) I guess it's the inner part of my trying to tell me to become a Canadian! :)
Sorry guys, I suppose I should have thought out a game plan to how I wanted to organize this page. Well I'll get around to it someday. Email if you have any suggestions, comments, or questions about me or my home page. Or you can get
a hold of me on icq # 6325509.
